Jun 6, 2016

How To Deeply Commit To Your Relationship

The single greatest way that you can deeply commit to your intimate relationship is simple… seal the exits.

I have worked with countless couples, who had either been dating or married for anywhere from 1-20 years, who hadn’t truly sealed the exits in their lives.

What do I mean by sealing the exits? And why is it so vital in your quest to having a healthy, thriving intimate relationship?

How Do You Seal The Exits In Your Life?

Ultimately, sealing the exits comes down to being in integrity with yourself. Practically speaking, it is about closing the backdoors in your life that you give yourself as your mental ‘out’… just in case you ever wanted to leave your partner and retreat through your exits.

Your exits will be unique to you. You might have one mentally catalogued exit, or you might have fifty of them.

Maybe you’ve been with your partner for several years and you tell yourself that you’re committed, but your life’s reality shows signs of misalignment.

Maybe you have half a dozen old hook-up’s in your Facebook friends list that are always just a click away in case you need a new warm body, or a sense of sexual validation, at a moment’s notice. If so, unfriend them.

Maybe you complain about your partner to specific friends of yours who you know will always have your back and willingly talk against your partner over a drink when you feel like it (thereby splitting the wedge of resentment further into your psyche).

Maybe you look at porn on a weekly basis and it feels out of integrity for your value system (if so, download an adult site blocker).

Maybe you have a dormant online dating profile (or several of them) just waiting to be restored should anything go wrong in your relationship.

Whatever your exits are, they are unique to you. I could list another twenty examples of what relational exits could look like until I nailed yours, but my guess is that you already know exactly what yours look like. And you know, at a deep level, that you would feel a whole lot better if you sealed them yourself.

When I recommend my clients seal the exits in their lives, they often express a small feeling of panic… like I’m asking them to give up their baby blanket for the first time in their lives.

Despite what your fear-brain might be telling you (with it’s super logical sounding objections), you will feel a lot better once the exits are sealed. There is a very specific kind of deeply permeating comfort that comes from actually being committed in your relationship, with both feet in.

So what exits could you seal to ensure that you aren’t leaking subconscious energy in various other directions? How could you commit more fully to your relationship?

You’re ready. It’s time.

Seal the exits. You’ll be glad you did.

Blog

Related

See All
Kindling vs. Coal: How To Know If Your Relationship Will Last
Feb 28, 2016
Jordan Gray
Kindling vs. Coal: How To Know If Your Relationship Will Last
I recently had a new client ask me the following question… “So, I recently met this woman. She’s amazing. She’s everything I could have ever hoped for… and yet, I’ve never been so stressed out in my entire life. I find myself analyzing every little move that she makes. Interpreting every...
Continue Reading
7 Things I Will Tell My Children About Love And Life
Aug 20, 2017
Jordan Gray
7 Things I Will Tell My Children About Love And Life
I don't have any children. And, at this point in my life, I don't know if I'll ever have them. As one of my mentors likes to say, maybe I'll just be a "parent to adults" for the rest of my life. If I do have children of my own one day (adopted or biological), this is what I'll want them to know. And...
Continue Reading
No More Mr. Nice Guy: A Book Review
Sep 18, 2016
Jordan Gray
No More Mr. Nice Guy: A Book Review
“You have to check out this book No More Mr. Nice Guy. It’s like the author has been following us around for the last thirty years and totally has us pegged.“ When my friend Mike told me about this book, I thought that the title seemed a little bit ridiculous. Was I about to learn how to be an asshole?...
Continue Reading
3 Ways Men Energetically Castrate Themselves
Jan 11, 2021
Jordan Gray
3 Ways Men Energetically Castrate Themselves
For nearly any man, having their balls chopped off is one of the most terrifying scenarios imaginable. If you have a scrotum, just reading that probably made it flinch. But if it’s such a scary idea, then why do so many of us do it to ourselves every single day? To understand energetic castration, we...
Continue Reading
3 Things To Do About Fear Of Your Partner Dying
Aug 1, 2020
Jordan Gray
3 Things To Do About Fear Of Your Partner Dying
My partner Demetra and I have lived together for a little over a year. We are committed to each other. We talk about getting married in the not-so-distant future. And each time our relationship has gone a layer deeper, we have both had a corresponding layer of fear accompany it. "What if she...
Continue Reading
How To Handle The Pain Of Sexual Rejection From Your Partner
Nov 28, 2020
Jordan Gray
How To Handle The Pain Of Sexual Rejection From Your Partner
Ever been sexually rejected by your partner? If you've ever been in a relationship that's lasted longer than six months, the answer would be yes. I recently got this email from a reader, and I decided to answer it in a long-form article, as I know that others would benefit from it. Here's the letter,...
Continue Reading