Oct 9, 2016

The Pattern Gets Louder Until You Listen

Whatever pattern is trying to make itself known to you in your life, it will keep getting louder until you start paying attention to it.

Have you ever had a pattern repeatedly offered up to you to learn from, but as you ignored the initial warning signs, the pattern’s only option became making itself more apparent and in your face?

For example, the woman who attracts various partners whose lives are increasingly messy, eventually realizing she needs to start taking care of her own needs and discontinue saving other people from their messes.

Or the man who resents the career path that he has chosen… and only becomes more aware of his misalignment as his physical health deteriorates, his sleep suffers, and he starts projecting his frustration on to his friends and family members.

Or the woman whose husband continuously shows that he cannot meet her needs. First by emotionally retreating in conversations, then by being out of town more and more for work, and then by proverbially burying his head in the sand and pretending like there is nothing wrong in their marriage.

Or the man who miraculously only seems to be able to attract romantic partners who are already married, in relationship, or who live at least a five hour plane ride away… until he faces the fact that he is afraid of a truly intimate relationship.

Whatever pattern it is that you need to face in your life, it will keep coming back for you. Life has a way of forcing you to slam your head against the same brick wall, over and over, until you realize “Oh! This is a brick wall. I’m going to stop doing this now.”

What behavioural pattern do you need to shift in your life? What element of your life has been increasingly loud lately, in hopes that you will listen to it?

Maybe it’s time you listened. For your own sake.

Jordan Gray
About Jordan Gray

Jordan Gray has been a sex and relationship coach for over 15+ years, with his work reaching over 200 million people worldwide. His writing has been featured in Vogue, GQ, The New York Times, Cosmopolitan, Women’s Health, and countless other publications around the world. When he’s not working with 1-on-1 coaching clients or writing a new article, he’s most likely to be found reading, chopping wood, or spending time with his wife on a little island off the west coast of Canada.

Blog

Related

See All
Take The Leap
Mar 2, 2013
Jordan Gray
Take The Leap
Take The Leap I am three hours away from leaving my hometown on a one-way ticket to Asia. My small carry-on, sitting in the corner of my bedroom, has been packed for weeks. I told my girlfriend that I had packed it because I was so excited to leave, but if I'm being honest with myself,...
Continue Reading
The Importance Of Honouring Your Standards
Apr 14, 2016
Jordan Gray
The Importance Of Honouring Your Standards
This question came in from a reader yesterday… - “I’ve been sleeping with a guy for the past ten months, I communicated to him early on that I was looking for something more serious and he seemed open to it. But every time I brought up the conversation of taking our relationship to the next level...
Continue Reading
4 Difficult Ways For Men To Build Confidence
Jun 7, 2020
Jordan Gray
4 Difficult Ways For Men To Build Confidence
Confidence is the deepest core desire of any man. It is the thing we yearn for above all else, whether we know it or not. It’s the drive hidden behind all of our conventional desires. We seek the high-paying job, the romantic partner, the fit body, or the emotional and psychological healing, because...
Continue Reading
10 Reasons To Work Out That Have Nothing To Do With Looks
Jun 8, 2019
Jordan Gray
10 Reasons To Work Out That Have Nothing To Do With Looks
Regular exercise has been proven time-and-time again to be one of the simplest, most important things anyone can do to create superhuman health, longevity, and brainpower. But, as trends in gym memberships show year after year, it also seems to be the hardest habit to develop and stick with on a regular...
Continue Reading
Exploit These 3 Cognitive Biases To Fall More Deeply In Love
Apr 15, 2021
Jordan Gray
Exploit These 3 Cognitive Biases To Fall More Deeply In Love
Everybody needs love and connection. It has been repeatedly proven to be the biggest defining factor in long-term happiness. In an 80-year-long study, scientists at Harvard University tracked 268 students as they carried on their journeys—hoping to collect hard data on what really makes a great, satisfying...
Continue Reading
7 Incredibly Reasonable Things You’re Allowed To Want In A Partner
Jul 27, 2024
Jordan Gray
7 Incredibly Reasonable Things You’re Allowed To Want In A Partner
When I work with single clients, they often hesitate to fully acknowledge what they want in a partner. In fact, there are a handful of themes that consistently come up as it pertains to things they don't give themselves full permission to want. And without conscious awareness of these themes, people...
Continue Reading