Mar 18, 2018

Unfathomable Pain, Unfathomable Beauty

The world is incomprehensibly vast and dynamic.

It would be too easy to throw in the nihilistic towel and say, ‘The world is too messed up. My life has no meaning. What’s the point of it all?’

Because, yes, the amount of pain and suffering in the world is truly unfathomable.

Every day, loved ones die. People are sexually abused. Parents are shamed and belittled in front of their children. Men and women bleed out in the streets as a result of physical violence. Children are thrown against walls in fits of rage. A stray bullet fired from the gun of a gang member takes an innocent life.

In Buddhist teachings, the first noble truth is that life is suffering. Birth is suffering, striving is suffering, aging is suffering, longing is suffering, death is suffering.

Once we fully accept this reality, we are no longer owned by it.

Because while there is an unfathomable depth and breadth of pain in the world, the exact same can be said for it’s counterpoint, beauty.

There is an unknowable depth of beauty in the world.

Holding your child in your arms for the first time. Sunsets that take your breath away. The depth of gratitude you have for your partner of twenty years as they snuggle up to your body while they sleep. The protective parent who strikes down impending social conditioning from the ears of their impressionable child.

The further you ponder each side of the spectrum, the harder it is to decipher whether or not any given moment actually is one of pain or of beauty.

The man who is held in a container of love by his best friend as he mourns his recent divorce. The pain is devastating, and yet deep love still remains.

The adult siblings who surround their parent during their last breath. A sorrowful recognition of their passing, with a deep well of gratitude for how the love of their parent shaped them all as individuals.

Two parents beam smiles over their child’s birthday cake with a simultaneous sense of their appreciation for the moment, whilst silently acknowledging the three miscarriages it took to get to this point.

If there is both unfathomable pain and unfathomable beauty in the world, what are we to do with this fact?

1. Recognize that pain shapes you

Just because something is horrendous as it is happening to you, doesn’t mean that there won’t be a deep sense of meaning that you can forge from it in the future. We grow through our greatest pain. The suffering you experience is a gift.

2. Be a force for good

Nobody is perfect. We all unintentionally hurt others with our actions. But in all ways possible, remain conscious of aiming to be someone who had a net positive effect on the world. Be kind to others. Be thoughtful. Love others with all of your might. Do your individual work and fight to get to a place of forgiveness for those that you believe have wronged you.

Love the world hard, and your life will have a deep sense of meaning.

Even if it seems like an empty distraction, fine. We all get to choose our distractions.

I choose love. I choose beauty. I choose caring for people. I choose to be awake. I choose to trust.

What do you choose? What do you want people to say about you at your funeral?

The choice, as always, is yours.

If you enjoyed this article, you might also love reading:

All Of Your Suffering Was Worth It

How To Fully Release Difficult Emotions That Hold You Back

4 Reasons Not To Kill Yourself

How To Manage Stress (Or How I Weathered My Shit Storm Of A Year)

Jordan Gray
About Jordan Gray

Jordan Gray has been a sex and relationship coach for over 15+ years, with his work reaching over 200 million people worldwide. His writing has been featured in Vogue, GQ, The New York Times, Cosmopolitan, Women’s Health, and countless other publications around the world. When he’s not working with 1-on-1 coaching clients or writing a new article, he’s most likely to be found reading, chopping wood, or spending time with his wife on a little island off the west coast of Canada.

Blog

Related

See All
How To Heal Your Father Wound
Mar 1, 2020
Jordan Gray
How To Heal Your Father Wound
There’s a lot of talk about how modern men are in crisis. Statistics say they’re lagging socially, academically, and romantically. They’re drastically leading the numbers in suicide and violent crime. It also seems they’re getting a bad reputation among women in the dating world, stereotyped as acting...
Continue Reading
The Battle Between Your Work And Your Woman
Nov 5, 2014
Jordan Gray
The Battle Between Your Work And Your Woman
“A man’s life is a constant battle between his work and his woman.” I get asked the question “How do you find the balance between your work and your girlfriend/wife/partner?” on a weekly basis. Lets dig into what's really going on when a client asks me this. They’re feeling overwhelmed. They’re...
Continue Reading
Why Spiritual Awakening Is So Painful
Jan 7, 2024
Jordan Gray
Why Spiritual Awakening Is So Painful
In order to travel from a state of numbness to a state of joy and dynamic aliveness, you must first feel your way through all of the pain that you buried within. When I truly started to engage in my deeper inner work, I cried daily for a period of 8 months. There were days (maybe weeks?) where I felt...
Continue Reading
Are You Willing To Be Awake In Your Relationship?
May 28, 2018
Jordan Gray
Are You Willing To Be Awake In Your Relationship?
Are you truly willing to be awake in your relationship? A lot of people like to pay lip service to the idea of being in a ‘conscious relationship’… but when push comes to shove, they aren’t interested in truly doing their work. It’s easy to hide behind the guise of being woke as fuck, but walking the...
Continue Reading
30 Pieces of Advice From 30 Couples Married 30+ Years
Dec 16, 2018
Jordan Gray
30 Pieces of Advice From 30 Couples Married 30+ Years
Ever wanted to hear from a trusted board of advisors on the topic of sustaining long-term love? Well, you’re in luck. I searched high and low to find thirty couples who had been happily married for over thirty years, and asked them what one piece of advice they would give to anyone who...
Continue Reading
10 Ways To Be Deeply Devoted To Your Partner
Apr 9, 2021
Jordan Gray
10 Ways To Be Deeply Devoted To Your Partner
How is your relationship to relationships? For most people, it’s highly selfish and egoic. It’s all about what they can get, versus what they can give. They operate more like entitled, co-dependent children than responsible adults. Here’s some general advice for life: Don't be like most...
Continue Reading