May 18, 2013

Why Self-Help Doesn't Work

Self help can suck.

Helping yourself is noble and can be effective to a point… but that’s one of its drawbacks: it’s limited.

No matter how many books you read on self-development (motivation, attraction, and so on), you can only grow so much by teaching yourself because 1) you don’t know where your blind spots are; 2) going out of your comfort zone is challenging; and 3) it’s difficult to objectively assess your own progress.

For those serious (and not too stubborn) about helping themselves, consider these benefits of outside help.

Three Benefits Of Asking For Help

Still hesitant to let others help you in your process?  Consider these benefits…

1. Learn About Your Blind Spots

Not happy with your job but don’t know what else you are passionate about?  Feel anxious when it comes to intimacy but not sure what the root of the feelings is?  Wish you had a better social life but don’t know how to go about it?

Blind spots are, by definition, blind.  You might be able to see the gap of logic in other people’s thinking, but I guarantee that you can’t see it in your own with the same accuracy.  You can laser beam through your roadblocks so much faster by talking with an objective friend.

Pro athletes have coaches.  Therapists see other therapists.  We all need help from others.  And being able to admit that to yourself is a mark of courage, not one of weakness.

2. Get Out of Your Comfort Zone

It’s easy to stay in our comfort zones whether we are conscious of it or not.  Maybe you’ve been saying for years that you’re going to do something (get into a relationship, record an album, travel somewhere exotic), yet it hasn’t materialized in the real world.

Even if you do have awareness of your blind spots, it’s common to ignore them and let them slide.  Having an objective friend, partner, or coach help you with accountability is an important step in the road to becoming your best self.

3. Get Honest Feedback

Ralph Waldo Emerson once stated that an ideal friend is a “beautiful enemy”.  Someone that pushes you through your blockages when you don’t even know that you need to be pushed.  Someone that helps you grow as a person.

If your friends are quick to praise any and all things that you do without ever handing over a healthy dose of criticism, then you might be hanging out with the wrong friends.  You want people to push you, not be exclusively impressed by you.

Take Action Now

In all that you do… aim for self-awareness, not “self-help”.

You begin a completely new life when you go from thinking “I don’t really like my life right now”, to “I am going to change my life right now”.

This is your life and you are shaping it every single day.

Are you proud of the person you’re becoming?

If you want to become aware of your blind spots, supercharge your life, or want some advice as you transition a particularly tough section of your life, let’s chat.

Dedicated to your success,

Jordan

Jordan Gray
About Jordan Gray

Jordan Gray has been a sex and relationship coach for over 15+ years, with his work reaching over 200 million people worldwide. His writing has been featured in Vogue, GQ, The New York Times, Cosmopolitan, Women’s Health, and countless other publications around the world. When he’s not working with 1-on-1 coaching clients or writing a new article, he’s most likely to be found reading, chopping wood, or spending time with his wife on a little island off the west coast of Canada.

Blog

Related

See All
In Praise Of Emotionally Strong Women
Mar 9, 2015
Jordan Gray
In Praise Of Emotionally Strong Women
Here’s to the emotionally strong women... The women that have done their work. The women that know the value of self-love and self-care. The women that hold themselves, and others, to higher standards. The women that have felt grief, and received the grief of their loved ones. The women who turn...
Continue Reading
Why I Say No To Almost Everything (And You Should Too)
Sep 22, 2015
Jordan Gray
Why I Say No To Almost Everything (And You Should Too)
Saying no to things you don’t want to do is liberating. In the past twelve hours I have been asked about fifteen questions like the following in my Facebook inbox... “Hey, I know you usually take the weekends off from hanging out with people… but can you help me move on Saturday?” “Hey! I’m building...
Continue Reading
No More Mr. Nice Guy: A Book Review
Sep 18, 2016
Jordan Gray
No More Mr. Nice Guy: A Book Review
“You have to check out this book No More Mr. Nice Guy. It’s like the author has been following us around for the last thirty years and totally has us pegged.“ When my friend Mike told me about this book, I thought that the title seemed a little bit ridiculous. Was I about to learn how to be an asshole?...
Continue Reading
“What If They’re The Best I’ll Ever Do?”
Apr 2, 2016
Jordan Gray
“What If They’re The Best I’ll Ever Do?”
Tears streaming down her face, my client looked at me and asked “What if he’s the best I ever do? What if that was my one shot at true love and everything is ruined for me now?” I felt and understood her pain. It was an empathy that I had felt only a few hours before with another client. Strangely enough,...
Continue Reading
Jordan’s Love List (Books, Music, Food, Sex Toys, & More)
Dec 3, 2015
Jordan Gray
Jordan’s Love List (Books, Music, Food, Sex Toys, & More)
I frequently get asked for recommendations about some fairly random things. And there's never been any neat, simple place to publicize those responses to people. So this year I’m starting a new tradition. Once per year, I’m going to release my new list of favourites. Favourite what, you ask? Favourite...
Continue Reading
Three Questions That Will Guarantee You A Thriving Relationship
Jun 20, 2013
Jordan Gray
Three Questions That Will Guarantee You A Thriving Relationship
Before you can enter into a thriving relationship, you have to know who you are. I mean REALLY know who you are. If asked, could you list your values and goals to a stranger within the first minute of meeting them? If not, you might want to check inwards before you start searching for a partner. The...
Continue Reading