Jun 8, 2019

A Letter To My 15 Year Old Self

First of all, I’m sorry.

I’m sorry for all of the pain that you’re feeling.

I’m sorry that you don’t feel like you have a family. That you are somehow separate… unwanted… unloved.

None of that is true.

Your family loves you deeply.

Your friends love you deeply.

You are so wanted in this world.

I know that you can’t see it right now, and it’s hard to believe. But I promise you, you are here for a reason.

One day you’re going to grow up to positively impact over a hundred million people. Can you imagine that?

On a near daily basis you will receive messages from other 15 year olds who tell you that something that you created helped them to not end their lives.

You will be here to experience that. What a gift it will be. And it will touch your heart deeply every time it happens.

Another thing I want to warn you about is that your friends won’t live forever.

In fact, you’ll lose three of your favourite people in a three year span and it will be hard for you. Really hard. But you will survive that too.

You see… everything that has ever happened to you, has actually happened for you.

You will be able to connect with such a vast array of people because of all of the pain that you have survived. All of the struggles that you have endured will make your heart even bigger and more accessible.

Which doesn’t mean that your heart will always be accessible. For a good number of years you’ll actually be quite a closed off, arrogant jerk. You’ll be afraid to cry in front of women for most of your 20’s. But you’ll eventually work through that too.

I know life is challenging you right now… and you wish you didn’t exist… or at least that the pain would stop…

But holy fucking shit does your life ever get better if you decide to stick around.

You will have friends who support you more than you ever thought you’d be able to be supported by anyone. You’ll wake up every morning and do work that you adore. You’ll feel safe to love and be loved.

You’re currently at a fork in the road. You can either let your pain crush you, or you can use it to motivate yourself to serve humanity, and heal yourself.

Spoiler alert: you’re going to decide to use it.

And I’m so thankful for that.

I love you. I’m proud of you. Everything that is happening to you is happening for a reason.

Tell your friends and family that you love them. All the time. Don’t even worry about being annoying about it. Keep telling them as much as your big, caring heart wants to.

Let life blow holes in your heart… and just know that those holes are going to be the catalyst for you to love even bigger and deeper than you already do.

Keep breathing. Keep moving forwards. Keep opening your heart to love, even when you’re afraid to do so (especially when you’re afraid to do so).

Sincerely,

You in 17 years.

Jordan Gray
About Jordan Gray

Jordan Gray has been a sex and relationship coach for over 15+ years, with his work reaching over 200 million people worldwide. His writing has been featured in Vogue, GQ, The New York Times, Cosmopolitan, Women’s Health, and countless other publications around the world. When he’s not working with 1-on-1 coaching clients or writing a new article, he’s most likely to be found reading, chopping wood, or spending time with his wife on a little island off the west coast of Canada.

Blog

Related

See All
9 Things Everyone Should Know About Money
Sep 23, 2018
Jordan Gray
9 Things Everyone Should Know About Money
I grew up in a fairly financially literate household. My dad was a serial entrepreneur with a high tolerance for calculated risk, and my mom was the more conservative one who had a mind for resourcefulness. In short, my dad earned and my mom saved, and they made a great match for each other...
Continue Reading
4 Positive Addictions That You Should Indulge In
Jan 4, 2020
Jordan Gray
4 Positive Addictions That You Should Indulge In
Addictions are usually thought of as behaviours that damage and hinder your life. But addictions and compulsions are on a sliding scale. Some, you could argue, are more useful than others. There’s very little upside to being a heroin addict. But there are many other habits that are considered addictions,...
Continue Reading
Sometimes Seeds Get Planted In Our Heads
Jul 31, 2016
Jordan Gray
Sometimes Seeds Get Planted In Our Heads
Growing up, in my earliest years, my sister was like a second mom to me. She would carry me around, tie my shoes, and play games with me endlessly. At a certain age, my older brother decided that I was annoying and he started to tease me behind my parents backs. My sister, understandably not wanting...
Continue Reading
9 Ways To Improve Your Marriage Using Inversion Thinking
Feb 28, 2024
Jordan Gray
9 Ways To Improve Your Marriage Using Inversion Thinking
I’ve written before about cognitive biases, and today, I’m going to speak to a different one and help you use it to improve your marriage (or any romantic relationship you’re in). Us humans have what is commonly referred to as a 'negativity bias.' Which is a fancy way of saying that we’re better at...
Continue Reading
How To Overcome The 3 Most Common Challenges In Your Life
Aug 19, 2013
Jordan Gray
How To Overcome The 3 Most Common Challenges In Your Life
The masculine energy in all of us thrives on challenge. One of the main reasons that a lot of men enjoy watching professional sports is the inherent challenge tied into the game play. The player has to get the object into the thing… but, oh boy, there's a challenge in the way! And that challenge...
Continue Reading
Why You Should Make Time For The Things That Matter
Apr 13, 2016
Jordan Gray
Why You Should Make Time For The Things That Matter
There's a funny quirk when it comes to human behaviour and motivation... Most people will do anything to solve a deeply painful experience that they feel in the present moment, but very little to prevent that same event from entering their life in the future. But it is exactly these...
Continue Reading