Jun 10, 2013

How Not Showing Interest On The First Date Is Killing Your Love Life

Contrary to popular belief, ‘playing it cool’ severely limits your love life.

There are thousands of forums out there that perpetuate this thought – bitter men discussing how being ‘open, honest and nice’ doesn’t pay off.

But there is a big difference between showing interest in an attractive way and grovelling at someone’s feet in a needy way.

Here are four things you can do to show more interest in a balanced and attractive way.

1. Praise Her

On her core values, interests, and passions.  Make it known that you like that she likes things.  Men are often afraid to compliment because they sense a loss of ‘power’ when they show interest.  This is your ego talking and it doesn’t need to be acknowledged.  Get over yourself, and let her know that her honesty/intuition/laugh really does it for you.

2. Be Revealing

You know those things that you would generally rather avoid talking about on dates?  The things that if someone found out about you they just might turn and run the other way?

Robert Glover once said, “Humans are attracted to each other’s rough edges”.  The things that you expose about yourself that are the most authentic and sometimes scary, are often the things that endear people to you the most.  So rip those skeletons out of the closet and let one roam free on the first date.  Give it a shot.

showing interest, love, romance

3. Dive In To Conversational Depth

Common topics that people like to avoid early on in relationships?  Personal values, morals, and sex.

There is no reason to put off these vital topics.  As long as you are bringing them up in a calm, calibrated way, there’s nothing to worry about.  Besides, you’ll save yourself a lot of time by not dating people that aren’t a match for you in the first place.

4. Giving Her A Chance

Maybe she didn’t make the greatest first impression…  maybe she was nervous… maybe a couple of her answers weren’t 100% matching your “Ideal woman” list that you keep on your vision board…

But if you are too quick to hit the eject button on a new relationship you could be seriously missing out.  The greatest long term relationships don’t start with a dizzying high of emotions and happy brain chemicals.  Quite the opposite in fact.

It’s been proven that the healthiest, longest lasting relationships start (emotionally) as more of a slow burn process.

You meet her and you find her very intriguing.  Your heart doesn’t race like crazy the first time you lay your eyes on her (as this is more likely lust or the makings of a short-term infatuation).  You talk and it feels very natural and easy.  The more you talk and the more time you spend around each other the more sense it makes.  Things naturally progress along until you find yourself feeling certainty that she makes you a better person.

Compare that to the flash-in-the-pan nature of the short term infatuation/peak/resolution cycle… and you’re looking at very different processes.  Pay close attention to what you feel when meeting new partners, as you might actually be letting the best potential partners for you slip away because they don’t stop you in your tracks from the first chance encounter.

Bottom line…

Women are attracted to guys who can emote, show praise, and be themselves without fear.  Accomplish all of these things simultaneously by heeding whichever of the points most resonates with you.

Dedicated to your success,

Jordan

Jordan Gray
About Jordan Gray

Jordan Gray has been a sex and relationship coach for over 15+ years, with his work reaching over 200 million people worldwide. His writing has been featured in Vogue, GQ, The New York Times, Cosmopolitan, Women’s Health, and countless other publications around the world. When he’s not working with 1-on-1 coaching clients or writing a new article, he’s most likely to be found reading, chopping wood, or spending time with his wife on a little island off the west coast of Canada.

Blog

Related

See All
4 Ways To Fully Receive Feminine Nourishment
Mar 29, 2021
Jordan Gray
4 Ways To Fully Receive Feminine Nourishment
Growing up, I experienced a lot of wounding with the feminine. Bullying, break ups, being emotionally decimated at my most vulnerable... At the age of 20, I felt like I'd had enough. I didn't want to be vulnerable with women anymore. I wanted to armour up. Shut them out. Punish them for how...
Continue Reading
The Intentional Life Ep.1: Discover Your Core Gifts With Ken Page
May 16, 2016
Jordan Gray
The Intentional Life Ep.1: Discover Your Core Gifts With Ken Page
I sent out a survey to my readers a few months ago asking what people wanted to see more of, and there was a huge vote for more free video content. Well, ask and you shall receive! Introducing (drum roll please...), the first episode of The Intentional Life video series. In today's episode,...
Continue Reading
How Your Childhood Is Messing Up Your Love Life
Feb 10, 2014
Jordan Gray
How Your Childhood Is Messing Up Your Love Life
Growing up, you were completely at the will of your parents. Depending on how much love, time, and attention your parents gave you, their involvement in your life undoubtedly affected how you show up in your romantic relationships. If they were there for you, never there for you, or too...
Continue Reading
7 Signs You Should Break Up With Them
Apr 8, 2014
Jordan Gray
7 Signs You Should Break Up With Them
Is there anything more painful than the state of limbo that occurs when you're living in a relationship and you aren't sure whether or not you should end it? Did something change in the relationship? Maybe you're growing apart… or you're falling out of love… maybe you were never in love in the first...
Continue Reading
Are You Willing To Be Awake In Your Relationship?
May 28, 2018
Jordan Gray
Are You Willing To Be Awake In Your Relationship?
Are you truly willing to be awake in your relationship? A lot of people like to pay lip service to the idea of being in a ‘conscious relationship’… but when push comes to shove, they aren’t interested in truly doing their work. It’s easy to hide behind the guise of being woke as fuck, but walking the...
Continue Reading
Does An Equal Marriage Equal Less Sex? Not Quite…
Feb 12, 2014
Jordan Gray
Does An Equal Marriage Equal Less Sex? Not Quite…
Recent research has shown that the more equal and fair couples are in their partnership the less sex they have. The more the man does what are considered to be more feminine chores, the happier she says she is with him as a partner, but the less sexually desirable she finds him. But is this really...
Continue Reading