Mar 5, 2013

Modified Minimalism

Modified Minimalism

I am a huge fan of minimalism.

Minimalistic decoration, minimalistic fashion, and most importantly, minimalism in terms of personal material possessions.

I find the feeling of being able to live out of a carry-on bag very liberating.  The fact is, we can get by on a lot less than we think.  That goes for a lot of things in life (external validation, junk food, porn, toilet paper, alcohol, etc.). Today, I’m going to be focusing on material possessions.

Physical clutter creates mental clutter.  Mentally, it is very draining to have a lot of things that you are keeping track of, even on an unconscious level.

Modifying The Minimalism Model

I’ve tried the extreme side of minimalism.  Within a 48 hour span, I once donated/gave away/Craiglist’ed about 95% of all of the things that I owned.  I was ruthless.

Guitar?  I haven’t played this in a week, who needs it.

CD’s and DVD’s?  I have an iPhone that covers both of those.

My first pair of baby shoes?  Won’t wear those ever again.

Predictably, after another 24 hours passed since the manic-like life purge, I felt some pangs of regret.  Much less than I expected, but still a few small ones.  I missed my guitar.  I regretted tossing one of my old journals.  There was one shirt that I wished I hadn’t donated.  But other than that, I was fine.  My room felt un-cluttered and so did my mind.

In the book The Happiness Hypothesis, Jonathan Haidt cites a study in which he found a correlation between suicide rates and the constraints in peoples lives.  It might seem counterintuitive, but those who had more bonds and obligations in their lives were far less likely to commit suicide than those who had too few attachments.

As it turns out, too much freedom and detachment isn’t very good for your emotional health.  Purge the unnecessary, but KEEP the things that bring you joy, fulfillment, and a sense of connection.

The Hidden Cost Of Stuff

So which things should you keep and which should you get rid of?  Here is a quick-use guide to help you with your decisions.

1. Does it have hidden costs attached to it?

Is it a magazine or service subscription that you don’t even use? Is it a dress shirt that costs $8 per dry clean? Does it need a dozen AA batteries to function for an hour or two?  If it’s draining your financial resources, toss it.

2. Have you used it in the last six months?

Be honest with yourself.  When was the last time you used it?  If you haven’t used it recently, there’s a very small chance you’ll be using it in the near future.  Get over your pack-rat tendencies, and say adios to your dusty old belongings.

3. If it were offered to you today, would you still accept it into your life?

This question can be applied to every area of your life (your job, your girlfriend, your social circle) and it bears repeating.  If I offered you your old video game system, or hole-filled shirt, would you still want it today?  Chances are, the thing that you’re on the fence about is already past it’s expiration date.

After reading these questions, you probably realize that you can get rid of about 70% of your clothes, books, and possessions that you have floating around.  And that is awesome.  The socially conditioned part of your brain wants to hold on to these to have a sense of belonging and identity, but I guarantee that you won’t miss any of what you throw away.

So look around your bedroom… your house… your life…

What things that you surround yourself with actually ADD to you as a person?  What brings you frequent happiness and fulfillment?  If the answer is ‘basically none of it’, then maybe it’s time to shake up the routine and do some spring-cleaning.

Jordan Gray
About Jordan Gray

Jordan Gray has been a sex and relationship coach for over 15+ years, with his work reaching over 200 million people worldwide. His writing has been featured in Vogue, GQ, The New York Times, Cosmopolitan, Women’s Health, and countless other publications around the world. When he’s not working with 1-on-1 coaching clients or writing a new article, he’s most likely to be found reading, chopping wood, or spending time with his wife on a little island off the west coast of Canada.

Blog

Related

See All
How To Make Friends As An Adult (7 Steps)
Aug 6, 2017
Jordan Gray
How To Make Friends As An Adult (7 Steps)
Hello friend, Let me start with a personal story... When I started this website (back in 2013), I made a conscious decision to de-prioritize the majority of my friendships and focus primarily on creating value for my readers. I would go months without seeing certain friends. When I did socialize...
Continue Reading
In Praise Of Praise
Nov 26, 2013
Jordan Gray
In Praise Of Praise
I met a recently engaged couple while living in Thailand earlier this year. I asked Phil to share his favourite thing about his fiancee, Emily, and he was quick to answer. “Emily is really nurturing and patient with me. She’s very sweet to me when I need it the most.” Emily was completely taken aback....
Continue Reading
How To Meet Amazing Women As A Digital Nomad
Mar 12, 2014
Jordan Gray
How To Meet Amazing Women As A Digital Nomad
As a location independent entrepreneur, you've likely found it difficult at times to find meaningful relationships while traveling the world. You want to taste everything that the world has to offer- whether that be food, experiences, or romantic relationships. But sometimes it can be lonely staring...
Continue Reading
6 Ways To Meet Someone Without Online Dating
Jan 15, 2024
Jordan Gray
6 Ways To Meet Someone Without Online Dating
I was recently speaking with a client who felt exhausted by online dating. The endless swiping... the sub-par dating pool... the lack of intrigue for anyone that registered as anything more than a (totally generous) 5 out of 10 on the excitement scale. And hey, honestly, I don't blame her. Back...
Continue Reading
4 Things I Learned In 4 Years Of Running My Online Business
Jan 20, 2017
Jordan Gray
4 Things I Learned In 4 Years Of Running My Online Business
January 26th, 2017 is this website’s fourth birthday. Four whole years! If this website was a person it would be walking, talking, and beginning to form its own opinions about the world. It would also pee itself every now and then. I could take this analogy in a lot of different directions, so I’m going...
Continue Reading
How To Change Your Partner
Jul 22, 2014
Jordan Gray
How To Change Your Partner
One of the most common questions that I get asked by my clients is how they can encourage their partner to grow and develop as a person, while bringing up the subject from a loving place (as opposed to a challenging place that would make them think something was wrong with them). Whether you want...
Continue Reading