Jun 6, 2016

How To Deeply Commit To Your Relationship

The single greatest way that you can deeply commit to your intimate relationship is simple… seal the exits.

I have worked with countless couples, who had either been dating or married for anywhere from 1-20 years, who hadn’t truly sealed the exits in their lives.

What do I mean by sealing the exits? And why is it so vital in your quest to having a healthy, thriving intimate relationship?

How Do You Seal The Exits In Your Life?

Ultimately, sealing the exits comes down to being in integrity with yourself. Practically speaking, it is about closing the backdoors in your life that you give yourself as your mental ‘out’… just in case you ever wanted to leave your partner and retreat through your exits.

Your exits will be unique to you. You might have one mentally catalogued exit, or you might have fifty of them.

Maybe you’ve been with your partner for several years and you tell yourself that you’re committed, but your life’s reality shows signs of misalignment.

Maybe you have half a dozen old hook-up’s in your Facebook friends list that are always just a click away in case you need a new warm body, or a sense of sexual validation, at a moment’s notice. If so, unfriend them.

Maybe you complain about your partner to specific friends of yours who you know will always have your back and willingly talk against your partner over a drink when you feel like it (thereby splitting the wedge of resentment further into your psyche).

Maybe you look at porn on a weekly basis and it feels out of integrity for your value system (if so, download an adult site blocker).

Maybe you have a dormant online dating profile (or several of them) just waiting to be restored should anything go wrong in your relationship.

Whatever your exits are, they are unique to you. I could list another twenty examples of what relational exits could look like until I nailed yours, but my guess is that you already know exactly what yours look like. And you know, at a deep level, that you would feel a whole lot better if you sealed them yourself.

When I recommend my clients seal the exits in their lives, they often express a small feeling of panic… like I’m asking them to give up their baby blanket for the first time in their lives.

Despite what your fear-brain might be telling you (with it’s super logical sounding objections), you will feel a lot better once the exits are sealed. There is a very specific kind of deeply permeating comfort that comes from actually being committed in your relationship, with both feet in.

So what exits could you seal to ensure that you aren’t leaking subconscious energy in various other directions? How could you commit more fully to your relationship?

You’re ready. It’s time.

Seal the exits. You’ll be glad you did.

Blog

Related

See All
King Warrior Magician Lover: How To Grow The 4 Masculine Archetypes
Mar 4, 2018
Jordan Gray
King Warrior Magician Lover: How To Grow The 4 Masculine Archetypes
Have you ever heard of the King, Warrior, Magician, and Lover archetypes? These four Jungian archetypes represent the four major components of what makes up any healthy, fully individuated mature masculine essence. In other words, to slide the fader further down the continuum from boy to man, these...
Continue Reading
I Promise To Never Be Lazy In Loving You
Jan 22, 2017
Jordan Gray
I Promise To Never Be Lazy In Loving You
I promise to see into your soul on a daily basis. I promise to ask you how your day was, and give you all of the presence of attention at my disposal. I promise to always take good care of myself, and to lean on others for support. I promise to come to you for support when I need it. I promise to...
Continue Reading
How Experiencing Burnout Made Me A Better Partner
Apr 20, 2015
Jordan Gray
How Experiencing Burnout Made Me A Better Partner
A couple of years ago when I first started building my business, I was working unsustainably crazy hours. I wrote three books in two months, I was writing four new articles per week, and I was hopping around from city to city every few days and dealing with all of the logistics that came along with that. It...
Continue Reading
Does Polyamory Ever Work?
Jan 28, 2021
Jordan Gray
Does Polyamory Ever Work?
Does polyamory ever work? I received the following letter from a reader the other day. "I’ve been struggling for the better part of several months dealing with leaving my ex for the second time (who came back early last year love bombing me for months, then completely shifting saying he wants to...
Continue Reading
10 Ways For Men To Sharpen Their Sword 
Jun 2, 2020
Jordan Gray
10 Ways For Men To Sharpen Their Sword 
If you want to become a more effective and powerful man, it will require methodical training and conquering challenges. Now, if you’ve been reading my other writing on integrating your masculinity and becoming a stronger person, you’ll find that I might often stress the inner work, or, more specifically,...
Continue Reading
How Valuable Are You As A Partner?
Dec 2, 2013
Jordan Gray
How Valuable Are You As A Partner?
Are you continually making an effort to be the best partner possible? Here's the thing… it's easy to coast in life. You can get a job that's good enough to pay the bills, be in good enough shape to take the stairs without getting winded, and be a good enough partner that your significant other doesn't...
Continue Reading