Mar 5, 2013

Modified Minimalism

Modified Minimalism

I am a huge fan of minimalism.

Minimalistic decoration, minimalistic fashion, and most importantly, minimalism in terms of personal material possessions.

I find the feeling of being able to live out of a carry-on bag very liberating.  The fact is, we can get by on a lot less than we think.  That goes for a lot of things in life (external validation, junk food, porn, toilet paper, alcohol, etc.). Today, I’m going to be focusing on material possessions.

Physical clutter creates mental clutter.  Mentally, it is very draining to have a lot of things that you are keeping track of, even on an unconscious level.

Modifying The Minimalism Model

I’ve tried the extreme side of minimalism.  Within a 48 hour span, I once donated/gave away/Craiglist’ed about 95% of all of the things that I owned.  I was ruthless.

Guitar?  I haven’t played this in a week, who needs it.

CD’s and DVD’s?  I have an iPhone that covers both of those.

My first pair of baby shoes?  Won’t wear those ever again.

Predictably, after another 24 hours passed since the manic-like life purge, I felt some pangs of regret.  Much less than I expected, but still a few small ones.  I missed my guitar.  I regretted tossing one of my old journals.  There was one shirt that I wished I hadn’t donated.  But other than that, I was fine.  My room felt un-cluttered and so did my mind.

In the book The Happiness Hypothesis, Jonathan Haidt cites a study in which he found a correlation between suicide rates and the constraints in peoples lives.  It might seem counterintuitive, but those who had more bonds and obligations in their lives were far less likely to commit suicide than those who had too few attachments.

As it turns out, too much freedom and detachment isn’t very good for your emotional health.  Purge the unnecessary, but KEEP the things that bring you joy, fulfillment, and a sense of connection.

The Hidden Cost Of Stuff

So which things should you keep and which should you get rid of?  Here is a quick-use guide to help you with your decisions.

1. Does it have hidden costs attached to it?

Is it a magazine or service subscription that you don’t even use? Is it a dress shirt that costs $8 per dry clean? Does it need a dozen AA batteries to function for an hour or two?  If it’s draining your financial resources, toss it.

2. Have you used it in the last six months?

Be honest with yourself.  When was the last time you used it?  If you haven’t used it recently, there’s a very small chance you’ll be using it in the near future.  Get over your pack-rat tendencies, and say adios to your dusty old belongings.

3. If it were offered to you today, would you still accept it into your life?

This question can be applied to every area of your life (your job, your girlfriend, your social circle) and it bears repeating.  If I offered you your old video game system, or hole-filled shirt, would you still want it today?  Chances are, the thing that you’re on the fence about is already past it’s expiration date.

After reading these questions, you probably realize that you can get rid of about 70% of your clothes, books, and possessions that you have floating around.  And that is awesome.  The socially conditioned part of your brain wants to hold on to these to have a sense of belonging and identity, but I guarantee that you won’t miss any of what you throw away.

So look around your bedroom… your house… your life…

What things that you surround yourself with actually ADD to you as a person?  What brings you frequent happiness and fulfillment?  If the answer is ‘basically none of it’, then maybe it’s time to shake up the routine and do some spring-cleaning.

Jordan Gray
About Jordan Gray

Jordan Gray has been a sex and relationship coach for over 15+ years, with his work reaching over 200 million people worldwide. His writing has been featured in Vogue, GQ, The New York Times, Cosmopolitan, Women’s Health, and countless other publications around the world. When he’s not working with 1-on-1 coaching clients or writing a new article, he’s most likely to be found reading, chopping wood, or spending time with his wife on a little island off the west coast of Canada.

Blog

Related

See All
The Battle Between Your Work And Your Woman
Nov 5, 2014
Jordan Gray
The Battle Between Your Work And Your Woman
“A man’s life is a constant battle between his work and his woman.” I get asked the question “How do you find the balance between your work and your girlfriend/wife/partner?” on a weekly basis. Lets dig into what's really going on when a client asks me this. They’re feeling overwhelmed. They’re...
Continue Reading
12 Questions To Drastically Strengthen Your Relationship
Jan 6, 2020
Jordan Gray
12 Questions To Drastically Strengthen Your Relationship
Once people get past the early romance phase of a relationship, it can start to run on autopilot to an unhealthy degree. In short, people stop paying quality attention. Both to their partner, and to how they themselves are showing up in the relationship. Fortunately, if you get better at asking...
Continue Reading
11 Easy Ways To Actually Love Yourself More
Jan 24, 2016
Jordan Gray
11 Easy Ways To Actually Love Yourself More
You hear the advice of "love yourself first" from so many sources throughout your life. But what does that actually mean? While I think that it's wrong/damaging/ridiculous to tell people that they can't be loved by others until they love themselves (*ahem*... of course you can... you not loving...
Continue Reading
The Best Way To Get Unstuck (The Compass Exercise)
May 18, 2013
Jordan Gray
The Best Way To Get Unstuck (The Compass Exercise)
I often create verbal and written exercises for my clients to discover new things about themselves.  I came up with this one a few weeks ago and it has been giving a lot of different people a bunch of break throughs. Give it a shot and you just might learn something about yourself (Introspection YAY!) Heads...
Continue Reading
7 Popular Concepts That I Just Don’t Believe In
Feb 23, 2024
Jordan Gray
7 Popular Concepts That I Just Don’t Believe In
There are a handful of concepts that are so popular… so everywhere… that every time I see them, I just want to shoot myself in the fucking face. Both the frequency of how often I hear about them and the degree to which people believe in them without question really grinds my gears. So, welcome...
Continue Reading
8 Powerful Exercises To Increase Your Feminine Energy
Jan 21, 2014
Jordan Gray
8 Powerful Exercises To Increase Your Feminine Energy
I was in Bali, Indonesia when I met the most mesmerizing woman of my life. Covered from head to toe in flowing, elegant garments, she had the most feminine energy packed in to one human being that I had ever been witness to. And she literally took my breath away. Her motions were effortless....
Continue Reading