May 18, 2013

Why Self-Help Doesn't Work

Self help can suck.

Helping yourself is noble and can be effective to a point… but that’s one of its drawbacks: it’s limited.

No matter how many books you read on self-development (motivation, attraction, and so on), you can only grow so much by teaching yourself because 1) you don’t know where your blind spots are; 2) going out of your comfort zone is challenging; and 3) it’s difficult to objectively assess your own progress.

For those serious (and not too stubborn) about helping themselves, consider these benefits of outside help.

Three Benefits Of Asking For Help

Still hesitant to let others help you in your process?  Consider these benefits…

1. Learn About Your Blind Spots

Not happy with your job but don’t know what else you are passionate about?  Feel anxious when it comes to intimacy but not sure what the root of the feelings is?  Wish you had a better social life but don’t know how to go about it?

Blind spots are, by definition, blind.  You might be able to see the gap of logic in other people’s thinking, but I guarantee that you can’t see it in your own with the same accuracy.  You can laser beam through your roadblocks so much faster by talking with an objective friend.

Pro athletes have coaches.  Therapists see other therapists.  We all need help from others.  And being able to admit that to yourself is a mark of courage, not one of weakness.

2. Get Out of Your Comfort Zone

It’s easy to stay in our comfort zones whether we are conscious of it or not.  Maybe you’ve been saying for years that you’re going to do something (get into a relationship, record an album, travel somewhere exotic), yet it hasn’t materialized in the real world.

Even if you do have awareness of your blind spots, it’s common to ignore them and let them slide.  Having an objective friend, partner, or coach help you with accountability is an important step in the road to becoming your best self.

3. Get Honest Feedback

Ralph Waldo Emerson once stated that an ideal friend is a “beautiful enemy”.  Someone that pushes you through your blockages when you don’t even know that you need to be pushed.  Someone that helps you grow as a person.

If your friends are quick to praise any and all things that you do without ever handing over a healthy dose of criticism, then you might be hanging out with the wrong friends.  You want people to push you, not be exclusively impressed by you.

Take Action Now

In all that you do… aim for self-awareness, not “self-help”.

You begin a completely new life when you go from thinking “I don’t really like my life right now”, to “I am going to change my life right now”.

This is your life and you are shaping it every single day.

Are you proud of the person you’re becoming?

If you want to become aware of your blind spots, supercharge your life, or want some advice as you transition a particularly tough section of your life, let’s chat.

Dedicated to your success,

Jordan

Jordan Gray
About Jordan Gray

Jordan Gray has been a sex and relationship coach for over 15+ years, with his work reaching over 200 million people worldwide. His writing has been featured in Vogue, GQ, The New York Times, Cosmopolitan, Women’s Health, and countless other publications around the world. When he’s not working with 1-on-1 coaching clients or writing a new article, he’s most likely to be found reading, chopping wood, or spending time with his wife on a little island off the west coast of Canada.

Blog

Related

See All
How To Overcome The 3 Most Common Challenges In Your Life
Aug 19, 2013
Jordan Gray
How To Overcome The 3 Most Common Challenges In Your Life
The masculine energy in all of us thrives on challenge. One of the main reasons that a lot of men enjoy watching professional sports is the inherent challenge tied into the game play. The player has to get the object into the thing… but, oh boy, there's a challenge in the way! And that challenge...
Continue Reading
How To Get Your Social Needs Met While Social Distancing
Mar 19, 2020
Jordan Gray
How To Get Your Social Needs Met While Social Distancing
SO! There’s a worldwide pandemic and your local government has told you to engage in social distancing for an unknown amount of time and you want to NOT go crazy? I’ve got you covered. We humans are a social species. In other words, we need each other in order to thrive. And not knowing how long we’ll...
Continue Reading
How To Stop Hating Men
Jan 28, 2020
Jordan Gray
How To Stop Hating Men
(Note: this is a companion piece to my recent article How To Stop Hating Women. I also write the following article primarily directed at heterosexual women, since that demographic makes up the majority of my readership.) One of the most challenging, and often invisible, themes that keep people...
Continue Reading
How To Make It Your Best Year Ever
Dec 23, 2016
Jordan Gray
How To Make It Your Best Year Ever
I’m a sucker for goal setting. Near the end of every year for the past four years I've gone through the same goal-setting process that has allowed me to gain clarity and alignment on what I'm pursuing in my life in the coming year. While there is definitely a part of me that subscribes to the ideology...
Continue Reading
How To Own Your Shadow Before It Owns You
Jan 20, 2019
Jordan Gray
How To Own Your Shadow Before It Owns You
In this article, I am going to dive into everything you need to know about the shadow. How to face it, own it, integrate it, and use it as your rocket fuel. Ignore this advice, and your shadow will own you. It will wreak havoc in your relationships. Left unfaced, your shadow becomes the anchor being...
Continue Reading
How Experiencing Burnout Made Me A Better Partner
Apr 20, 2015
Jordan Gray
How Experiencing Burnout Made Me A Better Partner
A couple of years ago when I first started building my business, I was working unsustainably crazy hours. I wrote three books in two months, I was writing four new articles per week, and I was hopping around from city to city every few days and dealing with all of the logistics that came along with that. It...
Continue Reading