Oct 9, 2016

The Pattern Gets Louder Until You Listen

Whatever pattern is trying to make itself known to you in your life, it will keep getting louder until you start paying attention to it.

Have you ever had a pattern repeatedly offered up to you to learn from, but as you ignored the initial warning signs, the pattern’s only option became making itself more apparent and in your face?

For example, the woman who attracts various partners whose lives are increasingly messy, eventually realizing she needs to start taking care of her own needs and discontinue saving other people from their messes.

Or the man who resents the career path that he has chosen… and only becomes more aware of his misalignment as his physical health deteriorates, his sleep suffers, and he starts projecting his frustration on to his friends and family members.

Or the woman whose husband continuously shows that he cannot meet her needs. First by emotionally retreating in conversations, then by being out of town more and more for work, and then by proverbially burying his head in the sand and pretending like there is nothing wrong in their marriage.

Or the man who miraculously only seems to be able to attract romantic partners who are already married, in relationship, or who live at least a five hour plane ride away… until he faces the fact that he is afraid of a truly intimate relationship.

Whatever pattern it is that you need to face in your life, it will keep coming back for you. Life has a way of forcing you to slam your head against the same brick wall, over and over, until you realize “Oh! This is a brick wall. I’m going to stop doing this now.”

What behavioural pattern do you need to shift in your life? What element of your life has been increasingly loud lately, in hopes that you will listen to it?

Maybe it’s time you listened. For your own sake.

Jordan Gray
About Jordan Gray

Jordan Gray has been a sex and relationship coach for over 15+ years, with his work reaching over 200 million people worldwide. His writing has been featured in Vogue, GQ, The New York Times, Cosmopolitan, Women’s Health, and countless other publications around the world. When he’s not working with 1-on-1 coaching clients or writing a new article, he’s most likely to be found reading, chopping wood, or spending time with his wife on a little island off the west coast of Canada.

Blog

Related

See All
How I Learned To Have Male Friends
Dec 11, 2019
Jordan Gray
How I Learned To Have Male Friends
I was bullied by my siblings for years in my childhood, and my brother was the ringleader of it all. It felt horrible. Like I was unworthy of love. I hated it so much that I tried to kill myself when I was 15 years old. As a result, I built a story in my mind that other men weren't trustable. For years...
Continue Reading
7 Things That Women Will Always Be Attracted To
Apr 22, 2014
Jordan Gray
7 Things That Women Will Always Be Attracted To
If there's one thing that I've learned in my career as a relationship coach it's that guys’ beliefs about what actually attracts women is pretty ass-backwards. Men have been raised with the false belief that they should always appear detached, cool and unemotional, 24/7, or risk being known in guy...
Continue Reading
10 Ways For Men To Sharpen Their Sword 
Jun 2, 2020
Jordan Gray
10 Ways For Men To Sharpen Their Sword 
If you want to become a more effective and powerful man, it will require methodical training and conquering challenges. Now, if you’ve been reading my other writing on integrating your masculinity and becoming a stronger person, you’ll find that I might often stress the inner work, or, more specifically,...
Continue Reading
How To Make Friends As An Adult (7 Steps)
Aug 6, 2017
Jordan Gray
How To Make Friends As An Adult (7 Steps)
Hello friend, Let me start with a personal story... When I started this website (back in 2013), I made a conscious decision to de-prioritize the majority of my friendships and focus primarily on creating value for my readers. I would go months without seeing certain friends. When I did socialize...
Continue Reading
How To Get The Slight Edge In Your Relationship
Aug 22, 2015
Jordan Gray
How To Get The Slight Edge In Your Relationship
Have you ever heard of the book 'The Slight Edge' by Jeff Olson? It's one of my all time favourite self-help books that I re-read every year or so. It isn’t a problem if you haven’t read it… since I’m about to summarize the whole book into one sentence. The basic premise of The Slight Edge is that… Small,...
Continue Reading
4 Ways To Fully Receive Feminine Nourishment
Mar 29, 2021
Jordan Gray
4 Ways To Fully Receive Feminine Nourishment
Growing up, I experienced a lot of wounding with the feminine. Bullying, break ups, being emotionally decimated at my most vulnerable... At the age of 20, I felt like I'd had enough. I didn't want to be vulnerable with women anymore. I wanted to armour up. Shut them out. Punish them for how...
Continue Reading