Dec 24, 2016

How To Stop Being Run By Your Most Deeply Ingrained Patterns

There are certain unconscious patterns that have been running you, your entire life.

These patterns have tapped your energy. They have exhausted you. They have cumulatively wasted precious years of your life.

And not until you become aware of these patterns and work through the beliefs that are propping them up will they stop having you operate like a speed boat with five anchors dragging behind it along the ocean floor.

What Patterns Are Running You?

We all have old limiting beliefs left over from our previous experiences.

There were likely times when you felt invalidated as a child. Maybe someone told you that your emotions were wrong. Or that you were “too much.” Or that your thoughts/interests/passions/desires were ridiculous. And because of these early experiences, you formed beliefs as survival mechanisms to keep you ‘safe’ for a time. After a while, these beliefs that once served you became unnecessary armour that you carry with you through your life… weighing you down with every step just like a 300 pound shield would slow you down on the battle field.

Here are a few examples of what some unproductive limiting beliefs could be.

In work:

– I have to do it all on my own

– Work is struggle. I’m not allowed to enjoy what I do in my work.

– Becoming financially wealthy is the only thing that matters in life

In your relationships:

– All love that is offered to me is fragile

– I am a difficult person to love

– Nobody actually cares about me

– I am fundamentally unlovable/unworthy

– No one has my back

With your health:

– Food is a reward that I must earn

– Financial gain/social status is more important than being healthy

– My body, and how it appears, is my ultimate worth in the world

How Do You Keep These Unconscious Beliefs From Taking Over?

It’s easy as 1-2-3 (except the practical reality of it often isn’t easy at all).

First, you become aware of them. Then you let them out. Then you stop acting in accordance with them.

Become aware of your thoughts

Different people need different awareness exercises.

Meditation. Asking your intuitive friends for their perceptions of your blind spots. Dream tracking and analysis. Group therapy. Anger releasing exercises and/or somatic healing work. There’s more than one way to skin a cat (side note: how is that a real expression? Jebus…).

Once you have identified what your limiting beliefs are, it’s time to let them out.

Let them out

Journal about it. Engage in some talk based therapy. Feel your feelings/old stored negative emotions by doing emotional processing work. Tell your limiting beliefs to a trusted, non-shaming person. Again, many ways to go about this. You need to find the healing modality that is right for you and your situation.

People generally don’t let their thoughts out because of what they fear that it says about them.

Here’s the good news… You are not your thoughts.

Whether you think that nobody actually loves you, or that life will never be easy for you, or that you’ll always secretly be the nerdy teenage that nobody wants around… you’re fine. You’re a human being. And the human mind is a bullshit generator that will spit out all kinds of crazy stuff at you. It doesn’t mean that your thoughts are real. You are not your thoughts.

Stop acting in accordance with them

Once you’re aware of your internal demons whispering things in your ear, you are then free to choose to go a different way.

Maybe your sense of unworthiness would have you hide your true feelings and not let your lover know how you really feel about them. But you choose a new path and you open and reveal your heart fully.

Maybe your ego/fear-mind/old beliefs would try to convince you that you’re not worthy of starting up your new business… because it’s going to inevitably fail. You can choose a different way and have a genuine shot at your dream career path because you know that you’ll regret it on your death bed if you don’t.

Maybe you have a deep fear that men/women only appreciate you for your looks/money/social circle. Choosing a new way would look like revealing your other (internally based) gifts to others and affording them the opportunity to respond to those things. That, and/or allowing yourself to let go of old friendships that no longer feel in alignment with who you are at your core.

BONUS: A Simple Exercise To Extricate Your Emotional Pain

Here’s a specific exercise that you can start using in order to clear out your old stored negative emotions.

Were you bullied or emotionally invalidated at some point in your childhood? Chances are, yes, you were.

Because of the emotions that you suppressed, a part of you is offline and unusable.

Here’s how to heal that.

