Jun 20, 2013

Three Questions That Will Guarantee You A Thriving Relationship

Before you can enter into a thriving relationship, you have to know who you are.

I mean REALLY know who you are.

If asked, could you list your values and goals to a stranger within the first minute of meeting them? If not, you might want to check inwards before you start searching for a partner.

The Three Questions

Women are attracted to directionality and drive in a partner. Someone who “knows himself” and is “going places in life”.

Unfortunately, most men do not take the time to slow down and self-reflect.

A lot of men go through their lives skipping between jobs, girlfriends, and a social life that isn’t actually aligned with themselves. They do this because they don’t know who they are or what their core values are.

If you don’t know how to properly check in with yourself and have a solid understanding of what you’re looking for, you will continue to aimlessly wander through your life with no direction and tons of unnecessary stress and anxiety.

The three questions a man must ask himself in life go as follows…

Who am I?

What is my mission in life?

Who will come with me on my journey?

Pay special attention to the sequence in which these questions appear.

The unfortunate part is that most men ask themselves these questions in the exact opposite order.

Imagine you start by looking for a girlfriend… you are happy for a bit until you realize that you want to spend your time outside of the bedroom doing something fulfilling with your life and so you start looking for a mission. But nothing obvious comes to mind because you never stopped to ask yourself who you were in the first place.

At this stage there is a total upheaval of your process and you realize that the life that you set out for yourself wasn’t aligned with who you were to begin with. So you end the relationship, leave your job, and end up feeling directionless.

So first you must know yourself. Then discover your unique mission in life. Then you must align everything in your life with your specific mission. Here’s how.

1. Who Am I?

– Write down ten of your most closely held values. What do you really care about? What would you (almost) gladly get punched in the stomach to defend in your life?

– What are you passionate about? If you’re unsure about this one, ask your closest friends and family members for their opinions. Keep looking into this until you find something that makes your heart race.

– Don’t just let your preferences pertain to the most obvious aspects of your personality… have preferences in the details. Everything that you do in your life is your art. The way that you dress, walk, communicate, order your meal, and exercise all pertain to the decisions you make about yourself in your daily life. Success in love and life do not boil down to one bold mode… they exist in the thousands of small decisions that you make every day.

2. What Is My Mission In Life?

– If you want to spend your life doing something fulfilling but you’re unsure where to look think about what people consistently compliment you on.

– If you had to commit to doing something for two hours a day for the rest of your life what would it be? What do you nerd out about on a regular basis? Musical theatre? Technology? Dungeons & Dragons? Find out a way to incorporate these things into your career or daily life.

– Think about the people that you spend the most time with. Do they support and encourage you? Are they on similarly passionate paths or are they constantly in victim mode and dragging you down? Life is too short to spend time with people that don’t want the best for you.

3. Who Will Come With Me?

– When my clients tell me that there are no good women in “Insert Any City Name” I always ask the same question… “Where have you been looking?”. The answer nine times out of ten is either “In bars/nightclubs” or “I haven’t been looking”. Don’t search for things where you wouldn’t want them anyways.

– If you know that you don’t want children and the girl that you’re dating definitely does, guess what… you aren’t compatible. Your honesty and integrity are the greatest things you will ever have so don’t settle on things that you know truly matter to you.

– As firm as you should be with your core values, don’t get into uber-masculine perfectionism and let a dream girl get away. Make sure to leave some flexibility in non-core issues. Does it really bother you that much that she doesn’t love camping?

Find Your Life, Find Your Wife

Directionality is vital in a man’s life. You won’t be able to find a fulfilling career or partner until you first know who you are and where you are going.

You either embrace the uniqueness of your journey and follow it with total courage, or you will be taken on a ride with other people’s decisions guiding your life.

In my opinion, the second option doesn’t sound much like living at all.

Dedicated to your success,

Jordan

Blog

Related

See All
How Will You Spend Your Heartbeats?
Apr 22, 2016
Jordan Gray
How Will You Spend Your Heartbeats?
The most scarce resource you will ever have is your time. But time is too intangible. Time is a thing that humans invented to organize our lives around. So I like to think of our time in terms of heartbeats. You can feel your heart beating. It connects you to your body, and gets you out of your...
Continue Reading
How To Change Your Partner
Jul 22, 2014
Jordan Gray
How To Change Your Partner
One of the most common questions that I get asked by my clients is how they can encourage their partner to grow and develop as a person, while bringing up the subject from a loving place (as opposed to a challenging place that would make them think something was wrong with them). Whether you want...
Continue Reading
6 Ways To Build Emotional Resilience (And Become Unfuckwithable)
Feb 21, 2020
Jordan Gray
6 Ways To Build Emotional Resilience (And Become Unfuckwithable)
To be alive is to be at constant risk of facing intense pain. Hard things will happen to all of us. Buddha’s first noble truth said it well: “Life is suffering.” Unforeseen tragedy will strike. The people you love will eventually pass away, or become sick. Some things you’ve worked on for years will...
Continue Reading
The Warm Hands That Thawed My Heart In Paris
Nov 22, 2015
Jordan Gray
The Warm Hands That Thawed My Heart In Paris
In May 2013, after backpacking through Southeast Asia for three months with a friend, I travelled alone to Paris, France. It was my first time in Europe and I was terrified. I spent my first few days in town searching for appropriate clothes because, as it turns out, it is the ultimate faux pas if...
Continue Reading
How To Develop Courage
Sep 18, 2016
Jordan Gray
How To Develop Courage
"Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage. If you want to conquer fear, do not sit home and think about it. Go out and get busy." – Dale Carnegie - On February 7th, 2013, I was booked to hop on a plane headed to Southeast Asia. At this point...
Continue Reading
29 Things I’ve Learned In 29 Years
Apr 21, 2016
Jordan Gray
29 Things I’ve Learned In 29 Years
At the time of my writing this, my 29th birthday is a few days away. 29 laps around the sun... and I feel like I have experienced a fairly densely packed ride so far. I've struggled, I've conquered, I've travelled, I've felt, and I've loved. The following collection of words flowed through me in one...
Continue Reading