We all want to live a meaningful life, but most of us unknowingly carry blind spots that hold us back.
And they don’t always look like “big”, punch-you-in-the-face-obvious mistakes. They usually show up as quiet, subtle defaults.
Left unchecked (and unseen), these patterns inevitably rob us of growth, joy, and momentum.
In this article, I’ll share seven of the most common mistakes I see, along with suggestions of what to do instead.
7 Popular Mistakes That Most People Default To
Henry David Thoreau famously said that most men lead “lives of quiet desperation.”
When you look at the statistics, there’s a lot of truth to this.
Most people live lives featuring chronic low-level stress, fatigue, disconnection, loneliness, distraction, and settling for “good enough” (with their health, in their relationships, in their finances, etc.).
In order to not get the results that most people have, you probably shouldn’t act the way that most people do.
Without further ado, here are seven of the most common mistakes I see people making in their lives that lead to negative outcomes.
1. Seeking comfort and control vs. Seeing life as an adventure to be lived
One of the easiest traps to fall into is mistaking comfort and control for happiness.
It feels safe to want everything to be predictable. Steady routines, no surprises, minimal risk. But the truth is, a life built entirely around comfort leads to stagnation.
Our spirit isn’t wired for endless safety. Our minds and bodies crave challenge. We need novelty. We need a sense of the unknown to feel truly alive and engaged. Without it, relationships go stale, businesses plateau, and personal growth (and our life overall) flatlines.
Think about the times in your life you’ve felt most alive. Chances are, they weren’t the streaks of 16 hour days when you were curled up on the couch, surrounded by bubble-wrap, clinging to certainty. They were when you took the leap. The amazing trip you almost didn’t book, the conversation you were afraid to have, the risk you thought was “too much” until it wasn’t.
You felt most alive when you were getting after something, no matter how small. We are meant to grow. And our psychology and physiology responds positively (for good reason) because we’re mammals who are at our best when we are striving for something… anything.
Control is an illusion. Adventure is where life happens.
And when you treat life as an adventure, the control you were once chasing tends to show up in the form of resilience, adaptability, and deeper trust in yourself.
2. Fixed mindset vs. Growth mindset
A fixed mindset shrugs and says, “This is just who I am.”
A growth mindset says, “This is who I am now… and I can always learn, adapt, and expand who I am.”
People stuck in a fixed mindset often avoid challenges because they fear looking foolish to others. They treat setbacks as evidence that they aren’t good enough (“A-ha! A setback! See!? I knew it. I’m just not cut out for this.”). They compare themselves to others endlessly, protect their ego, and cling to what they already know.
But everything in life that’s meaningful requires you to stretch into the unknown. Whether it’s building a business, deepening intimacy, or transforming your health, progress always demands experimentation, “failure”, and trying again.
When you shift to a growth mindset, failure stops being a verdict on you as a person and starts being feedback. You no longer think, “I can’t do this.” Instead, you think, “I can’t do this yet. And I’m so excited to figure it out.”
With a growth mindset, every challenge becomes an invitation to grow. Every mistake is a lesson waiting to happen. Every season of discomfort, a season of preparation for something greater… a new level.
3. Focusing on what’s wrong and out of your control vs. Focusing on what’s right and within your control
Most people spend a ridiculous amount of their life energy on things they cannot change.
The weather. Traffic. Other people’s choices. The past. The economy. Their ex from ten years ago that slighted them.
That constant focus on what’s wrong and outside their control leaves them feeling anxious, powerless, and like they’re somehow always behind in life.
The shift comes when you decide to reclaim your focus. To put it back on what you can influence… your habits, your mindset, your actions, your effort. When you do, life instantly feels lighter, and progress speeds up.
You may not be able to control the economy, but you can control how much value you create for the world.
You can’t control whether your partner had a stressful day, but you can control whether you greet them with kindness and presence.
And you can’t control the rain, but you can control whether you let it ruin your mood for the day.
The truth is, your focus is one of the few things you always have authority over. Put it on the right things, and you regain your power.
4. Defaulting to seeing what you can get vs. Defaulting to seeing how you can serve
A highly efficient way to feel empty in life is to walk into every room internally asking yourself, “What’s in this for me?”
When you operate from that place, other people feel it. Conversations feel transactional. Relationships feel shallow. And even when you “win,” it doesn’t feel satisfying because the underlying fuel was self-interest the whole time.
The antidote is to shift your default internal question to “How can I serve here?”
Once you do, opportunities multiply. People want to be around you. You feel richer inside, because giving energizes you in a way that continuously aiming to take (and notice I said take and not receive) never does.
This doesn’t mean becoming a doormat or over-giving to the point of burnout. It means orienting your life around value creation. Around generosity. Around leaving people and places better than you found them.
Apply this ongoing strategy in your relationships (intimate and otherwise), your career, your daily interactions… and watch as your life expands in direct proportion. Woohoo! Fun stuff!
5. Procrastination as a default vs. Having a default bias for action
Listen, I get it. Procrastination is a seductive trap.
