Sep 22, 2018

What Secrets Are Keeping You Sick?

An often passed around quote in 12 step groups is “You’re only as sick as your secrets.”

And I believe this to be true in the most literal sense.

(My opinion aside, new research shows that keeping secrets has a significant negative impact on health and well-being)

When you are in integrity with your heart, and your thoughts, feelings, and actions are all aligned, you will experience ease.

When you are bogged down by layers upon layers of mistruths, you will feel it (and, spoiler alert, it doesn’t feel good).

Maybe you are in a new relationship that you know, deep down, isn’t doing it for you.

Maybe you are in a career path that doesn’t light your soul on fire.

Or maybe you were abused when you were younger and have yet to tell a soul about it.

Whatever secrets you are holding on to, your mind, body, and heart will feel the weight of them until you release them.

I once heard it said that if there’s anything you wouldn’t say into a microphone in front of 20,000 strangers, then it has power over you.

Over the last six years of pouring my heart out online, I have experienced this first hand.

I used to carry massive amounts of shame and resistance around my depressive episodes, panic attacks, suicide attempt, sex addiction, workaholism, crying in front of women, and having been bullied at a young age… until I did the work I needed to do to be able to work through the emotional residue that I had attached to these things, tell a therapist and/or tell my closest friends, and then get to a place where I could tell the world without fear (or at least, with a lot less fear).

Also, in the men’s group that I have been a part of for the last several years, we sometimes do ‘secrets share’ processes where all the men sit in a circle and complete the sentence ‘Something I wouldn’t want you to know about me is…’, until we don’t have anything left to say. When done in the company of trustable, safe people, it is a beautiful, healing, and cathartic process.

So what secrets are you holding on to?

What things are still taking up valuable space in your mind and heart that you have yet to relinquish to the world?

Not sure where to start? Most people carry shame around ‘lower chakra’ themes (such as sex, money, and power).

Get in contact with those things, and deploy the courage that it requires to tell someone who you deem as safe, non-shaming, and trustable.

Start there. Try it out. You will feel lighter.

Dedicated to your success,

Jordan

 

Jordan Gray
About Jordan Gray

Jordan Gray has been a sex and relationship coach for over 15+ years, with his work reaching over 200 million people worldwide. His writing has been featured in Vogue, GQ, The New York Times, Cosmopolitan, Women’s Health, and countless other publications around the world. When he’s not working with 1-on-1 coaching clients or writing a new article, he’s most likely to be found reading, chopping wood, or spending time with his wife on a little island off the west coast of Canada.

Blog

Related

See All
Strength In Vulnerability
Feb 25, 2013
Jordan Gray
Strength In Vulnerability
Strength In Vulnerability When I tell guys that my coaching practice has a strong element of getting men re-connected with themselves, their integrity, and their ability to be vulnerable, the responses are predictable. "But isn't being vulnerable seen as weak, and therefore...
Continue Reading
4 Powerful Ways To Melt Their Heart
Jul 26, 2015
Jordan Gray
4 Powerful Ways To Melt Their Heart
Want to give your relationship an incredible boost? Want to melt their heart in a powerful way? You already know how to order flowers, get a gift card to the spa, go out to a fancy dinner, or do any of the other hundreds of suggestions a search engine could offer that would please your partner. What...
Continue Reading
7 Simple Rules For Authentic Happiness
Feb 13, 2017
Jordan Gray
7 Simple Rules For Authentic Happiness
I am not a doctor. I am not a researcher. I am not a happiness expert. I am a human being who has (at the time of posting this) lived for less than thirty years, and has accumulated thoughts about how life works. These are some of those thoughts. I hope that you get value from them. Here are seven...
Continue Reading
How To Finally Get Over Your Ex (Even If It Feels Impossible)
Jun 2, 2014
Jordan Gray
How To Finally Get Over Your Ex (Even If It Feels Impossible)
Having trouble getting over your ex? Do you miss the way that they looked at you? The way that they smelled? The way their hand felt in yours? Do you think you see them walking down the street when really it's a stranger? Do you still hear certain music that reminds you of them? When someone...
Continue Reading
7 Reasons Life Gets Easier With Age
Sep 30, 2016
Jordan Gray
7 Reasons Life Gets Easier With Age
A few years ago my 50+ year old dad told me that he had never been happier at any other point in his life, and I thought that he was kidding himself. How could this be? As you get older, everyone you know starts to die… you only get more responsibility and things to manage… and you get all saggy and...
Continue Reading
The 3 Biggest Obstacles Impeding Men's Development Today
Jun 15, 2020
Jordan Gray
The 3 Biggest Obstacles Impeding Men’s Development Today
If you’re a modern man, you’ve probably noticed how hard it can be to make real progress on your most significant goals. Do you feel like nothing is changing in your life, despite having good intentions? Or like you’re just crawling along in first gear, and not feeling enough traction or aliveness? Or...
Continue Reading