Jun 24, 2014

Your Relationship As Foreplay (And How You Can Get Better At It)

A lot of guys think that foreplay is something that you do for a few minutes before you penetrate your partner.

I remember once reading that foreplay isn’t what you do for the five minutes before sex, but what you do for the 24 hours before you get to bed. And while the thought was nice, something didn’t sit well with me.

Because to me… your entire relationship is foreplay.

The fact that you pulled out her chair is foreplay.

The way that you listen to her telling you about her day is foreplay.

The simple “Good morning beautiful” text message that you send her from work is foreplay.

The more seen, heard, and loved your partner feels in every moment of your relationship, the better your sex life will be.

Here are four less talked about ways that you can get better at the day-to-day foreplay of your intimate relationship.

relationship as foreplay

1. More Eye Contact During Sex

During my research for Supercharge Your Sex Life, I interviewed twenty or so women about their sexual preferences, their specific turn-ons, and their biggest pet peeves in bed.

While there was a massive amount of variety in all three areas, one of the most consistent pain points out of the entire sample was that over half of the women lamented that they didn’t feel seen enough by their partners during sex.

When I asked them for further clarity it came out that their partners would often bury their faces in their necks (during missionary, for example) and make next to no eye contact with them. They felt like they could have been anyone… just some warm body.

To counteract this trend, remember that sex is often about emotional intimacy (not necessarily always). Grab, touch, and hold your partner like they are the sexiest fucking thing in the world to you. Look them in the eyes like you are one part mesmerized by their stunning beauty, and two parts connecting into the deepest parts of their soul.

They are surrendering and opening to you… you are putting a part of yourself inside of them… so make sure you are connecting emotionally just as much as you are physically.

2. Be Aware Of Them In Every Moment

Imagine this…

You’re walking on a sidewalk with your partner hand in hand… and you see a large puddle on their side of the path. Do you use your hand-to-hand leverage point to guide them away from the oncoming potential wet shoe situation?

Or how about this…

Your partner messages you to let you know that they’ve had a difficult day at work. You’re already at home and have two hours to kill until you see them. Do you start mentally picking and choosing from all of the things that you know your partner loves to make them have a homecoming that makes them feel loved (warm bath, massage, and pizza for example)?

Can you tell by the way that your partner is telling you about their day the difference between “I’m sharing this with you because I just need you to listen” versus “I’m starting to get lost in the drama of how awful my day was and I really need you to just snap me out of it and hold me for a while”?

If you answered anything but yes to the above three scenarios, why is that?

Being aware of your partner and caring about their emotional reality is something that people in thriving relationships do.

People often ask me what my number one relationship tip is to any and all couples… and I would say that this is likely it. Be aware of them and show them that you care. Just be considerate. It’s not rocket science, people.

relationship as foreplay

3. Remind Them Of How Sexy They Are… All. The. Time.

Even the most outwardly attractive and confident people have little things that they feel insecure about.

Praise and appreciation go a long way when it comes to switching off people’s autopilot “Do they think I look gross right now?” ways of thinking.

Lavish praise on your partner’s body, mind, and personality as often as possible.

Whether it’s through words (“Fuuuck, your ass looks amazing in those jeans”) or through actions (coming up behind them and grabbing them hungrily while you kiss your way up their neck), reminding your partner that you find them inexplicably sexy is always a relationship-as-foreplay must.

4. Surprise Them

Routine is death to sexual desire. Routine is boring and predictable.

Whether it’s switching things up with your usual A to B to C sexual foreplay routine, or surprising them with a romantic date night for no particular reason, surprising your partner will pay dividends in your relationship.

Have you gone to the same restaurant for five dates in a row? Switch it up.

Do you only engage in dinner dates with no shared activities or adventures as the date’s main event? Try something new.

Has your sexual foreplay gone from hugging to kissing to oral to penetration and ended? Switch it up. Sex doesn’t have to be linear. Think of sexual play as cyclical. Elements can come and go… reintroduce themselves or be skipped entirely. There is no end goal other than to dive into each other’s bodies. Take your time. Let go of the roadmap in your mind and just enjoy yourselves.

Your Relationship As Foreplay

There are infinite ways to treat your entire relationship as foreplay.

As is the common message in all of my articles, be aware of your partner, put effort into your relationship, be considerate, and be an exceptional partner that makes your lover feel loved.

You’ll make someone’s life better, and you will grow as a person in the process.

Dedicated to your success,




See All
How Your Childhood Is Messing Up Your Love Life
Feb 10, 2014
Jordan Gray
How Your Childhood Is Messing Up Your Love Life
Growing up, you were completely at the will of your parents. Depending on how much love, time, and attention your parents gave you, their involvement in your life undoubtedly affected how you show up in your romantic relationships. If they were there for you, never there for you, or too...
Continue Reading
How To Stop Being So Damn Hard On Yourself
Feb 3, 2014
Jordan Gray
How To Stop Being So Damn Hard On Yourself
You are your own worst critic. You are too hard on yourself, it isn't helping you, and the constant negative self-talk weighs heavily on your self-esteem. If these words resonate with you, you may be practicing a lack of self-compassion. Self-compassion is the act of extending kind and loving...
Continue Reading
How To Ejaculate Without Losing Energy
Jul 21, 2021
Jordan Gray
How To Ejaculate Without Losing Energy
My partner and I (she’s a woman, I’m a man) regularly have several-minute-long full-body orgasms that leave us feeling energized afterward. How is this possible… when most people have 2-second genital sneezes that leave them feeling depleted and tired? Upon reading that, some of you might be thinking: “Okay,...
Continue Reading
Why It's Easier Than Ever To Stand Out From The Crowd
Jun 4, 2013
Jordan Gray
Why It’s Easier Than Ever To Stand Out From The Crowd
We live in a society of instant gratification. There is always an easy way out or shortcut to take advantage of.  Men are being encouraged to do the bare minimum to achieve result in their lives.  And this trend is negatively affecting modern masculinity. The masculine in you thrives off of being...
Continue Reading
How To Increase Sexual Desire For Your Partner
Feb 15, 2015
Jordan Gray
How To Increase Sexual Desire For Your Partner
Sexual desire for your partner ebbs and flows depending on your mood, the season, and how much effort you’ve been putting into your relationship lately. It’d be all too easy to blame waning sexual desire on the fact that you’ve been together for X number of months/years/decades… but really, sexual desire...
Continue Reading
How To Fall In Love With Masturbation
Jul 20, 2015
Jordan Gray
How To Fall In Love With Masturbation
Whether it’s the religious shame, fear of getting caught by our parents when we’re young, Western society having a tight ass around anything to do with sexuality… or who knows what other reason… masturbation gets a bad wrap. Because the truth of the matter is… Masturbation is awesome. It’s pleasurable....
Continue Reading