Aug 19, 2017

Get Off The Hamster Wheel Before It Throws You Off

I was talking to a new client a few days ago who was at his whit’s end…

He was exhausted. Burnt out. Tired all the time.

His energy levels were shot. His neck and shoulders were always tense. He wasn’t digesting with ease. His body was upset with him.

He told me that he hadn’t felt truly happy in years. He felt like his life was drudgery… and he needed to find a way out.

I’ll tell you now what I told him…

You are a human being… not a human doing.

Running your life at this pace will inevitably burn you out. And if you don’t step off of the proverbial hamster wheel soon (aka NOW), then life will find a way to throw you off of it.

There’s some part of you that feels like you are only worth what you achieve in the world. You think you ARE your accomplishments… your productivity… your bank account.

This is backwards.

Your worth is not exclusively dependent on what you produce for the world.

Yes, you bring value to the world in this way…

AND who you are, at your core, is also loveable and valuable as it is. Even when you aren’t DOING anything.

I have summarized the antidote to this gotta-be-productive, gotta-prove-myself-constantly mindset in the five following points. Follow them closely.

1. Be unproductive. Be lazy. In essence, stop DOING so much.

Occasionally embrace your inner Cheetoh-dust-fingered-20-year-old.

2. Play more.

Whatever registers as play to you, do more of that. Bonus points for something that is outdoors, forces you to move your body, has a social element to it, has nothing to do with work, and (ideally) something that you can’t track.

Less tracking, growing, and optimizing… more play, ease, and flow.

3. Prioritize rest/recovery/your body/spaciousness in your life above all else.

Do less stuff. Say no more often to things.

Cut your calendar/scheduled time commitments in half.

4. Take a full week off, and be by yourself with no tech.

Take some time to yourself with no distractions or obligations.

Sit in nature a lot.

Feel whatever emotions rise up within you in that under-stimulated environment. And trust me, there will be some. Feel them all fully.

5. Invest in your local community. Be loved for who you are.

Make offline friends who love, see, and adore you for WHO YOU ARE, not what you do/achieve/accomplish. See them regularly.

Show them your heart. Be open, honest, and vulnerable with them. If they treat you well and love you for who you are, quadruple down on your relationship with them. Love them hard.

In short, stop doing so much, and start relaxing into your being-ness more often.

Dedicated to your success,

Jordan

Jordan Gray
About Jordan Gray

Jordan Gray has been a sex and relationship coach for over 15+ years, with his work reaching over 200 million people worldwide. His writing has been featured in Vogue, GQ, The New York Times, Cosmopolitan, Women’s Health, and countless other publications around the world. When he’s not working with 1-on-1 coaching clients or writing a new article, he’s most likely to be found reading, chopping wood, or spending time with his wife on a little island off the west coast of Canada.

Blog

Related

See All
The Ultimate Guide To Attracting A Partner That Aligns With You
Jul 16, 2014
Jordan Gray
The Ultimate Guide To Attracting A Partner That Aligns With You
As much as my books and blog posts largely focus on how to be the ultimate relationship partner, I get asked by men on a daily basis how to meet and attract a quality relationship in the first place. Without further ado, here is what I have learned through 15 years of serial monogamy. While getting...
Continue Reading
I Believe In Loving Like You Give A Shit
Dec 13, 2015
Jordan Gray
I Believe In Loving Like You Give A Shit
I believe in loving like you give a shit. I believe in being overly affectionate in public. Even if it means that those who are envious label you as 'that couple' or tell you to get a room. I believe in flirting with someone you’ve been with for years. I believe in seeking out our barriers to intimacy...
Continue Reading
12 Self-Care Tips For Ultra-Driven People
Aug 26, 2015
Jordan Gray
12 Self-Care Tips For Ultra-Driven People
Do you ever forget to prioritize your self-care? I definitely do. There are times when I’ll be in the middle of a big, exciting work push and I’ll forget to have any proper fun, downtime, or self-care for weeks on end. And then it catches up to me. My shoulders are hunched… my left eye is twitching…...
Continue Reading
5 Things You Can’t Spend Enough Money On
Dec 14, 2019
Jordan Gray
5 Things You Can’t Spend Enough Money On
In a world where materialism is celebrated, frugality is a virtue. It's easy to fritter away your resources on superficial things that add zero value to your life. However, money can buy certain things that do create massive impact on your life. Many people are under-spending in these areas,...
Continue Reading
How To Stop Being Run By Your Most Deeply Ingrained Patterns
Dec 24, 2016
Jordan Gray
How To Stop Being Run By Your Most Deeply Ingrained Patterns
There are certain unconscious patterns that have been running you, your entire life. These patterns have tapped your energy. They have exhausted you. They have cumulatively wasted precious years of your life. And not until you become aware of these patterns and work through the beliefs that are propping...
Continue Reading
How To Be A REAL Man (In 3 Easy Steps)
Jun 26, 2014
Jordan Gray
How To Be A REAL Man (In 3 Easy Steps)
I remember wondering endlessly if I was gay as a young boy. Why? Because I consistently got the feedback from my male peers that I wasn't a traditional male. As my male friends played basketball to impress the girls in our class, I sat on the sidelines and 'gossiped' with my female classmates. While...
Continue Reading