Jul 10, 2013

The Crazy Person's Guide To Self Development

There are a lot of dull men out there, and women know this.

I would argue (based off of zero scientific research) that there are currently many more quality women than men on this planet.  We are a generation that is big on personality, but low on character.

An unfortunate side effect of this is that the men don’t feel the need to cultivate themselves because they know they can always find a new partner if their current relationship doesn’t work out.

No matter who you are… to succeed in deeply attracting a woman you need to stand out.

Not like a dancing monkey… but like a man who is worthy of a quality woman.

And the fact that you are reading this means you’re already on to something.

So how are you original?  What is unique about you?  How are you cultivating yourself to become the best version of ‘you’ possible?

Here are three things that you can start consciously doing today to develop into the best possible person…

1. Grow

A self-aware man is consciously growing at all times.

You are far from perfect (and guess what, you always will be) but that shouldn’t stop you from pushing yourself through your own limiting barriers.

Take stock of every limitation that you can think of and patiently and persistently blast through them.

Want some examples?  I’ve got thousands.

I was prone to passive aggressive communication that made me come across as a whiny little boy and so I learned the art of assertiveness and began to communicate my needs more clearly.

I went through a quarter life crisis of leaving my job, girlfriend, and old friends within the span of 48 hours and went to therapy to make sure that I had the support I needed to navigate the hurdles.

I wanted to know everything there was to know about human sexuality and so I committed myself to reading 100 books within a year on the topic.

“Our biggest fear is taking the risk to be alive.” – Don Miguel Ruiz

2. Strive

It’s one thing to tell yourself that you are committed to personal growth, and a completely different thing to live it.

Have you ever read five or more books in a week?  Have you ever exercised so thoroughly that you could feel your heartbeat in your face?  Have you ever taken a chance at love and had your heart smashed into a thousand pieces?

I know I’m a pretty intense person by a lot of people’s standards… but I would argue that to be living a full life you need to be experiencing everything that life has to offer.  Strive for growth, don’t just accept what is passed your way.

Seek, ask, and knock until you find what is uniquely you in this world.

Want to reach out to a mentor?  Go do it.  Now.  It’s easier than you think it will be.  Get their contact info, add value to their lives, and get around them.

Want to gain or lose weight?  Hire a trainer.  Skip supplements.  Put the work in.

Do you feel uninteresting or undeserving of someone that you’re attracted to?  Read more.  Live more.  Strive to become the greatest you that was ever possible.

3. Challenge

Martial arts training is an amazing metaphor for how you live your life.

When fighting someone who has mutually agreed to practice the same fighting style as you, 80% of the time you stay within the lines of your combat’s rules and the other 20% of the time you keep each other present by taking jabs at each other that are just outside of the agreed upon rules.

Either surround yourself with friends that know how to keep you sharp, or keep yourself sharp.

Do your friends let you accept less from yourself?  Change your standards, or change your friends.

Do they let you (or encourage you) to settle in your dating, career, and emotional life?  Or are they the ones throwing jabs at you telling you to step your game up.

You might think it’s harsh to ditch friends just because they don’t challenge you, but I don’t.  A true friend wouldn’t let you live a half-hearted life.

The masculine energy in any person responds to being challenged.

Evolved men like the challenge of a partner who knows their worth and won’t settle for just anyone.

The only shortcut to attracting the highest quality partner is putting in the work of self development, removing your barriers to love and intimacy, and growing, striving, and challenging yourself.

So where can you be a little bit crazier with your self development?  How can you grow more in your process starting today?

Dedicated to your ridiculously empowered success,

Jordan

Jordan Gray
About Jordan Gray

Jordan Gray has been a sex and relationship coach for over 15+ years, with his work reaching over 200 million people worldwide. His writing has been featured in Vogue, GQ, The New York Times, Cosmopolitan, Women’s Health, and countless other publications around the world. When he’s not working with 1-on-1 coaching clients or writing a new article, he’s most likely to be found reading, chopping wood, or spending time with his wife on a little island off the west coast of Canada.

Blog

Related

See All
What To Do When She Is Mad At You
Nov 5, 2013
Jordan Gray
What To Do When She Is Mad At You
Her arms are crossed. She’s stopped communicating with you entirely. She's reluctant to make eye contact with you… and when she does look your way, her gaze is hollow and icy. You rack your brain for what you could have done… What did you say? Did your flirty banter with that waitress over lunch go...
Continue Reading
11 Easy Ways To Actually Love Yourself More
Jan 24, 2016
Jordan Gray
11 Easy Ways To Actually Love Yourself More
You hear the advice of "love yourself first" from so many sources throughout your life. But what does that actually mean? While I think that it's wrong/damaging/ridiculous to tell people that they can't be loved by others until they love themselves (*ahem*... of course you can... you not loving...
Continue Reading
The Ultimate Guide To Male Grooming: 50+ Head To Toe Tips
Jun 2, 2018
Jordan Gray
The Ultimate Guide To Male Grooming: 50+ Head To Toe Tips
It’s easy to get lost in the world of male grooming advice. With thousands of tips, tricks, tools, creams, colognes, and cuts to choose from… where’s a fella to start when it comes to grooming himself? Every man wants to be able to feel 100% confident in how he looks, smells, and feels when...
Continue Reading
6 Money Arguments Couples Have (And How To Resolve Them)
Dec 10, 2019
Jordan Gray
6 Money Arguments Couples Have (And How To Resolve Them)
A few years ago, a reader pointed out to me that I didn't write about money enough. "Seeing as money is the #1 thing that couples fight about, it's interesting to me that you don't write about it more often." And they were right! So, I decided that I am going to be talking about money...
Continue Reading
How To Make A Full Time Income From Blogging (A Complete Guide)
Feb 12, 2017
Jordan Gray
How To Make A Full Time Income From Blogging (A Complete Guide)
Do you want to write for a living? Do you want to own your own business? Do you want to make more money, working fewer hours, while never having to go to an office, ever again? Well, guess what... not only is it totally doable, it’s never been more doable at any other point in the history of humanity. The...
Continue Reading
15 Specific Practices To Boost Self-Trust
Nov 18, 2018
Jordan Gray
15 Specific Practices To Boost Self-Trust
A coaching client of mine recently sent me a question via email on self-trust that I had a lot of energy for. Here is her question, followed by my response to her. - "Hi, Jordan. Since you seem to be looking for topics to write about every now and then, I'd have one for you I'd...
Continue Reading