May 18, 2013

Why Self-Help Doesn't Work

Self help can suck.

Helping yourself is noble and can be effective to a point… but that’s one of its drawbacks: it’s limited.

No matter how many books you read on self-development (motivation, attraction, and so on), you can only grow so much by teaching yourself because 1) you don’t know where your blind spots are; 2) going out of your comfort zone is challenging; and 3) it’s difficult to objectively assess your own progress.

For those serious (and not too stubborn) about helping themselves, consider these benefits of outside help.

Three Benefits Of Asking For Help

Still hesitant to let others help you in your process?  Consider these benefits…

1. Learn About Your Blind Spots

Not happy with your job but don’t know what else you are passionate about?  Feel anxious when it comes to intimacy but not sure what the root of the feelings is?  Wish you had a better social life but don’t know how to go about it?

Blind spots are, by definition, blind.  You might be able to see the gap of logic in other people’s thinking, but I guarantee that you can’t see it in your own with the same accuracy.  You can laser beam through your roadblocks so much faster by talking with an objective friend.

Pro athletes have coaches.  Therapists see other therapists.  We all need help from others.  And being able to admit that to yourself is a mark of courage, not one of weakness.

2. Get Out of Your Comfort Zone

It’s easy to stay in our comfort zones whether we are conscious of it or not.  Maybe you’ve been saying for years that you’re going to do something (get into a relationship, record an album, travel somewhere exotic), yet it hasn’t materialized in the real world.

Even if you do have awareness of your blind spots, it’s common to ignore them and let them slide.  Having an objective friend, partner, or coach help you with accountability is an important step in the road to becoming your best self.

3. Get Honest Feedback

Ralph Waldo Emerson once stated that an ideal friend is a “beautiful enemy”.  Someone that pushes you through your blockages when you don’t even know that you need to be pushed.  Someone that helps you grow as a person.

If your friends are quick to praise any and all things that you do without ever handing over a healthy dose of criticism, then you might be hanging out with the wrong friends.  You want people to push you, not be exclusively impressed by you.

Take Action Now

In all that you do… aim for self-awareness, not “self-help”.

You begin a completely new life when you go from thinking “I don’t really like my life right now”, to “I am going to change my life right now”.

This is your life and you are shaping it every single day.

Are you proud of the person you’re becoming?

If you want to become aware of your blind spots, supercharge your life, or want some advice as you transition a particularly tough section of your life, let’s chat.

Dedicated to your success,

Jordan

Jordan Gray
About Jordan Gray

Jordan Gray has been a sex and relationship coach for over 15+ years, with his work reaching over 200 million people worldwide. His writing has been featured in Vogue, GQ, The New York Times, Cosmopolitan, Women’s Health, and countless other publications around the world. When he’s not working with 1-on-1 coaching clients or writing a new article, he’s most likely to be found reading, chopping wood, or spending time with his wife on a little island off the west coast of Canada.

Blog

Related

See All
How To Make Your Breakup Painless
Jul 1, 2014
Jordan Gray
How To Make Your Breakup Painless
Most people think that breakups have to be traumatizing, awful events where one or both people are left crying and feeling empty afterwards. After recently having gone through the most painless breakup of my entire life, I wanted to share some of my biggest takeaways in order for you to have more...
Continue Reading
5 Ways To Help Reduce The Male Suicide Rate
Dec 18, 2017
Jordan Gray
5 Ways To Help Reduce The Male Suicide Rate
Men are dying by suicide at a rate of three to four times more than women. In a 2014 UK study, the male suicide rate was 16.8 suicides per 100,000 people, versus 5.2 per 100,000 for female deaths. Of the more than 44,000 people who die by suicide every year in the United States, the significant...
Continue Reading
How To Own Your Shadow Before It Owns You
Jan 20, 2019
Jordan Gray
How To Own Your Shadow Before It Owns You
In this article, I am going to dive into everything you need to know about the shadow. How to face it, own it, integrate it, and use it as your rocket fuel. Ignore this advice, and your shadow will own you. It will wreak havoc in your relationships. Left unfaced, your shadow becomes the anchor being...
Continue Reading
7 Simple Rules For Authentic Happiness
Feb 13, 2017
Jordan Gray
7 Simple Rules For Authentic Happiness
I am not a doctor. I am not a researcher. I am not a happiness expert. I am a human being who has (at the time of posting this) lived for less than thirty years, and has accumulated thoughts about how life works. These are some of those thoughts. I hope that you get value from them. Here are seven...
Continue Reading
Unrealized Potential Is The Default, Not The Exception
Dec 21, 2018
Jordan Gray
Unrealized Potential Is The Default, Not The Exception
On January 18th, 1779, a young boy named Peter was born in London, England. Peter grew up in a small home with his mother, father, and younger sister. When Peter was just four years old, his father died, and it left a terrible mark on his heart. He felt powerless and heartbroken to have lost someone...
Continue Reading
What Most People Get Wrong About Happiness
Apr 26, 2016
Jordan Gray
What Most People Get Wrong About Happiness
The date was December 31st, 2015... While taking a weekend vacation in a cabin in the woods, I sat across from my girlfriend as we wrote down our goals for the coming year. When we revealed our sets of goals to each other, they couldn’t have been more different. My goals all had numbers attached to...
Continue Reading