Mar 18, 2018

Unfathomable Pain, Unfathomable Beauty

The world is incomprehensibly vast and dynamic.

It would be too easy to throw in the nihilistic towel and say, ‘The world is too messed up. My life has no meaning. What’s the point of it all?’

Because, yes, the amount of pain and suffering in the world is truly unfathomable.

Every day, loved ones die. People are sexually abused. Parents are shamed and belittled in front of their children. Men and women bleed out in the streets as a result of physical violence. Children are thrown against walls in fits of rage. A stray bullet fired from the gun of a gang member takes an innocent life.

In Buddhist teachings, the first noble truth is that life is suffering. Birth is suffering, striving is suffering, aging is suffering, longing is suffering, death is suffering.

Once we fully accept this reality, we are no longer owned by it.

Because while there is an unfathomable depth and breadth of pain in the world, the exact same can be said for it’s counterpoint, beauty.

There is an unknowable depth of beauty in the world.

Holding your child in your arms for the first time. Sunsets that take your breath away. The depth of gratitude you have for your partner of twenty years as they snuggle up to your body while they sleep. The protective parent who strikes down impending social conditioning from the ears of their impressionable child.

The further you ponder each side of the spectrum, the harder it is to decipher whether or not any given moment actually is one of pain or of beauty.

The man who is held in a container of love by his best friend as he mourns his recent divorce. The pain is devastating, and yet deep love still remains.

The adult siblings who surround their parent during their last breath. A sorrowful recognition of their passing, with a deep well of gratitude for how the love of their parent shaped them all as individuals.

Two parents beam smiles over their child’s birthday cake with a simultaneous sense of their appreciation for the moment, whilst silently acknowledging the three miscarriages it took to get to this point.

If there is both unfathomable pain and unfathomable beauty in the world, what are we to do with this fact?

1. Recognize that pain shapes you

Just because something is horrendous as it is happening to you, doesn’t mean that there won’t be a deep sense of meaning that you can forge from it in the future. We grow through our greatest pain. The suffering you experience is a gift.

2. Be a force for good

Nobody is perfect. We all unintentionally hurt others with our actions. But in all ways possible, remain conscious of aiming to be someone who had a net positive effect on the world. Be kind to others. Be thoughtful. Love others with all of your might. Do your individual work and fight to get to a place of forgiveness for those that you believe have wronged you.

Love the world hard, and your life will have a deep sense of meaning.

Even if it seems like an empty distraction, fine. We all get to choose our distractions.

I choose love. I choose beauty. I choose caring for people. I choose to be awake. I choose to trust.

What do you choose? What do you want people to say about you at your funeral?

The choice, as always, is yours.

If you enjoyed this article, you might also love reading:

All Of Your Suffering Was Worth It

How To Fully Release Difficult Emotions That Hold You Back

4 Reasons Not To Kill Yourself

How To Manage Stress (Or How I Weathered My Shit Storm Of A Year)

Jordan Gray
About Jordan Gray

Jordan Gray has been a sex and relationship coach for over 15+ years, with his work reaching over 200 million people worldwide. His writing has been featured in Vogue, GQ, The New York Times, Cosmopolitan, Women’s Health, and countless other publications around the world. When he’s not working with 1-on-1 coaching clients or writing a new article, he’s most likely to be found reading, chopping wood, or spending time with his wife on a little island off the west coast of Canada.

Blog

Related

See All
How To Make Your Breakup Painless
Jul 1, 2014
Jordan Gray
How To Make Your Breakup Painless
Most people think that breakups have to be traumatizing, awful events where one or both people are left crying and feeling empty afterwards. After recently having gone through the most painless breakup of my entire life, I wanted to share some of my biggest takeaways in order for you to have more...
Continue Reading
8 Reasons You Won’t Attract A Conscious Man (As You Currently Are)
Mar 1, 2024
Jordan Gray
8 Reasons You Won’t Attract A Conscious Man (As You Currently Are)
Think you're ready for a relationship with a conscious man? The truth might surprise you. If you have been single for years, and yet you have the desire to be in a committed relationship with a man who meets you on all levels, there could be some unconscious blocks that are keeping you from attracting...
Continue Reading
This Is Your Life Purpose
Oct 8, 2017
Jordan Gray
This Is Your Life Purpose
To feel alive... This is your life purpose. Spend time with people who make you feel alive. Eat food that makes you feel alive. Do work that makes you feel alive. Spend your money on experiences that make you feel more alive. Do things that make you feel alive. If the answer is...
Continue Reading
What You Can Learn About Love From Watching 'The Bachelor'
Mar 5, 2014
Jordan Gray
What You Can Learn About Love From Watching ‘The Bachelor’
People are inherently lazy. We want to do as little as possible for the promise of maximum results achieved. Work out once a week and get ripped. Get rich while you sleep. Find your dream partner in a day. And while all of these things are certainly possible, they tend to require an initial...
Continue Reading
3 Reasons To Make Jealousy Your Friend
Apr 4, 2013
Jordan Gray
3 Reasons To Make Jealousy Your Friend
3 Reasons To Make Jealousy Your Friend We're told from a young age by friends, family, and society that certain emotions are "bad" to have. Depending on your culture and upbringing, pride, sexual desire, and jealousy are feelings that often have a bad reputation. Every emotion is...
Continue Reading
How Slut-Shaming Hurts Men
May 19, 2014
Jordan Gray
How Slut-Shaming Hurts Men
Have you heard of slut-shaming? It's a recent hot-topic, and with good reason. Through media, upbringing and societal pressure, women have been forced to suppress their sexual urges. This has been happening for ages and has become a widely accepted double standard. Men are allowed to have as much...
Continue Reading