Aug 19, 2017

Get Off The Hamster Wheel Before It Throws You Off

I was talking to a new client a few days ago who was at his whit’s end…

He was exhausted. Burnt out. Tired all the time.

His energy levels were shot. His neck and shoulders were always tense. He wasn’t digesting with ease. His body was upset with him.

He told me that he hadn’t felt truly happy in years. He felt like his life was drudgery… and he needed to find a way out.

I’ll tell you now what I told him…

You are a human being… not a human doing.

Running your life at this pace will inevitably burn you out. And if you don’t step off of the proverbial hamster wheel soon (aka NOW), then life will find a way to throw you off of it.

There’s some part of you that feels like you are only worth what you achieve in the world. You think you ARE your accomplishments… your productivity… your bank account.

This is backwards.

Your worth is not exclusively dependent on what you produce for the world.

Yes, you bring value to the world in this way…

AND who you are, at your core, is also loveable and valuable as it is. Even when you aren’t DOING anything.

I have summarized the antidote to this gotta-be-productive, gotta-prove-myself-constantly mindset in the five following points. Follow them closely.

1. Be unproductive. Be lazy. In essence, stop DOING so much.

Occasionally embrace your inner Cheetoh-dust-fingered-20-year-old.

2. Play more.

Whatever registers as play to you, do more of that. Bonus points for something that is outdoors, forces you to move your body, has a social element to it, has nothing to do with work, and (ideally) something that you can’t track.

Less tracking, growing, and optimizing… more play, ease, and flow.

3. Prioritize rest/recovery/your body/spaciousness in your life above all else.

Do less stuff. Say no more often to things.

Cut your calendar/scheduled time commitments in half.

4. Take a full week off, and be by yourself with no tech.

Take some time to yourself with no distractions or obligations.

Sit in nature a lot.

Feel whatever emotions rise up within you in that under-stimulated environment. And trust me, there will be some. Feel them all fully.

5. Invest in your local community. Be loved for who you are.

Make offline friends who love, see, and adore you for WHO YOU ARE, not what you do/achieve/accomplish. See them regularly.

Show them your heart. Be open, honest, and vulnerable with them. If they treat you well and love you for who you are, quadruple down on your relationship with them. Love them hard.

In short, stop doing so much, and start relaxing into your being-ness more often.

Dedicated to your success,

Jordan

Jordan Gray
About Jordan Gray

Jordan Gray has been a sex and relationship coach for over 15+ years, with his work reaching over 200 million people worldwide. His writing has been featured in Vogue, GQ, The New York Times, Cosmopolitan, Women’s Health, and countless other publications around the world. When he’s not working with 1-on-1 coaching clients or writing a new article, he’s most likely to be found reading, chopping wood, or spending time with his wife on a little island off the west coast of Canada.

Blog

Related

See All
7 Things I Am Actively Working On In My Life Right Now
Nov 14, 2016
Jordan Gray
7 Things I Am Actively Working On In My Life Right Now
If you've been following me closely this year, you'll know that this has been a year of massive growth for me. Breakups, breakthroughs, loss, grief, anxiety, depression, hundreds of tears... I could go on. So many of my primary ego defences have started to crumble down after decades of use, to reveal...
Continue Reading
The Surest Way To Become A Better Person
Oct 6, 2017
Jordan Gray
The Surest Way To Become A Better Person
Want to become a bigger, better person in the world? Take on more responsibility. As human beings, we all crave a deep sense of meaning. And our sense of meaning often comes down to the amount of responsibility we have taken on in our lives. So if you want to grow as a person, find...
Continue Reading
Forget The Noise - Here’s Who You Really Are
May 21, 2016
Jordan Gray
Forget The Noise – Here’s Who You Really Are
Your weight. Your height. Your eye colour. Your income. Your job title. The car you drive. Your wrinkles. Your fat. Your cellulite. Your bra size. Your penis length. Your hairline. Anything and everything that you obsess about when you look in the mirror. It’s all noise. All of those...
Continue Reading
How To Find And Date An Exceptionally High Quality Partner
Sep 13, 2015
Jordan Gray
How To Find And Date An Exceptionally High Quality Partner
Looking to find and date a high quality partner? You're in luck! I recently wrote a piece over on Elephant Journal called “Marry A Man Who Knows How To Love Hard.” I described a man who is there for all of the inevitable what-if’s of life… who lovingly listens to how his partner’s day went… and who...
Continue Reading
3 Questions to Ask Yourself on Your Deathbed
May 4, 2013
Jordan Gray
3 Questions to Ask Yourself on Your Deathbed
I'm lying near the peak of a mountain in Lombok, Indonesia. My legs, arms, and chest muscles have been shaking violently for the past twenty minutes. I have lost all feeling in my hands and chest. I'm having trouble breathing. And my vision becomes increasingly distorted by the second. "Are you still...
Continue Reading
3 Toxic Expectations That Kill Relationships
Apr 26, 2015
Jordan Gray
3 Toxic Expectations That Kill Relationships
Every person comes into relationships with some sort of expectations. Expectations around how they want to be loved. Expectations around how frequently they will communicate with each other. Expectations around what their sex lives will look like. Truly, the potential number of expectations...
Continue Reading