Jul 10, 2013

The Crazy Person's Guide To Self Development

There are a lot of dull men out there, and women know this.

I would argue (based off of zero scientific research) that there are currently many more quality women than men on this planet.  We are a generation that is big on personality, but low on character.

An unfortunate side effect of this is that the men don’t feel the need to cultivate themselves because they know they can always find a new partner if their current relationship doesn’t work out.

No matter who you are… to succeed in deeply attracting a woman you need to stand out.

Not like a dancing monkey… but like a man who is worthy of a quality woman.

And the fact that you are reading this means you’re already on to something.

So how are you original?  What is unique about you?  How are you cultivating yourself to become the best version of ‘you’ possible?

Here are three things that you can start consciously doing today to develop into the best possible person…

1. Grow

A self-aware man is consciously growing at all times.

You are far from perfect (and guess what, you always will be) but that shouldn’t stop you from pushing yourself through your own limiting barriers.

Take stock of every limitation that you can think of and patiently and persistently blast through them.

Want some examples?  I’ve got thousands.

I was prone to passive aggressive communication that made me come across as a whiny little boy and so I learned the art of assertiveness and began to communicate my needs more clearly.

I went through a quarter life crisis of leaving my job, girlfriend, and old friends within the span of 48 hours and went to therapy to make sure that I had the support I needed to navigate the hurdles.

I wanted to know everything there was to know about human sexuality and so I committed myself to reading 100 books within a year on the topic.

“Our biggest fear is taking the risk to be alive.” – Don Miguel Ruiz

2. Strive

It’s one thing to tell yourself that you are committed to personal growth, and a completely different thing to live it.

Have you ever read five or more books in a week?  Have you ever exercised so thoroughly that you could feel your heartbeat in your face?  Have you ever taken a chance at love and had your heart smashed into a thousand pieces?

I know I’m a pretty intense person by a lot of people’s standards… but I would argue that to be living a full life you need to be experiencing everything that life has to offer.  Strive for growth, don’t just accept what is passed your way.

Seek, ask, and knock until you find what is uniquely you in this world.

Want to reach out to a mentor?  Go do it.  Now.  It’s easier than you think it will be.  Get their contact info, add value to their lives, and get around them.

Want to gain or lose weight?  Hire a trainer.  Skip supplements.  Put the work in.

Do you feel uninteresting or undeserving of someone that you’re attracted to?  Read more.  Live more.  Strive to become the greatest you that was ever possible.

3. Challenge

Martial arts training is an amazing metaphor for how you live your life.

When fighting someone who has mutually agreed to practice the same fighting style as you, 80% of the time you stay within the lines of your combat’s rules and the other 20% of the time you keep each other present by taking jabs at each other that are just outside of the agreed upon rules.

Either surround yourself with friends that know how to keep you sharp, or keep yourself sharp.

Do your friends let you accept less from yourself?  Change your standards, or change your friends.

Do they let you (or encourage you) to settle in your dating, career, and emotional life?  Or are they the ones throwing jabs at you telling you to step your game up.

You might think it’s harsh to ditch friends just because they don’t challenge you, but I don’t.  A true friend wouldn’t let you live a half-hearted life.

The masculine energy in any person responds to being challenged.

Evolved men like the challenge of a partner who knows their worth and won’t settle for just anyone.

The only shortcut to attracting the highest quality partner is putting in the work of self development, removing your barriers to love and intimacy, and growing, striving, and challenging yourself.

So where can you be a little bit crazier with your self development?  How can you grow more in your process starting today?

Dedicated to your ridiculously empowered success,

Jordan

Jordan Gray
About Jordan Gray

Jordan Gray has been a sex and relationship coach for over 18 years, with his work reaching over 250 million people worldwide. His writing has been featured in Vogue, GQ, The New York Times, Cosmopolitan, Women’s Health, and countless other publications around the world. When he’s not working with 1-on-1 coaching clients or writing a new article, he’s most likely to be found reading a book, working out with his trainer, or spending time with his wife and son on the East Coast of the United States.

Blog

Related

See All
Stop Lying To Yourself
Aug 18, 2017
Jordan Gray
Stop Lying To Yourself
If “the truth shall set you free”, then lying to yourself will imprison you. Adults are phenomenally adept at avoiding the truth. In fact, most of society (and the majority of social interactions in general) are founded on overt and covert lies. Enabling. Half-truths. White-lies. Whatever you want...
Continue Reading
Wear The Sword Until You Can’t: A Life Philosophy
Feb 28, 2016
Jordan Gray
Wear The Sword Until You Can’t: A Life Philosophy
Once upon a time, in real life, there was a guy named William Penn. William was a Quaker and also a nobleman, which led to a lot of conflicts in his personal values. As you may know, Quakers are committed pacifists (they oppose war, violence, and militarism). A symbolic conflict for him was that he...
Continue Reading
All Of Your Suffering Was Worth It
Mar 14, 2016
Jordan Gray
All Of Your Suffering Was Worth It
I’ve been through a lot in my lifetime. You’ve probably been through a lot of challenging things too. That’s just the nature of being a human being who has lived for more than a few years. Life is messy. None of us get through unscathed. We all collect wounds and scar tissue throughout our lives, be...
Continue Reading
I’m Done With Love: 5 Tips For When You’re Tired Of Trying
May 10, 2015
Jordan Gray
I’m Done With Love: 5 Tips For When You’re Tired Of Trying
Some of my clients come to me when they’re feeling their most frustrated and hopeless. They repeat the mantras that are graffitied all over the protective walls surrounding their hearts… “There are no good ones left.” “All men are liars.” “Women just want to get close so that they can treat you poorly...
Continue Reading
4 Things I Learned In 4 Years Of Running My Online Business
Jan 20, 2017
Jordan Gray
4 Things I Learned In 4 Years Of Running My Online Business
January 26th, 2017 is this website’s fourth birthday. Four whole years! If this website was a person it would be walking, talking, and beginning to form its own opinions about the world. It would also pee itself every now and then. I could take this analogy in a lot of different directions, so I’m going...
Continue Reading
Jordan’s Love List (Books, Music, Food, Sex Toys, & More)
Dec 3, 2015
Jordan Gray
Jordan’s Love List (Books, Music, Food, Sex Toys, & More)
I frequently get asked for recommendations about some fairly random things. And there's never been any neat, simple place to publicize those responses to people. So this year I’m starting a new tradition. Once per year, I’m going to release my new list of favourites. Favourite what, you ask? Favourite...
Continue Reading