Alright, buckle up. I’m going to paradigm shift how you perceive your intimate relationships for the rest of your life.
There’s this thing called sexual polarity.
Basically, it works just like a magnet… in the way that opposites attract.
This is how humans work too (with masculine and feminine energy being the opposite charges).
The more different someone is from you, the more attractive they are to you sexually. Sexual attraction occurs in the differences between two people.
Emotional attraction is caused by connection, rapport, and similarities. It is the overlap in you and your partner that makes you feel bonded and close.
Differences = separateness = sexual attraction. Similarities = closeness = emotional attraction.
Thriving relationships need both to work.
So how can you bring together your similarities and differences into the same relationship so that you have a charged, magnetic sex life while maintaining emotional intimacy and closeness? I’m glad you asked…
Author David Deida talks about the idea of sexual polarity across his many books. The key concept being that there lies a deep, magnetic attraction between masculine and feminine energy (no matter who those energies live inside of).
So when your girlfriend is being extra feminine (loving, emotional, unpredictable) it attracts you sexually. And when you are being extra masculine (decisive, competitive, logical) it attracts your partner sexually.
But here’s the kicker…
The Three Types Of Relationships
There are three types of relationships that occur when it comes to sexual polarity.
There are low-polarity relationships where, on a scale of 1-10, the partners are not very sexually polarized from each other and they might be sitting as a 4 and 6. These couples connect well emotionally, describe each other as “my best friend in the world”, and have sex that isn’t very magnetic or charged.
There are high-polarity relationships where the partners are extremely polarized (a 1 and a 10 on the polarity scale). In these relationships, the sex is lightning-bolt-to-the-crotch kind of amazing. But when not engaging with each other sexually, connection and communication in general suffers. There’s too much difference between them and not enough emotional overlap.
The third kind of relationship (that you can learn to inhabit) is an active-polarity relationship. When you are relaxing together and having a conversation, you can de-polarize yourselves into a low-polarity state so that it becomes easier to connect with each other emotionally. And when things start heating up sexually you know how to dial up the polarity to increase your mutual desire.
So you likely already know which one of the three types your current relationship falls under, and now you want to know how to dial up or down the intensity according to any given situation. Let’s get into it…
How To Polarize (Dial Up)
If you have a great emotional connection with your partner but the sex life is lacking, here are three steps to help you polarize your energies better.
1. Work Out Hard
Many modern men are totally disconnected to the dark side of their masculinity. It’s not our faults- we were raised in a highly sex-shaming culture that tells us that our desires are inappropriate.
To re-connect with the beast that already lives inside of you, go to the gym more often to pal down with your inner animal.
You know the face that you make when you are on your last rep and you growl because you feel like capturing and killing your dinner? Yeah, that’s the one.
It’s that same mental state that links sex to aggression and is perfectly healthy to make friends with.
2. Remind Her That You See Her As A Sexual Being
Women (aka people) always want to feel seen as a sexual being by their partner. Your romantic partner is not just your friend that lets you sleep with them. They are your lover. So treat them as such.
See her walking up those stairs? Chase her up them. Is she doing the dishes? Come up behind her, envelope her with your arms, smack her on the ass, or bite her on the neck. She should rarely be able to walk past you without a kiss.
If you want to keep the sexual sizzle going, you have to bring the heat.
3. Power Play
Want to really turn up the heat quickly? Physically dominate her in subtle (and not so subtle) ways.
Pin her arms down on the bed. Push her arms against the wall and kiss her deeply. Stare into her eyes with a penetrating gaze and let the beast that you connected with in the gym start to slide in to your stare.
How To De-Polarize (Dial Down)
If the sex life is rocking and you find it difficult communicating or connecting emotionally with your partner, try these three steps.
1. Listen Softly
While in conversation with your partner, listen with soft eyes and active feedback. Let them know that you hear them.
Soft eyes (the opposite of a penetrating gaze) show non-dominance and a casual demeanour. Nod occasionally, react to what she’s telling you, and show her that you are present and listening to her.
2. Give Physical Space
If you are used to crowding her while physically close enough to be in conversation, try keeping your hands to yourself for more emotionally vulnerable talks. If she has had a rough day and needs someone to hear her, she will appreciate you being witness to her, but not necessarily being groped by you.
3. Be Emotionally Aware Of Her
When given a rush of testosterone (the sex and aggression hormone), men and women become slightly less attuned to each other’s emotions. So to de-polarize, practice being sensitive to her moods.
This doesn’t mean that you have to be affected by her moods and take them on as your own (not at all), but to be aware of her moods. Study her face, her body language, and her tone of voice to try and feel where she is at all times.
All of this is about loving your partner in the way that she needs you to in any particular moment. Sometimes she needs your strength, and sometimes she needs your soft side. Learn to read her, and give her what she needs.
No matter what kind of relationship you have, as long as you are staying aware of your partner and putting in the work, maintaining a thriving, active-polarity relationship is completely attainable.
Dedicated to your success,
Ps. If you enjoyed this, you’ll most definitely love checking out the following: