Feb 10, 2013

The Three Pillars

Through my last several years of coaching men on the subject of attractive behaviour, I have noticed a major trend.

Guys results either skyrocketed quickly, or their results went up little by little.

The speed of their results always came down to their foundations. There was something that the rapid-results-rockstars had inside of them that the gradual guys didn’t have.

These have come to be known as The Three Pillars.

If you check in with yourself, in an open and honest way, and make sure that these foundational themes are firmly entrenched in your mind then your results will come along much faster.

1. The Belief That People Are Worth It

If you are looking to improve your social circle, relationships with others, or your ability to attract and maintain relationships with women, then this one is essential.

Through my coaching, I have met dozens of men who were trying to improve their ability to network or get into a relationship, but were not yielding the kind of results that they wanted because deep down they did not have this belief. They had certain universal beliefs that weren’t serving them. Beliefs such as, “People are self-centred”, “Women just want guys that are tall, dark, and handsome”, or, the worst one that I’ve ever been exposed to, “People are all assholes”.

Beliefs such as these instantly tarnish the way that you see your entire world. If you walk around expecting that people are going to treat you badly or reject you, this will show up in how you carry yourself and will actually make people want to not be around you.

Conversely, if your belief is that people are warm, friendly, and giving, then that will shape your world in a more positive light. Again, this belief will affect your disposition and people will actually treat you better.

Think about it this way… if you tell yourself that you are confident and carry yourself with the posture of a man with confidence, more people will treat you like you are confident and it will actually instil more confidence into your mindset.

2. Love Of Women

I was in one of the world’s largest strip clubs in Las Vegas last year (do I have your attention now?) when I had, what Oprah would call, an “A-ha!” moment. I had one of the most beautiful, educated women I’ve ever met sitting on my lap and we were discussing her masters program that she was taking at a nearby university. Throughout the course of the conversation my job came up and she was naturally intrigued. But here’s the kicker…

She drew a parallel between our jobs that I never would have thought of unless she had said it… and it was so simple.

She told me that there were two kinds of men that came to strip clubs (and to me, for dating advice)… guys that loved women, and guys that hated women.

This dichotomy was instantly clear to me. Whether guys were in a strip club or looking to advance their pick-up prowess… they were serving the same purpose.

Roughly 95% of the men who have come to me for help over the last several years have been guys that loved women. They wanted to work on themselves so that they could attract a higher calibre (or higher number) of women and manage their relationships better than they had in the past. These men loved women. They loved their energy, their intuition, their presence, and they wanted to better themselves for the sake of women. Let’s call these guys the Lovers.

And then there were the other 5% of guys that came to me for advice. They had been dumped once or twice, or never dated girls at all, and had a huge chip on their shoulders when it came to women. Let’s call these guys the Haters.

The Lovers had the firm belief that people were worth it. They would do whatever it took to make their goals a reality, and they did so from a place of integrity.

The Haters might have done whatever it took to get women in to their life… but I never found out because I wouldn’t take them on as clients. I would much rather spend my time giving the ‘nice guys’ a chance in the dating realm, than helping the douchebags.

So if you don’t have a firm love for women in your heart, feel free to never come back to this website again… holla!

3. Personal Development vs. Skill

This is where it really all comes together.

Are you studying attraction and self-development to get better at the skills necessary to attract relationships? Or are you more focused on improving yourself from the inside out?

Truly high-quality, socially intelligent women instantly can tell the difference between a guy that has ‘learned to be attractive’ and ‘is attractive’.

Does this mean that you can’t learn to be better with women? Of course not. You can absolutely increase your level of attractiveness to the opposite sex. But if your intention in getting better is to APPEAR better than you are, compared to actually BEING better, you will not get as far. You must focus on real personal growth.

That is the entire purpose to this website. To inspire real, tangible growth in your character.

If you want a quick fix… a band-aid to cover your gaping wound… you can find that on dozens of other seduction websites.

If you want to grow as a man, attract women that love you for who you are, have the ability to express a full range of emotions without fear, and be a man that others respect and admire, then keep checking back for more updates.

Dedicated To your success,

Jordan Gray

Jordan Gray
About Jordan Gray

Jordan Gray has been a sex and relationship coach for over 15+ years, with his work reaching over 200 million people worldwide. His writing has been featured in Vogue, GQ, The New York Times, Cosmopolitan, Women’s Health, and countless other publications around the world. When he’s not working with 1-on-1 coaching clients or writing a new article, he’s most likely to be found reading, chopping wood, or spending time with his wife on a little island off the west coast of Canada.

Blog

Related

See All
How To Rest (A Guide For Type-A People)
Aug 11, 2021
Jordan Gray
How To Rest (A Guide For Type-A People)
For as long as I can remember... I've always been a bit of a high-strung workaholic. On one occasion, I worked myself into total burnout - where I could barely stand for more than a few seconds without feeling dizzy. And mustering up the energy to walk to the sink to pour and drink a glass of water...
Continue Reading
What Secrets Are Keeping You Sick?
Sep 22, 2018
Jordan Gray
What Secrets Are Keeping You Sick?
An often passed around quote in 12 step groups is “You’re only as sick as your secrets.” And I believe this to be true in the most literal sense. (My opinion aside, new research shows that keeping secrets has a significant negative impact on health and well-being) When...
Continue Reading
Jordan's Top 10 Sex & Relationship Articles Of 2015
Dec 4, 2015
Jordan Gray
Jordan’s Top 10 Sex & Relationship Articles Of 2015
Happy almost 2016! Today, I want to do something a little bit different. This is a round up of all of the best articles I've written over the past year. I did something like this two years ago, and I thought it was time to bring it back. So without further ado... Here are my top ten most...
Continue Reading
11 Ways To Be A More Attractive Man (or How To Fight Entropy 101)
Sep 29, 2018
Jordan Gray
11 Ways To Be A More Attractive Man (or How To Fight Entropy 101)
You know what I’m really tired of? Articles that promise the fastest, easiest, lowest-barrier-to-entry bullshit tips on how men can improve themselves. Since when are we all after the quick and easy silver bullet? Have we collectively become that lazy as a society that we’re all perpetually...
Continue Reading
3 Things That All Driven Men Need In A Partner
Apr 14, 2014
Jordan Gray
3 Things That All Driven Men Need In A Partner
Driven men, successful men, and entrepreneurial men all have something in common… They all yearn for an emotionally fulfilling relationship. Sure, all people crave a highly functioning and fulfilling relationship. But in my career as a relationship coach I have consistently seen driven, high-achieving...
Continue Reading
We Are All Equations
Jun 11, 2017
Jordan Gray
We Are All Equations
We are all equations. We over-complicate our lives... but it often really is this simple. We think our problems are intricately layered and insurmountable... but we quite often just need more of this, and less of that. Less pizza, more green juice. Less sitting, more moving. Less criticizing, more...
Continue Reading