Nov 13, 2016

Men Who Cry Are Beautiful

Men are societally discouraged from crying from a young age, and that’s a problem.

As a result of men chronically suppressing their emotions, we have a drastically higher rate of suicide.

Of course there are other factors that lead to people taking their lives, but I see emotional suppression as the component that is the leading cause by a landslide.

Think of it like this…

People seriously consider suicide as an option when their pain begins to exceed their coping resources. And what causes pain? The cumulation of stored negative emotions. And why do men frequently have less coping resources than women when it comes to sharing their emotions? Because being seen as emotional is thought of as less acceptable for men.

If men only knew how beautiful and healing it was when they cried, then that suppressed emotional energy wouldn’t need to claim the lives that it does every year.

It Takes Courage And Strength To Feel Your Feelings

men crying, men who cry are beautiful

I’ve heard men boast about how they haven’t cried in years, as if being emotionally constipated is somehow a badge of honour to brag about.

Turning your back on your pain is easy, but it takes the ultimate courage to lean into your pain and feel your feelings.

In the short term, it’s easy to pretend that your pain isn’t there… to numb yourself with work, food, sex, or other compulsive distractions.

The harder path is to face your fear directly.

There are certain stress hormones that are only released through sweating and crying. So, sure, you can put on your workout gear and buy a gym pass to move your cortisol through your body… or you can slow down for a minute and have a good cry.

The Magical Shield Of Invincibility

One of my favourite parables comes from the author Paul Bunyan, in his book The Pilgrim’s Progress.

In this book, the protagonist has a magical shield. This shield makes him entirely invincible as long as he goes towards his opponents directly. If he goes at them at an angle, or he turns his back on them, then the shield loses all of it’s power and he is immediately made vulnerable.

The lesson: go towards your fears directly. If you face your challenges head-on, you will survive and grow stronger. If you attack your life’s challenges half-heartedly, you will become disempowered.

Lean into your emotional processing.

You are allowed to cry. You are allowed to release your old pain. You are allowed to walk through the fires of alchemy in order to come out stronger on the other side.

You are not a robot. You are a soft-bodied, human animal.

You are allowed to feel.

And the more you internalize the reality that your emotions are acceptable, necessary, and beautiful, the more you will attract people into your life that agree with you and treat your emotions with a similar sense of reverence.

And hey…

I know it isn’t easy to overcome decades of counter-conditioning and emotional suppression, but the world needs you in all of your emotionally expressed glory.

Wear your tears like badges of honour.

You’ve earned them.

If you enjoyed this post, you’ll likely also love reading:

How To Fully Release Difficult Emotions That Hold You Back

How To Manage Stress (Or How I Weathered My Shit Storm Of A Year)

All Of Your Suffering Was Worth It

How To Get Rid Of Your Repressed Anger

4 Reasons Not To Kill Yourself (Read This First)

Primary/header photo courtesy of Heather Pennell of RisingWoman.com

Jordan Gray
About Jordan Gray

Jordan Gray has been a sex and relationship coach for over 15+ years, with his work reaching over 200 million people worldwide. His writing has been featured in Vogue, GQ, The New York Times, Cosmopolitan, Women’s Health, and countless other publications around the world. When he’s not working with 1-on-1 coaching clients or writing a new article, he’s most likely to be found reading, chopping wood, or spending time with his wife on a little island off the west coast of Canada.

Blog

Related

See All
All Of Your Problems Boil Down To These Two Questions
Jul 10, 2018
Jordan Gray
All Of Your Problems Boil Down To These Two Questions
I have been a full time sex and relationship coach for the last decade. And in my time as someone who is on the front lines of facing into people’s pain, I have noticed a few pervasive patterns. Primarily, that the root issue of everyone’s questions can be boiled down to two simple questions: 1....
Continue Reading
10 Ways To Be The Most Romantic Partner She's Ever Had
Dec 30, 2013
Jordan Gray
10 Ways To Be The Most Romantic Partner She’s Ever Had
"Romance is for the unmarried." "Chivalry is dead." "Real men aren't romantic." I've heard these sentiments uttered by people throughout my life. And what a load of crap. The truth? All men have the ability to be romantic. Granted, many guys are afraid to do romantic things because they...
Continue Reading
Why Your Partner Can’t Be Your Everything
Jun 4, 2016
Jordan Gray
Why Your Partner Can’t Be Your Everything
You have been sold a fantasy that can never come true. One of the worst things that the era of romantic love has taught you is that you are supposed to find a soul mate in a significant other who will be able to meet all of your needs flawlessly, often without even having to communicate their needs...
Continue Reading
What Men And Women Should Learn From Each Other
Oct 8, 2013
Jordan Gray
What Men And Women Should Learn From Each Other
Your retinas are burning from the glow of your computer screen. Your neck is tense as you type away for the tenth hour of your work day. You forgot to break for lunch. You can feel your eyelids threatening to close; your wrists are already aching. But you just have to finish these last few tasks. After...
Continue Reading
The Benefits Of Entrepreneur / Entrepreneur Relationships
Oct 24, 2015
Jordan Gray
The Benefits Of Entrepreneur / Entrepreneur Relationships
I've written in the past about the best type of intimate partner for an entrepreneur, and things that driven people need in their love lives, but what about when both of the people in the relationship are entrepreneurs and/or self-employed? I get this question quite regularly so I thought I would...
Continue Reading
Stop Lying To Yourself
Aug 18, 2017
Jordan Gray
Stop Lying To Yourself
If “the truth shall set you free”, then lying to yourself will imprison you. Adults are phenomenally adept at avoiding the truth. In fact, most of society (and the majority of social interactions in general) are founded on overt and covert lies. Enabling. Half-truths. White-lies. Whatever you want...
Continue Reading