May 18, 2013

Why Self-Help Doesn't Work

Self help can suck.

Helping yourself is noble and can be effective to a point… but that’s one of its drawbacks: it’s limited.

No matter how many books you read on self-development (motivation, attraction, and so on), you can only grow so much by teaching yourself because 1) you don’t know where your blind spots are; 2) going out of your comfort zone is challenging; and 3) it’s difficult to objectively assess your own progress.

For those serious (and not too stubborn) about helping themselves, consider these benefits of outside help.

Three Benefits Of Asking For Help

Still hesitant to let others help you in your process?  Consider these benefits…

1. Learn About Your Blind Spots

Not happy with your job but don’t know what else you are passionate about?  Feel anxious when it comes to intimacy but not sure what the root of the feelings is?  Wish you had a better social life but don’t know how to go about it?

Blind spots are, by definition, blind.  You might be able to see the gap of logic in other people’s thinking, but I guarantee that you can’t see it in your own with the same accuracy.  You can laser beam through your roadblocks so much faster by talking with an objective friend.

Pro athletes have coaches.  Therapists see other therapists.  We all need help from others.  And being able to admit that to yourself is a mark of courage, not one of weakness.

2. Get Out of Your Comfort Zone

It’s easy to stay in our comfort zones whether we are conscious of it or not.  Maybe you’ve been saying for years that you’re going to do something (get into a relationship, record an album, travel somewhere exotic), yet it hasn’t materialized in the real world.

Even if you do have awareness of your blind spots, it’s common to ignore them and let them slide.  Having an objective friend, partner, or coach help you with accountability is an important step in the road to becoming your best self.

3. Get Honest Feedback

Ralph Waldo Emerson once stated that an ideal friend is a “beautiful enemy”.  Someone that pushes you through your blockages when you don’t even know that you need to be pushed.  Someone that helps you grow as a person.

If your friends are quick to praise any and all things that you do without ever handing over a healthy dose of criticism, then you might be hanging out with the wrong friends.  You want people to push you, not be exclusively impressed by you.

Take Action Now

In all that you do… aim for self-awareness, not “self-help”.

You begin a completely new life when you go from thinking “I don’t really like my life right now”, to “I am going to change my life right now”.

This is your life and you are shaping it every single day.

Are you proud of the person you’re becoming?

If you want to become aware of your blind spots, supercharge your life, or want some advice as you transition a particularly tough section of your life, let’s chat.

Dedicated to your success,

Jordan

Jordan Gray
About Jordan Gray

Jordan Gray has been a sex and relationship coach for over 15+ years, with his work reaching over 200 million people worldwide. His writing has been featured in Vogue, GQ, The New York Times, Cosmopolitan, Women’s Health, and countless other publications around the world. When he’s not working with 1-on-1 coaching clients or writing a new article, he’s most likely to be found reading, chopping wood, or spending time with his wife on a little island off the west coast of Canada.

Blog

Related

See All
The Benefits Of Entrepreneur / Entrepreneur Relationships
Oct 24, 2015
Jordan Gray
The Benefits Of Entrepreneur / Entrepreneur Relationships
I've written in the past about the best type of intimate partner for an entrepreneur, and things that driven people need in their love lives, but what about when both of the people in the relationship are entrepreneurs and/or self-employed? I get this question quite regularly so I thought I would...
Continue Reading
Growth Feels Like Death, Because It Is Death
Apr 12, 2016
Jordan Gray
Growth Feels Like Death, Because It Is Death
Have you ever read the book The Alchemist? It is easily one of my five favourite books of all time. If you want to read it, please do. If you don’t want to read it, here’s a one sentence synopsis of it… A young shepherd boy follows the signals of his intuition to lead him on a journey outside of his...
Continue Reading
How To Get Better At Receiving Love (3 Tips)
May 2, 2017
Jordan Gray
How To Get Better At Receiving Love (3 Tips)
For the majority of people that I work with, receiving love is much more challenging than giving it. It’s easy to give a massage, or buy a gift, or plan a fancy date for your lover… But receiving an authentic compliment? Receiving an hour-long massage? Receiving focused sexual attention without feeling...
Continue Reading
8 Things Men And Women Hate Hearing From Their Partner
Mar 21, 2016
Jordan Gray
8 Things Men And Women Hate Hearing From Their Partner
Where are men and women most vulnerable? What specific things do their partners say to them that bother them the most? When and how do they feel the most criticized? You asked me… I asked them… and they answered. These poll-style articles have become a consistent hit that my readers seem to love, so...
Continue Reading
The Most Important Thing About Getting Into A Relationship
Sep 16, 2014
Jordan Gray
The Most Important Thing About Getting Into A Relationship
If there’s one thing I’ve learned about what makes a new relationship work or not, it’s the following… Ask yourself this question to know whether or not you should be dating the person you are and your entire life will benefit. Do you feel compelled or do you feel cornered? So...
Continue Reading
Understanding The True Nature Of Jealousy
Nov 11, 2016
Jordan Gray
Understanding The True Nature Of Jealousy
Jealousy can be one of your most profound teachers, if you allow it to be. I get several emails every week from people who are trying to navigate their jealousy, and hitting a road block. I find it to be one of the most commonly misunderstood emotional responses in relationships. Jealousy, like anger,...
Continue Reading