Feb 28, 2016

Wear The Sword Until You Can’t: A Life Philosophy

Once upon a time, in real life, there was a guy named William Penn.

William was a Quaker and also a nobleman, which led to a lot of conflicts in his personal values. As you may know, Quakers are committed pacifists (they oppose war, violence, and militarism). A symbolic conflict for him was that he was supposed to wear a sword as a part of his uniform for formal events. He wanted to honour the culture he was a part of while simultaneously honouring his personal value system.

He sought guidance from a Quaker elder who gave him some advice that put his heart at ease. He told William that he should simply “Wear the sword until you can’t.”

I love this parable because it can be applied to essentially every area of our lives whenever we’re feeling a sense of conflict or anxiety.

You Wear The Sword Until You Can’t

How many times have you been in early-stage relationships where you weren’t sure if you liked the person enough to continue dating them, while living in a sort of testing-each-other-out limbo? You wear the sword until you can’t. When your certainty around not being a fit with them outweighs your curiosity, then you end the relationship and go about your separate ways.

Or maybe you’ve been in a long-term relationship or marriage where you found yourself increasingly dissatisfied with the relationship. You don’t run at the first sign of uncertainty (‘Oh, this sword is a little heavy on my side…’) but rather when the weight, heaviness, and dissatisfaction of the relationship is wearing on you so much that it’s lowering your quality of life and you’ve done everything you can to try and remedy the situation. When the sword is starting to chafe through your skin and make you bleed, you take it off.

Or maybe you’ve discovered that the career path that you’ve committed to (because you were once entirely enthralled by the idea/reality of it) is no longer lighting you up. Not only is it not making you light up, but it’s making you miserable. It’s negatively impacting your sleep, your health, and your ability to focus. You wear the sword until you can’t. If it’s making your life a living hell, then you’re allowed to set the sword down and pick up something new.

We are not static, unchanging beings. Everything about the world is in a constant state of change, and to assume that we are any different is just the grasping of our ego, trying to make us feel special.

There will come a time in your life when things that once felt familiar, and lovely, and comfortable will no longer feel that way. Circumstances change. You change. And you’re allowed to change.

Whatever area of your life your mind is automatically applying this concept to, trust that you are allowed to put the sword down.

You are allowed to choose a new way.

You wouldn’t be a human being if you didn’t change your mind once in a while. And besides, you aren’t changing your mind. You were honouring yourself in that moment when you made your decision weeks/months/years ago, and now you are simply honouring yourself in this new moment, in order to serve this new version of you.

Dedicated to your success,

Jordan

Jordan Gray
About Jordan Gray

Jordan Gray has been a sex and relationship coach for over 15+ years, with his work reaching over 200 million people worldwide. His writing has been featured in Vogue, GQ, The New York Times, Cosmopolitan, Women’s Health, and countless other publications around the world. When he’s not working with 1-on-1 coaching clients or writing a new article, he’s most likely to be found reading, chopping wood, or spending time with his wife on a little island off the west coast of Canada.

Blog

Related

See All
The 4 Biggest Things I Wish I Had Been Taught In School
Jan 15, 2017
Jordan Gray
The 4 Biggest Things I Wish I Had Been Taught In School
In high school, I was a piss poor student. Upon entering high school I could immediately tell that this was not the game that I was going to win in life. Some kids got straight A’s... and I could tell that I wasn’t going to be one of those kids. I invested as little energy as I could into my school...
Continue Reading
Jordan's Top 10 Sex & Relationship Articles Of 2015
Dec 4, 2015
Jordan Gray
Jordan’s Top 10 Sex & Relationship Articles Of 2015
Happy almost 2016! Today, I want to do something a little bit different. This is a round up of all of the best articles I've written over the past year. I did something like this two years ago, and I thought it was time to bring it back. So without further ado... Here are my top ten most...
Continue Reading
Givers and Takers: How To Make Sure Your Relationship Lasts
May 10, 2015
Jordan Gray
Givers and Takers: How To Make Sure Your Relationship Lasts
I have worked with countless couples over the past several years on helping them have the most intensely satisfying intimate relationships possible. And through my time as a relationship coach I have noticed a major trend. There are two primary types of couples that come to me… Couples that are struggling...
Continue Reading
Why Entrepreneurs Need To Invest In Their Relationships
Mar 10, 2014
Jordan Gray
Why Entrepreneurs Need To Invest In Their Relationships
How many books have you read in the past year on business? Have that number in your mind? Alright, hold on to that. Now, how many books have you read on intimacy and relationships? If the number is more than a 2:1 ratio in favour of business books, you might want to seriously re-consider your...
Continue Reading
10 Ways For Men To Sharpen Their Sword 
Jun 2, 2020
Jordan Gray
10 Ways For Men To Sharpen Their Sword 
If you want to become a more effective and powerful man, it will require methodical training and conquering challenges. Now, if you’ve been reading my other writing on integrating your masculinity and becoming a stronger person, you’ll find that I might often stress the inner work, or, more specifically,...
Continue Reading
Why You Should Have A Morning Routine
Apr 12, 2016
Jordan Gray
Why You Should Have A Morning Routine
Do you have a morning routine? Some of the most successful, productive, grounded, and happy people I've ever had the pleasure of meeting have morning routines that they regularly turn to in order to start their days off on the right foot. The biggest difference I have noticed my morning routine make...
Continue Reading