If there’s one thing I’ve learned about what makes a new relationship work or not, it’s the following…
Ask yourself this question to know whether or not you should be dating the person you are and your entire life will benefit.
Do you feel compelled or do you feel cornered?
So simple, yet so often ignored.
A lot of people pursue relationship partners for reasons that don’t serve the relationship. They’re bored. They’re lonely. They want to date the person just to prove that they can.
In reality, you should only pursue a relationship with someone (or even a first date with someone) when you feel genuinely compelled to.
And when I say compelled I mean “Wow! I am aware of all of the other options in my life but THAT one makes my heart sing. I would do anything to go on a date with them!”
There’s already enough settling in the world. Too many people settle into jobs that don’t light them up. Too many people engage in hobbies because that’s what their friends are doing. And too many people engage in surface level intimate relationships because it beats falling asleep alone.
So what does this feeling of being compelled look like in practice?
Time stands still. Your heart beat slows down… and then speeds up rapidly. Everything else falls away.
When you first see them, you’ll understand why so many cultural references talk about love at first sight. You won’t feel like you’re in love necessarily, but your heart will spring into action.
Your heart will call out to you, “THAT one!”
It won’t really matter where you go or what you do. Your mind, body, and heart will just be excited to be in their presence.
Their inner beauty will floor you. Your heart will skip a beat every time they smile. You will feel overjoyed to have them one on one.
You’ll want to gift them with an amazing date on every level. You want their experience to be as effortless as the conversation has been.
You’ll have thoughts of “Is it normal to like them this much already?”
The time you spend together will only be increasingly fun/easy/natural.
You’ll think “How soon is too soon to make this relationship a thing?”
Solidifying The Relationship
You won’t ask them to be with you just because you feel like that’s what people are meant to do after 3/5/7/10 dates…
You won’t do it because your friends are giving you a hard time for not locking them down…
You won’t do it because you feel like that’s what you ‘should’ do.
You’ll do it because it would feel like an honour to be in a relationship with them. You’ll do it because you’re already so proud of who they are as a person. You’ll do it because you’ll be asking yourself “How could I NOT ask them to be my partner?”
During The Relationship
While every relationship takes effort, the one you feel deeply compelled into will feel like it nearly runs on autopilot.
You’ll look for ways to improve their life because you want to, not because it’s the thing to do.
You’ll want to listen to them about their day, their dreams, their aspirations… because just hearing them talk feels like a gift to your ears.
You’ll know that the societally reinforced concepts of the seven year itch, or the high divorce rate don’t apply to you. You’ll have always been different as a couple and you don’t pay any attention to how others expect you to behave in your relationship. You’ll happily make up your own rules as you go along in your committed intimacy because that’s what you’ve always done. Your love has always been a little bit outside the box and you’re happy keeping it that way.
Compelled Vs. Cornered
So which are you feeling right now… compelled or cornered?
Are you passionately into your partner? Do you want to love them up and make their life better? Or are you just going through the motions?
Save yourself, and your partner, the time and only lean into relationships that you feel compelled towards.
No more settling the next time you’re thinking about getting into a relationship. The world deserves your deep love in all of its glory.