If you ever have a difficult time receiving compliments…
If you have a difficult time understanding why people like you, or are drawn to you…
If you have a hundred excuses on the tip of your tongue as to why you can’t do the work you love, find your dream partner, or live a life that you’re truly proud of…
Then this could be the single most important piece of writing you ever read.
Your Low Self-Esteem Is Strangling Your Potential
I want to clear something up, right off the bat.
This whole idea of low self-esteem… low self-image… insecurity…
It’s simply an excuse.
It’s an excuse to let you be at war with yourself.
And by using your creative energy to shit on yourself instead of doing something useful in the world, you get to avoid becoming greater than you currently are.
It’s like the world is this ravenous, starving, sexual beast of a creature that desperately wants you to make love to it… and yet you remain at home, in your room, endlessly masturbating and telling yourself you’re worthless, disgusting, and uniquely unlovable.
Instead of putting in the challenging, terrifying, costly effort of creating your masterpiece, you distract yourself with self-loathing.
Some of this self-loathing is more obvious than others.
It can be as insidious as batting away a passing compliment from a good friend, or dismissing an opportunity that you actually really want, for fear of not being good enough to do it justice.
And it can also be as glaringly overt as pushing away loved ones, disbelieving that anyone cares about you at all, and allowing the fiercest parts of your ego to let you spiral into an isolated pit of self-hatred and despair.
Either way, you get to play small.
You get to hide from life.
You get to pretend that you’re being humble, or guarding against your head getting too big.
Let me say it as clearly as I can:
Wallowing in self-loathing is an easy, cowardly waste of your potential.
Engaging in an endless loop of negative self-talk isn’t noble, productive, or helpful for you, or anyone else who knows you.
At a certain point in your process, you simply need to draw a line in the sand and say “ENOUGH! I refuse to be at war with myself for a day longer. Not even a single second.”
How Do You Benefit From Being At War With Yourself?
If choosing to engage in being at war with yourself is a choice (and it is a choice), why would anyone choose it?
Individual reasons vary slightly, but the most common reasons are quite predictable.
By being at war with yourself, you get to play small. You get to avoid doing the difficult things that your heart wants you to do.
“Why ask that person out, if I know they’ll just say no anyways?”
“Why go after the career I actually want, when I’m not really good enough to pull it off?”
“Why get close to people, when I know that they’ll just reject/leave/abandon me eventually?”
By allowing yourself to be run by fear, you don’t have to deploy courage. You don’t have to stand out. You don’t have to wake up from your self-imposed stupor of self-loathing.
You are keeping yourself asleep… half-alive… in a matrix of your own making.
Before you can move forwards in life, acknowledge how you benefit from being at war with yourself.
If you don’t do this, then you’re blind to the root cause and you’ll never make a change.
How do you benefit from being a jerk to yourself?
If nothing is immediately apparent, sit with it for longer. This is a necessary step. You need to get painfully honest about why it is you keep engaging in this behaviour.
At this stage, you might feel some resistance come up. People hate facing into the mirror of self-responsibility.
Their inner dialogue rages on, “This isn’t a choice – fuck you for even suggesting that I am choosing to be an asshole to myself. Why in the world would I do that? I don’t like telling myself I’m a fat/stupid/ugly/useless/disgusting slob!”
And yet you are.
You 100% are.
No one is making you do it, and yet you continue on in this manner.
So you must be getting something out of it.
You aren’t a crazy person. You are engaging in this behaviour for a reason. Find that reason, and stare it in the face.
Once you have a relationship to the reasons you engage in endless negative self-talk, it’s time to start shifting your behaviour.
How To Let Go Of Being At War With Yourself
This process can be as difficult, or as simple as your mind decides it to be.
1. Begin to feel 100% willing to let go of this old pattern
Recognize that being at war with yourself is just an excuse that you’ve used to stay stuck in life, and you can unchoose it just as readily as you once chose it.
2. Decide that you are no longer willing to be at war with yourself
All it takes is a moment of truly willingness to let go, and this moment can be that moment.
Decide completely. Sever ties to the old way. Say to yourself, out loud and with conviction, “Enough. I am done.”
3. From now on, only speak to yourself as you would a close friend
Self-compassion is the name of the game.
Would you ever tell your best friend half of the stuff that you say to yourself in your own mind? If so, fuck you – be a better friend. If not, great. Then stop treating yourself like an asshole.
Meditate on your strengths. Strike down any thoughts from your mind that threaten to start attacking you. Notice how valuable, lovable, and worthy you are as a person, and then give your gifts to the world fully from that place.
4. Be consistent, and be on guard that you do not slip back into your old, familiar patterns
Old habits die hard. Be on guard so that the Dr. Jekyll to your Mr. Hyde doesn’t reemerge to pull you back down into the quicksand of self-loathing.
Ultimately, this whole process comes down to you deciding, once and for all, that you are no longer willing to tolerate the bullshit that you have spun around in your mind for too long.
Even right now, in this very moment, watch that your mind is doing.
Do you want to use this article as fodder to feed the story of, “See! I knew it… here’s yet another thing that I can’t do. I’m such a failure…”… or are you willing to let go of these bullshit stories and step into your greatness, once and for all?
Remember that happiness comes from engagement in life.
If you are disengaged… disconnected from others… not doing your work, then you will backslide rapidly.
But if you courageously and consistently engage with the work you need to be doing (in your career, in your relationships, in your relationship to yourself, etc.), then you will flourish.
It’s time to pick up the baton that your lineage has passed on to you, and carry it forwards. Make something of yourself, so that you can die a happy death when your time is up.
Dedicated to your success,
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