Jun 8, 2019

A Letter To My 15 Year Old Self

First of all, I’m sorry.

I’m sorry for all of the pain that you’re feeling.

I’m sorry that you don’t feel like you have a family. That you are somehow separate… unwanted… unloved.

None of that is true.

Your family loves you deeply.

Your friends love you deeply.

You are so wanted in this world.

I know that you can’t see it right now, and it’s hard to believe. But I promise you, you are here for a reason.

One day you’re going to grow up to positively impact over a hundred million people. Can you imagine that?

On a near daily basis you will receive messages from other 15 year olds who tell you that something that you created helped them to not end their lives.

You will be here to experience that. What a gift it will be. And it will touch your heart deeply every time it happens.

Another thing I want to warn you about is that your friends won’t live forever.

In fact, you’ll lose three of your favourite people in a three year span and it will be hard for you. Really hard. But you will survive that too.

You see… everything that has ever happened to you, has actually happened for you.

You will be able to connect with such a vast array of people because of all of the pain that you have survived. All of the struggles that you have endured will make your heart even bigger and more accessible.

Which doesn’t mean that your heart will always be accessible. For a good number of years you’ll actually be quite a closed off, arrogant jerk. You’ll be afraid to cry in front of women for most of your 20’s. But you’ll eventually work through that too.

I know life is challenging you right now… and you wish you didn’t exist… or at least that the pain would stop…

But holy fucking shit does your life ever get better if you decide to stick around.

You will have friends who support you more than you ever thought you’d be able to be supported by anyone. You’ll wake up every morning and do work that you adore. You’ll feel safe to love and be loved.

You’re currently at a fork in the road. You can either let your pain crush you, or you can use it to motivate yourself to serve humanity, and heal yourself.

Spoiler alert: you’re going to decide to use it.

And I’m so thankful for that.

I love you. I’m proud of you. Everything that is happening to you is happening for a reason.

Tell your friends and family that you love them. All the time. Don’t even worry about being annoying about it. Keep telling them as much as your big, caring heart wants to.

Let life blow holes in your heart… and just know that those holes are going to be the catalyst for you to love even bigger and deeper than you already do.

Keep breathing. Keep moving forwards. Keep opening your heart to love, even when you’re afraid to do so (especially when you’re afraid to do so).

Sincerely,

You in 17 years.

Jordan Gray
About Jordan Gray

Jordan Gray has been a sex and relationship coach for over 15+ years, with his work reaching over 200 million people worldwide. His writing has been featured in Vogue, GQ, The New York Times, Cosmopolitan, Women’s Health, and countless other publications around the world. When he’s not working with 1-on-1 coaching clients or writing a new article, he’s most likely to be found reading, chopping wood, or spending time with his wife on a little island off the west coast of Canada.

Blog

Related

See All
9 Ways To Improve Your Marriage Using Inversion Thinking
Feb 28, 2024
Jordan Gray
9 Ways To Improve Your Marriage Using Inversion Thinking
I’ve written before about cognitive biases, and today, I’m going to speak to a different one and help you use it to improve your marriage (or any romantic relationship you’re in). Us humans have what is commonly referred to as a 'negativity bias.' Which is a fancy way of saying that we’re better at...
Continue Reading
You Are Allowed To Want What You Want
Nov 12, 2016
Jordan Gray
You Are Allowed To Want What You Want
Repeat after me… “I am allowed to want what I want.” Say it out loud. Don’t worry… I’ll wait. “I am allowed to want what I want.” Done? How did that feel? If you’re like most people, there’s probably a combination of a little bit of fear/nervousness, mixed in with a deep sense of peace and calm. It...
Continue Reading
How To Find And Date An Exceptionally High Quality Partner
Sep 13, 2015
Jordan Gray
How To Find And Date An Exceptionally High Quality Partner
Looking to find and date a high quality partner? You're in luck! I recently wrote a piece over on Elephant Journal called “Marry A Man Who Knows How To Love Hard.” I described a man who is there for all of the inevitable what-if’s of life… who lovingly listens to how his partner’s day went… and who...
Continue Reading
Why Entrepreneurs Need To Invest In Their Relationships
Mar 10, 2014
Jordan Gray
Why Entrepreneurs Need To Invest In Their Relationships
How many books have you read in the past year on business? Have that number in your mind? Alright, hold on to that. Now, how many books have you read on intimacy and relationships? If the number is more than a 2:1 ratio in favour of business books, you might want to seriously re-consider your...
Continue Reading
How To Start And Run A Men's Group Successfully
Oct 6, 2018
Jordan Gray
How To Start And Run A Men’s Group Successfully
Ever thought of joining (or being in) a weekly men's group? Do you hear the concept of men's groups popping up more and more in the cultural lexicon and you're curious as to what they're all about? Over the last four years I have been a member of a weekly men's group. I have mentioned this in...
Continue Reading
To The Perpetual Fence Sitters
Nov 17, 2018
Jordan Gray
To The Perpetual Fence Sitters
Here are three true short stories. About Tammy, Anna, and Joe.  (All names and any identifying details have been changed to protect identity.) Tammy Last week, a woman (who I will call Tammy) sent me a 1,000+ word email telling me about how she wanted...
Continue Reading