Jul 10, 2013

The Crazy Person's Guide To Self Development

There are a lot of dull men out there, and women know this.

I would argue (based off of zero scientific research) that there are currently many more quality women than men on this planet.  We are a generation that is big on personality, but low on character.

An unfortunate side effect of this is that the men don’t feel the need to cultivate themselves because they know they can always find a new partner if their current relationship doesn’t work out.

No matter who you are… to succeed in deeply attracting a woman you need to stand out.

Not like a dancing monkey… but like a man who is worthy of a quality woman.

And the fact that you are reading this means you’re already on to something.

So how are you original?  What is unique about you?  How are you cultivating yourself to become the best version of ‘you’ possible?

Here are three things that you can start consciously doing today to develop into the best possible person…

1. Grow

A self-aware man is consciously growing at all times.

You are far from perfect (and guess what, you always will be) but that shouldn’t stop you from pushing yourself through your own limiting barriers.

Take stock of every limitation that you can think of and patiently and persistently blast through them.

Want some examples?  I’ve got thousands.

I was prone to passive aggressive communication that made me come across as a whiny little boy and so I learned the art of assertiveness and began to communicate my needs more clearly.

I went through a quarter life crisis of leaving my job, girlfriend, and old friends within the span of 48 hours and went to therapy to make sure that I had the support I needed to navigate the hurdles.

I wanted to know everything there was to know about human sexuality and so I committed myself to reading 100 books within a year on the topic.

“Our biggest fear is taking the risk to be alive.” – Don Miguel Ruiz

2. Strive

It’s one thing to tell yourself that you are committed to personal growth, and a completely different thing to live it.

Have you ever read five or more books in a week?  Have you ever exercised so thoroughly that you could feel your heartbeat in your face?  Have you ever taken a chance at love and had your heart smashed into a thousand pieces?

I know I’m a pretty intense person by a lot of people’s standards… but I would argue that to be living a full life you need to be experiencing everything that life has to offer.  Strive for growth, don’t just accept what is passed your way.

Seek, ask, and knock until you find what is uniquely you in this world.

Want to reach out to a mentor?  Go do it.  Now.  It’s easier than you think it will be.  Get their contact info, add value to their lives, and get around them.

Want to gain or lose weight?  Hire a trainer.  Skip supplements.  Put the work in.

Do you feel uninteresting or undeserving of someone that you’re attracted to?  Read more.  Live more.  Strive to become the greatest you that was ever possible.

3. Challenge

Martial arts training is an amazing metaphor for how you live your life.

When fighting someone who has mutually agreed to practice the same fighting style as you, 80% of the time you stay within the lines of your combat’s rules and the other 20% of the time you keep each other present by taking jabs at each other that are just outside of the agreed upon rules.

Either surround yourself with friends that know how to keep you sharp, or keep yourself sharp.

Do your friends let you accept less from yourself?  Change your standards, or change your friends.

Do they let you (or encourage you) to settle in your dating, career, and emotional life?  Or are they the ones throwing jabs at you telling you to step your game up.

You might think it’s harsh to ditch friends just because they don’t challenge you, but I don’t.  A true friend wouldn’t let you live a half-hearted life.

The masculine energy in any person responds to being challenged.

Evolved men like the challenge of a partner who knows their worth and won’t settle for just anyone.

The only shortcut to attracting the highest quality partner is putting in the work of self development, removing your barriers to love and intimacy, and growing, striving, and challenging yourself.

So where can you be a little bit crazier with your self development?  How can you grow more in your process starting today?

Dedicated to your ridiculously empowered success,

Jordan

Jordan Gray
About Jordan Gray

Jordan Gray has been a sex and relationship coach for over 15+ years, with his work reaching over 200 million people worldwide. His writing has been featured in Vogue, GQ, The New York Times, Cosmopolitan, Women’s Health, and countless other publications around the world. When he’s not working with 1-on-1 coaching clients or writing a new article, he’s most likely to be found reading, chopping wood, or spending time with his wife on a little island off the west coast of Canada.

Blog

Related

See All
5 Mistakes I Made On The Path To Finding My Wife
Jul 15, 2025
Jordan Gray
5 Mistakes I Made On The Path To Finding My Wife
Before meeting my wife, I spent years getting in my own way. I made a handful of mistakes that likely cost me years of connection, intimacy, and peace of mind. I remember sitting across from a friend one night, telling him that maybe I just wasn’t cut out for lasting love. I was frustrated,...
Continue Reading
The Top 10 Best Articles Of 2016
Dec 26, 2016
Jordan Gray
The Top 10 Best Articles Of 2016
2016 was a massive year of growth for me. Many big wins and many big challenges. On the wins side... I helped more people this past year than I had cumulatively helped in my previous six years of coaching combined, I cultivated a deep sense of community for the first time in my adult life, I lived...
Continue Reading
Striving vs. Contentment - How To Be Driven And Happy At The Same Time
Nov 18, 2013
Jordan Gray
Striving vs. Contentment – How To Be Driven And Happy At The Same Time
How do you find a balance between striving for greatness and finding contentment in the present moment? Striving, or whatever you want to call it- being driven, yearning, reaching for the stars- comes at a cost if you don't balance it with enjoying what you have already achieved. Whether you are...
Continue Reading
7 Signs You Should Break Up With Them
Apr 8, 2014
Jordan Gray
7 Signs You Should Break Up With Them
Is there anything more painful than the state of limbo that occurs when you're living in a relationship and you aren't sure whether or not you should end it? Did something change in the relationship? Maybe you're growing apart… or you're falling out of love… maybe you were never in love in the first...
Continue Reading
7 Of My Favourite Quotes That Will Turn You Into A Better Person
Dec 22, 2018
Jordan Gray
7 Of My Favourite Quotes That Will Turn You Into A Better Person
I, Jordan Gray, am a quote junkie.  Every close friend, confidante, and fellow growth warrior in the trenches of life alongside me knows that a pre-requisite of being in my life is being comfortable with me starting every fifth sentence with the words, “That reminds me of the quote…” I...
Continue Reading
The 8 Best Books About Men’s Development And Sexuality
Oct 1, 2019
Jordan Gray
The 8 Best Books About Men’s Development And Sexuality
I frequently get asked for my top recommendations for self-help books in the men's development and sexuality realm. So I decided to compile a list. If you don't want to read through the entire article and read about why I think each book is great, and see some of my favourite quotes from each one,...
Continue Reading