May 21, 2014

3 Unique Tricks To Make You The Best Partner Possible

If you found your way to this article that means that you are automatically a phenomenal person.

Seriously.

What kind of person takes time out of their day to try and become an even better boyfriend/husband/partner to their significant other? An awesome person, that’s who.

By following one or all of the following three unique steps I guarantee that you will be a better partner than you were for all of the days in your life leading up to this one.

So try one of these on for size. Your partner will thank you.

Here are three unique tricks to make you into the best partner possible.

1. Become An Expert Listener

By far the two most common complaints that I hear from my female clients are that their partners don’t take the lead often enough, and that they don’t feel like their partners truly listen to them.

The first step in becoming an expert listener is eliminating all other distractions (TV, cell phone, etc.) in your environment and facing them directly. By angling yourself at them and giving them your complete eye contact and attention, it’s so much easier to hear what they want to share with you.

The second step in becoming an expert listener is in understanding what kind of feedback most women are looking for while speaking with their partners.

Men are prone to conversing in two modes: challenging and problem solving. In man world, guys frequently use communication as a means of saying “I’m thinking this thing because it’s a problem… help me solve it”. So when guys hear their partners talking about their days with them, they assume that she must also want her problems solved.

But she isn’t looking for you to solve her problems (most of the time). She’s looking for you to validate and encourage her emotional reality.

The final tip that I will include in this section is that if she happens to tell you about certain things that are coming up for her in her life (like, for example, a hair cut) then mentally catalogue it and write it in your calendar as soon as possible. That way, even if she only gets an inch cut off (which you likely wouldn’t have noticed) you’ll remember to comment on it because your calendar reminded you of the special day.

“Why yes I did get my hair cut! Well aren’t you an attentive and detail-oriented guy!”

2. Become A Random Acts Of Kindness-Ninja

If you’ve been following my website for a while you’ll know that I’m a huge fan of random acts of kindness within the context of your relationship. That is to say, injecting little romantic gestures into your relationship at unexpected intervals can work wonders for greasing the wheels of your overall mutual relationship satisfaction.

Celebrating her birthday or holidays with sweet gestures is one thing, but doing them when she doesn’t expect them? That stuff is golden. Half of the fun is the fact that it’s a complete surprise.

Want some simple tips and ideas?

– Throw her towel in the dryer when she’s in the shower and hand it to her when she’s done so that she has a hot towel to dry off with.

– Stock your fridge with a sampling of her favourite drinks

– Cook her her favourite meal

– Write up a list of 50 things that you love about her and leave it for her somewhere she wouldn’t expect it

– Take her out to an unexpected event that you think she might like (concert, improv, theatre, ballet, etc.)

Whatever the random act of kindness is, make sure that you calibrate it to your partner for maximum effect.

3. Add Value To Her Life, And The Lives Of Those She Loves

A mature, emotionally evolved man is aware of himself, his immediate environment, and his community at large.

Take this mindset into becoming the ultimate partner by consciously looking for ways to add value to the life of your partner, and those that she holds dearest to her.

It’s one thing if you score some brownie points close to home by making your partner a romantic dinner out of nowhere, but it’s a whole other level of “Wow, you really didn’t have to” if you offer to babysit her new niece, or fix her parents’ lighting fixtures.

If the emotional reality of your partners extended network (best friends, family members, etc.) matters to your partner, then it matters to you.

Show you care by not just adding value selectively to her life, but to those of the people she cares about and get ready for a whirlwind of gratitude (don’t do it simply for the approval/validation, but rather because you genuinely like making her happier and more stress free).

Try it out, and see how it makes you feel. My bet… you’ll want to keep doing it just to feel like a deeply generous contributor of value to the world. Her happiness will just be an added bonus.

Want To Be The Ultimate Relationship Partner?

If there’s one thing that I’ve learned from fifteen years of monogamy it’s this… you can stand out from the crowd so easily with just a little bit of intentional energy focused towards your relationship.

But it isn’t satisfying on an internal level to just barely squeeze by the competition… you want to run laps around them!

So go onwards. Love deeply. Love with your full heart. And love with intention.

Dedicated to your success,

Jordan

Jordan Gray
About Jordan Gray

Jordan Gray has been a sex and relationship coach for over 15+ years, with his work reaching over 200 million people worldwide. His writing has been featured in Vogue, GQ, The New York Times, Cosmopolitan, Women’s Health, and countless other publications around the world. When he’s not working with 1-on-1 coaching clients or writing a new article, he’s most likely to be found reading, chopping wood, or spending time with his wife on a little island off the west coast of Canada.

Blog

Related

See All
To The Perpetual Fence Sitters
Nov 17, 2018
Jordan Gray
To The Perpetual Fence Sitters
Here are three true short stories. About Tammy, Anna, and Joe.  (All names and any identifying details have been changed to protect identity.) Tammy Last week, a woman (who I will call Tammy) sent me a 1,000+ word email telling me about how she wanted...
Continue Reading
You Are Going To Die (So Here's How To Actually Live)
Dec 22, 2017
Jordan Gray
You Are Going To Die (So Here’s How To Actually Live)
I had my first heart attack at the age of 25. I was walking down the street, my arms went numb, my head started spinning, and my heart was pounding faster than it ever had in my life. I walked up to an off-duty ambulance paramedic and said, “I think I’m having a heart attack. I’m definitely...
Continue Reading
4 Ways To Fully Receive Feminine Nourishment
Mar 29, 2021
Jordan Gray
4 Ways To Fully Receive Feminine Nourishment
Growing up, I experienced a lot of wounding with the feminine. Bullying, break ups, being emotionally decimated at my most vulnerable... At the age of 20, I felt like I'd had enough. I didn't want to be vulnerable with women anymore. I wanted to armour up. Shut them out. Punish them for how...
Continue Reading
How To Know If Your Relationship Has Potential
Oct 1, 2013
Jordan Gray
How To Know If Your Relationship Has Potential
You're a few months (or years) into your relationship and you're wondering whether or not this particular pairing has potential. You feel like you've wasted time with past partners and you don't want to make the same mistake again. Well, you're in luck. Having counselled hundreds of people over the...
Continue Reading
10 Ways For Men To Sharpen Their Sword 
Jun 2, 2020
Jordan Gray
10 Ways For Men To Sharpen Their Sword 
If you want to become a more effective and powerful man, it will require methodical training and conquering challenges. Now, if you’ve been reading my other writing on integrating your masculinity and becoming a stronger person, you’ll find that I might often stress the inner work, or, more specifically,...
Continue Reading
7 Powerful Ways For Men To Revive A Dead Bedroom
Oct 12, 2020
Jordan Gray
7 Powerful Ways For Men To Revive A Dead Bedroom
In a long-term relationship and your sex life has taken a nosedive? You're not alone. Nobody gets proper training in how to sustain connection and sexual desire in a long-term relationship or marriage, so why would we know how to keep the erotic home fires burning after the initial spark wears off? The...
Continue Reading