Sep 22, 2015

Why I Say No To Almost Everything (And You Should Too)

Saying no to things you don’t want to do is liberating.

In the past twelve hours I have been asked about fifteen questions like the following in my Facebook inbox…

“Hey, I know you usually take the weekends off from hanging out with people… but can you help me move on Saturday?”

“Hey! I’m building up a coaching practice of my own and I’d love to pick your brain over coffee. When’s good for you?”

“Hey man, it’s your old acquaintance you barely know! Would you mind reading my super-quick twelve-paragraph question about my love life and answering it for free?”

Nope. No thanks. And definitely not.

Boundaries are great like that. You get to say no to exactly what you want to say no to.

And that makes it that much sweeter when you say YES to the things that you do want to say yes to.

People often worry… “What if I say no to them and they don’t like it/me?”

First of all, we can’t control other people’s reactions. And we definitely can’t control their perceptions of us (try as we might). No matter how we act, sometimes people are just not going to be happy with us and that’s a fact of life.

Secondly, if the people in your life are so easily perturbed by you saying no to them once or twice, then maybe your relationship with that person isn’t strong enough to warrant being in your life anyways.

Bottom line: the people who are meant to be in your life will remain in your life, when you set boundaries from a genuine place of honouring yourself.

I know I might be a fairly polarized example of this (being a highly sensitive introvert who really cherishes his alone time/time to create in solitude)… but I really do say “No” to over 95% of all of the requests that I get coming into my inboxes (the one exception being people who apply for coaching with me).

And like I mentioned… when I DO say yes to that podcast interview… or that first date… or that new client… then I feel so, so, so energized by it because I know that it didn’t just happen by chance. It happened by choice.

Remember, the most valuable resource you will ever have is your time.

You can always make more money but you can’t make more time. Your time is your gold. Don’t give away your gold for free. Especially to people who don’t appreciate it much to begin with.

Obviously this is contextual. If you are single and get one offer to go on a date per month, you might not want to say no to 95% of those. Or maybe you do. Because you’re too busy asking out people that you are excited about.

Commit, starting today, to only do the things that you want to do and spend your time with the people you love. There will always be other options… and there will be hundreds of “but maybe…”‘s to choose from. But your heart/gut knows what’s up. And you have to trust that inner guidance.

You must be willing to face the disapproval of others when you decide to make changes in your life. And for a lot of people, those changes start with your ability to set boundaries.

So say no when you want to say no. And give an emphatic yes when you want to say yes.

You’re allowed to be happy. You’re allowed to not do shit you hate.

You have full permission… starting today, until forever.

Dedicated to your success,

Jordan

Blog

Related

See All
Understanding The True Nature Of Jealousy
Nov 11, 2016
Jordan Gray
Understanding The True Nature Of Jealousy
Jealousy can be one of your most profound teachers, if you allow it to be. I get several emails every week from people who are trying to navigate their jealousy, and hitting a road block. I find it to be one of the most commonly misunderstood emotional responses in relationships. Jealousy, like anger,...
Continue Reading
Jordan's Top 10 Sex & Relationship Articles Of 2015
Dec 4, 2015
Jordan Gray
Jordan’s Top 10 Sex & Relationship Articles Of 2015
Happy almost 2016! Today, I want to do something a little bit different. This is a round up of all of the best articles I've written over the past year. I did something like this two years ago, and I thought it was time to bring it back. So without further ado... Here are my top ten most...
Continue Reading
7 Simple Tips To Beat Anxiety Naturally
Jun 13, 2017
Jordan Gray
7 Simple Tips To Beat Anxiety Naturally
Over 40 million people in the United States alone, aged 18 and older, suffer from anxiety (roughly 18% of the total population). That's nearly one out of every five adults. How ridiculous is that? At what point do we allow ourselves to recognize that something is slightly off with the system that has...
Continue Reading
Why Being Needy Is A Good Thing
Dec 18, 2013
Jordan Gray
Why Being Needy Is A Good Thing
In western society we are raised with an independence-is-the-only-way mindset. And this does so much damage to us it's ridiculous. You walk down the street and see women sporting t-shirts that say "100% single" or "I don't need no man". You hear men bragging about how long they've been single for...
Continue Reading
7 Things I Am Actively Working On In My Life Right Now
Nov 14, 2016
Jordan Gray
7 Things I Am Actively Working On In My Life Right Now
If you've been following me closely this year, you'll know that this has been a year of massive growth for me. Breakups, breakthroughs, loss, grief, anxiety, depression, hundreds of tears... I could go on. So many of my primary ego defences have started to crumble down after decades of use, to reveal...
Continue Reading
3 Reasons To Make Jealousy Your Friend
Apr 4, 2013
Jordan Gray
3 Reasons To Make Jealousy Your Friend
3 Reasons To Make Jealousy Your Friend We're told from a young age by friends, family, and society that certain emotions are "bad" to have. Depending on your culture and upbringing, pride, sexual desire, and jealousy are feelings that often have a bad reputation. Every emotion is...
Continue Reading