Mar 18, 2018

Unfathomable Pain, Unfathomable Beauty

The world is incomprehensibly vast and dynamic.

It would be too easy to throw in the nihilistic towel and say, ‘The world is too messed up. My life has no meaning. What’s the point of it all?’

Because, yes, the amount of pain and suffering in the world is truly unfathomable.

Every day, loved ones die. People are sexually abused. Parents are shamed and belittled in front of their children. Men and women bleed out in the streets as a result of physical violence. Children are thrown against walls in fits of rage. A stray bullet fired from the gun of a gang member takes an innocent life.

In Buddhist teachings, the first noble truth is that life is suffering. Birth is suffering, striving is suffering, aging is suffering, longing is suffering, death is suffering.

Once we fully accept this reality, we are no longer owned by it.

Because while there is an unfathomable depth and breadth of pain in the world, the exact same can be said for it’s counterpoint, beauty.

There is an unknowable depth of beauty in the world.

Holding your child in your arms for the first time. Sunsets that take your breath away. The depth of gratitude you have for your partner of twenty years as they snuggle up to your body while they sleep. The protective parent who strikes down impending social conditioning from the ears of their impressionable child.

The further you ponder each side of the spectrum, the harder it is to decipher whether or not any given moment actually is one of pain or of beauty.

The man who is held in a container of love by his best friend as he mourns his recent divorce. The pain is devastating, and yet deep love still remains.

The adult siblings who surround their parent during their last breath. A sorrowful recognition of their passing, with a deep well of gratitude for how the love of their parent shaped them all as individuals.

Two parents beam smiles over their child’s birthday cake with a simultaneous sense of their appreciation for the moment, whilst silently acknowledging the three miscarriages it took to get to this point.

If there is both unfathomable pain and unfathomable beauty in the world, what are we to do with this fact?

1. Recognize that pain shapes you

Just because something is horrendous as it is happening to you, doesn’t mean that there won’t be a deep sense of meaning that you can forge from it in the future. We grow through our greatest pain. The suffering you experience is a gift.

2. Be a force for good

Nobody is perfect. We all unintentionally hurt others with our actions. But in all ways possible, remain conscious of aiming to be someone who had a net positive effect on the world. Be kind to others. Be thoughtful. Love others with all of your might. Do your individual work and fight to get to a place of forgiveness for those that you believe have wronged you.

Love the world hard, and your life will have a deep sense of meaning.

Even if it seems like an empty distraction, fine. We all get to choose our distractions.

I choose love. I choose beauty. I choose caring for people. I choose to be awake. I choose to trust.

What do you choose? What do you want people to say about you at your funeral?

The choice, as always, is yours.

If you enjoyed this article, you might also love reading:

All Of Your Suffering Was Worth It

How To Fully Release Difficult Emotions That Hold You Back

4 Reasons Not To Kill Yourself

How To Manage Stress (Or How I Weathered My Shit Storm Of A Year)

Jordan Gray
About Jordan Gray

Jordan Gray has been a sex and relationship coach for over 15+ years, with his work reaching over 200 million people worldwide. His writing has been featured in Vogue, GQ, The New York Times, Cosmopolitan, Women’s Health, and countless other publications around the world. When he’s not working with 1-on-1 coaching clients or writing a new article, he’s most likely to be found reading, chopping wood, or spending time with his wife on a little island off the west coast of Canada.

Blog

Related

See All
5 Practical Ways To Increase Your Emotional Intelligence
Oct 10, 2016
Jordan Gray
5 Practical Ways To Increase Your Emotional Intelligence
“How can I improve my emotional intelligence?” I’ve had three clients ask me this question over the last week, and whenever something pops up that frequently, I usually take it as a sign that it needs it’s own article. What is emotional intelligence? How does having it improve your life? Is it something...
Continue Reading
How To Be A REAL Man (In 3 Easy Steps)
Jun 26, 2014
Jordan Gray
How To Be A REAL Man (In 3 Easy Steps)
I remember wondering endlessly if I was gay as a young boy. Why? Because I consistently got the feedback from my male peers that I wasn't a traditional male. As my male friends played basketball to impress the girls in our class, I sat on the sidelines and 'gossiped' with my female classmates. While...
Continue Reading
The Hardest And Most Important Thing You Will Ever Do
Apr 25, 2016
Jordan Gray
The Hardest And Most Important Thing You Will Ever Do
What is the hardest and most important thing you will ever do for yourself? I’m not going to leave you hanging. I’m going to give it to you right away, and then dig into why this is so important. The most important (and challenging) thing you could ever do for yourself is to... Take full responsibility...
Continue Reading
You Can Not Heal On Your Own
Jan 23, 2017
Jordan Gray
You Can Not Heal On Your Own
Western society lives by the culturally imposed rules of ‘The Cult Of One’. We are constantly bombarded with messages of “Go it alone”… “Be all that YOU can be”… “Never let ‘em see you sweat”… “When you laugh the world laughs with you, when you cry, you cry alone.” The underlying message being that...
Continue Reading
The Intentional Life Ep.2: Radical Self-Love with Kelsey Grant
May 23, 2016
Jordan Gray
The Intentional Life Ep.2: Radical Self-Love with Kelsey Grant
Today on The Intentional Life, I have amazing-badass-superwoman, and one of my personal coaches over the last two years, Kelsey Grant. Kelsey is a love and relationship educator with her teachings rooted in a radical self love methodology. Simply put, she's a self-love coach. And a hell of a good...
Continue Reading
5 Signs That You Are Truly Living
Sep 17, 2013
Jordan Gray
5 Signs That You Are Truly Living
Are you truly living? Have you ever blown out the candles on your birthday cake and thought to yourself, "Another year already?" There is a big difference between living your life, and feeling alive in your life. If you're simply living your life, you’re probably used to monotony. Life...
Continue Reading