You’ve seen them…
Walking down the street hand in hand… gazing lovingly at each other… ridiculously large smiles plastered across their face…
That’s right… I’m talking about happy couples.
How revolting.
Make sure you never become like those people by following these six simple steps to ruin a relationship. Follow these and I promise you will end up blissfully alone and completely alienated from others.
1. Criticize Your Partner
Your way is the only way. So if your partner ever does something that you don’t agree with, tell them about it right away, and remind them of it often.
They tell you that they didn’t get that job promotion after all? Simply suggest that it was probably because they didn’t work hard enough for it, or they wasted too much time working on it the wrong way.
Did they make you a peanut butter sandwich incorrectly? Remind them that you didn’t willingly choose to put jelly all over your own hands so it must be their fault.
Have they been feeling emotionally neglected lately? Tell them that they’re responsible for their own emotional state and they should try and be more resourceful and intelligent before they start bitching to you about everything.
Whatever happens, just make sure that they know that it’s their fault. It’s their character flaws or deficiencies that make their life as unfulfilling as it is.
And just in case your partner’s self-esteem starts rearing its ugly head, move on to step #2.
2. Always Keep Track Of How They’ve Wronged You
Who needs praise, appreciation, or love when you have something as powerful as score keeping to ruin your relationship?
Keep track of every slip up that your partner has done. No matter how small it may seem in the moment, make sure you mentally catalogue it to use it as ammunition later on. The key part of this process? Never forget about their mistakes.
Nervous that you might forget a few of them? Keep an un-gratitude journal and write down all of the ways in which they mess up. Your relationship ending depends on it.
3. Act Defensively
Does your partner ever try to bring up things that they want to improve in your relationship? How dare they?!
If your partner says anything that seems like an attack on you, make sure you revert directly into a defensive victim and tell them a hundred reasons as to why what you do is already perfect, thank you very much.
Trivialize their concerns by making jokes. Pretend you didn’t hear what they said about their unmet emotional needs. Get the last word at the end of every fight.
When they express their concerns to you, don’t even consider for a second trying to empathize with, understand, or validate their emotions. Nope. Just continue explaining why your actions were based in logic and make complete sense.
They’ll catch up eventually.
4. Disregard Their Needs Entirely
You got into a relationship because you wanted to split the rent with someone and have sex whenever you wanted to, right? So isn’t it just the worst when your partner asks you unreasonable things like “Hey, can you grab me some water, please, if you’re going to the kitchen?” It’s like “God get off my back! You’re so needy.” Some people!
Your friends want you to go clubbing with them, and it just happens to be the night of your partner’s birthday? You deserve a night out! Your partner is just being selfish or childish if they expect you to entertain them.
If your partner ever hints at annoyingly time consuming activities like wanting emotional intimacy, deep conversations, or a fulfilling sex life, run for the hills as fast as possible. Those things are for people who want to be (*shivers*) happy in a mature relationship.
5. Shut Them Out
It’s unavoidable that your partner is going to be bitching to you about something during your relationship. When they do, make sure that you respond with evasive replies, ambiguity, and silence.
But how exactly do you achieve this? Your first line of defense during arguments should be to stonewall them with silence. If that doesn’t work and they just keep pushing or nagging you, belittle their concern and leave them alone so that they have the chance to cool themselves down. To kick it up a notch, don’t return for a few days and then neglect to tell them where you’ve been. If they keep pestering you for an answer as to where you were, just say “Out.”
6. Keep Your Biggest And Most Vulnerable Secrets To Yourself
Whatever you do, ensure that you are never seen to have any kind of weakness. Never let ’em see you sweat is a good motto to hold on to at all times.
Has there been something troubling you at work or in your personal life for a while? They are the last person that you should tell.
They don’t want to baby you through your weaker times… they’ve got their own messy life to attend to. I repeat, whatever you do, never let your partner see you for who you truly are.
Whatever You Do, Don’t Do This
I can guarantee you that if you follow these six simple steps, you will push your lover away so thoroughly that they will never return.
If you want to ensure that your relationship stays in shambles, whatever you do, don’t read this book. It will undo years of all of the crap that you managed to pile on to your relationship… criticism, contempt, score keeping… all out the window.
Dedicated to your success,
Jordan
