Jan 4, 2019

Fire: A Meditation

All of my life, I have loved tending to fires.

When I was a little boy, one of my grandparents owned a small cabin a couple hours drive from my hometown. In this cabin, there was a wood burning fireplace.

When I was around the age of six, my dad taught me how to set up a proper fire, and I was immediately hooked.

In the years that followed, whenever my family went to the cabin, I would commandeer the fire.

Tightly crumple a few pages of decades-old newspaper. Set the kindling on top in a criss-cross pattern. Place three large logs on top, with room to breathe. Light the match, set fire to the newspaper underneath, and blow on the emerging flames until the sparks from the kindling threatened to jump out on to my face.

I would sit and tend to the fire for hours.

Re-position this. Add that. Make room for air there.

This was my meditation.

It was both calm, slow, and grounding… while at the same time it demanded my presence and attention.

Watching the flames dance with each other and lick the rough edges of the logs was all the entertainment I needed.

I wasn’t interested in playing Scrabble or watching TV or swimming in the ocean. I just wanted to have the image of the flames burn themselves into my retinas. The heat to enter my lungs. The smoke to permeate my clothes.

Tending to the fire taught me several important lessons that I would come to appreciate with time.

Simply sitting and observing the dance of life is enough.

While the ego loves setting and achieving goals, the soul loves presence and spaciousness. When I would sit and watch the fire, nothing else mattered. There I was. Doing all that I needed to. Just… being.

Give your energy.

The fire demanded my presence of attention. Both because of it’s beauty, and because of its need for maintenance.

If the fire left my awareness for too long the largest log could burn in a lop sided way… or the fire could die out altogether.

My task was to primarily enjoy the dance, but also extend my energy when it called for a helping hand.

Every moment is both creation and destruction.

As the logs burn, heat and light are created.

As the fire roars, connection is cultivated. Internally, and with those that share the fire.

Every moment contains both elements of creation and destruction.

Even in your most potent, pure, creative moments, mother nature is still eating away at your flesh, time marching ever onwards.

There is no escaping this reality. So the only thing there is left to do is to dance. Live fully. Watch the fire burn, give your gifts, and die with a full heart and empty mind.

If there’s a heaven, I know that my iteration of it will have an area where I can chop wood, tend to a fire, and have it’s generous glow heat my face for hours on end.

Jordan Gray
About Jordan Gray

Jordan Gray has been a sex and relationship coach for over 15+ years, with his work reaching over 200 million people worldwide. His writing has been featured in Vogue, GQ, The New York Times, Cosmopolitan, Women’s Health, and countless other publications around the world. When he’s not working with 1-on-1 coaching clients or writing a new article, he’s most likely to be found reading, chopping wood, or spending time with his wife on a little island off the west coast of Canada.

Blog

Related

See All
How To Stop Being So Damn Hard On Yourself
Feb 3, 2014
Jordan Gray
How To Stop Being So Damn Hard On Yourself
You are your own worst critic. You are too hard on yourself, it isn't helping you, and the constant negative self-talk weighs heavily on your self-esteem. If these words resonate with you, you may be practicing a lack of self-compassion. Self-compassion is the act of extending kind and loving...
Continue Reading
How To Stop Being Run By Your Most Deeply Ingrained Patterns
Dec 24, 2016
Jordan Gray
How To Stop Being Run By Your Most Deeply Ingrained Patterns
There are certain unconscious patterns that have been running you, your entire life. These patterns have tapped your energy. They have exhausted you. They have cumulatively wasted precious years of your life. And not until you become aware of these patterns and work through the beliefs that are propping...
Continue Reading
What Ancient Tribes Knew About Being A Man That You Don't
Jan 27, 2014
Jordan Gray
What Ancient Tribes Knew About Being A Man That You Don’t
For thousands of years of human existence in ancient cultures across the world, there have been rites of passage that made boys into men. During these rites of passage boys would overcome fear, anxiety, and death in order to shed their boy-like way of thinking and more fully mature on a mental and...
Continue Reading
Stretch Your Opposites
Nov 16, 2018
Jordan Gray
Stretch Your Opposites
It’s easy to become complacent in life.  It’s easy to just go back to sleep and chronically neglect your growth edges. Laziness is our default. Psychological sleepiness plagues our world. Entropy is real. And if we aren’t consciously shaking up our routines every now and...
Continue Reading
7 Books I Am Currently In Love With
May 1, 2017
Jordan Gray
7 Books I Am Currently In Love With
A long-time reader of mine sent me an email a couple of weeks ago and asked me what I was reading. I decided to send my answer to my entire email list and the response was overwhelmingly positive. So, on that note, here are seven books that I have been really digging lately. If the description of...
Continue Reading
3 Things To Do About Fear Of Your Partner Dying
Aug 1, 2020
Jordan Gray
3 Things To Do About Fear Of Your Partner Dying
My partner Demetra and I have lived together for a little over a year. We are committed to each other. We talk about getting married in the not-so-distant future. And each time our relationship has gone a layer deeper, we have both had a corresponding layer of fear accompany it. "What if she...
Continue Reading