The single greatest way that you can deeply commit to your intimate relationship is simple… seal the exits.
I have worked with countless couples, who had either been dating or married for anywhere from 1-20 years, who hadn’t truly sealed the exits in their lives.
What do I mean by sealing the exits? And why is it so vital in your quest to having a healthy, thriving intimate relationship?
How Do You Seal The Exits In Your Life?
Ultimately, sealing the exits comes down to being in integrity with yourself. Practically speaking, it is about closing the backdoors in your life that you give yourself as your mental ‘out’… just in case you ever wanted to leave your partner and retreat through your exits.
Your exits will be unique to you. You might have one mentally catalogued exit, or you might have fifty of them.
Maybe you’ve been with your partner for several years and you tell yourself that you’re committed, but your life’s reality shows signs of misalignment.
Maybe you have half a dozen old hook-up’s in your Facebook friends list that are always just a click away in case you need a new warm body, or a sense of sexual validation, at a moment’s notice. If so, unfriend them.
Maybe you complain about your partner to specific friends of yours who you know will always have your back and willingly talk against your partner over a drink when you feel like it (thereby splitting the wedge of resentment further into your psyche).
Maybe you look at porn on a weekly basis and it feels out of integrity for your value system (if so, download an adult site blocker).
Maybe you have a dormant online dating profile (or several of them) just waiting to be restored should anything go wrong in your relationship.
Whatever your exits are, they are unique to you. I could list another twenty examples of what relational exits could look like until I nailed yours, but my guess is that you already know exactly what yours look like. And you know, at a deep level, that you would feel a whole lot better if you sealed them yourself.
When I recommend my clients seal the exits in their lives, they often express a small feeling of panic… like I’m asking them to give up their baby blanket for the first time in their lives.
Despite what your fear-brain might be telling you (with it’s super logical sounding objections), you will feel a lot better once the exits are sealed. There is a very specific kind of deeply permeating comfort that comes from actually being committed in your relationship, with both feet in.
So what exits could you seal to ensure that you aren’t leaking subconscious energy in various other directions? How could you commit more fully to your relationship?
You’re ready. It’s time.
Seal the exits. You’ll be glad you did.