Recent research has shown that the more equal and fair couples are in their partnership the less sex they have.
The more the man does what are considered to be more feminine chores, the happier she says she is with him as a partner, but the less sexually desirable she finds him.
But is this really surprising?
Not to me.
People respond to the sexual differentiation in others. In other words, we are attracted to what is different in our partners.
We adore all of the different sexual ornamentation of the people we are attracted to.
His jaw is so defined. Her lips so full. His beard so thick. Her breasts so prominent.
When it comes to sexual attractiveness, it is the differences that attract us, not the similarities or overlap.
Because on a deeper level, this all comes down to sexual polarity.
You can either choose to have a relationship in which your partner feels like a close companion and your sex life is more comfortable than erotic (a low polarity relationship) or you can have a relationship with a partner that feels primarily like a lover and where your differences tend to get in the way more during day-to-day non-sexual activities (a high polarity relationship).
Need a more concrete example? See which one of these relationship dynamics appeals more to you.
Low Sexual Polarity Relationship
You come home from work and the conversation flows effortlessly. You feel heard, understood, and supported in your easy back-and-forth about your respective days. You feel like you can tell your partner anything without judgment and they feel like your best friend.
You go to bed together, have comfortable, somewhat predictable sex and feel a tiny tinge of guilt in having your mind wander to other people during your most intimate acts.
High Sexual Polarity Relationship
You come home from work and your partner comes bounding in to greet you. You would appreciate this gesture but you kind of want your space right now because it was a hard day at the office. You want to sit down and zone out for a bit but your partner insists on hearing about the details of your day. You feel slightly out of step with your partner in terms of communication, but you are wildly drawn to them in how different they are compared to you.
You grab them hungrily after dinner and whisk them away to bed. These nights (which seem to be most nights, lately) are the ones you live for. You completely lose yourself in them and the sex is so passionately charged that you collapse in contented exhaustion after your nightly romp. They get on your nerves sometimes, but, God are they ever sexy.
Which Relationship Is Better?
Neither one is more right than the other. But it’s important to take note of whether you would rather have a partner that feels like more of a friend or more of a lover. If you couldn’t have it both ways, which relationship setup would you prefer?
You may be wondering, isn’t there a way to have it both ways? I would argue yes.
It takes a self-aware and loving pairing to be intentional about sliding the energetic difference (aka sexual polarity) dial up and down as you see fit.
If you are catching up on your respective days then she might need you to be more de-polarized and similar in order to connect. But if how your partner shares about their day turns into speaking from a place of suffering then you might need you to pick them up, carry them to the bedroom, and ravish them away from their stress.
It’s up to the masculine-associated partner to read their partners energy and know what the feminine partner needs in each moment.
This is the essence of an emotionally and sexually strong partner. The ability to read and calibrate to your partner and give them what they need moment to moment.
She might tell you that she had a long day at work and that she needs to go to bed straight away… but the subtext behind her words might be “I’m drained, feel unattractive, and really need you to push your love on to me right now… but I need you to want it. I don’t want you to do it because you feel like you should do it as a good partner. I need to feel desired. I need to feel taken.” And it’s up to the masculine-associated person to hear that subtext through her words.
It might be an extra long glance at you that signals “Do you still want me?”
It could be a simple word choice or the way in which she described her work day.
In all scenarios, you are looking to read her energy and penetrate through her resistance. She needs to feel your love.
And just as men respond to willing sexual openness and surrender, women respond to strong-minded masculine energy that they can trust.
If you want to read more on how to slide the sexual polarity slider up or down as each moment needs, read this.
Dedicated to your success,