It whispers, “Psst… you’ll be more ready tomorrow… just wait until the timing feels absolutely perfect, then you can do what needs to be done.”
But the truth is that perfect timing (if there even is such a thing) rarely arrives. Waiting often becomes a habit, and that habit can cost you years.
A default bias for action, on the other hand, rewires the equation. Instead of asking, “Am I really ready?” you get to ask, “What’s the smallest step I can take right now that will likely lead to meaningful progress?”
The new question helps you break inertia. It builds momentum. And despite what every other hustle bro on Instagram would lead you to believe, momentum matters infinitely more than motivation.
Procrastination breeds regret. Action breeds clarity. Even when you “fail,” you gain data, experience, and resilience.
The people who move fastest in life aren’t always the smartest, they’re simply the ones who are willing to act while others wait.
If you want to live differently than most, make this your mantra: When in doubt, act.
(Side note: at the time of my writing this, I have had an active email list of tens of thousands of people for over 12 years… and while it exposes me to a ton of beautiful, amazing, heart-centered humans from all around the world, there’s one thing about it that honestly just breaks my heart. There’s a handful of people who message me every 2-3 years in what I think of as getting-ready-to-get-ready mode. They tell me that they have these big plans and they ‘can’t wait to get started’ and ‘wow thanks for the inspiration’ and ‘I’m going to book a call with you soon to kick this into high gear!’. And then, silence. Zero follow through. Then, they message me in another few years saying much of the same.
This pattern is heartbreaking to me because one of my favorite things in life is witnessing people (and supporting them in) actualizing their potential. So when these people stay stuck in getting-ready-to-get-ready mode, they just spin their wheels in the mud. I try to offer support in a way that isn’t over-reaching, but it doesn’t do anything. They’re more committed to the familiar comfort of remaining stuck than they are to paying the price to do what is necessary. I beg you… I implore you.. do not be one of these people. It leads to nowhere good, and fast.)
6. Sedentary vs. Moving
When people feel stuck in life, they often assume the problem is mental. But in my experience, it’s just as often physical.
One of the first things I ask clients who report feeling stagnant in their lives is something along the lines of, “How have you been using your body lately?”
Because movement begets movement. Energy attracts energy. When you sit still too long (spending your daylight hours at a desk, evenings on the couch, endless Netflix binges on the weekends, etc.) it’s no wonder life feels like it’s at a standstill.
Successful people often know this intuitively. They move. Walk. Stretch. Train. They make circulation a habit, because when your blood flows, your ideas flow too.
Personally, whenever I feel stuck, I don’t wait for the right thought to arrive. I go for a long walk (on a treadmill or in nature). I lift weights. Or I’ll sit in a sauna until my blood is pumping vigorously and my whole system feels renewed. By moving my body, I move my energy.
Stagnant body = stagnant life. Moving body = moving life.
The next time you feel trapped in analysis paralysis, don’t just think harder. Move. Literally, just go for a walk. Or lie down on the floor and stretch your body and breathe. Then, watch how quickly life starts moving with you.
7. Playing to not lose vs. Playing to win
There’s a massive difference between protecting what you have and actually going after what you want.
Most people live life like they’re playing defense… guarding their time, their money, their reputation.
They don’t want to risk any type of loss, so they play small, safe, and predictable. But if your primary goal is to avoid losing, you’ve already lost by default.
Winners think differently. They take smart risks. Invest in themselves. They step onto the court to score, not just to exclusively keep the ball away from their net.
I’ve seen this play out countless times in relationships and business alike. The person who only wants to “not mess up” ends up stagnant, anxious, exhausted, and resentful. The person who plays to win (who shows up fully, risks real vulnerability, and gives their best) creates momentum and results that compound.
So ask yourself… in your career, in your relationship, in your life… are you playing not to lose, or playing to win?
Step Into The Arena
Life is too short to play small.
The mistakes I’ve covered in this piece (comfort-seeking, fixed thinking, focusing on problems, self-centeredness, procrastination, stagnation, and fear of loss) are all traps that keep too many people stuck in half-lived lives.
But the good news is that every single one of these defaults is reversible.
You can choose adventure over control. Growth over rigidity. Service over selfishness. Movement over stillness. Courage over fear.
The people who live the fullest, richest, most meaningful lives aren’t the ones who never stumble. They’re the ones who keep showing up, who keep saying yes, who keep leaning into the unknown even when it scares them.
So today, ask yourself (and ask yourself honestly)…
– Where am I still playing defense in my life? And what would it look like to start playing to win?
The world doesn’t need more people hiding in their comfort zones.
It needs more people lit up, alive, and courageous enough to show up and live their lives fully.
So please, I beg you…
Let that be you.
Dedicated to your success,
Jordan
Ps. If you enjoyed this article, you’ll also love checking out:
– Growth Feels Like Death, Because It Is Death
– If You Don’t Want To Be A Loser, Stop Entertaining Loser Thoughts
– Unrealized Potential Is The Default, Not The Exception
