Jan 4, 2019

Fire: A Meditation

All of my life, I have loved tending to fires.

When I was a little boy, one of my grandparents owned a small cabin a couple hours drive from my hometown. In this cabin, there was a wood burning fireplace.

When I was around the age of six, my dad taught me how to set up a proper fire, and I was immediately hooked.

In the years that followed, whenever my family went to the cabin, I would commandeer the fire.

Tightly crumple a few pages of decades-old newspaper. Set the kindling on top in a criss-cross pattern. Place three large logs on top, with room to breathe. Light the match, set fire to the newspaper underneath, and blow on the emerging flames until the sparks from the kindling threatened to jump out on to my face.

I would sit and tend to the fire for hours.

Re-position this. Add that. Make room for air there.

This was my meditation.

It was both calm, slow, and grounding… while at the same time it demanded my presence and attention.

Watching the flames dance with each other and lick the rough edges of the logs was all the entertainment I needed.

I wasn’t interested in playing Scrabble or watching TV or swimming in the ocean. I just wanted to have the image of the flames burn themselves into my retinas. The heat to enter my lungs. The smoke to permeate my clothes.

Tending to the fire taught me several important lessons that I would come to appreciate with time.

Simply sitting and observing the dance of life is enough.

While the ego loves setting and achieving goals, the soul loves presence and spaciousness. When I would sit and watch the fire, nothing else mattered. There I was. Doing all that I needed to. Just… being.

Give your energy.

The fire demanded my presence of attention. Both because of it’s beauty, and because of its need for maintenance.

If the fire left my awareness for too long the largest log could burn in a lop sided way… or the fire could die out altogether.

My task was to primarily enjoy the dance, but also extend my energy when it called for a helping hand.

Every moment is both creation and destruction.

As the logs burn, heat and light are created.

As the fire roars, connection is cultivated. Internally, and with those that share the fire.

Every moment contains both elements of creation and destruction.

Even in your most potent, pure, creative moments, mother nature is still eating away at your flesh, time marching ever onwards.

There is no escaping this reality. So the only thing there is left to do is to dance. Live fully. Watch the fire burn, give your gifts, and die with a full heart and empty mind.

If there’s a heaven, I know that my iteration of it will have an area where I can chop wood, tend to a fire, and have it’s generous glow heat my face for hours on end.

Jordan Gray
About Jordan Gray

Jordan Gray has been a sex and relationship coach for over 15+ years, with his work reaching over 200 million people worldwide. His writing has been featured in Vogue, GQ, The New York Times, Cosmopolitan, Women’s Health, and countless other publications around the world. When he’s not working with 1-on-1 coaching clients or writing a new article, he’s most likely to be found reading, chopping wood, or spending time with his wife on a little island off the west coast of Canada.

Blog

Related

See All
How Humility Makes You A Better Person (5 Action Steps)
Jul 27, 2013
Jordan Gray
How Humility Makes You A Better Person (5 Action Steps)
Humility is a much overlooked concept in modern society. A quick search of humility from Google brings up synonyms like "meekness, lowliness, submission".  Generally speaking, humility is seen as having a low estimate of one's own importance or accomplishments. This is an outdated definition of...
Continue Reading
Striving vs. Contentment - How To Be Driven And Happy At The Same Time
Nov 18, 2013
Jordan Gray
Striving vs. Contentment – How To Be Driven And Happy At The Same Time
How do you find a balance between striving for greatness and finding contentment in the present moment? Striving, or whatever you want to call it- being driven, yearning, reaching for the stars- comes at a cost if you don't balance it with enjoying what you have already achieved. Whether you are...
Continue Reading
How Experiencing Burnout Made Me A Better Partner
Apr 20, 2015
Jordan Gray
How Experiencing Burnout Made Me A Better Partner
A couple of years ago when I first started building my business, I was working unsustainably crazy hours. I wrote three books in two months, I was writing four new articles per week, and I was hopping around from city to city every few days and dealing with all of the logistics that came along with that. It...
Continue Reading
121 Deep Questions To Ask Your Partner
Sep 17, 2024
Jordan Gray
121 Deep Questions To Ask Your Partner
Looking for some deep questions to ask your partner for greater connection and intimacy? I’ve got you covered! Whether you want to spice up date night with a question or two, or make an entire weekend-long deep-dive date out of these questions, there’s something in it for everyone. While they are meant...
Continue Reading
How I Healed My Relationship With Men
Sep 18, 2016
Jordan Gray
How I Healed My Relationship With Men
For the majority of my life, I have largely distrusted men. Being raised in the 1980’s and 90’s when third wave feminism was starting up and gaining momentum, I received a heavy dose of “This is how men are currently damaging the world” during my childhood conditioning. As a reaction to this...
Continue Reading
To The Perpetual Fence Sitters
Nov 17, 2018
Jordan Gray
To The Perpetual Fence Sitters
Here are three true short stories. About Tammy, Anna, and Joe.  (All names and any identifying details have been changed to protect identity.) Tammy Last week, a woman (who I will call Tammy) sent me a 1,000+ word email telling me about how she wanted...
Continue Reading