Oct 9, 2016

The Pattern Gets Louder Until You Listen

Whatever pattern is trying to make itself known to you in your life, it will keep getting louder until you start paying attention to it.

Have you ever had a pattern repeatedly offered up to you to learn from, but as you ignored the initial warning signs, the pattern’s only option became making itself more apparent and in your face?

For example, the woman who attracts various partners whose lives are increasingly messy, eventually realizing she needs to start taking care of her own needs and discontinue saving other people from their messes.

Or the man who resents the career path that he has chosen… and only becomes more aware of his misalignment as his physical health deteriorates, his sleep suffers, and he starts projecting his frustration on to his friends and family members.

Or the woman whose husband continuously shows that he cannot meet her needs. First by emotionally retreating in conversations, then by being out of town more and more for work, and then by proverbially burying his head in the sand and pretending like there is nothing wrong in their marriage.

Or the man who miraculously only seems to be able to attract romantic partners who are already married, in relationship, or who live at least a five hour plane ride away… until he faces the fact that he is afraid of a truly intimate relationship.

Whatever pattern it is that you need to face in your life, it will keep coming back for you. Life has a way of forcing you to slam your head against the same brick wall, over and over, until you realize “Oh! This is a brick wall. I’m going to stop doing this now.”

What behavioural pattern do you need to shift in your life? What element of your life has been increasingly loud lately, in hopes that you will listen to it?

Maybe it’s time you listened. For your own sake.

Jordan Gray
About Jordan Gray

Jordan Gray has been a sex and relationship coach for over 15+ years, with his work reaching over 200 million people worldwide. His writing has been featured in Vogue, GQ, The New York Times, Cosmopolitan, Women’s Health, and countless other publications around the world. When he’s not working with 1-on-1 coaching clients or writing a new article, he’s most likely to be found reading, chopping wood, or spending time with his wife on a little island off the west coast of Canada.

Blog

Related

See All
How To Own Your Shadow Before It Owns You
Jan 20, 2019
Jordan Gray
How To Own Your Shadow Before It Owns You
In this article, I am going to dive into everything you need to know about the shadow. How to face it, own it, integrate it, and use it as your rocket fuel. Ignore this advice, and your shadow will own you. It will wreak havoc in your relationships. Left unfaced, your shadow becomes the anchor being...
Continue Reading
The 3 Biggest Obstacles Impeding Men's Development Today
Jun 15, 2020
Jordan Gray
The 3 Biggest Obstacles Impeding Men’s Development Today
If you’re a modern man, you’ve probably noticed how hard it can be to make real progress on your most significant goals. Do you feel like nothing is changing in your life, despite having good intentions? Or like you’re just crawling along in first gear, and not feeling enough traction or aliveness? Or...
Continue Reading
To The Perpetual Fence Sitters
Nov 17, 2018
Jordan Gray
To The Perpetual Fence Sitters
Here are three true short stories. About Tammy, Anna, and Joe.  (All names and any identifying details have been changed to protect identity.) Tammy Last week, a woman (who I will call Tammy) sent me a 1,000+ word email telling me about how she wanted...
Continue Reading
The 3 Best Questions You Could Ever Ask Your Partner
May 16, 2015
Jordan Gray
The 3 Best Questions You Could Ever Ask Your Partner
One of the worst things that we do in our intimate relationships is make assumptions. We assume that our partners receive love in the same manner that we do. We assume that our partners expect the same things from marriage. We assume that our partner defines monogamy the same as we do. The assumptions...
Continue Reading
King Warrior Magician Lover: How To Grow The 4 Masculine Archetypes
Mar 4, 2018
Jordan Gray
King Warrior Magician Lover: How To Grow The 4 Masculine Archetypes
Have you ever heard of the King, Warrior, Magician, and Lover archetypes? These four Jungian archetypes represent the four major components of what makes up any healthy, fully individuated mature masculine essence. In other words, to slide the fader further down the continuum from boy to man, these...
Continue Reading
Why It's Easier Than Ever To Stand Out From The Crowd
Jun 4, 2013
Jordan Gray
Why It’s Easier Than Ever To Stand Out From The Crowd
We live in a society of instant gratification. There is always an easy way out or shortcut to take advantage of.  Men are being encouraged to do the bare minimum to achieve result in their lives.  And this trend is negatively affecting modern masculinity. The masculine in you thrives off of being...
Continue Reading