Jun 8, 2019

A Letter To My 15 Year Old Self

First of all, I’m sorry.

I’m sorry for all of the pain that you’re feeling.

I’m sorry that you don’t feel like you have a family. That you are somehow separate… unwanted… unloved.

None of that is true.

Your family loves you deeply.

Your friends love you deeply.

You are so wanted in this world.

I know that you can’t see it right now, and it’s hard to believe. But I promise you, you are here for a reason.

One day you’re going to grow up to positively impact over a hundred million people. Can you imagine that?

On a near daily basis you will receive messages from other 15 year olds who tell you that something that you created helped them to not end their lives.

You will be here to experience that. What a gift it will be. And it will touch your heart deeply every time it happens.

Another thing I want to warn you about is that your friends won’t live forever.

In fact, you’ll lose three of your favourite people in a three year span and it will be hard for you. Really hard. But you will survive that too.

You see… everything that has ever happened to you, has actually happened for you.

You will be able to connect with such a vast array of people because of all of the pain that you have survived. All of the struggles that you have endured will make your heart even bigger and more accessible.

Which doesn’t mean that your heart will always be accessible. For a good number of years you’ll actually be quite a closed off, arrogant jerk. You’ll be afraid to cry in front of women for most of your 20’s. But you’ll eventually work through that too.

I know life is challenging you right now… and you wish you didn’t exist… or at least that the pain would stop…

But holy fucking shit does your life ever get better if you decide to stick around.

You will have friends who support you more than you ever thought you’d be able to be supported by anyone. You’ll wake up every morning and do work that you adore. You’ll feel safe to love and be loved.

You’re currently at a fork in the road. You can either let your pain crush you, or you can use it to motivate yourself to serve humanity, and heal yourself.

Spoiler alert: you’re going to decide to use it.

And I’m so thankful for that.

I love you. I’m proud of you. Everything that is happening to you is happening for a reason.

Tell your friends and family that you love them. All the time. Don’t even worry about being annoying about it. Keep telling them as much as your big, caring heart wants to.

Let life blow holes in your heart… and just know that those holes are going to be the catalyst for you to love even bigger and deeper than you already do.

Keep breathing. Keep moving forwards. Keep opening your heart to love, even when you’re afraid to do so (especially when you’re afraid to do so).

Sincerely,

You in 17 years.

Jordan Gray
About Jordan Gray

Jordan Gray has been a sex and relationship coach for over 18 years, with his work reaching over 250 million people worldwide. His writing has been featured in Vogue, GQ, The New York Times, Cosmopolitan, Women’s Health, and countless other publications around the world. When he’s not working with 1-on-1 coaching clients or writing a new article, he’s most likely to be found reading a book, working out with his trainer, or spending time with his wife and son on the East Coast of the United States.

Blog

Related

See All
How To Write A Love Letter That Will Make Them Cry
Feb 9, 2015
Jordan Gray
How To Write A Love Letter That Will Make Them Cry
Whether you want to profess your love to someone special, or you want to re-affirm your love to your significant other, words are a massively powerful tool. The problem is that most people aren’t as eloquent as they would like to be when it comes to putting pen to paper (or fingers to keyboard). If...
Continue Reading
4 Difficult Ways For Men To Build Confidence
Jun 7, 2020
Jordan Gray
4 Difficult Ways For Men To Build Confidence
Confidence is the deepest core desire of any man. It is the thing we yearn for above all else, whether we know it or not. It’s the drive hidden behind all of our conventional desires. We seek the high-paying job, the romantic partner, the fit body, or the emotional and psychological healing, because...
Continue Reading
How I Learned To Trust People Again (& How You Can Too)
Apr 21, 2018
Jordan Gray
How I Learned To Trust People Again (& How You Can Too)
Do you find it hard to trust people? Have you been hurt in the past and you’re now afraid to let other people get close to you? I get it. Because I’ve been there. In fact, I spent the better part of my life not trusting other people. Regardless of whether I was spending time with friends, family members,...
Continue Reading
How To Manage Stress (or How I Weathered My Shit Storm Of A Year)
Sep 5, 2016
Jordan Gray
How To Manage Stress (or How I Weathered My Shit Storm Of A Year)
What do you think of when you hear the word stress? A business person with clenched fists? A shy person anxiously walking out on stage to give a presentation? A Wall street day-trader with veins bulging on their forehead? My relationship to and understanding of stress shifted this year. I had always...
Continue Reading
How To Overcome Depression Naturally
Nov 7, 2016
Jordan Gray
How To Overcome Depression Naturally
For a good chunk of this past year, I was suffering with depression. Life felt thick and heavy. My motivation was at an all time low. I cried all the time. My parents were worried about me. One of my best friends passed away, I went through a challenging breakup, and I'm more genetically prone to depression...
Continue Reading
10 Daily Habits That Have Been Changing My Life Lately
Mar 4, 2018
Jordan Gray
10 Daily Habits That Have Been Changing My Life Lately
I go in and out of cycles of being overly interested in hacking and optimizing my life’s habits. I’ll have a couple of months where I’m really focused on optimizing my physical health (i.e. seeing a personal trainer every week, taking vacations, soaking up lots of time in nature, eating my weight in...
Continue Reading