Jan 4, 2019

Fire: A Meditation

All of my life, I have loved tending to fires.

When I was a little boy, one of my grandparents owned a small cabin a couple hours drive from my hometown. In this cabin, there was a wood burning fireplace.

When I was around the age of six, my dad taught me how to set up a proper fire, and I was immediately hooked.

In the years that followed, whenever my family went to the cabin, I would commandeer the fire.

Tightly crumple a few pages of decades-old newspaper. Set the kindling on top in a criss-cross pattern. Place three large logs on top, with room to breathe. Light the match, set fire to the newspaper underneath, and blow on the emerging flames until the sparks from the kindling threatened to jump out on to my face.

I would sit and tend to the fire for hours.

Re-position this. Add that. Make room for air there.

This was my meditation.

It was both calm, slow, and grounding… while at the same time it demanded my presence and attention.

Watching the flames dance with each other and lick the rough edges of the logs was all the entertainment I needed.

I wasn’t interested in playing Scrabble or watching TV or swimming in the ocean. I just wanted to have the image of the flames burn themselves into my retinas. The heat to enter my lungs. The smoke to permeate my clothes.

Tending to the fire taught me several important lessons that I would come to appreciate with time.

Simply sitting and observing the dance of life is enough.

While the ego loves setting and achieving goals, the soul loves presence and spaciousness. When I would sit and watch the fire, nothing else mattered. There I was. Doing all that I needed to. Just… being.

Give your energy.

The fire demanded my presence of attention. Both because of it’s beauty, and because of its need for maintenance.

If the fire left my awareness for too long the largest log could burn in a lop sided way… or the fire could die out altogether.

My task was to primarily enjoy the dance, but also extend my energy when it called for a helping hand.

Every moment is both creation and destruction.

As the logs burn, heat and light are created.

As the fire roars, connection is cultivated. Internally, and with those that share the fire.

Every moment contains both elements of creation and destruction.

Even in your most potent, pure, creative moments, mother nature is still eating away at your flesh, time marching ever onwards.

There is no escaping this reality. So the only thing there is left to do is to dance. Live fully. Watch the fire burn, give your gifts, and die with a full heart and empty mind.

If there’s a heaven, I know that my iteration of it will have an area where I can chop wood, tend to a fire, and have it’s generous glow heat my face for hours on end.

Jordan Gray
About Jordan Gray

Jordan Gray has been a sex and relationship coach for over 15+ years, with his work reaching over 200 million people worldwide. His writing has been featured in Vogue, GQ, The New York Times, Cosmopolitan, Women’s Health, and countless other publications around the world. When he’s not working with 1-on-1 coaching clients or writing a new article, he’s most likely to be found reading, chopping wood, or spending time with his wife on a little island off the west coast of Canada.

Blog

Related

See All
5 Powerful Romantic Gestures They Will Remember Forever
Jul 14, 2015
Jordan Gray
5 Powerful Romantic Gestures They Will Remember Forever
Ever wanted to do something truly special for your partner? Maybe you’ve been around the block and you feel like you’ve done all there is to do. Maybe you’re an all-around superb intimate partner in a lot of ways. Maybe… just maybe… on occasion you’ve even managed to make your significant other...
Continue Reading
Should You Date A Driven Woman?
Apr 30, 2014
Jordan Gray
Should You Date A Driven Woman?
Should you date a driven woman, or someone who is more relaxed than you? As someone who already lives their life full throttle, it can be confusing as to whether you should be with someone who can keep up with your levelled up lifestyle, or if you need someone to counteract your high-achieving ways. There...
Continue Reading
How To Get Better At Receiving Love (3 Tips)
May 2, 2017
Jordan Gray
How To Get Better At Receiving Love (3 Tips)
For the majority of people that I work with, receiving love is much more challenging than giving it. It’s easy to give a massage, or buy a gift, or plan a fancy date for your lover… But receiving an authentic compliment? Receiving an hour-long massage? Receiving focused sexual attention without feeling...
Continue Reading
4 Honest As Fuck Questions You Need To Ask Yourself Often
Apr 13, 2016
Jordan Gray
4 Honest As Fuck Questions You Need To Ask Yourself Often
Every day in my journal for the past few months I have been answering a series of questions that forces me to get uncomfortably honest with myself. Between the completion of a significant romantic relationship, losing a close friend unexpectedly, and many other life changes, I have been having a challenging...
Continue Reading
4 Things I Learned In 4 Years Of Running My Online Business
Jan 20, 2017
Jordan Gray
4 Things I Learned In 4 Years Of Running My Online Business
January 26th, 2017 is this website’s fourth birthday. Four whole years! If this website was a person it would be walking, talking, and beginning to form its own opinions about the world. It would also pee itself every now and then. I could take this analogy in a lot of different directions, so I’m going...
Continue Reading
30 Pieces of Advice From 30 Couples Married 30+ Years
Dec 16, 2018
Jordan Gray
30 Pieces of Advice From 30 Couples Married 30+ Years
Ever wanted to hear from a trusted board of advisors on the topic of sustaining long-term love? Well, you’re in luck. I searched high and low to find thirty couples who had been happily married for over thirty years, and asked them what one piece of advice they would give to anyone who...
Continue Reading