Jun 8, 2019

A Letter To My 15 Year Old Self

First of all, I’m sorry.

I’m sorry for all of the pain that you’re feeling.

I’m sorry that you don’t feel like you have a family. That you are somehow separate… unwanted… unloved.

None of that is true.

Your family loves you deeply.

Your friends love you deeply.

You are so wanted in this world.

I know that you can’t see it right now, and it’s hard to believe. But I promise you, you are here for a reason.

One day you’re going to grow up to positively impact over a hundred million people. Can you imagine that?

On a near daily basis you will receive messages from other 15 year olds who tell you that something that you created helped them to not end their lives.

You will be here to experience that. What a gift it will be. And it will touch your heart deeply every time it happens.

Another thing I want to warn you about is that your friends won’t live forever.

In fact, you’ll lose three of your favourite people in a three year span and it will be hard for you. Really hard. But you will survive that too.

You see… everything that has ever happened to you, has actually happened for you.

You will be able to connect with such a vast array of people because of all of the pain that you have survived. All of the struggles that you have endured will make your heart even bigger and more accessible.

Which doesn’t mean that your heart will always be accessible. For a good number of years you’ll actually be quite a closed off, arrogant jerk. You’ll be afraid to cry in front of women for most of your 20’s. But you’ll eventually work through that too.

I know life is challenging you right now… and you wish you didn’t exist… or at least that the pain would stop…

But holy fucking shit does your life ever get better if you decide to stick around.

You will have friends who support you more than you ever thought you’d be able to be supported by anyone. You’ll wake up every morning and do work that you adore. You’ll feel safe to love and be loved.

You’re currently at a fork in the road. You can either let your pain crush you, or you can use it to motivate yourself to serve humanity, and heal yourself.

Spoiler alert: you’re going to decide to use it.

And I’m so thankful for that.

I love you. I’m proud of you. Everything that is happening to you is happening for a reason.

Tell your friends and family that you love them. All the time. Don’t even worry about being annoying about it. Keep telling them as much as your big, caring heart wants to.

Let life blow holes in your heart… and just know that those holes are going to be the catalyst for you to love even bigger and deeper than you already do.

Keep breathing. Keep moving forwards. Keep opening your heart to love, even when you’re afraid to do so (especially when you’re afraid to do so).

Sincerely,

You in 17 years.

Jordan Gray
About Jordan Gray

Jordan Gray has been a sex and relationship coach for over 15+ years, with his work reaching over 200 million people worldwide. His writing has been featured in Vogue, GQ, The New York Times, Cosmopolitan, Women’s Health, and countless other publications around the world. When he’s not working with 1-on-1 coaching clients or writing a new article, he’s most likely to be found reading, chopping wood, or spending time with his wife on a little island off the west coast of Canada.

Blog

Related

See All
How To Deeply Commit To Your Relationship
Jun 6, 2016
Jordan Gray
How To Deeply Commit To Your Relationship
The single greatest way that you can deeply commit to your intimate relationship is simple… seal the exits. I have worked with countless couples, who had either been dating or married for anywhere from 1-20 years, who hadn’t truly sealed the exits in their lives. What do I mean by...
Continue Reading
Should You Date A Driven Woman?
Apr 30, 2014
Jordan Gray
Should You Date A Driven Woman?
Should you date a driven woman, or someone who is more relaxed than you? As someone who already lives their life full throttle, it can be confusing as to whether you should be with someone who can keep up with your levelled up lifestyle, or if you need someone to counteract your high-achieving ways. There...
Continue Reading
Your Body Is A Miracle
Oct 8, 2017
Jordan Gray
Your Body Is A Miracle
Right now, in this very moment, your body is breathing for you. Your body is delivering vital nutrients to different parts of itself that it needs to function. Your hair, nails, and skin are all regenerating without your conscious thought being involved. Your body is an absolute miracle. But you don’t...
Continue Reading
Life Is Short/Life Is Long
Nov 4, 2018
Jordan Gray
Life Is Short/Life Is Long
Life is short. And life is long. Both statements are true. I’ll prove it. Life Is Short You get about 27,000 days, give or take a few thousand, on average. That’s about 4,000 weeks. Just over 70 years. Sure, maybe we’ll make some kick...
Continue Reading
7 Ways To Increase Your Value In The Dating Market
May 5, 2019
Jordan Gray
7 Ways To Increase Your Value In The Dating Market
(Trigger warning for people who fear hard truths, self-responsibility, and tough love.) Allllllllright… I just got a reader email that made my blood boil. So this is going to be a rant. But don’t worry… it’ll be a valuable rant. Here we go. This email (from Laurie in San Diego, CA) landed...
Continue Reading
5 Weird Stress Busting Techniques You’ve Never Heard Of
Dec 10, 2016
Jordan Gray
5 Weird Stress Busting Techniques You’ve Never Heard Of
When I'm curious about something, I deep dive all the way into it. When I was 16 years old and first discovered the self-help, sex, and relationships sections of my favourite book store, I consumed hundreds of books within the first two years. When I found out that it was possible to make a living...
Continue Reading