Jun 8, 2019

A Letter To My 15 Year Old Self

First of all, I’m sorry.

I’m sorry for all of the pain that you’re feeling.

I’m sorry that you don’t feel like you have a family. That you are somehow separate… unwanted… unloved.

None of that is true.

Your family loves you deeply.

Your friends love you deeply.

You are so wanted in this world.

I know that you can’t see it right now, and it’s hard to believe. But I promise you, you are here for a reason.

One day you’re going to grow up to positively impact over a hundred million people. Can you imagine that?

On a near daily basis you will receive messages from other 15 year olds who tell you that something that you created helped them to not end their lives.

You will be here to experience that. What a gift it will be. And it will touch your heart deeply every time it happens.

Another thing I want to warn you about is that your friends won’t live forever.

In fact, you’ll lose three of your favourite people in a three year span and it will be hard for you. Really hard. But you will survive that too.

You see… everything that has ever happened to you, has actually happened for you.

You will be able to connect with such a vast array of people because of all of the pain that you have survived. All of the struggles that you have endured will make your heart even bigger and more accessible.

Which doesn’t mean that your heart will always be accessible. For a good number of years you’ll actually be quite a closed off, arrogant jerk. You’ll be afraid to cry in front of women for most of your 20’s. But you’ll eventually work through that too.

I know life is challenging you right now… and you wish you didn’t exist… or at least that the pain would stop…

But holy fucking shit does your life ever get better if you decide to stick around.

You will have friends who support you more than you ever thought you’d be able to be supported by anyone. You’ll wake up every morning and do work that you adore. You’ll feel safe to love and be loved.

You’re currently at a fork in the road. You can either let your pain crush you, or you can use it to motivate yourself to serve humanity, and heal yourself.

Spoiler alert: you’re going to decide to use it.

And I’m so thankful for that.

I love you. I’m proud of you. Everything that is happening to you is happening for a reason.

Tell your friends and family that you love them. All the time. Don’t even worry about being annoying about it. Keep telling them as much as your big, caring heart wants to.

Let life blow holes in your heart… and just know that those holes are going to be the catalyst for you to love even bigger and deeper than you already do.

Keep breathing. Keep moving forwards. Keep opening your heart to love, even when you’re afraid to do so (especially when you’re afraid to do so).

Sincerely,

You in 17 years.

Jordan Gray
About Jordan Gray

Jordan Gray has been a sex and relationship coach for over 15+ years, with his work reaching over 200 million people worldwide. His writing has been featured in Vogue, GQ, The New York Times, Cosmopolitan, Women’s Health, and countless other publications around the world. When he’s not working with 1-on-1 coaching clients or writing a new article, he’s most likely to be found reading, chopping wood, or spending time with his wife on a little island off the west coast of Canada.

Blog

Related

See All
The 3 Best And Worst Things To Say To Someone With Depression
Oct 1, 2016
Jordan Gray
The 3 Best And Worst Things To Say To Someone With Depression
I was sitting in my men’s group last night when one of the men revealed that he had been suffering with depression and suicidal ideation for the past several weeks. Without prompting, half a dozen of the guys in the room started to rattle off some of the least productive things that you can say to someone...
Continue Reading
121 Deep Questions To Ask Your Partner
Sep 17, 2024
Jordan Gray
121 Deep Questions To Ask Your Partner
Looking for some deep questions to ask your partner for greater connection and intimacy? I’ve got you covered! Whether you want to spice up date night with a question or two, or make an entire weekend-long deep-dive date out of these questions, there’s something in it for everyone. While they are meant...
Continue Reading
5 Mistakes I Made On The Path To Finding My Wife
Jul 15, 2025
Jordan Gray
5 Mistakes I Made On The Path To Finding My Wife
Before meeting my wife, I spent years getting in my own way. I made a handful of mistakes that likely cost me years of connection, intimacy, and peace of mind. I remember sitting across from a friend one night, telling him that maybe I just wasn’t cut out for lasting love. I was frustrated,...
Continue Reading
14 Lessons Learned In 11 Years Of Business
Feb 26, 2024
Jordan Gray
14 Lessons Learned In 11 Years Of Business
On January 26th, 2013, I officially launched this business of mine. Whether you're a self-employed business owner and looking to shortcut some of my hard-earned wisdom, or just a reader of my work who is curious about peeking behind the curtain of a different aspect of my process, there will be something...
Continue Reading
Exploit These 3 Cognitive Biases To Fall More Deeply In Love
Apr 15, 2021
Jordan Gray
Exploit These 3 Cognitive Biases To Fall More Deeply In Love
Everybody needs love and connection. It has been repeatedly proven to be the biggest defining factor in long-term happiness. In an 80-year-long study, scientists at Harvard University tracked 268 students as they carried on their journeys—hoping to collect hard data on what really makes a great, satisfying...
Continue Reading
I’m Done With Love: 5 Tips For When You’re Tired Of Trying
May 10, 2015
Jordan Gray
I’m Done With Love: 5 Tips For When You’re Tired Of Trying
Some of my clients come to me when they’re feeling their most frustrated and hopeless. They repeat the mantras that are graffitied all over the protective walls surrounding their hearts… “There are no good ones left.” “All men are liars.” “Women just want to get close so that they can treat you poorly...
Continue Reading