Apr 16, 2013

Why You Aren't Good Enough For Her

Have you ever thought that you just weren’t good enough for someone?

We all struggle with our self-worth. Whether your parents were overly demanding or you once dated someone that lowered your self-esteem, we all have some form of emotional baggage that affects our love for ourselves.

The key to feeling that you are good enough for someone is learning how to increase the love you have for yourself. This process is, of course, a life long journey, but it can improve today with five very simple steps.

1. Process Emotions With Compassion

Often when we feel ‘negative’ emotions (such as low self-esteem) we can be quite hard on ourselves. This attitude can make loving ourselves very challenging from the beginning and thus it’s very important to address this first.

Instead, treat your less desirable thoughts about yourself like a child who has fallen and skinned their knee.  When you sit with the fallen child, you’re not trying to hurry the hurt along or turn it into anything other than what it is.  You’re just letting the hurt pass patiently and without judgement.

Breathe through it, let it run its course, and when you’re ready go onto the self-esteem building exercises ahead.

2. Accept Responsibility For Your Happiness

One of my favourite quotes from Nathaniel Branden’s book “The Six Pillars Of Self-Esteem” simply states that “Nobody is coming”.  At first the thought that no one is coming to save you from yourself may seem scary… but ultimately it is extremely liberating.

This concept takes you from being a victim to being empowered.

Feeling less than attractive today? Maybe you didn’t get the promotion you wanted? Feeling weird because you don’t feel like you add anything to the group conversation that you’re trying to partake in?

None of these things matter. The bottom line is that you have the ability to be happy whenever you want to be.

3. Write A Self-Love Short List

We’re often so hard on ourselves that we focus all of our attention on what we want to improve or change about ourselves.

To put a wedge of doubt in this negative internal dialogue, write down five things about yourself that will make you successful in life and love.

You might come up with things such as, “I have passion in my life for this or that,” “I am a really good listener,” or “I am a generous and giving person.”

Whatever they are, make sure that they feel true for you. I’ve had students in the past that have laminated their top five or ten favourite things about themselves and have kept a copy in their wallet for when they needed a reminder. It can also be helpful to complete this list as frequently as every day.

4. Celebrate Your Accomplishments

It’s easy to forget the things we have accomplished in the past. This forgetfulness can make us feel insignificant very easily.

Get in the habit of writing a self-love list… list things that you have done and are proud of. Big or small.

Examples would be, “I had the courage to leave an unfulfilling relationship”, “I learned to speak a second language”, or “I helped out my friend Dani today by making him feel appreciated”.

The more you do this exercise, the more tangible things you will have to smile at.

You can also check out my post on celebrating successes for more ideas.

5. Have A Rockstar Support Team

It’s been said that you become the average of the five people you spend the most time with.  If your friends are always dragging their heels, and complaining about their lives, maybe it’s time to shake up your social circle.

Pay close attention to any people in your life that constantly encourage you and nurture those relationships like your emotional well-being depends on it.

Wrap-Up

Whatever your path to higher self-love is, it’s your path.  These steps are guidelines, and if you find something else that works for you, keep it up.

To your continued growth and success,

Jordan

Ps. If you enjoyed this article, you will likely also love checking out:

How To Fully Release Difficult Emotions That Hold You Back

11 Easy Ways To Actually Love Yourself More

How To Make Friends As An Adult (7 Steps)

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