Apr 30, 2014

Should You Date A Driven Woman?

Should you date a driven woman, or someone who is more relaxed than you?

As someone who already lives their life full throttle, it can be confusing as to whether you should be with someone who can keep up with your levelled up lifestyle, or if you need someone to counteract your high-achieving ways.

There are pros and cons to dating someone more (or less) driven than you.

Benefits Of Dating An Equally Driven Woman

She Understands Your Passion

Because she is actively pursuing her own dreams and aspirations, she will fully comprehend the hours, dedication, and attention that you give towards your passion or mission in life.

Need to reschedule your date night because something came up at work? She doesn’t mind at all. She has loads of reading to catch up on anyways.

She Will Readily Give You Space

Since she has other things to attend to and doesn’t depend on you for the majority of her emotional fulfillment, she will happily give you space to work on your own projects.

She Will Push You Into Becoming The Best Version Of Yourself

Because she is used to doing the same for herself… she will push you into becoming the ultimate version of yourself with ease. It doesn’t seem strange to her that you would want to wake up at 4am to go to the gym, pack two days worth of smoothies and nootropics on your road trip, or turn down social events in favour of going on a ten day silent meditation retreat.

She is constantly pushing herself to be the best version of herself that ever was, and she is happy to help you do the same.

digital nomad, driven woman

Drawbacks To Dating An Equally Driven Woman

You’ll Burn Out More Frequently

If you are both in the habit of pushing each other too hard then you will be less likely to listen to the warning signs of burnout.

Like two speeding racecars with drivers that refuse to stop for gas, your tank will eventually run dry.

One-Upping Each Other

An overly competitive dynamic in your relationship can lead to a sense of all striving with no contentment. When will you ever get to slow down and enjoy each other’s company if they frequently just seem like a metric that you need to surpass? Don’t you sometimes want your partner to be your soft place to fall?

Getting Stuck In The Self-Optimization Trap

If you and your partner are constantly striving and one-upping each other, it’s easy to develop a mutual state of feeling not good enough.

Each time you break through a goal or a limiting belief, you move the goal post further away. Each new barrier is just a stepping-stone towards feeling good enough “one day” in the future.

This cycle of leveling up, becoming superhuman, and having perfection in every area of your life can eventually lead to low self-esteem and low self-compassion.

Benefits Of Dating A Less Ambitious Woman

She Will Help You Find Balance

She will help balance you out and encourage you to take down time when you don’t even realize that you need it. She helps you see your blind spots and helps you slow down.

She Reminds You To Enjoy Your Life Outside Of Work

She grounds you in reality. She reminds you that your business/revenue/independence is not the only thing worth pursuing and that sometimes you just need to shut off from work and taste the delicious food that she has on the end of her fork.

She Is Impressed And Inspired By Your Drive

Because she is so content (at least in certain ways) so doesn’t feel the need to push herself as hard as you push yourself, she gives you much-needed perspective on how amazing a person can still be even when they have differing goals from you. As a bonus, she validates your ego in the process since the gap, between your desire for success and hers, reminds you how unique you are in your ambition.

driven woman

Should You Date An Ambitious Woman?

Through my experiences with my clients (who are primarily super-driven self-employed individuals), they tend to do better with someone who is equally driven or less driven than they are. They are like a speedboat with the engine in full throttle. They need someone to slow them down occasionally, steer them gently into a calm bay, and encourage them to enjoy the view, more than they need a second engine to make them go faster 24/7.

Here’s a good litmus test to ask yourself which of these situations appeals to you more…

You’re finishing up a long work day and returning home (or just shutting off your computer if you work from home)… You walk in to the room to see your beautiful wife standing there, then take a moment to embrace her.  She says to you…

Option #1 – You’ve been working so hard. Come walk around the block (or relax on the couch/ have a hot tub) with me.

Option #2 – You’re going to be late for squash/tennis/your workout. Get a move on, mister!

If you felt more drawn to the first choice, you likely want a partner who is less ambitious than you and more of a nurturing energy.

If you felt more drawn to the second option, then you likely want a more ambitious, driven partner who pushes you to be your best and keeps you accountable.

There’s no right or wrong answer, and you’ll likely want someone who is able to inhabit both the encouraging energy and more nurturing energy in different moments, but it’s important to know which kind of partner you gravitate towards overall.

Think about it.

Dedicated to your success,

Jordan

Ps. Want to meet and attract the woman of your dreams? Check out How To Find Your Ideal Partner. Stop wasting time in unfulfilling relationships and discover what you specifically need in a partner to create a thriving relationship.

Blog

Related

See All
7 Things I Am Actively Working On In My Life Right Now
Nov 14, 2016
Jordan Gray
7 Things I Am Actively Working On In My Life Right Now
If you've been following me closely this year, you'll know that this has been a year of massive growth for me. Breakups, breakthroughs, loss, grief, anxiety, depression, hundreds of tears... I could go on. So many of my primary ego defences have started to crumble down after decades of use, to reveal...
Continue Reading
How To Find And Date An Exceptionally High Quality Partner
Sep 13, 2015
Jordan Gray
How To Find And Date An Exceptionally High Quality Partner
Looking to find and date a high quality partner? You're in luck! I recently wrote a piece over on Elephant Journal called “Marry A Man Who Knows How To Love Hard.” I described a man who is there for all of the inevitable what-if’s of life… who lovingly listens to how his partner’s day went… and who...
Continue Reading
Take The Leap
Mar 2, 2013
Jordan Gray
Take The Leap
Take The Leap I am three hours away from leaving my hometown on a one-way ticket to Asia. My small carry-on, sitting in the corner of my bedroom, has been packed for weeks. I told my girlfriend that I had packed it because I was so excited to leave, but if I'm being honest with myself,...
Continue Reading
How To Get Better At Receiving Love (3 Tips)
May 2, 2017
Jordan Gray
How To Get Better At Receiving Love (3 Tips)
For the majority of people that I work with, receiving love is much more challenging than giving it. It’s easy to give a massage, or buy a gift, or plan a fancy date for your lover… But receiving an authentic compliment? Receiving an hour-long massage? Receiving focused sexual attention without feeling...
Continue Reading
7 Ways To Increase Your Value In The Dating Market
May 5, 2019
Jordan Gray
7 Ways To Increase Your Value In The Dating Market
(Trigger warning for people who fear hard truths, self-responsibility, and tough love.) Allllllllright… I just got a reader email that made my blood boil. So this is going to be a rant. But don’t worry… it’ll be a valuable rant. Here we go. This email (from Laurie in San Diego, CA) landed...
Continue Reading
12 Things Your Partner Needs To Hear More Often
Feb 5, 2014
Jordan Gray
12 Things Your Partner Needs To Hear More Often
There are things that your partner needs to hear you say on a consistent basis in order to feel deeply loved. Some of which they know about, and some of them, they don't. Communication is key in intimate relationships and it helps to be intentional about telling your partner what they need to hear...
Continue Reading