Oct 9, 2016

The Pattern Gets Louder Until You Listen

Whatever pattern is trying to make itself known to you in your life, it will keep getting louder until you start paying attention to it.

Have you ever had a pattern repeatedly offered up to you to learn from, but as you ignored the initial warning signs, the pattern’s only option became making itself more apparent and in your face?

For example, the woman who attracts various partners whose lives are increasingly messy, eventually realizing she needs to start taking care of her own needs and discontinue saving other people from their messes.

Or the man who resents the career path that he has chosen… and only becomes more aware of his misalignment as his physical health deteriorates, his sleep suffers, and he starts projecting his frustration on to his friends and family members.

Or the woman whose husband continuously shows that he cannot meet her needs. First by emotionally retreating in conversations, then by being out of town more and more for work, and then by proverbially burying his head in the sand and pretending like there is nothing wrong in their marriage.

Or the man who miraculously only seems to be able to attract romantic partners who are already married, in relationship, or who live at least a five hour plane ride away… until he faces the fact that he is afraid of a truly intimate relationship.

Whatever pattern it is that you need to face in your life, it will keep coming back for you. Life has a way of forcing you to slam your head against the same brick wall, over and over, until you realize “Oh! This is a brick wall. I’m going to stop doing this now.”

What behavioural pattern do you need to shift in your life? What element of your life has been increasingly loud lately, in hopes that you will listen to it?

Maybe it’s time you listened. For your own sake.

Jordan Gray
About Jordan Gray

Jordan Gray has been a sex and relationship coach for over 15+ years, with his work reaching over 200 million people worldwide. His writing has been featured in Vogue, GQ, The New York Times, Cosmopolitan, Women’s Health, and countless other publications around the world. When he’s not working with 1-on-1 coaching clients or writing a new article, he’s most likely to be found reading, chopping wood, or spending time with his wife on a little island off the west coast of Canada.

Blog

Related

See All
5 Ways To Immediately Feel Less Lonely
Dec 23, 2018
Jordan Gray
5 Ways To Immediately Feel Less Lonely
We are in the middle of a loneliness epidemic. Nearly half of Americans reported (sometimes or always) feeling alone, and over 40% said that they don’t have any relationships that feel meaningful. Rates of loneliness have doubled since the 1980’s.  Society often rewards isolation. It...
Continue Reading
How Do Your Abandonment Issues Affect Your Love Life?
Mar 24, 2014
Jordan Gray
How Do Your Abandonment Issues Affect Your Love Life?
Everyone feels the pain of abandonment at some point in their lives. Whether it was as blatant as a parent abandoning you at a young age, or as subtle as an emotionally intense relationship ending abruptly, everyone feels the sting of abandonment at some point in their journey. So what is aban...
Continue Reading
9 Reasons To Not Use Dating Apps (At All, Ever)
Jan 29, 2025
Jordan Gray
9 Reasons To Not Use Dating Apps (At All, Ever)
Despite millions of people using dating apps, nearly 80% of users report feeling burnt out, frustrated, and no closer to finding a meaningful connection. While dating apps claim to bring people together, some research suggests they often do the opposite - leading to higher rates of anxiety, lower...
Continue Reading
10 Reasons To Work Out That Have Nothing To Do With Looks
Jun 8, 2019
Jordan Gray
10 Reasons To Work Out That Have Nothing To Do With Looks
Regular exercise has been proven time-and-time again to be one of the simplest, most important things anyone can do to create superhuman health, longevity, and brainpower. But, as trends in gym memberships show year after year, it also seems to be the hardest habit to develop and stick with on a regular...
Continue Reading
How To Remove Your Limiting Beliefs In Under 10 Minutes
Jun 13, 2013
Jordan Gray
How To Remove Your Limiting Beliefs In Under 10 Minutes
You have certain beliefs in your mind that hold you back from living your fullest life.  Beliefs about money, career, women... and for the sake of keeping things simple let's call all of these 'limiting beliefs'. If you were a speedboat these limiting beliefs would be the invisible anchors that weigh...
Continue Reading
Three Questions That Will Guarantee You A Thriving Relationship
Jun 20, 2013
Jordan Gray
Three Questions That Will Guarantee You A Thriving Relationship
Before you can enter into a thriving relationship, you have to know who you are. I mean REALLY know who you are. If asked, could you list your values and goals to a stranger within the first minute of meeting them? If not, you might want to check inwards before you start searching for a partner. The...
Continue Reading