Jan 4, 2019

Fire: A Meditation

All of my life, I have loved tending to fires.

When I was a little boy, one of my grandparents owned a small cabin a couple hours drive from my hometown. In this cabin, there was a wood burning fireplace.

When I was around the age of six, my dad taught me how to set up a proper fire, and I was immediately hooked.

In the years that followed, whenever my family went to the cabin, I would commandeer the fire.

Tightly crumple a few pages of decades-old newspaper. Set the kindling on top in a criss-cross pattern. Place three large logs on top, with room to breathe. Light the match, set fire to the newspaper underneath, and blow on the emerging flames until the sparks from the kindling threatened to jump out on to my face.

I would sit and tend to the fire for hours.

Re-position this. Add that. Make room for air there.

This was my meditation.

It was both calm, slow, and grounding… while at the same time it demanded my presence and attention.

Watching the flames dance with each other and lick the rough edges of the logs was all the entertainment I needed.

I wasn’t interested in playing Scrabble or watching TV or swimming in the ocean. I just wanted to have the image of the flames burn themselves into my retinas. The heat to enter my lungs. The smoke to permeate my clothes.

Tending to the fire taught me several important lessons that I would come to appreciate with time.

Simply sitting and observing the dance of life is enough.

While the ego loves setting and achieving goals, the soul loves presence and spaciousness. When I would sit and watch the fire, nothing else mattered. There I was. Doing all that I needed to. Just… being.

Give your energy.

The fire demanded my presence of attention. Both because of it’s beauty, and because of its need for maintenance.

If the fire left my awareness for too long the largest log could burn in a lop sided way… or the fire could die out altogether.

My task was to primarily enjoy the dance, but also extend my energy when it called for a helping hand.

Every moment is both creation and destruction.

As the logs burn, heat and light are created.

As the fire roars, connection is cultivated. Internally, and with those that share the fire.

Every moment contains both elements of creation and destruction.

Even in your most potent, pure, creative moments, mother nature is still eating away at your flesh, time marching ever onwards.

There is no escaping this reality. So the only thing there is left to do is to dance. Live fully. Watch the fire burn, give your gifts, and die with a full heart and empty mind.

If there’s a heaven, I know that my iteration of it will have an area where I can chop wood, tend to a fire, and have it’s generous glow heat my face for hours on end.

Jordan Gray
About Jordan Gray

Jordan Gray has been a sex and relationship coach for over 15+ years, with his work reaching over 200 million people worldwide. His writing has been featured in Vogue, GQ, The New York Times, Cosmopolitan, Women’s Health, and countless other publications around the world. When he’s not working with 1-on-1 coaching clients or writing a new article, he’s most likely to be found reading, chopping wood, or spending time with his wife on a little island off the west coast of Canada.

Blog

Related

See All
How I Met My Wife
May 20, 2022
Jordan Gray
How I Met My Wife
In October of 2017, a 24 year old university student, with two names that I wouldn't dare to try to pronounce upon reading them, hired me for a coaching session through my website. When we hopped on the call, she seemed to be someone who was wanting to break free from doing what she was told was the...
Continue Reading
8 Reasons You Won’t Attract A Conscious Man (As You Currently Are)
Mar 1, 2024
Jordan Gray
8 Reasons You Won’t Attract A Conscious Man (As You Currently Are)
Think you're ready for a relationship with a conscious man? The truth might surprise you. If you have been single for years, and yet you have the desire to be in a committed relationship with a man who meets you on all levels, there could be some unconscious blocks that are keeping you from attracting...
Continue Reading
How To Stop Hating Women
Jan 28, 2020
Jordan Gray
How To Stop Hating Women
(Note: this is a companion piece to my recent article How To Stop Hating Men. I also write the following article primarily directed at heterosexual men, since that demographic makes up a near-majority of my readership.) One of the most challenging, and often invisible, themes that keep people...
Continue Reading
3 Reasons You Date Emotionally Unavailable People (& How To Stop)
Mar 3, 2018
Jordan Gray
3 Reasons You Date Emotionally Unavailable People (& How To Stop)
Do you keep finding yourself dating emotionally unavailable people? Does it frustrate you when you find out that the person you’ve just started seeing is JUST out of a relationship… or that they want to move even more slowly than you’ve already been going… or that they’re emotionally constipated and...
Continue Reading
Parentification: What It Is And 3 Powerful Ways To Heal From It
Aug 1, 2024
Jordan Gray
Parentification: What It Is And 3 Powerful Ways To Heal From It
Over the last 15+ years, I've worked with many adults who struggled with the aftermath of parentification in their youth. Parentification is when a child takes on roles and responsibilities usually meant for a parent. This happens when the child has to care for siblings or even the parents themselves. When...
Continue Reading
9 Reasons To Not Use Dating Apps (At All, Ever)
Jan 29, 2025
Jordan Gray
9 Reasons To Not Use Dating Apps (At All, Ever)
Despite millions of people using dating apps, nearly 80% of users report feeling burnt out, frustrated, and no closer to finding a meaningful connection. While dating apps claim to bring people together, some research suggests they often do the opposite - leading to higher rates of anxiety, lower...
Continue Reading