Jun 8, 2019

A Letter To My 15 Year Old Self

First of all, I’m sorry.

I’m sorry for all of the pain that you’re feeling.

I’m sorry that you don’t feel like you have a family. That you are somehow separate… unwanted… unloved.

None of that is true.

Your family loves you deeply.

Your friends love you deeply.

You are so wanted in this world.

I know that you can’t see it right now, and it’s hard to believe. But I promise you, you are here for a reason.

One day you’re going to grow up to positively impact over a hundred million people. Can you imagine that?

On a near daily basis you will receive messages from other 15 year olds who tell you that something that you created helped them to not end their lives.

You will be here to experience that. What a gift it will be. And it will touch your heart deeply every time it happens.

Another thing I want to warn you about is that your friends won’t live forever.

In fact, you’ll lose three of your favourite people in a three year span and it will be hard for you. Really hard. But you will survive that too.

You see… everything that has ever happened to you, has actually happened for you.

You will be able to connect with such a vast array of people because of all of the pain that you have survived. All of the struggles that you have endured will make your heart even bigger and more accessible.

Which doesn’t mean that your heart will always be accessible. For a good number of years you’ll actually be quite a closed off, arrogant jerk. You’ll be afraid to cry in front of women for most of your 20’s. But you’ll eventually work through that too.

I know life is challenging you right now… and you wish you didn’t exist… or at least that the pain would stop…

But holy fucking shit does your life ever get better if you decide to stick around.

You will have friends who support you more than you ever thought you’d be able to be supported by anyone. You’ll wake up every morning and do work that you adore. You’ll feel safe to love and be loved.

You’re currently at a fork in the road. You can either let your pain crush you, or you can use it to motivate yourself to serve humanity, and heal yourself.

Spoiler alert: you’re going to decide to use it.

And I’m so thankful for that.

I love you. I’m proud of you. Everything that is happening to you is happening for a reason.

Tell your friends and family that you love them. All the time. Don’t even worry about being annoying about it. Keep telling them as much as your big, caring heart wants to.

Let life blow holes in your heart… and just know that those holes are going to be the catalyst for you to love even bigger and deeper than you already do.

Keep breathing. Keep moving forwards. Keep opening your heart to love, even when you’re afraid to do so (especially when you’re afraid to do so).

Sincerely,

You in 17 years.

Jordan Gray
About Jordan Gray

Jordan Gray has been a sex and relationship coach for over 15+ years, with his work reaching over 200 million people worldwide. His writing has been featured in Vogue, GQ, The New York Times, Cosmopolitan, Women’s Health, and countless other publications around the world. When he’s not working with 1-on-1 coaching clients or writing a new article, he’s most likely to be found reading, chopping wood, or spending time with his wife on a little island off the west coast of Canada.

Blog

Related

See All
5 Ways To Immediately Feel Less Lonely
Dec 23, 2018
Jordan Gray
5 Ways To Immediately Feel Less Lonely
We are in the middle of a loneliness epidemic. Nearly half of Americans reported (sometimes or always) feeling alone, and over 40% said that they don’t have any relationships that feel meaningful. Rates of loneliness have doubled since the 1980’s.  Society often rewards isolation. It...
Continue Reading
The Intentional Life Ep.7: The Ultimate Nutritional Supplements
Jul 2, 2017
Jordan Gray
The Intentional Life Ep.7: The Ultimate Nutritional Supplements
This week on the Intentional Life, I interview my good friend Mike Muscari. If you follow me closely, you might recognize Mike from various things I've posted over the last year. Mike is a wave surfing, biohacking, dog-owning serial entrepreneur with a heart of gold. He also lives his life with...
Continue Reading
Why Spiritual Awakening Is So Painful
Jan 7, 2024
Jordan Gray
Why Spiritual Awakening Is So Painful
In order to travel from a state of numbness to a state of joy and dynamic aliveness, you must first feel your way through all of the pain that you buried within. When I truly started to engage in my deeper inner work, I cried daily for a period of 8 months. There were days (maybe weeks?) where I felt...
Continue Reading
I’m Done With Love: 5 Tips For When You’re Tired Of Trying
May 10, 2015
Jordan Gray
I’m Done With Love: 5 Tips For When You’re Tired Of Trying
Some of my clients come to me when they’re feeling their most frustrated and hopeless. They repeat the mantras that are graffitied all over the protective walls surrounding their hearts… “There are no good ones left.” “All men are liars.” “Women just want to get close so that they can treat you poorly...
Continue Reading
121 Deep Questions To Ask Your Partner
Sep 17, 2024
Jordan Gray
121 Deep Questions To Ask Your Partner
Looking for some deep questions to ask your partner for greater connection and intimacy? I’ve got you covered! Whether you want to spice up date night with a question or two, or make an entire weekend-long deep-dive date out of these questions, there’s something in it for everyone. While they are meant...
Continue Reading
The 3 Biggest Myths About Men
Jul 22, 2013
Jordan Gray
The 3 Biggest Myths About Men
Myths about men run rampant in Western society. “Men are liars.” “Men are stupid.” “Men only want one thing.” The only way for true gender equality to surface is to come to a mutual awareness of each other’s struggles and then do our best to shield ourselves from the cultural conditioning and ease...
Continue Reading