Sep 16, 2014

The Most Important Thing About Getting Into A Relationship

If there’s one thing I’ve learned about what makes a new relationship work or not, it’s the following…

Ask yourself this question to know whether or not you should be dating the person you are and your entire life will benefit.

Do you feel compelled or do you feel cornered?

So simple, yet so often ignored.

A lot of people pursue relationship partners for reasons that don’t serve the relationship. They’re bored. They’re lonely. They want to date the person just to prove that they can.

In reality, you should only pursue a relationship with someone (or even a first date with someone) when you feel genuinely compelled to.

And when I say compelled I mean “Wow! I am aware of all of the other options in my life but THAT one makes my heart sing. I would do anything to go on a date with them!”

There’s already enough settling in the world. Too many people settle into jobs that don’t light them up. Too many people engage in hobbies because that’s what their friends are doing. And too many people engage in surface level intimate relationships because it beats falling asleep alone.

So what does this feeling of being compelled look like in practice?

Initial Attraction

Time stands still. Your heart beat slows down… and then speeds up rapidly. Everything else falls away.

When you first see them, you’ll understand why so many cultural references talk about love at first sight. You won’t feel like you’re in love necessarily, but your heart will spring into action.

Your heart will call out to you, “THAT one!”

First Date

It won’t really matter where you go or what you do. Your mind, body, and heart will just be excited to be in their presence.

Their inner beauty will floor you. Your heart will skip a beat every time they smile. You will feel overjoyed to have them one on one.

You’ll want to gift them with an amazing date on every level. You want their experience to be as effortless as the conversation has been.

Third Date

You’ll have thoughts of “Is it normal to like them this much already?”

The time you spend together will only be increasingly fun/easy/natural.

You’ll think “How soon is too soon to make this relationship a thing?”

Solidifying The Relationship

You won’t ask them to be with you just because you feel like that’s what people are meant to do after 3/5/7/10 dates…

You won’t do it because your friends are giving you a hard time for not locking them down…

You won’t do it because you feel like that’s what you ‘should’ do.

You’ll do it because it would feel like an honour to be in a relationship with them. You’ll do it because you’re already so proud of who they are as a person. You’ll do it because you’ll be asking yourself “How could I NOT ask them to be my partner?”

During The Relationship

While every relationship takes effort, the one you feel deeply compelled into will feel like it nearly runs on autopilot.

You’ll look for ways to improve their life because you want to, not because it’s the thing to do.

You’ll want to listen to them about their day, their dreams, their aspirations… because just hearing them talk feels like a gift to your ears.

You’ll know that the societally reinforced concepts of the seven year itch, or the high divorce rate don’t apply to you. You’ll have always been different as a couple and you don’t pay any attention to how others expect you to behave in your relationship. You’ll happily make up your own rules as you go along in your committed intimacy because that’s what you’ve always done. Your love has always been a little bit outside the box and you’re happy keeping it that way.

Compelled Vs. Cornered

So which are you feeling right now… compelled or cornered?

Are you passionately into your partner? Do you want to love them up and make their life better? Or are you just going through the motions?

Save yourself, and your partner, the time and only lean into relationships that you feel compelled towards.

No more settling the next time you’re thinking about getting into a relationship. The world deserves your deep love in all of its glory.

Blog

Related

See All
How To Apologize Like A Man
Mar 26, 2013
Jordan Gray
How To Apologize Like A Man
How to Apologize Like A Man Most men have an issue with apologizing.  More specifically, most men have a problem with showing anything that could be perceived as weakness. We have internalized from a young age that if we ever feel out of control, or unsure of ourselves, we should...
Continue Reading
3 Unique Tricks To Make You The Best Partner Possible
May 21, 2014
Jordan Gray
3 Unique Tricks To Make You The Best Partner Possible
If you found your way to this article that means that you are automatically a phenomenal person. Seriously. What kind of person takes time out of their day to try and become an even better boyfriend/husband/partner to their significant other? An awesome person, that's who. By following one or...
Continue Reading
Life Is Short/Life Is Long
Nov 4, 2018
Jordan Gray
Life Is Short/Life Is Long
Life is short. And life is long. Both statements are true. I’ll prove it. Life Is Short You get about 27,000 days, give or take a few thousand, on average. That’s about 4,000 weeks. Just over 70 years. Sure, maybe we’ll make some kick...
Continue Reading
How To Remove Your Limiting Beliefs In Under 10 Minutes
Jun 13, 2013
Jordan Gray
How To Remove Your Limiting Beliefs In Under 10 Minutes
You have certain beliefs in your mind that hold you back from living your fullest life.  Beliefs about money, career, women... and for the sake of keeping things simple let's call all of these 'limiting beliefs'. If you were a speedboat these limiting beliefs would be the invisible anchors that weigh...
Continue Reading
Half A Dozen Hacks For A Thriving Relationship
Aug 7, 2013
Jordan Gray
Half A Dozen Hacks For A Thriving Relationship
With online dating and booming big city populations changing the dating scene in a massive way, relationships are suffering. It's easy to devalue intimacy when the frictionless market of dating allows you to get out of your current relationship and into a new one within a few days. But you're not...
Continue Reading
How To Fiercely Protect Your Time
Nov 6, 2016
Jordan Gray
How To Fiercely Protect Your Time
Here’s a problem that you haven’t been giving enough thought to… We live in the age of distraction, and your life is full of time vampires. Your beeping cell phone demands your attention. A loose acquaintance that you don’t really know very well reaches out to you on Facebook and asks to grab coffee/lunch/a...
Continue Reading