Nov 13, 2016

Men Who Cry Are Beautiful

Men are societally discouraged from crying from a young age, and that’s a problem.

As a result of men chronically suppressing their emotions, we have a drastically higher rate of suicide.

Of course there are other factors that lead to people taking their lives, but I see emotional suppression as the component that is the leading cause by a landslide.

Think of it like this…

People seriously consider suicide as an option when their pain begins to exceed their coping resources. And what causes pain? The cumulation of stored negative emotions. And why do men frequently have less coping resources than women when it comes to sharing their emotions? Because being seen as emotional is thought of as less acceptable for men.

If men only knew how beautiful and healing it was when they cried, then that suppressed emotional energy wouldn’t need to claim the lives that it does every year.

It Takes Courage And Strength To Feel Your Feelings

men crying, men who cry are beautiful

I’ve heard men boast about how they haven’t cried in years, as if being emotionally constipated is somehow a badge of honour to brag about.

Turning your back on your pain is easy, but it takes the ultimate courage to lean into your pain and feel your feelings.

In the short term, it’s easy to pretend that your pain isn’t there… to numb yourself with work, food, sex, or other compulsive distractions.

The harder path is to face your fear directly.

There are certain stress hormones that are only released through sweating and crying. So, sure, you can put on your workout gear and buy a gym pass to move your cortisol through your body… or you can slow down for a minute and have a good cry.

The Magical Shield Of Invincibility

One of my favourite parables comes from the author Paul Bunyan, in his book The Pilgrim’s Progress.

In this book, the protagonist has a magical shield. This shield makes him entirely invincible as long as he goes towards his opponents directly. If he goes at them at an angle, or he turns his back on them, then the shield loses all of it’s power and he is immediately made vulnerable.

The lesson: go towards your fears directly. If you face your challenges head-on, you will survive and grow stronger. If you attack your life’s challenges half-heartedly, you will become disempowered.

Lean into your emotional processing.

You are allowed to cry. You are allowed to release your old pain. You are allowed to walk through the fires of alchemy in order to come out stronger on the other side.

You are not a robot. You are a soft-bodied, human animal.

You are allowed to feel.

And the more you internalize the reality that your emotions are acceptable, necessary, and beautiful, the more you will attract people into your life that agree with you and treat your emotions with a similar sense of reverence.

And hey…

I know it isn’t easy to overcome decades of counter-conditioning and emotional suppression, but the world needs you in all of your emotionally expressed glory.

Wear your tears like badges of honour.

You’ve earned them.

If you enjoyed this post, you’ll likely also love reading:

How To Fully Release Difficult Emotions That Hold You Back

How To Manage Stress (Or How I Weathered My Shit Storm Of A Year)

All Of Your Suffering Was Worth It

How To Get Rid Of Your Repressed Anger

4 Reasons Not To Kill Yourself (Read This First)

Primary/header photo courtesy of Heather Pennell of RisingWoman.com

Blog

Related

See All
What To Talk About On A First Date
Apr 2, 2014
Jordan Gray
What To Talk About On A First Date
No matter how many first dates you’ve been on, they are always a bit nerve-racking. You show up with sweaty palms and racing thoughts ("Will they be fun… or awkward? Will I be attracted to them? Will the date go as well as I think it might?"), hoping that you make a real connection with someone...
Continue Reading
5 Ways To Immediately Feel Less Lonely
Dec 23, 2018
Jordan Gray
5 Ways To Immediately Feel Less Lonely
We are in the middle of a loneliness epidemic. Nearly half of Americans reported (sometimes or always) feeling alone, and over 40% said that they don’t have any relationships that feel meaningful. Rates of loneliness have doubled since the 1980’s.  Society often rewards isolation. It...
Continue Reading
Help Your Partner Work Through Past Sexual Abuse In 3 Steps
Jul 6, 2015
Jordan Gray
Help Your Partner Work Through Past Sexual Abuse In 3 Steps
Although this is the first time I’ve written about it publicly, the issue of sexual abuse is one that is very important to me. I have had multiple friends and lovers who have had sexual abuse in their past (either early childhood or later in life) and, with the average statistic saying that 1 in 3 women...
Continue Reading
I Tried To Kill Myself When I Was 15
Feb 25, 2017
Jordan Gray
I Tried To Kill Myself When I Was 15
This question landed in my inbox a few days ago, and it immediately stirred my soul. “Jordan, I found you and your writing when I searched ‘reasons not to kill myself’ and your article came up. First of all, thank you. I can tell that you have the kind of compassion that comes from having truly walked...
Continue Reading
How To Handle The Pain Of Sexual Rejection From Your Partner
Nov 28, 2020
Jordan Gray
How To Handle The Pain Of Sexual Rejection From Your Partner
Ever been sexually rejected by your partner? If you've ever been in a relationship that's lasted longer than six months, the answer would be yes. I recently got this email from a reader, and I decided to answer it in a long-form article, as I know that others would benefit from it. Here's the letter,...
Continue Reading
My Top 5 Best Articles of 2017
Dec 12, 2017
Jordan Gray
My Top 5 Best Articles of 2017
2017 was a huge year of transformation for me. Instead of being the always-working, uber-productive lone wolf that I often fell into being in my first few years of starting this blog, I chose instead to invest heavily in my social life and in cultivating a sense of community... I also started...
Continue Reading