Jul 10, 2013

The Crazy Person's Guide To Self Development

There are a lot of dull men out there, and women know this.

I would argue (based off of zero scientific research) that there are currently many more quality women than men on this planet.  We are a generation that is big on personality, but low on character.

An unfortunate side effect of this is that the men don’t feel the need to cultivate themselves because they know they can always find a new partner if their current relationship doesn’t work out.

No matter who you are… to succeed in deeply attracting a woman you need to stand out.

Not like a dancing monkey… but like a man who is worthy of a quality woman.

And the fact that you are reading this means you’re already on to something.

So how are you original?  What is unique about you?  How are you cultivating yourself to become the best version of ‘you’ possible?

Here are three things that you can start consciously doing today to develop into the best possible person…

1. Grow

A self-aware man is consciously growing at all times.

You are far from perfect (and guess what, you always will be) but that shouldn’t stop you from pushing yourself through your own limiting barriers.

Take stock of every limitation that you can think of and patiently and persistently blast through them.

Want some examples?  I’ve got thousands.

I was prone to passive aggressive communication that made me come across as a whiny little boy and so I learned the art of assertiveness and began to communicate my needs more clearly.

I went through a quarter life crisis of leaving my job, girlfriend, and old friends within the span of 48 hours and went to therapy to make sure that I had the support I needed to navigate the hurdles.

I wanted to know everything there was to know about human sexuality and so I committed myself to reading 100 books within a year on the topic.

“Our biggest fear is taking the risk to be alive.” – Don Miguel Ruiz

2. Strive

It’s one thing to tell yourself that you are committed to personal growth, and a completely different thing to live it.

Have you ever read five or more books in a week?  Have you ever exercised so thoroughly that you could feel your heartbeat in your face?  Have you ever taken a chance at love and had your heart smashed into a thousand pieces?

I know I’m a pretty intense person by a lot of people’s standards… but I would argue that to be living a full life you need to be experiencing everything that life has to offer.  Strive for growth, don’t just accept what is passed your way.

Seek, ask, and knock until you find what is uniquely you in this world.

Want to reach out to a mentor?  Go do it.  Now.  It’s easier than you think it will be.  Get their contact info, add value to their lives, and get around them.

Want to gain or lose weight?  Hire a trainer.  Skip supplements.  Put the work in.

Do you feel uninteresting or undeserving of someone that you’re attracted to?  Read more.  Live more.  Strive to become the greatest you that was ever possible.

3. Challenge

Martial arts training is an amazing metaphor for how you live your life.

When fighting someone who has mutually agreed to practice the same fighting style as you, 80% of the time you stay within the lines of your combat’s rules and the other 20% of the time you keep each other present by taking jabs at each other that are just outside of the agreed upon rules.

Either surround yourself with friends that know how to keep you sharp, or keep yourself sharp.

Do your friends let you accept less from yourself?  Change your standards, or change your friends.

Do they let you (or encourage you) to settle in your dating, career, and emotional life?  Or are they the ones throwing jabs at you telling you to step your game up.

You might think it’s harsh to ditch friends just because they don’t challenge you, but I don’t.  A true friend wouldn’t let you live a half-hearted life.

The masculine energy in any person responds to being challenged.

Evolved men like the challenge of a partner who knows their worth and won’t settle for just anyone.

The only shortcut to attracting the highest quality partner is putting in the work of self development, removing your barriers to love and intimacy, and growing, striving, and challenging yourself.

So where can you be a little bit crazier with your self development?  How can you grow more in your process starting today?

Dedicated to your ridiculously empowered success,

Jordan

Jordan Gray
About Jordan Gray

Jordan Gray has been a sex and relationship coach for over 18 years, with his work reaching over 250 million people worldwide. His writing has been featured in Vogue, GQ, The New York Times, Cosmopolitan, Women’s Health, and countless other publications around the world. When he’s not working with 1-on-1 coaching clients or writing a new article, he’s most likely to be found reading a book, working out with his trainer, or spending time with his wife and son on the East Coast of the United States.

Blog

Related

See All
The 4 Most Valuable Things My Therapists Ever Told Me
Sep 1, 2020
Jordan Gray
The 4 Most Valuable Things My Therapists Ever Told Me
Every single person on the planet would benefit from seeing a therapist at multiple points throughout their lives. Whether it's for navigating a significant transition (like leaving high school, entering the work force, first experience with death, getting married, becoming a parent, first major breakup...
Continue Reading
If You Don’t Want To Be A Loser, Stop Entertaining Loser Thoughts
Jan 12, 2019
Jordan Gray
If You Don’t Want To Be A Loser, Stop Entertaining Loser Thoughts
Have you ever worried about being (or becoming) a loser? One of my email subscribers recently sent me this question: “I am currently in a downward spiral of becoming a full-fledged loser… I eat terribly, I'm not making my sleep a priority when I know I should, I’m not making any progress on my...
Continue Reading
Jordan's Top 10 Sex & Relationship Articles Of 2015
Dec 4, 2015
Jordan Gray
Jordan’s Top 10 Sex & Relationship Articles Of 2015
Happy almost 2016! Today, I want to do something a little bit different. This is a round up of all of the best articles I've written over the past year. I did something like this two years ago, and I thought it was time to bring it back. So without further ado... Here are my top ten most...
Continue Reading
3 Toxic Expectations That Kill Relationships
Apr 26, 2015
Jordan Gray
3 Toxic Expectations That Kill Relationships
Every person comes into relationships with some sort of expectations. Expectations around how they want to be loved. Expectations around how frequently they will communicate with each other. Expectations around what their sex lives will look like. Truly, the potential number of expectations...
Continue Reading
How To Fiercely Protect Your Time
Nov 6, 2016
Jordan Gray
How To Fiercely Protect Your Time
Here’s a problem that you haven’t been giving enough thought to… We live in the age of distraction, and your life is full of time vampires. Your beeping cell phone demands your attention. A loose acquaintance that you don’t really know very well reaches out to you on Facebook and asks to grab coffee/lunch/a...
Continue Reading
In Praise Of Praise
Nov 26, 2013
Jordan Gray
In Praise Of Praise
I met a recently engaged couple while living in Thailand earlier this year. I asked Phil to share his favourite thing about his fiancee, Emily, and he was quick to answer. “Emily is really nurturing and patient with me. She’s very sweet to me when I need it the most.” Emily was completely taken aback....
Continue Reading