Mar 18, 2018

Unfathomable Pain, Unfathomable Beauty

The world is incomprehensibly vast and dynamic.

It would be too easy to throw in the nihilistic towel and say, ‘The world is too messed up. My life has no meaning. What’s the point of it all?’

Because, yes, the amount of pain and suffering in the world is truly unfathomable.

Every day, loved ones die. People are sexually abused. Parents are shamed and belittled in front of their children. Men and women bleed out in the streets as a result of physical violence. Children are thrown against walls in fits of rage. A stray bullet fired from the gun of a gang member takes an innocent life.

In Buddhist teachings, the first noble truth is that life is suffering. Birth is suffering, striving is suffering, aging is suffering, longing is suffering, death is suffering.

Once we fully accept this reality, we are no longer owned by it.

Because while there is an unfathomable depth and breadth of pain in the world, the exact same can be said for it’s counterpoint, beauty.

There is an unknowable depth of beauty in the world.

Holding your child in your arms for the first time. Sunsets that take your breath away. The depth of gratitude you have for your partner of twenty years as they snuggle up to your body while they sleep. The protective parent who strikes down impending social conditioning from the ears of their impressionable child.

The further you ponder each side of the spectrum, the harder it is to decipher whether or not any given moment actually is one of pain or of beauty.

The man who is held in a container of love by his best friend as he mourns his recent divorce. The pain is devastating, and yet deep love still remains.

The adult siblings who surround their parent during their last breath. A sorrowful recognition of their passing, with a deep well of gratitude for how the love of their parent shaped them all as individuals.

Two parents beam smiles over their child’s birthday cake with a simultaneous sense of their appreciation for the moment, whilst silently acknowledging the three miscarriages it took to get to this point.

If there is both unfathomable pain and unfathomable beauty in the world, what are we to do with this fact?

1. Recognize that pain shapes you

Just because something is horrendous as it is happening to you, doesn’t mean that there won’t be a deep sense of meaning that you can forge from it in the future. We grow through our greatest pain. The suffering you experience is a gift.

2. Be a force for good

Nobody is perfect. We all unintentionally hurt others with our actions. But in all ways possible, remain conscious of aiming to be someone who had a net positive effect on the world. Be kind to others. Be thoughtful. Love others with all of your might. Do your individual work and fight to get to a place of forgiveness for those that you believe have wronged you.

Love the world hard, and your life will have a deep sense of meaning.

Even if it seems like an empty distraction, fine. We all get to choose our distractions.

I choose love. I choose beauty. I choose caring for people. I choose to be awake. I choose to trust.

What do you choose? What do you want people to say about you at your funeral?

The choice, as always, is yours.

If you enjoyed this article, you might also love reading:

All Of Your Suffering Was Worth It

How To Fully Release Difficult Emotions That Hold You Back

4 Reasons Not To Kill Yourself

How To Manage Stress (Or How I Weathered My Shit Storm Of A Year)

Jordan Gray
About Jordan Gray

Jordan Gray has been a sex and relationship coach for over 15+ years, with his work reaching over 200 million people worldwide. His writing has been featured in Vogue, GQ, The New York Times, Cosmopolitan, Women’s Health, and countless other publications around the world. When he’s not working with 1-on-1 coaching clients or writing a new article, he’s most likely to be found reading, chopping wood, or spending time with his wife on a little island off the west coast of Canada.

Blog

Related

See All
5 Innovative Ways To Get Over Your Ex
Jul 3, 2013
Jordan Gray
5 Innovative Ways To Get Over Your Ex
Breaking up sucks. It's hard to get over someone that you were so close with. Your brain was chemically addicted to them, and now your drug of choice is gone. Whether it's been a couple of days, weeks, or years, you still feel some old emotional residue around that certain someone. With a couple...
Continue Reading
How To Take Ownership Of Your Love Life’s Success
Feb 23, 2015
Jordan Gray
How To Take Ownership Of Your Love Life’s Success
The majority of my private coaching clients are abnormally high functioning people. They’re self-employed and loving their work, they’re in good shape, and they have relatively conquerable issues in their love life. Over the past few years I’ve noticed a specific trend in the character traits of my...
Continue Reading
How To Develop Courage
Sep 18, 2016
Jordan Gray
How To Develop Courage
"Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage. If you want to conquer fear, do not sit home and think about it. Go out and get busy." – Dale Carnegie - On February 7th, 2013, I was booked to hop on a plane headed to Southeast Asia. At this point...
Continue Reading
3 Things To Do About Fear Of Your Partner Dying
Aug 1, 2020
Jordan Gray
3 Things To Do About Fear Of Your Partner Dying
My partner Demetra and I have lived together for a little over a year. We are committed to each other. We talk about getting married in the not-so-distant future. And each time our relationship has gone a layer deeper, we have both had a corresponding layer of fear accompany it. "What if she...
Continue Reading
4 Things I Learned In 4 Years Of Running My Online Business
Jan 20, 2017
Jordan Gray
4 Things I Learned In 4 Years Of Running My Online Business
January 26th, 2017 is this website’s fourth birthday. Four whole years! If this website was a person it would be walking, talking, and beginning to form its own opinions about the world. It would also pee itself every now and then. I could take this analogy in a lot of different directions, so I’m going...
Continue Reading
How To Put On Muscle (For Skinny Guys)
Dec 9, 2019
Jordan Gray
How To Put On Muscle (For Skinny Guys)
Want to have the healthiest and most capable body of your entire life? Want to get so thick… so swole… so yoked… that people get whiplash as they walk by you from double-taking so hard? Want to learn how to have such crazy-huge, bulging muscles, that you can easily lift a two-tonne car with your bare...
Continue Reading