Feb 28, 2016

Wear The Sword Until You Can’t: A Life Philosophy

Once upon a time, in real life, there was a guy named William Penn.

William was a Quaker and also a nobleman, which led to a lot of conflicts in his personal values. As you may know, Quakers are committed pacifists (they oppose war, violence, and militarism). A symbolic conflict for him was that he was supposed to wear a sword as a part of his uniform for formal events. He wanted to honour the culture he was a part of while simultaneously honouring his personal value system.

He sought guidance from a Quaker elder who gave him some advice that put his heart at ease. He told William that he should simply “Wear the sword until you can’t.”

I love this parable because it can be applied to essentially every area of our lives whenever we’re feeling a sense of conflict or anxiety.

You Wear The Sword Until You Can’t

How many times have you been in early-stage relationships where you weren’t sure if you liked the person enough to continue dating them, while living in a sort of testing-each-other-out limbo? You wear the sword until you can’t. When your certainty around not being a fit with them outweighs your curiosity, then you end the relationship and go about your separate ways.

Or maybe you’ve been in a long-term relationship or marriage where you found yourself increasingly dissatisfied with the relationship. You don’t run at the first sign of uncertainty (‘Oh, this sword is a little heavy on my side…’) but rather when the weight, heaviness, and dissatisfaction of the relationship is wearing on you so much that it’s lowering your quality of life and you’ve done everything you can to try and remedy the situation. When the sword is starting to chafe through your skin and make you bleed, you take it off.

Or maybe you’ve discovered that the career path that you’ve committed to (because you were once entirely enthralled by the idea/reality of it) is no longer lighting you up. Not only is it not making you light up, but it’s making you miserable. It’s negatively impacting your sleep, your health, and your ability to focus. You wear the sword until you can’t. If it’s making your life a living hell, then you’re allowed to set the sword down and pick up something new.

We are not static, unchanging beings. Everything about the world is in a constant state of change, and to assume that we are any different is just the grasping of our ego, trying to make us feel special.

There will come a time in your life when things that once felt familiar, and lovely, and comfortable will no longer feel that way. Circumstances change. You change. And you’re allowed to change.

Whatever area of your life your mind is automatically applying this concept to, trust that you are allowed to put the sword down.

You are allowed to choose a new way.

You wouldn’t be a human being if you didn’t change your mind once in a while. And besides, you aren’t changing your mind. You were honouring yourself in that moment when you made your decision weeks/months/years ago, and now you are simply honouring yourself in this new moment, in order to serve this new version of you.

Dedicated to your success,

Jordan

Jordan Gray
About Jordan Gray

Jordan Gray has been a sex and relationship coach for over 15+ years, with his work reaching over 200 million people worldwide. His writing has been featured in Vogue, GQ, The New York Times, Cosmopolitan, Women’s Health, and countless other publications around the world. When he’s not working with 1-on-1 coaching clients or writing a new article, he’s most likely to be found reading, chopping wood, or spending time with his wife on a little island off the west coast of Canada.

Blog

Related

See All
How To Stop Being Run By Your Most Deeply Ingrained Patterns
Dec 24, 2016
Jordan Gray
How To Stop Being Run By Your Most Deeply Ingrained Patterns
There are certain unconscious patterns that have been running you, your entire life. These patterns have tapped your energy. They have exhausted you. They have cumulatively wasted precious years of your life. And not until you become aware of these patterns and work through the beliefs that are propping...
Continue Reading
10 Simple Ways To Immediately Be More Attractive To Your Man
Jan 9, 2019
Jordan Gray
10 Simple Ways To Immediately Be More Attractive To Your Man
Looking to be more attractive to your man? What a beautiful intention! Go you! Over time, it’s not uncommon for the passion, sexual tension, and romantic energy to dwindle in a relationship. Now, this isn’t an inevitability of being in a long-term relationship (I know many couples who have highly charged...
Continue Reading
How To Write A Relationship Contract (With Examples)
Jun 13, 2016
Jordan Gray
How To Write A Relationship Contract (With Examples)
Have you ever heard of a relationship contract (also sometimes referred to as a relationship agreement)? There have been a few references to them in recent pop culture (most notably between Mark Zuckerberg and his wife Priscilla, on the TV show The Big Bang Theory, and - a version of one - in Fifty...
Continue Reading
Strength In Vulnerability
Feb 25, 2013
Jordan Gray
Strength In Vulnerability
Strength In Vulnerability When I tell guys that my coaching practice has a strong element of getting men re-connected with themselves, their integrity, and their ability to be vulnerable, the responses are predictable. "But isn't being vulnerable seen as weak, and therefore...
Continue Reading
3 Things That All Driven Men Need In A Partner
Apr 14, 2014
Jordan Gray
3 Things That All Driven Men Need In A Partner
Driven men, successful men, and entrepreneurial men all have something in common… They all yearn for an emotionally fulfilling relationship. Sure, all people crave a highly functioning and fulfilling relationship. But in my career as a relationship coach I have consistently seen driven, high-achieving...
Continue Reading
The Real Reason High Achievers Burn Out
Dec 7, 2025
Jordan Gray
The Real Reason High Achievers Burn Out
High achievers have a consistent problem that not enough people talk about publicly. They're disciplined, capable, responsible... and yet somehow still exhausted. They often have a million balls they're juggling in the air (people they're responsible for, livelihoods they support, people who come to...
Continue Reading