Oct 9, 2016

The Pattern Gets Louder Until You Listen

Whatever pattern is trying to make itself known to you in your life, it will keep getting louder until you start paying attention to it.

Have you ever had a pattern repeatedly offered up to you to learn from, but as you ignored the initial warning signs, the pattern’s only option became making itself more apparent and in your face?

For example, the woman who attracts various partners whose lives are increasingly messy, eventually realizing she needs to start taking care of her own needs and discontinue saving other people from their messes.

Or the man who resents the career path that he has chosen… and only becomes more aware of his misalignment as his physical health deteriorates, his sleep suffers, and he starts projecting his frustration on to his friends and family members.

Or the woman whose husband continuously shows that he cannot meet her needs. First by emotionally retreating in conversations, then by being out of town more and more for work, and then by proverbially burying his head in the sand and pretending like there is nothing wrong in their marriage.

Or the man who miraculously only seems to be able to attract romantic partners who are already married, in relationship, or who live at least a five hour plane ride away… until he faces the fact that he is afraid of a truly intimate relationship.

Whatever pattern it is that you need to face in your life, it will keep coming back for you. Life has a way of forcing you to slam your head against the same brick wall, over and over, until you realize “Oh! This is a brick wall. I’m going to stop doing this now.”

What behavioural pattern do you need to shift in your life? What element of your life has been increasingly loud lately, in hopes that you will listen to it?

Maybe it’s time you listened. For your own sake.

Jordan Gray
About Jordan Gray

Jordan Gray has been a sex and relationship coach for over 15+ years, with his work reaching over 200 million people worldwide. His writing has been featured in Vogue, GQ, The New York Times, Cosmopolitan, Women’s Health, and countless other publications around the world. When he’s not working with 1-on-1 coaching clients or writing a new article, he’s most likely to be found reading, chopping wood, or spending time with his wife on a little island off the west coast of Canada.

Blog

Related

See All
5 Things I Had To Overcome To Find My Dream Woman
Jan 5, 2015
Jordan Gray
5 Things I Had To Overcome To Find My Dream Woman
I set out to make 2014 the year that I worked through the deepest roots of my emotional turmoil. Due to a combination of childhood bullying and depression, and a rather emotionally devastating break up in my early twenties, I feared letting people get close to me in intimate relationships for the...
Continue Reading
Chivalry Is Far From Dead (And How Women Almost Killed It Off)
Jan 6, 2014
Jordan Gray
Chivalry Is Far From Dead (And How Women Almost Killed It Off)
There is the common misconception out there that chivalry died a painful death many years ago. Is this true? Hardly. Side note: Just so we're all on the same page here… I will define chivalry as the act of being polite to someone else (this doesn't have to be a male acting politely towards a...
Continue Reading
It’s Terrifying And Then It’s Amazing
Apr 8, 2016
Jordan Gray
It’s Terrifying And Then It’s Amazing
I’m going on an airplane tomorrow. And I really, truly do not enjoy flying. I know… it’s a modern miracle… and it’s all “WOW I’M IN THE SKY RIGHT NOW!”… but I can’t help but feel like we’re going to drop out of the sky at any moment. Even though that’s fairly impossible. And even though there’s a way...
Continue Reading
10 Ways To Be Deeply Devoted To Your Partner
Apr 9, 2021
Jordan Gray
10 Ways To Be Deeply Devoted To Your Partner
How is your relationship to relationships? For most people, it’s highly selfish and egoic. It’s all about what they can get, versus what they can give. They operate more like entitled, co-dependent children than responsible adults. Here’s some general advice for life: Don't be like most...
Continue Reading
What Learning To Backflip Taught Me About Life
Apr 15, 2019
Jordan Gray
What Learning To Backflip Taught Me About Life
In the summer of 2018, I decided that I wanted to learn how to backflip. Being 6’7 (2.01m), this seemed like an impossible task. My internal dialogue rattled on... "Am I too lanky to pull this off? Do my legs have to work harder to launch my giant body off of the ground? Will I land on my head...
Continue Reading
7 Ways NoFap Improves Your Relationship (And Your Life)
Jul 16, 2020
Jordan Gray
7 Ways NoFap Improves Your Relationship (And Your Life)
Think your chronic masturbation habit could be negatively impacting your relationship? Well, you may be right. And you’re also not alone. If you don’t spend much time on internet forums, you probably missed the millions of men who have already been sharing their struggles in love and sex, and...
Continue Reading