Jul 10, 2013

The Crazy Person's Guide To Self Development

There are a lot of dull men out there, and women know this.

I would argue (based off of zero scientific research) that there are currently many more quality women than men on this planet.  We are a generation that is big on personality, but low on character.

An unfortunate side effect of this is that the men don’t feel the need to cultivate themselves because they know they can always find a new partner if their current relationship doesn’t work out.

No matter who you are… to succeed in deeply attracting a woman you need to stand out.

Not like a dancing monkey… but like a man who is worthy of a quality woman.

And the fact that you are reading this means you’re already on to something.

So how are you original?  What is unique about you?  How are you cultivating yourself to become the best version of ‘you’ possible?

Here are three things that you can start consciously doing today to develop into the best possible person…

1. Grow

A self-aware man is consciously growing at all times.

You are far from perfect (and guess what, you always will be) but that shouldn’t stop you from pushing yourself through your own limiting barriers.

Take stock of every limitation that you can think of and patiently and persistently blast through them.

Want some examples?  I’ve got thousands.

I was prone to passive aggressive communication that made me come across as a whiny little boy and so I learned the art of assertiveness and began to communicate my needs more clearly.

I went through a quarter life crisis of leaving my job, girlfriend, and old friends within the span of 48 hours and went to therapy to make sure that I had the support I needed to navigate the hurdles.

I wanted to know everything there was to know about human sexuality and so I committed myself to reading 100 books within a year on the topic.

“Our biggest fear is taking the risk to be alive.” – Don Miguel Ruiz

2. Strive

It’s one thing to tell yourself that you are committed to personal growth, and a completely different thing to live it.

Have you ever read five or more books in a week?  Have you ever exercised so thoroughly that you could feel your heartbeat in your face?  Have you ever taken a chance at love and had your heart smashed into a thousand pieces?

I know I’m a pretty intense person by a lot of people’s standards… but I would argue that to be living a full life you need to be experiencing everything that life has to offer.  Strive for growth, don’t just accept what is passed your way.

Seek, ask, and knock until you find what is uniquely you in this world.

Want to reach out to a mentor?  Go do it.  Now.  It’s easier than you think it will be.  Get their contact info, add value to their lives, and get around them.

Want to gain or lose weight?  Hire a trainer.  Skip supplements.  Put the work in.

Do you feel uninteresting or undeserving of someone that you’re attracted to?  Read more.  Live more.  Strive to become the greatest you that was ever possible.

3. Challenge

Martial arts training is an amazing metaphor for how you live your life.

When fighting someone who has mutually agreed to practice the same fighting style as you, 80% of the time you stay within the lines of your combat’s rules and the other 20% of the time you keep each other present by taking jabs at each other that are just outside of the agreed upon rules.

Either surround yourself with friends that know how to keep you sharp, or keep yourself sharp.

Do your friends let you accept less from yourself?  Change your standards, or change your friends.

Do they let you (or encourage you) to settle in your dating, career, and emotional life?  Or are they the ones throwing jabs at you telling you to step your game up.

You might think it’s harsh to ditch friends just because they don’t challenge you, but I don’t.  A true friend wouldn’t let you live a half-hearted life.

The masculine energy in any person responds to being challenged.

Evolved men like the challenge of a partner who knows their worth and won’t settle for just anyone.

The only shortcut to attracting the highest quality partner is putting in the work of self development, removing your barriers to love and intimacy, and growing, striving, and challenging yourself.

So where can you be a little bit crazier with your self development?  How can you grow more in your process starting today?

Dedicated to your ridiculously empowered success,

Jordan

Jordan Gray
About Jordan Gray

Jordan Gray has been a sex and relationship coach for over 15+ years, with his work reaching over 200 million people worldwide. His writing has been featured in Vogue, GQ, The New York Times, Cosmopolitan, Women’s Health, and countless other publications around the world. When he’s not working with 1-on-1 coaching clients or writing a new article, he’s most likely to be found reading, chopping wood, or spending time with his wife on a little island off the west coast of Canada.

Blog

Related

See All
The Ultimate Guide To Attracting A Partner That Aligns With You
Jul 16, 2014
Jordan Gray
The Ultimate Guide To Attracting A Partner That Aligns With You
As much as my books and blog posts largely focus on how to be the ultimate relationship partner, I get asked by men on a daily basis how to meet and attract a quality relationship in the first place. Without further ado, here is what I have learned through 15 years of serial monogamy. While getting...
Continue Reading
How To Stop Being Run By Your Most Deeply Ingrained Patterns
Dec 24, 2016
Jordan Gray
How To Stop Being Run By Your Most Deeply Ingrained Patterns
There are certain unconscious patterns that have been running you, your entire life. These patterns have tapped your energy. They have exhausted you. They have cumulatively wasted precious years of your life. And not until you become aware of these patterns and work through the beliefs that are propping...
Continue Reading
Do Something About It
Oct 1, 2016
Jordan Gray
Do Something About It
Life expands and contracts to the degree that you courageously move in the direction of your desires. In other words, you will be consistently rewarded for taking action, or consistently punished for doing nothing. Even more simply… If you’re not happy with something in your life… DO SOMETHING...
Continue Reading
How Humility Makes You A Better Person (5 Action Steps)
Jul 27, 2013
Jordan Gray
How Humility Makes You A Better Person (5 Action Steps)
Humility is a much overlooked concept in modern society. A quick search of humility from Google brings up synonyms like "meekness, lowliness, submission".  Generally speaking, humility is seen as having a low estimate of one's own importance or accomplishments. This is an outdated definition of...
Continue Reading
Growth vs. Safety - The Two Paths That Determine Your Success
Jul 15, 2013
Jordan Gray
Growth vs. Safety – The Two Paths That Determine Your Success
In any moment you are either choosing between growth, or safety. And more often than not, most people choose safety. You could travel the world and learn about yourself!  But… you might get kidnapped so never mind. You could quit your day job and become self-employed!  But… that sounds scary...
Continue Reading
Why You Should Have A Morning Routine
Apr 12, 2016
Jordan Gray
Why You Should Have A Morning Routine
Do you have a morning routine? Some of the most successful, productive, grounded, and happy people I've ever had the pleasure of meeting have morning routines that they regularly turn to in order to start their days off on the right foot. The biggest difference I have noticed my morning routine make...
Continue Reading