Feb 21, 2016

Do This One Thing To Make Any Relationship Thrive

When you were born, you had a unique way about you.

You spoke in a certain way. You admired others in a certain way. You picked up your food in a certain way.

No matter how much your parents, friends, culture, society, and peers tried to shape you into something other than what you were, your unique self has always been shining through in everything that you do.

No matter how much societally imposed persona gets piled up on top of who you were when you were born, your unique self will always still be there.

The way you look into any person’s eyes contains an element of your unique self. Even if your parents said not to stare. Or even if the marketing that surrounded you in your pre-teen years told you to add a bit of soft sexiness to your gaze.

The way that you write words on a page says something about your unique self. Even if you broke a bone in your arm while ice skating when you were younger. Or your third grade teacher taught you to sit up extra straight while writing by hand.

The way that you cuddle your partner says something about your unique self. The way that you hold a book says something about you. The way that you look at musicians playing their music says something about you.

You have your own unique way of being in this world. And so too does everyone you will ever meet.

So the secret to finding a lifelong love (in a friend, a partner, a business partner, or any sort of relationship) is to find someone who’s unique self you resonate with. If their soul was a song, find one that you would gladly listen to forever.

And to strengthen the foundation of your relationship, listen to, and really hear, the nuances of their unique song.

Remind them what their song sounds like when they have forgotten it momentarily. And sing it out loud with them when they have their lungs full of air and tears in their eyes.

Find your own unique self, amidst the societally imposed clutter, and embrace it. Love it. Cherish it.

And find a partner whose unique self you can respect, admire, and adore… up close, and from a distance… for the rest of your life.

Jordan Gray
About Jordan Gray

Jordan Gray has been a sex and relationship coach for over 15+ years, with his work reaching over 200 million people worldwide. His writing has been featured in Vogue, GQ, The New York Times, Cosmopolitan, Women’s Health, and countless other publications around the world. When he’s not working with 1-on-1 coaching clients or writing a new article, he’s most likely to be found reading, chopping wood, or spending time with his wife on a little island off the west coast of Canada.

Blog

Related

See All
Your Lone Wolf Mentality Is Killing You
Aug 6, 2017
Jordan Gray
Your Lone Wolf Mentality Is Killing You
Do you consider yourself a lone wolf? If you do, I have a message for you... Our society is currently sick. People are feeling increasingly isolated and alone. Our sense of community has been eroded. We have been given the message that you have to look out for yourself, first and foremost....
Continue Reading
12 Romantic Proposal Ideas For You To Steal
Apr 1, 2021
Jordan Gray
12 Romantic Proposal Ideas For You To Steal
So you’re ready to get down on one knee and tie the knot with the love of your life… Before we get to talking about ways to do it, let me grab my trumpet and set off some confetti cannons… Because that is amazing! (*Cue explosions and marching band*) The fact that you’re at a place in your relationship...
Continue Reading
7 Popular Mistakes You Don’t Want To Make
Sep 24, 2025
Jordan Gray
7 Popular Mistakes You Don’t Want To Make
We all want to live a meaningful life, but most of us unknowingly carry blind spots that hold us back. And they don’t always look like “big”, punch-you-in-the-face-obvious mistakes. They usually show up as quiet, subtle defaults. Left unchecked (and unseen), these patterns inevitably rob us of growth,...
Continue Reading
7 Ways To Increase Your Value In The Dating Market
May 5, 2019
Jordan Gray
7 Ways To Increase Your Value In The Dating Market
(Trigger warning for people who fear hard truths, self-responsibility, and tough love.) Allllllllright… I just got a reader email that made my blood boil. So this is going to be a rant. But don’t worry… it’ll be a valuable rant. Here we go. This email (from Laurie in San Diego, CA) landed...
Continue Reading
Dating Advice For Introverts: The Best Date Ideas To Connect Over
Mar 31, 2013
Jordan Gray
Dating Advice For Introverts: The Best Date Ideas To Connect Over
Dating Advice For Introverts: The Best Date Ideas To Connect Over Dating can be fun, but for a lot of introverts, it can be a tedious task (especially in the early stages of a relationship). These date ideas take place in less stimulating environments that will allow you to connect...
Continue Reading
Your Life Is A Garden
Mar 5, 2016
Jordan Gray
Your Life Is A Garden
Your life is a garden. And it needs constant attention. Your garden needs water, sunlight, effort, and love in order to truly thrive. If you treat your soil well then nutritious foods and beautiful flowers will be able to spring forth, or... you can treat your soil badly and it’ll feel like nothing...
Continue Reading