Jun 8, 2019

A Letter To My 15 Year Old Self

First of all, I’m sorry.

I’m sorry for all of the pain that you’re feeling.

I’m sorry that you don’t feel like you have a family. That you are somehow separate… unwanted… unloved.

None of that is true.

Your family loves you deeply.

Your friends love you deeply.

You are so wanted in this world.

I know that you can’t see it right now, and it’s hard to believe. But I promise you, you are here for a reason.

One day you’re going to grow up to positively impact over a hundred million people. Can you imagine that?

On a near daily basis you will receive messages from other 15 year olds who tell you that something that you created helped them to not end their lives.

You will be here to experience that. What a gift it will be. And it will touch your heart deeply every time it happens.

Another thing I want to warn you about is that your friends won’t live forever.

In fact, you’ll lose three of your favourite people in a three year span and it will be hard for you. Really hard. But you will survive that too.

You see… everything that has ever happened to you, has actually happened for you.

You will be able to connect with such a vast array of people because of all of the pain that you have survived. All of the struggles that you have endured will make your heart even bigger and more accessible.

Which doesn’t mean that your heart will always be accessible. For a good number of years you’ll actually be quite a closed off, arrogant jerk. You’ll be afraid to cry in front of women for most of your 20’s. But you’ll eventually work through that too.

I know life is challenging you right now… and you wish you didn’t exist… or at least that the pain would stop…

But holy fucking shit does your life ever get better if you decide to stick around.

You will have friends who support you more than you ever thought you’d be able to be supported by anyone. You’ll wake up every morning and do work that you adore. You’ll feel safe to love and be loved.

You’re currently at a fork in the road. You can either let your pain crush you, or you can use it to motivate yourself to serve humanity, and heal yourself.

Spoiler alert: you’re going to decide to use it.

And I’m so thankful for that.

I love you. I’m proud of you. Everything that is happening to you is happening for a reason.

Tell your friends and family that you love them. All the time. Don’t even worry about being annoying about it. Keep telling them as much as your big, caring heart wants to.

Let life blow holes in your heart… and just know that those holes are going to be the catalyst for you to love even bigger and deeper than you already do.

Keep breathing. Keep moving forwards. Keep opening your heart to love, even when you’re afraid to do so (especially when you’re afraid to do so).

Sincerely,

You in 17 years.

Jordan Gray
About Jordan Gray

Jordan Gray has been a sex and relationship coach for over 18 years, with his work reaching over 250 million people worldwide. His writing has been featured in Vogue, GQ, The New York Times, Cosmopolitan, Women’s Health, and countless other publications around the world. When he’s not working with 1-on-1 coaching clients or writing a new article, he’s most likely to be found reading a book, working out with his trainer, or spending time with his wife and son on the East Coast of the United States.

Blog

Related

See All
Improve Your Health, Wealth, And Relationships With These 3 Habits
Sep 20, 2019
Jordan Gray
Improve Your Health, Wealth, And Relationships With These 3 Habits
Do you want to enjoy better sex, have more money, and drastically increase the length and quality of your life? Well, read on my friend. Through the last twenty years of my life I have been blessed with some incredible mentors who have coached me in the realms of health, wealth, and relationships. With...
Continue Reading
5 Questions That Will Give You Depth In Conversation
Jul 29, 2013
Jordan Gray
5 Questions That Will Give You Depth In Conversation
The art of conversation is a dying one. People's attention spans have been hacked to pieces by billboards, smart phones, and endless digital pings… and deep conversation has been the primary casualty of our waning patience.  Which means (good news!) it's never been easier to stand out from others...
Continue Reading
What To Talk About On A First Date
Apr 2, 2014
Jordan Gray
What To Talk About On A First Date
No matter how many first dates you’ve been on, they are always a bit nerve-racking. You show up with sweaty palms and racing thoughts ("Will they be fun… or awkward? Will I be attracted to them? Will the date go as well as I think it might?"), hoping that you make a real connection with someone...
Continue Reading
You Are Going To Die (So Here's How To Actually Live)
Dec 22, 2017
Jordan Gray
You Are Going To Die (So Here’s How To Actually Live)
I had my first heart attack at the age of 25. I was walking down the street, my arms went numb, my head started spinning, and my heart was pounding faster than it ever had in my life. I walked up to an off-duty ambulance paramedic and said, “I think I’m having a heart attack. I’m definitely...
Continue Reading
How To Overcome The 3 Most Common Challenges In Your Life
Aug 19, 2013
Jordan Gray
How To Overcome The 3 Most Common Challenges In Your Life
The masculine energy in all of us thrives on challenge. One of the main reasons that a lot of men enjoy watching professional sports is the inherent challenge tied into the game play. The player has to get the object into the thing… but, oh boy, there's a challenge in the way! And that challenge...
Continue Reading
I’m Not Perfect - And No One Is
Mar 22, 2015
Jordan Gray
I’m Not Perfect – And No One Is
When people find out what I do for work, they tend to assume a few things about me. “You’re a relationship coach? So you must be like the perfect boyfriend then, right?” “What a fascinating job. So I guess you and your girlfriend never fight.” “You’re basically a therapist for intimate relationships…...
Continue Reading