At the time of my writing these words, I’ve been a full time sex and relationship coach for about seven years. And in that time I’ve heard from a lot of people around the world who chronically get this one thing wrong about life…
Whether they’re going on first date, setting up an online dating profile, or cultivating their social media presence, they think that they need to present the most widely acceptable version of themselves for others to be attracted to.
Filter this, Photoshop that, exaggerate here, omit there…
In reality, the more you can lean into your unique quirks, the better.
You’re supposed to deeply embrace who you are, and yes, this will (and should) repel a certain percentage of people away from you.
The career woman who feels like she should tone down her love for her work on a first date because she thinks that “guys don’t really like that in a woman.”
The guy who hides the fact that he loves to paint pictures of sunsets because he fears that women will think he’s too artsy or sensitive.
The 35-year-old who doesn’t admit that they want to have children until the twelfth date because they don’t want to freak their new partner out.
News flash: you need to become okay with repelling some people.
Even better… there are people out there who like everything.
There are people who like skinnier people and heavier people. There are people who like sensitive people and stoic people. There are people who like artists, engineers, dominatrixes, lawyers, daycare workers, and everything in between. Whatever you’re offering, someone out there is into it.
If you tip-toe through your entire life trying to not throw anyone else off their game, you will be miserable.
Someone will always disapprove of you. Always.
You can either be fantastically authentic and have some other people hate you, or you can water down your existence and offend no one… but, as a result, resent yourself for not living in accordance with your heart.
So either some other people hate you, or you hate yourself for prioritizing their opinions of you over your opinion of yourself. Your choice.
If you’re looking for an intimate partner, you’re aiming to meet and attract someone who aligns deeply with you. You aren’t trying to attract ‘women’ or ‘men’… you’re trying to attract a person. You only need to appeal to a ridiculously small percentage of the market segment known as men/women/whatever you’re into.
If you’re a business owner looking to increase your revenue, you’re aiming to add more value to your unique kind of customer. Your demographic isn’t “people.” You only need to appeal to your people.
If you’re looking to make friends, you don’t need to Google “how to be more likeable.” You just need to be so completely yourself, and do the kinds of things that you enjoy doing, so that you will inevitably meet the precious handful of people that make you feel seen and understood.
In so many areas of your life, but especially in your relationships…
You don’t need to appeal to a wider audience, you just need to deep dive further into embodying your authentic self.