Jun 8, 2019

A Letter To My 15 Year Old Self

First of all, I’m sorry.

I’m sorry for all of the pain that you’re feeling.

I’m sorry that you don’t feel like you have a family. That you are somehow separate… unwanted… unloved.

None of that is true.

Your family loves you deeply.

Your friends love you deeply.

You are so wanted in this world.

I know that you can’t see it right now, and it’s hard to believe. But I promise you, you are here for a reason.

One day you’re going to grow up to positively impact over a hundred million people. Can you imagine that?

On a near daily basis you will receive messages from other 15 year olds who tell you that something that you created helped them to not end their lives.

You will be here to experience that. What a gift it will be. And it will touch your heart deeply every time it happens.

Another thing I want to warn you about is that your friends won’t live forever.

In fact, you’ll lose three of your favourite people in a three year span and it will be hard for you. Really hard. But you will survive that too.

You see… everything that has ever happened to you, has actually happened for you.

You will be able to connect with such a vast array of people because of all of the pain that you have survived. All of the struggles that you have endured will make your heart even bigger and more accessible.

Which doesn’t mean that your heart will always be accessible. For a good number of years you’ll actually be quite a closed off, arrogant jerk. You’ll be afraid to cry in front of women for most of your 20’s. But you’ll eventually work through that too.

I know life is challenging you right now… and you wish you didn’t exist… or at least that the pain would stop…

But holy fucking shit does your life ever get better if you decide to stick around.

You will have friends who support you more than you ever thought you’d be able to be supported by anyone. You’ll wake up every morning and do work that you adore. You’ll feel safe to love and be loved.

You’re currently at a fork in the road. You can either let your pain crush you, or you can use it to motivate yourself to serve humanity, and heal yourself.

Spoiler alert: you’re going to decide to use it.

And I’m so thankful for that.

I love you. I’m proud of you. Everything that is happening to you is happening for a reason.

Tell your friends and family that you love them. All the time. Don’t even worry about being annoying about it. Keep telling them as much as your big, caring heart wants to.

Let life blow holes in your heart… and just know that those holes are going to be the catalyst for you to love even bigger and deeper than you already do.

Keep breathing. Keep moving forwards. Keep opening your heart to love, even when you’re afraid to do so (especially when you’re afraid to do so).

Sincerely,

You in 17 years.

Jordan Gray
About Jordan Gray

Jordan Gray has been a sex and relationship coach for over 15+ years, with his work reaching over 200 million people worldwide. His writing has been featured in Vogue, GQ, The New York Times, Cosmopolitan, Women’s Health, and countless other publications around the world. When he’s not working with 1-on-1 coaching clients or writing a new article, he’s most likely to be found reading, chopping wood, or spending time with his wife on a little island off the west coast of Canada.

Blog

Related

See All
5 Questions That Will Give You Depth In Conversation
Jul 29, 2013
Jordan Gray
5 Questions That Will Give You Depth In Conversation
The art of conversation is a dying one. People's attention spans have been hacked to pieces by billboards, smart phones, and endless digital pings… and deep conversation has been the primary casualty of our waning patience.  Which means (good news!) it's never been easier to stand out from others...
Continue Reading
7 Things All Women Need In A Relationship
Dec 9, 2013
Jordan Gray
7 Things All Women Need In A Relationship
When it comes to what women need in a relationship, men and women are at an emotional stalemate. We feel something lacking in our relationships. The majority of modern men aren't able to penetrate their women fully, nor are women fully opening to their men. Women aren't opening because men aren't giving...
Continue Reading
12 Questions To Drastically Strengthen Your Relationship
Jan 6, 2020
Jordan Gray
12 Questions To Drastically Strengthen Your Relationship
Once people get past the early romance phase of a relationship, it can start to run on autopilot to an unhealthy degree. In short, people stop paying quality attention. Both to their partner, and to how they themselves are showing up in the relationship. Fortunately, if you get better at asking...
Continue Reading
This Is Your Life Purpose
Oct 8, 2017
Jordan Gray
This Is Your Life Purpose
To feel alive... This is your life purpose. Spend time with people who make you feel alive. Eat food that makes you feel alive. Do work that makes you feel alive. Spend your money on experiences that make you feel more alive. Do things that make you feel alive. If the answer is...
Continue Reading
Hope Is A Terrible Plan
Jan 27, 2024
Jordan Gray
Hope Is A Terrible Plan
In the quest for love, hope, while comforting, often falls short as a strategy. The truth is, love seldom knocks on doors uninvited. It's found in the midst of life's hustle, in the laughter shared over a coffee, in the serendipitous encounters at a bookstore, or in the electric air of a social gathering. When...
Continue Reading
5 Mistakes I Made On The Path To Finding My Wife
Jul 15, 2025
Jordan Gray
5 Mistakes I Made On The Path To Finding My Wife
Before meeting my wife, I spent years getting in my own way. I made a handful of mistakes that likely cost me years of connection, intimacy, and peace of mind. I remember sitting across from a friend one night, telling him that maybe I just wasn’t cut out for lasting love. I was frustrated,...
Continue Reading