Oct 9, 2016

The Pattern Gets Louder Until You Listen

Whatever pattern is trying to make itself known to you in your life, it will keep getting louder until you start paying attention to it.

Have you ever had a pattern repeatedly offered up to you to learn from, but as you ignored the initial warning signs, the pattern’s only option became making itself more apparent and in your face?

For example, the woman who attracts various partners whose lives are increasingly messy, eventually realizing she needs to start taking care of her own needs and discontinue saving other people from their messes.

Or the man who resents the career path that he has chosen… and only becomes more aware of his misalignment as his physical health deteriorates, his sleep suffers, and he starts projecting his frustration on to his friends and family members.

Or the woman whose husband continuously shows that he cannot meet her needs. First by emotionally retreating in conversations, then by being out of town more and more for work, and then by proverbially burying his head in the sand and pretending like there is nothing wrong in their marriage.

Or the man who miraculously only seems to be able to attract romantic partners who are already married, in relationship, or who live at least a five hour plane ride away… until he faces the fact that he is afraid of a truly intimate relationship.

Whatever pattern it is that you need to face in your life, it will keep coming back for you. Life has a way of forcing you to slam your head against the same brick wall, over and over, until you realize “Oh! This is a brick wall. I’m going to stop doing this now.”

What behavioural pattern do you need to shift in your life? What element of your life has been increasingly loud lately, in hopes that you will listen to it?

Maybe it’s time you listened. For your own sake.

Jordan Gray
About Jordan Gray

Jordan Gray has been a sex and relationship coach for over 15+ years, with his work reaching over 200 million people worldwide. His writing has been featured in Vogue, GQ, The New York Times, Cosmopolitan, Women’s Health, and countless other publications around the world. When he’s not working with 1-on-1 coaching clients or writing a new article, he’s most likely to be found reading, chopping wood, or spending time with his wife on a little island off the west coast of Canada.

Blog

Related

See All
Stretch Your Opposites
Nov 16, 2018
Jordan Gray
Stretch Your Opposites
It’s easy to become complacent in life.  It’s easy to just go back to sleep and chronically neglect your growth edges. Laziness is our default. Psychological sleepiness plagues our world. Entropy is real. And if we aren’t consciously shaking up our routines every now and...
Continue Reading
Why It's Easier Than Ever To Stand Out From The Crowd
Jun 4, 2013
Jordan Gray
Why It’s Easier Than Ever To Stand Out From The Crowd
We live in a society of instant gratification. There is always an easy way out or shortcut to take advantage of.  Men are being encouraged to do the bare minimum to achieve result in their lives.  And this trend is negatively affecting modern masculinity. The masculine in you thrives off of being...
Continue Reading
5 Ways To Help Reduce The Male Suicide Rate
Dec 18, 2017
Jordan Gray
5 Ways To Help Reduce The Male Suicide Rate
Men are dying by suicide at a rate of three to four times more than women. In a 2014 UK study, the male suicide rate was 16.8 suicides per 100,000 people, versus 5.2 per 100,000 for female deaths. Of the more than 44,000 people who die by suicide every year in the United States, the significant...
Continue Reading
If You Don’t Want To Be A Loser, Stop Entertaining Loser Thoughts
Jan 12, 2019
Jordan Gray
If You Don’t Want To Be A Loser, Stop Entertaining Loser Thoughts
Have you ever worried about being (or becoming) a loser? One of my email subscribers recently sent me this question: “I am currently in a downward spiral of becoming a full-fledged loser… I eat terribly, I'm not making my sleep a priority when I know I should, I’m not making any progress on my...
Continue Reading
The Real Reason High Achievers Burn Out
Dec 7, 2025
Jordan Gray
The Real Reason High Achievers Burn Out
High achievers have a consistent problem that not enough people talk about publicly. They're disciplined, capable, responsible... and yet somehow still exhausted. They often have a million balls they're juggling in the air (people they're responsible for, livelihoods they support, people who come to...
Continue Reading
10 Daily Habits That Have Been Changing My Life Lately
Mar 4, 2018
Jordan Gray
10 Daily Habits That Have Been Changing My Life Lately
I go in and out of cycles of being overly interested in hacking and optimizing my life’s habits. I’ll have a couple of months where I’m really focused on optimizing my physical health (i.e. seeing a personal trainer every week, taking vacations, soaking up lots of time in nature, eating my weight in...
Continue Reading