Jul 15, 2013

Growth vs. Safety - The Two Paths That Determine Your Success

In any moment you are either choosing between growth, or safety.

And more often than not, most people choose safety.

You could travel the world and learn about yourself!  But… you might get kidnapped so never mind.

You could quit your day job and become self-employed!  But… that sounds scary and you want to make sure that you can pay your rent.

You could make getting into a relationship a priority and find the deepest, most loving relationship of your life!  But… opening up is scary and they might break your heart.

As far as we know we only get one pass at this living thing.  And guess what… you could be hit by a bus next week.

If you don’t choose growth then you are guaranteeing that you will stay stuck.  You will wake up a year from now exactly as you were… in a state of passive limbo.

And I’m not a believer in passive living.

So to ensure your forthcoming unstuck-ness when it comes to deciding between your two paths…

Here are three ways to ensure that you are choosing growth more often than safety in your life (and becoming superhuman in the process)…

1. Iron Out Your Wrinkles

If you were a dress shirt, where would you need to iron yourself out?

Where do you feel inconsistent?  Lacking?  Incongruent with your core self?  What areas of your life do you feel apprehensive talking about with people that you respect?

Everyone has things that they know they want to improve on.  The thoughts that pop up on a daily basis that you’ve become so good at pushing away.

Something is nagging at you and it’s there for a reason.  It wants you to hear it and take action.

It doesn’t matter how ridiculous the dream may seem.  The only ridiculous part is you not listening to your deepest desires day after day.

2. Commit To The First Step

One of my earliest mentors, Eben Pagan, taught me that “Doing something 99% of the way is hard as hell, but 100% is easy”.

Every plan seems terrifying until you commit to it.  Even if it seems like there might be a thousand steps between you and your ultimate goal, take the first one.  The easiest one.  The one that makes your heart beat faster, but just a little bit.

Put on your gym clothes.  Start a savings account.  Say hi to the cute girl you see (and only “hi”).  Whatever your first step is, do it.  Like, now o’clock.

3. Take The Leap

Remember how when you were young they told you you could be whatever you wanted to be when you grew up?

The scariest part about that is that it’s true.

It might not end up looking exactly like what you imagined… but you can get married/hired/healthy pretty damn fast if you put enough focused energy towards it.

Society likes to make it seem like an easy process.  And it isn’t.  Nothing in life worth having ever comes free.

You CAN get rich quick.  But you can’t get rich easy.

You CAN get married quick.  But not without putting in a lot of work into yourself and your process.

You CAN get the six-pack abs.  But you’ll feel like giving up thousands of times before seeing the results.

After you take the first step, you have to take the second.  And the fifth.  And the hundredth.

There is no substitute for putting in the work.  And you’ll have to do just that.

Hold Yourself To A Higher Standard

When I began to hate my old ‘job’ so much that it started to give me regular panic attacks, I hauled ass out of there.

My rational mind was telling me to do the right thing… wait until I had secured a new source of income before I left… wait until my mind settled down a bit.  Anything… just not growth!   Safety is so comfortable!

But I dragged my life kicking and screaming through that threshold.  And ten countries and four books later, it was so worth it.

Because it’s always worth it.

So what action are you looking forward to taking in your life?  Scary as it may be, you know it will transform your life.

Dedicated to your success,

Jordan

Jordan Gray
About Jordan Gray

Jordan Gray has been a sex and relationship coach for over 15+ years, with his work reaching over 200 million people worldwide. His writing has been featured in Vogue, GQ, The New York Times, Cosmopolitan, Women’s Health, and countless other publications around the world. When he’s not working with 1-on-1 coaching clients or writing a new article, he’s most likely to be found reading, chopping wood, or spending time with his wife on a little island off the west coast of Canada.

Blog

Related

See All
7 Bedtime Routines For Greater Intimacy
Oct 13, 2015
Jordan Gray
7 Bedtime Routines For Greater Intimacy
Whenever a couple comes to me looking to be proactive about their relationship (aka they're doing just fine, but they want to make some small improvements), I always ask them about what their night time routines look like. Inevitably, the usual suspects are mentioned... They brush their teeth,...
Continue Reading
4 Difficult Ways For Men To Build Confidence
Jun 7, 2020
Jordan Gray
4 Difficult Ways For Men To Build Confidence
Confidence is the deepest core desire of any man. It is the thing we yearn for above all else, whether we know it or not. It’s the drive hidden behind all of our conventional desires. We seek the high-paying job, the romantic partner, the fit body, or the emotional and psychological healing, because...
Continue Reading
A 23 Point Love Contract To Bulletproof Your Relationship
May 3, 2015
Jordan Gray
A 23 Point Love Contract To Bulletproof Your Relationship
Want to strengthen your relationship? Print out the following words and sign it with your partner. - Dear (THE NAME OF YOUR PARTNER), I promise to be gentle with you and your heart. I promise to allow you to have access to my heart. I promise to tell you the full truth even when it’s sometimes scary...
Continue Reading
6 Ways To Use Technology To Improve Your Relationship
Nov 30, 2014
Jordan Gray
6 Ways To Use Technology To Improve Your Relationship
Don't think that you can use technology to improve your relationship? Think again. People blame technology for a lot these days. I see endless news headlines with titles like: “Digital communication is making us more disconnected”, “We need more face to face and less Facebook”, and “People texting...
Continue Reading
3 Ways That Men And Women Are Conditioned Differently
Apr 24, 2020
Jordan Gray
3 Ways That Men And Women Are Conditioned Differently
No one escapes childhood without passing through a gauntlet of messages about what is expected from them. And while no one gets through unscathed, the messages that men and women receive tend to differ in some fairly consistent ways. Today, I’m going to dig into three of the most common differences. Why?...
Continue Reading
How To Harness And Heal The Pain Of A Breakup
Nov 18, 2015
Jordan Gray
How To Harness And Heal The Pain Of A Breakup
The pain of a breakup can be excruciatingly intense. I know because I've been there. I started working in sex and relationships full time because the pain of a breakup levelled me so hard that it shook up my entire life. We had been dating for just over a year. I thought I was going to marry...
Continue Reading