Jun 8, 2019

A Letter To My 15 Year Old Self

First of all, I’m sorry.

I’m sorry for all of the pain that you’re feeling.

I’m sorry that you don’t feel like you have a family. That you are somehow separate… unwanted… unloved.

None of that is true.

Your family loves you deeply.

Your friends love you deeply.

You are so wanted in this world.

I know that you can’t see it right now, and it’s hard to believe. But I promise you, you are here for a reason.

One day you’re going to grow up to positively impact over a hundred million people. Can you imagine that?

On a near daily basis you will receive messages from other 15 year olds who tell you that something that you created helped them to not end their lives.

You will be here to experience that. What a gift it will be. And it will touch your heart deeply every time it happens.

Another thing I want to warn you about is that your friends won’t live forever.

In fact, you’ll lose three of your favourite people in a three year span and it will be hard for you. Really hard. But you will survive that too.

You see… everything that has ever happened to you, has actually happened for you.

You will be able to connect with such a vast array of people because of all of the pain that you have survived. All of the struggles that you have endured will make your heart even bigger and more accessible.

Which doesn’t mean that your heart will always be accessible. For a good number of years you’ll actually be quite a closed off, arrogant jerk. You’ll be afraid to cry in front of women for most of your 20’s. But you’ll eventually work through that too.

I know life is challenging you right now… and you wish you didn’t exist… or at least that the pain would stop…

But holy fucking shit does your life ever get better if you decide to stick around.

You will have friends who support you more than you ever thought you’d be able to be supported by anyone. You’ll wake up every morning and do work that you adore. You’ll feel safe to love and be loved.

You’re currently at a fork in the road. You can either let your pain crush you, or you can use it to motivate yourself to serve humanity, and heal yourself.

Spoiler alert: you’re going to decide to use it.

And I’m so thankful for that.

I love you. I’m proud of you. Everything that is happening to you is happening for a reason.

Tell your friends and family that you love them. All the time. Don’t even worry about being annoying about it. Keep telling them as much as your big, caring heart wants to.

Let life blow holes in your heart… and just know that those holes are going to be the catalyst for you to love even bigger and deeper than you already do.

Keep breathing. Keep moving forwards. Keep opening your heart to love, even when you’re afraid to do so (especially when you’re afraid to do so).

Sincerely,

You in 17 years.

Jordan Gray
About Jordan Gray

Jordan Gray has been a sex and relationship coach for over 15+ years, with his work reaching over 200 million people worldwide. His writing has been featured in Vogue, GQ, The New York Times, Cosmopolitan, Women’s Health, and countless other publications around the world. When he’s not working with 1-on-1 coaching clients or writing a new article, he’s most likely to be found reading, chopping wood, or spending time with his wife on a little island off the west coast of Canada.

Blog

Related

See All
5 Powerful Relationship Tools That Work Fast
Jun 18, 2025
Jordan Gray
5 Powerful Relationship Tools That Work Fast
Many people think that their relationship will improve when the big things in life change. When they move to a new house, make more money, or finally take that long-overdue vacation. Then, they tell themselves, they'll have the time and space to put more...
Continue Reading
5 Steps To A More Integrated Masculinity
Jun 7, 2019
Jordan Gray
5 Steps To A More Integrated Masculinity
Men are not born men. They become men through intention. To develop and integrate your masculinity, and truly feel like a man, you’ll have to put in particular types of effort in specific areas. Because, unlike pubic hair, masculinity and psychological maturity aren't automatic achievements you unlock...
Continue Reading
Engagement Anxiety: Why Am I More Afraid Than Happy?
Jan 13, 2024
Jordan Gray
Engagement Anxiety: Why Am I More Afraid Than Happy?
Congratulations! You've taken the step of saying "Yes" to a lifetime of love and commitment. The proposal was perfect, the ring was beautiful, and your heart soared with happiness. And yet, amidst the excitement and joy of being engaged to the love of your life, you find yourself grappling with an unexpected...
Continue Reading
7 Ways To Get Out Of Your Head And Into Your Body
May 3, 2019
Jordan Gray
7 Ways To Get Out Of Your Head And Into Your Body
The digital world and all of our devices have created tons of opportunities, but that sword has a double-edge. The technology and pace of this new way of life is constantly pulling us out of our bodies and into our heads, while throwing in an endless barrage of distractions along the way. For many...
Continue Reading
21 Of The Best Self Care Practices Ever
Apr 4, 2016
Jordan Gray
21 Of The Best Self Care Practices Ever
All self care practices are not created equally. Some self care practices (deep breathing, reading, nutritionally dense meals, etc.) you can indulge in to your heart’s content, whereas others have a bit of a shorter shelf life in terms of effectiveness (like watching TV for hours on end, eating brownies,...
Continue Reading
How To Stop Being So Damn Hard On Yourself
Feb 3, 2014
Jordan Gray
How To Stop Being So Damn Hard On Yourself
You are your own worst critic. You are too hard on yourself, it isn't helping you, and the constant negative self-talk weighs heavily on your self-esteem. If these words resonate with you, you may be practicing a lack of self-compassion. Self-compassion is the act of extending kind and loving...
Continue Reading