Oct 9, 2016

The Pattern Gets Louder Until You Listen

Whatever pattern is trying to make itself known to you in your life, it will keep getting louder until you start paying attention to it.

Have you ever had a pattern repeatedly offered up to you to learn from, but as you ignored the initial warning signs, the pattern’s only option became making itself more apparent and in your face?

For example, the woman who attracts various partners whose lives are increasingly messy, eventually realizing she needs to start taking care of her own needs and discontinue saving other people from their messes.

Or the man who resents the career path that he has chosen… and only becomes more aware of his misalignment as his physical health deteriorates, his sleep suffers, and he starts projecting his frustration on to his friends and family members.

Or the woman whose husband continuously shows that he cannot meet her needs. First by emotionally retreating in conversations, then by being out of town more and more for work, and then by proverbially burying his head in the sand and pretending like there is nothing wrong in their marriage.

Or the man who miraculously only seems to be able to attract romantic partners who are already married, in relationship, or who live at least a five hour plane ride away… until he faces the fact that he is afraid of a truly intimate relationship.

Whatever pattern it is that you need to face in your life, it will keep coming back for you. Life has a way of forcing you to slam your head against the same brick wall, over and over, until you realize “Oh! This is a brick wall. I’m going to stop doing this now.”

What behavioural pattern do you need to shift in your life? What element of your life has been increasingly loud lately, in hopes that you will listen to it?

Maybe it’s time you listened. For your own sake.

Jordan Gray
About Jordan Gray

Jordan Gray has been a sex and relationship coach for over 15+ years, with his work reaching over 200 million people worldwide. His writing has been featured in Vogue, GQ, The New York Times, Cosmopolitan, Women’s Health, and countless other publications around the world. When he’s not working with 1-on-1 coaching clients or writing a new article, he’s most likely to be found reading, chopping wood, or spending time with his wife on a little island off the west coast of Canada.

Blog

Related

See All
How To Recharge Your Relationship From The Inside Out
Nov 4, 2015
Jordan Gray
How To Recharge Your Relationship From The Inside Out
Without intentional effort, relationships get stale. And while communication, date nights, romantic gestures, and great sex will definitely add a boost to your love life, sometimes what we really need to do is improve our relationship by improving our relationship with ourselves. In my opinion,...
Continue Reading
30 Life Lessons From 30 Years Of Living
Apr 24, 2017
Jordan Gray
30 Life Lessons From 30 Years Of Living
It was my 30th birthday a few days ago. Roughly 30 years ago I came into the world a fat, loud, fuzzy little baby. And now I'm a slender, quiet, fuzzy big man. Oh how the times have changed! I'm pretty sure I've learned some things in my 30 years of existing... but at the same time, I feel like the...
Continue Reading
I Had Sex With Over 300 Women, And Then Got Married
Jul 30, 2023
Jordan Gray
I Had Sex With Over 300 Women, And Then Got Married
Between the ages of 16-30, I had well over 300 sexual partners. At a certain point, I stopped counting... but my best guess would be somewhere between 330-380. When I've told select friends this, they are often amazed. How does someone even rack up those kinds of numbers? In reality, I was absolutely...
Continue Reading
In Praise Of Praise
Nov 26, 2013
Jordan Gray
In Praise Of Praise
I met a recently engaged couple while living in Thailand earlier this year. I asked Phil to share his favourite thing about his fiancee, Emily, and he was quick to answer. “Emily is really nurturing and patient with me. She’s very sweet to me when I need it the most.” Emily was completely taken aback....
Continue Reading
You Can Not Heal On Your Own
Jan 23, 2017
Jordan Gray
You Can Not Heal On Your Own
Western society lives by the culturally imposed rules of ‘The Cult Of One’. We are constantly bombarded with messages of “Go it alone”… “Be all that YOU can be”… “Never let ‘em see you sweat”… “When you laugh the world laughs with you, when you cry, you cry alone.” The underlying message being that...
Continue Reading
The Importance Of Honouring Your Standards
Apr 14, 2016
Jordan Gray
The Importance Of Honouring Your Standards
This question came in from a reader yesterday… - “I’ve been sleeping with a guy for the past ten months, I communicated to him early on that I was looking for something more serious and he seemed open to it. But every time I brought up the conversation of taking our relationship to the next level...
Continue Reading