Feb 28, 2016

Wear The Sword Until You Can’t: A Life Philosophy

Once upon a time, in real life, there was a guy named William Penn.

William was a Quaker and also a nobleman, which led to a lot of conflicts in his personal values. As you may know, Quakers are committed pacifists (they oppose war, violence, and militarism). A symbolic conflict for him was that he was supposed to wear a sword as a part of his uniform for formal events. He wanted to honour the culture he was a part of while simultaneously honouring his personal value system.

He sought guidance from a Quaker elder who gave him some advice that put his heart at ease. He told William that he should simply “Wear the sword until you can’t.”

I love this parable because it can be applied to essentially every area of our lives whenever we’re feeling a sense of conflict or anxiety.

You Wear The Sword Until You Can’t

How many times have you been in early-stage relationships where you weren’t sure if you liked the person enough to continue dating them, while living in a sort of testing-each-other-out limbo? You wear the sword until you can’t. When your certainty around not being a fit with them outweighs your curiosity, then you end the relationship and go about your separate ways.

Or maybe you’ve been in a long-term relationship or marriage where you found yourself increasingly dissatisfied with the relationship. You don’t run at the first sign of uncertainty (‘Oh, this sword is a little heavy on my side…’) but rather when the weight, heaviness, and dissatisfaction of the relationship is wearing on you so much that it’s lowering your quality of life and you’ve done everything you can to try and remedy the situation. When the sword is starting to chafe through your skin and make you bleed, you take it off.

Or maybe you’ve discovered that the career path that you’ve committed to (because you were once entirely enthralled by the idea/reality of it) is no longer lighting you up. Not only is it not making you light up, but it’s making you miserable. It’s negatively impacting your sleep, your health, and your ability to focus. You wear the sword until you can’t. If it’s making your life a living hell, then you’re allowed to set the sword down and pick up something new.

We are not static, unchanging beings. Everything about the world is in a constant state of change, and to assume that we are any different is just the grasping of our ego, trying to make us feel special.

There will come a time in your life when things that once felt familiar, and lovely, and comfortable will no longer feel that way. Circumstances change. You change. And you’re allowed to change.

Whatever area of your life your mind is automatically applying this concept to, trust that you are allowed to put the sword down.

You are allowed to choose a new way.

You wouldn’t be a human being if you didn’t change your mind once in a while. And besides, you aren’t changing your mind. You were honouring yourself in that moment when you made your decision weeks/months/years ago, and now you are simply honouring yourself in this new moment, in order to serve this new version of you.

Dedicated to your success,

Jordan

Jordan Gray
About Jordan Gray

Jordan Gray has been a sex and relationship coach for over 15+ years, with his work reaching over 200 million people worldwide. His writing has been featured in Vogue, GQ, The New York Times, Cosmopolitan, Women’s Health, and countless other publications around the world. When he’s not working with 1-on-1 coaching clients or writing a new article, he’s most likely to be found reading, chopping wood, or spending time with his wife on a little island off the west coast of Canada.

Blog

Related

See All
How I Met My Wife
May 20, 2022
Jordan Gray
How I Met My Wife
In October of 2017, a 24 year old university student, with two names that I wouldn't dare to try to pronounce upon reading them, hired me for a coaching session through my website. When we hopped on the call, she seemed to be someone who was wanting to break free from doing what she was told was the...
Continue Reading
7 Things All Women Need In A Relationship
Dec 9, 2013
Jordan Gray
7 Things All Women Need In A Relationship
When it comes to what women need in a relationship, men and women are at an emotional stalemate. We feel something lacking in our relationships. The majority of modern men aren't able to penetrate their women fully, nor are women fully opening to their men. Women aren't opening because men aren't giving...
Continue Reading
4 Reasons Not To Kill Yourself (Read This First)
Aug 6, 2016
Jordan Gray
4 Reasons Not To Kill Yourself (Read This First)
If you're searching for reasons not to kill yourself, then you would be doing me the greatest possible service by reading this article. Please. Read this. It's short, and it will help. I promise. - “I have wanted to kill myself, every day, for the last three months. I’m only holding...
Continue Reading
Why Nice Guys Should Finish Last
Jul 18, 2013
Jordan Gray
Why Nice Guys Should Finish Last
Let’s end this whole “nice guys” myth once and for all… The term “nice guy” has been thrown around in popular culture a lot lately.  A quote unquote “nice guy” is actually a first class manipulator. (I was going to link to an Urban Dictionary definition of a nice guy here, but I found out that they...
Continue Reading
5 Kinds Of People To Avoid
Apr 24, 2024
Jordan Gray
5 Kinds Of People To Avoid
Ever found yourself in a relationship that drains your energy faster than water pours out of a busted fire hydrant? In a world full of diverse personalities, there are a few you might want to avoid. While by no means an exhaustive list, the following are a collection of some of the worst offenders. If...
Continue Reading
How To Rest (A Guide For Type-A People)
Aug 11, 2021
Jordan Gray
How To Rest (A Guide For Type-A People)
For as long as I can remember... I've always been a bit of a high-strung workaholic. On one occasion, I worked myself into total burnout - where I could barely stand for more than a few seconds without feeling dizzy. And mustering up the energy to walk to the sink to pour and drink a glass of water...
Continue Reading