Jun 8, 2019

A Letter To My 15 Year Old Self

First of all, I’m sorry.

I’m sorry for all of the pain that you’re feeling.

I’m sorry that you don’t feel like you have a family. That you are somehow separate… unwanted… unloved.

None of that is true.

Your family loves you deeply.

Your friends love you deeply.

You are so wanted in this world.

I know that you can’t see it right now, and it’s hard to believe. But I promise you, you are here for a reason.

One day you’re going to grow up to positively impact over a hundred million people. Can you imagine that?

On a near daily basis you will receive messages from other 15 year olds who tell you that something that you created helped them to not end their lives.

You will be here to experience that. What a gift it will be. And it will touch your heart deeply every time it happens.

Another thing I want to warn you about is that your friends won’t live forever.

In fact, you’ll lose three of your favourite people in a three year span and it will be hard for you. Really hard. But you will survive that too.

You see… everything that has ever happened to you, has actually happened for you.

You will be able to connect with such a vast array of people because of all of the pain that you have survived. All of the struggles that you have endured will make your heart even bigger and more accessible.

Which doesn’t mean that your heart will always be accessible. For a good number of years you’ll actually be quite a closed off, arrogant jerk. You’ll be afraid to cry in front of women for most of your 20’s. But you’ll eventually work through that too.

I know life is challenging you right now… and you wish you didn’t exist… or at least that the pain would stop…

But holy fucking shit does your life ever get better if you decide to stick around.

You will have friends who support you more than you ever thought you’d be able to be supported by anyone. You’ll wake up every morning and do work that you adore. You’ll feel safe to love and be loved.

You’re currently at a fork in the road. You can either let your pain crush you, or you can use it to motivate yourself to serve humanity, and heal yourself.

Spoiler alert: you’re going to decide to use it.

And I’m so thankful for that.

I love you. I’m proud of you. Everything that is happening to you is happening for a reason.

Tell your friends and family that you love them. All the time. Don’t even worry about being annoying about it. Keep telling them as much as your big, caring heart wants to.

Let life blow holes in your heart… and just know that those holes are going to be the catalyst for you to love even bigger and deeper than you already do.

Keep breathing. Keep moving forwards. Keep opening your heart to love, even when you’re afraid to do so (especially when you’re afraid to do so).

Sincerely,

You in 17 years.

Jordan Gray
About Jordan Gray

Jordan Gray has been a sex and relationship coach for over 18 years, with his work reaching over 250 million people worldwide. His writing has been featured in Vogue, GQ, The New York Times, Cosmopolitan, Women’s Health, and countless other publications around the world. When he’s not working with 1-on-1 coaching clients or writing a new article, he’s most likely to be found reading a book, working out with his trainer, or spending time with his wife and son on the East Coast of the United States.

Blog

Related

See All
The 4 Biggest Things I Wish I Had Been Taught In School
Jan 15, 2017
Jordan Gray
The 4 Biggest Things I Wish I Had Been Taught In School
In high school, I was a piss poor student. Upon entering high school I could immediately tell that this was not the game that I was going to win in life. Some kids got straight A’s... and I could tell that I wasn’t going to be one of those kids. I invested as little energy as I could into my school...
Continue Reading
Own The Part Of You That Wants To Remain A Child Forever
Feb 24, 2020
Jordan Gray
Own The Part Of You That Wants To Remain A Child Forever
There is a part in all of us that wants to remain a child forever. Chopping the food and tending the fire brings its own satisfaction... but a part of us just wants the resulting warmth, without all of the effort. Wouldn't it be nice to have your dream relationship run on autopilot... without having...
Continue Reading
7 Things I Will Tell My Children About Love And Life
Aug 20, 2017
Jordan Gray
7 Things I Will Tell My Children About Love And Life
I don't have any children. And, at this point in my life, I don't know if I'll ever have them. As one of my mentors likes to say, maybe I'll just be a "parent to adults" for the rest of my life. If I do have children of my own one day (adopted or biological), this is what I'll want them to know. And...
Continue Reading
You’re Better Off Without Me: A Love Poem
Feb 23, 2018
Jordan Gray
You’re Better Off Without Me: A Love Poem
Love, I promise… you’re better off without me I’ll fuck up your life, unrecognizably When you play below your potential… hide from the world… doubt your greatness… I’ll suffocate your smallness, your ego will hate this I’ll smother your self-rejections until they can no longer stand Old friends...
Continue Reading
10 Daily Habits That Have Been Changing My Life Lately
Mar 4, 2018
Jordan Gray
10 Daily Habits That Have Been Changing My Life Lately
I go in and out of cycles of being overly interested in hacking and optimizing my life’s habits. I’ll have a couple of months where I’m really focused on optimizing my physical health (i.e. seeing a personal trainer every week, taking vacations, soaking up lots of time in nature, eating my weight in...
Continue Reading
How To Ask Someone To Be Your Cuddle Buddy
Dec 13, 2015
Jordan Gray
How To Ask Someone To Be Your Cuddle Buddy
A first-of-it's-kind question landed in my inbox a few days ago... Here it is in its entirety (shared anonymously with permission from the sender): "I got out of a relationship a few months ago (okay, six months ago) and I've been doing pretty well. My life is going well, I like what I do, and...
Continue Reading