Jan 15, 2014

How To Date Someone Even If You Are Married

The courting phase of your relationship shouldn’t end just because you tied the knot.

If you actively date your partner (the one that you are already with, of course), you will appreciate them that much more and your relationship will thrive.

You know that investing in your relationship is important, but what can you actually do to make it feel like you are dating your partner as if for the first time?

Here are the five highest leverage ways to keep the butterflies fluttering even if you’ve already been with your partner for a while.

1. Praise and Appreciation

Every one loves feeling seen and appreciated.

Make a conscious effort to continually lavish praise on your partner like you did when they were new to you.

Tell them how much you appreciate them in your life (and why).

Tell them how much you love their smile/eyes/lips/walk/voice/hair/etc. (and often).

Tell them about all of the magic that they bring to your life and never let them feel like you take them for granted (because you don’t).

2. Surprise, Surprise

The major reason that people stop dating their partners is because they go from a “wanting” mindset to a “having” mindset. Once they have won the status of being in an exclusive relationship they let the line go slack. One of the biggest things that falls away from a relationship in a having mindset is that you stop doing the little things that so often surprise and delight your partner.

What things could you be doing more often that you know that they would appreciate?

Set out water for them before bed so they have a drink to wake up to. Throw their towel in the dryer while they’re in the shower and hand it to them when they’re done so it’s nice and hot. Make them their favourite breakfast a few times per month just to remind them that you want to put in the effort to make them feel loved.

Keep surprising them… because flowers are that much greater when they aren’t attached to an occasion where they expected them.

Woman and man kissing

3. Date Them

A great way to keep dating your partner in a long-term monogamous relationship is to… (you guessed it) actually date them!

Commit to a weekly date night where you have some sort of an adventure together.

Whether you try a new restaurant, go for a couples massage, or try something a bit more unique, having a weekly night of shaking up your routine will do wonders for your relationship’s health.

4. Clear The Communication Channels

In the day to day experience of an intimate relationship it’s all too common for little disagreements to get swept under the rug.

You’re about to have an argument but your friends/parents/children are around and so you decide that now isn’t the best time.

But the more you sweep these things under the rug, the more the dirt eventually builds up.

Blocked communication channels leads to a stagnant relationship. Resentment slowly builds up, your sex life suffers, and there is a general feeling of disconnection that you can’t quite put your finger on.

Set aside distractions free connection time with your partner regularly. Make it a daily occurrence if possible.

Turn your phones off, light some candles, lay on your sides facing each other, and have dedicated time simply to talk. Bring up all of the things that you haven’t been saying. Some sessions will be more difficult than others to have, but they will always be worth it.

5. Keep Leading

It’s easy to get complacent with your partner when you’ve been together for a while.

It’s easy to let old romantic gestures fall to the wayside when you feel like already have them.

But easy isn’t good enough. You, your personal growth, and the health of your relationship will all feel stuck if you let your relationship run itself.

Even if it feels like your relationship is strong enough to remain on autopilot, take the initiative to keep leading on the details.

This one ties back to all of the other points…

Sure, you could assume that “They know how I feel about them” and not verbalize any of your positive thoughts about them.

You could tell yourself “We go on tons of dates… there was that thing we did a few months back that she really liked…”

You could hope for the best and not have to do any of the sometimes difficult work of making sure you’re on the same page by having those tough talks.

But you could also grab your relationship by the proverbial horns and ensure that it is thriving.

It’s not enough to just wish a thriving relationship into existence. Like anything in life, it takes conscious, concerted effort and it is always worth it.

So step up my friend. I promise you that a thriving relationship will bring more emotional fulfillment to your life than almost anything else possible.

Dedicated to your success,

Jordan

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