Set aside half an hour. Begin by writing down, or verbalizing, your most painful thoughts. When you write down or say a sentence that makes you tear up or start to cry, keep saying it, over and over again… in order to release the associated emotion.

It’s like mining for oil. Find a spot with oil… keep drilling it out.

Once that thought no longer produces tears, move on to another thought or painful memory.

Be as clear, direct, and descriptive as possible. Don’t dance around your pain. Go straight for the epicentre of it.

Some of my most tear-inducing sentence prompts used to be “When I was a little boy, I thought that everyone that I loved hated me,” and “When I was young, I felt that I had to become needless in order to survive.” Now when I write those things/say them out loud, they produce no emotional response. Because I’ve tapped those particular wells dry.

What this does is it builds back the full spectrum of your emotional ability, and it releases old stored negative emotions that the bullied/invalidated/afraid younger version of you didn’t feel like he/she had permission to feel.

Do this, even just a few times per week, for the next month and your life will begin to shift in magical ways.

It Really Is That Simple

Simple is rarely easy. This work won’t be easy… but it will be worth it.

Become aware of the thought patterns that are running the show… express them in some format… and then begin to choose a new way forward.

Your life depends on it.

Dedicated to your success,

Jordan

Ps. If you enjoyed this post then you’ll likely also love reading:

When Feeling Your Feelings Becomes Damaging

How To Fully Release Difficult Emotions That Hold You Back

How To Get Rid Of Your Repressed Anger

The Mastery Of Love by Don Miguel Ruiz

Pps. If you would like some help in identifying or moving through your personal blocks, I’m always available to chat.

Blog

Related

See All
The Long Term Investment Strategy Of Finding Your True Love
Feb 24, 2014
Jordan Gray
The Long Term Investment Strategy Of Finding Your True Love
There are two ways you can go about getting anything in life. The short cut, or the long road. There are pros and cons to each but, overall, I think you intuitively know that we don't value that which we don't work for. And good things come to those who wait. What's Wrong With Rush...
Continue Reading
How I Learned To Trust People Again (& How You Can Too)
Apr 21, 2018
Jordan Gray
How I Learned To Trust People Again (& How You Can Too)
Do you find it hard to trust people? Have you been hurt in the past and you’re now afraid to let other people get close to you? I get it. Because I’ve been there. In fact, I spent the better part of my life not trusting other people. Regardless of whether I was spending time with friends, family members,...
Continue Reading
Let Go Of Being At War With Yourself
Nov 11, 2018
Jordan Gray
Let Go Of Being At War With Yourself
If you ever have a difficult time receiving compliments… If you have a difficult time understanding why people like you, or are drawn to you… If you have a hundred excuses on the tip of your tongue as to why you can’t do the work you love, find your dream partner, or live a life that...
Continue Reading
Why Self-Help Doesn't Work
May 18, 2013
Jordan Gray
Why Self-Help Doesn’t Work
Self help can suck. Helping yourself is noble and can be effective to a point... but that's one of its drawbacks: it's limited. No matter how many books you read on self-development (motivation, attraction, and so on), you can only grow so much by teaching yourself because 1) you don't know where...
Continue Reading
5 Ways To Immediately Feel Less Lonely
Dec 23, 2018
Jordan Gray
5 Ways To Immediately Feel Less Lonely
We are in the middle of a loneliness epidemic. Nearly half of Americans reported (sometimes or always) feeling alone, and over 40% said that they don’t have any relationships that feel meaningful. Rates of loneliness have doubled since the 1980’s.  Society often rewards isolation. It...
Continue Reading
7 Ways To Get Out Of Your Head And Into Your Body
May 3, 2019
Jordan Gray
7 Ways To Get Out Of Your Head And Into Your Body
The digital world and all of our devices have created tons of opportunities, but that sword has a double-edge. The technology and pace of this new way of life is constantly pulling us out of our bodies and into our heads, while throwing in an endless barrage of distractions along the way. For many...
Continue Reading