Jan 4, 2019

Fire: A Meditation

All of my life, I have loved tending to fires.

When I was a little boy, one of my grandparents owned a small cabin a couple hours drive from my hometown. In this cabin, there was a wood burning fireplace.

When I was around the age of six, my dad taught me how to set up a proper fire, and I was immediately hooked.

In the years that followed, whenever my family went to the cabin, I would commandeer the fire.

Tightly crumple a few pages of decades-old newspaper. Set the kindling on top in a criss-cross pattern. Place three large logs on top, with room to breathe. Light the match, set fire to the newspaper underneath, and blow on the emerging flames until the sparks from the kindling threatened to jump out on to my face.

I would sit and tend to the fire for hours.

Re-position this. Add that. Make room for air there.

This was my meditation.

It was both calm, slow, and grounding… while at the same time it demanded my presence and attention.

Watching the flames dance with each other and lick the rough edges of the logs was all the entertainment I needed.

I wasn’t interested in playing Scrabble or watching TV or swimming in the ocean. I just wanted to have the image of the flames burn themselves into my retinas. The heat to enter my lungs. The smoke to permeate my clothes.

Tending to the fire taught me several important lessons that I would come to appreciate with time.

Simply sitting and observing the dance of life is enough.

While the ego loves setting and achieving goals, the soul loves presence and spaciousness. When I would sit and watch the fire, nothing else mattered. There I was. Doing all that I needed to. Just… being.

Give your energy.

The fire demanded my presence of attention. Both because of it’s beauty, and because of its need for maintenance.

If the fire left my awareness for too long the largest log could burn in a lop sided way… or the fire could die out altogether.

My task was to primarily enjoy the dance, but also extend my energy when it called for a helping hand.

Every moment is both creation and destruction.

As the logs burn, heat and light are created.

As the fire roars, connection is cultivated. Internally, and with those that share the fire.

Every moment contains both elements of creation and destruction.

Even in your most potent, pure, creative moments, mother nature is still eating away at your flesh, time marching ever onwards.

There is no escaping this reality. So the only thing there is left to do is to dance. Live fully. Watch the fire burn, give your gifts, and die with a full heart and empty mind.

If there’s a heaven, I know that my iteration of it will have an area where I can chop wood, tend to a fire, and have it’s generous glow heat my face for hours on end.

Jordan Gray
About Jordan Gray

Jordan Gray has been a sex and relationship coach for over 15+ years, with his work reaching over 200 million people worldwide. His writing has been featured in Vogue, GQ, The New York Times, Cosmopolitan, Women’s Health, and countless other publications around the world. When he’s not working with 1-on-1 coaching clients or writing a new article, he’s most likely to be found reading, chopping wood, or spending time with his wife on a little island off the west coast of Canada.

Blog

Related

See All
How To Harness And Heal The Pain Of A Breakup
Nov 18, 2015
Jordan Gray
How To Harness And Heal The Pain Of A Breakup
The pain of a breakup can be excruciatingly intense. I know because I've been there. I started working in sex and relationships full time because the pain of a breakup levelled me so hard that it shook up my entire life. We had been dating for just over a year. I thought I was going to marry...
Continue Reading
Jordan’s Love List (Books, Music, Food, Sex Toys, & More)
Dec 3, 2015
Jordan Gray
Jordan’s Love List (Books, Music, Food, Sex Toys, & More)
I frequently get asked for recommendations about some fairly random things. And there's never been any neat, simple place to publicize those responses to people. So this year I’m starting a new tradition. Once per year, I’m going to release my new list of favourites. Favourite what, you ask? Favourite...
Continue Reading
3 Things That All Driven Men Need In A Partner
Apr 14, 2014
Jordan Gray
3 Things That All Driven Men Need In A Partner
Driven men, successful men, and entrepreneurial men all have something in common… They all yearn for an emotionally fulfilling relationship. Sure, all people crave a highly functioning and fulfilling relationship. But in my career as a relationship coach I have consistently seen driven, high-achieving...
Continue Reading
3 Ways That Men And Women Are Conditioned Differently
Apr 24, 2020
Jordan Gray
3 Ways That Men And Women Are Conditioned Differently
No one escapes childhood without passing through a gauntlet of messages about what is expected from them. And while no one gets through unscathed, the messages that men and women receive tend to differ in some fairly consistent ways. Today, I’m going to dig into three of the most common differences. Why?...
Continue Reading
Why Being Needy Is A Good Thing
Dec 18, 2013
Jordan Gray
Why Being Needy Is A Good Thing
In western society we are raised with an independence-is-the-only-way mindset. And this does so much damage to us it's ridiculous. You walk down the street and see women sporting t-shirts that say "100% single" or "I don't need no man". You hear men bragging about how long they've been single for...
Continue Reading
How To Heal Your Most Debilitating Core Wounds
Sep 24, 2017
Jordan Gray
How To Heal Your Most Debilitating Core Wounds
"I am a burden and a mistake." "All love that is offered to me is fragile and a lie." "Everyone I love secretly hates me and wants me to kill myself." These are the beliefs that dominated me for the majority of my life. I am the youngest of three children in my family. From...
Continue Reading