Mar 18, 2018

Unfathomable Pain, Unfathomable Beauty

The world is incomprehensibly vast and dynamic.

It would be too easy to throw in the nihilistic towel and say, ‘The world is too messed up. My life has no meaning. What’s the point of it all?’

Because, yes, the amount of pain and suffering in the world is truly unfathomable.

Every day, loved ones die. People are sexually abused. Parents are shamed and belittled in front of their children. Men and women bleed out in the streets as a result of physical violence. Children are thrown against walls in fits of rage. A stray bullet fired from the gun of a gang member takes an innocent life.

In Buddhist teachings, the first noble truth is that life is suffering. Birth is suffering, striving is suffering, aging is suffering, longing is suffering, death is suffering.

Once we fully accept this reality, we are no longer owned by it.

Because while there is an unfathomable depth and breadth of pain in the world, the exact same can be said for it’s counterpoint, beauty.

There is an unknowable depth of beauty in the world.

Holding your child in your arms for the first time. Sunsets that take your breath away. The depth of gratitude you have for your partner of twenty years as they snuggle up to your body while they sleep. The protective parent who strikes down impending social conditioning from the ears of their impressionable child.

The further you ponder each side of the spectrum, the harder it is to decipher whether or not any given moment actually is one of pain or of beauty.

The man who is held in a container of love by his best friend as he mourns his recent divorce. The pain is devastating, and yet deep love still remains.

The adult siblings who surround their parent during their last breath. A sorrowful recognition of their passing, with a deep well of gratitude for how the love of their parent shaped them all as individuals.

Two parents beam smiles over their child’s birthday cake with a simultaneous sense of their appreciation for the moment, whilst silently acknowledging the three miscarriages it took to get to this point.

If there is both unfathomable pain and unfathomable beauty in the world, what are we to do with this fact?

1. Recognize that pain shapes you

Just because something is horrendous as it is happening to you, doesn’t mean that there won’t be a deep sense of meaning that you can forge from it in the future. We grow through our greatest pain. The suffering you experience is a gift.

2. Be a force for good

Nobody is perfect. We all unintentionally hurt others with our actions. But in all ways possible, remain conscious of aiming to be someone who had a net positive effect on the world. Be kind to others. Be thoughtful. Love others with all of your might. Do your individual work and fight to get to a place of forgiveness for those that you believe have wronged you.

Love the world hard, and your life will have a deep sense of meaning.

Even if it seems like an empty distraction, fine. We all get to choose our distractions.

I choose love. I choose beauty. I choose caring for people. I choose to be awake. I choose to trust.

What do you choose? What do you want people to say about you at your funeral?

The choice, as always, is yours.

If you enjoyed this article, you might also love reading:

All Of Your Suffering Was Worth It

How To Fully Release Difficult Emotions That Hold You Back

4 Reasons Not To Kill Yourself

How To Manage Stress (Or How I Weathered My Shit Storm Of A Year)

Jordan Gray
About Jordan Gray

Jordan Gray has been a sex and relationship coach for over 15+ years, with his work reaching over 200 million people worldwide. His writing has been featured in Vogue, GQ, The New York Times, Cosmopolitan, Women’s Health, and countless other publications around the world. When he’s not working with 1-on-1 coaching clients or writing a new article, he’s most likely to be found reading, chopping wood, or spending time with his wife on a little island off the west coast of Canada.

Blog

Related

See All
The 3 Biggest Obstacles Impeding Men's Development Today
Jun 15, 2020
Jordan Gray
The 3 Biggest Obstacles Impeding Men’s Development Today
If you’re a modern man, you’ve probably noticed how hard it can be to make real progress on your most significant goals. Do you feel like nothing is changing in your life, despite having good intentions? Or like you’re just crawling along in first gear, and not feeling enough traction or aliveness? Or...
Continue Reading
How To Not Feel Like Roommates
May 8, 2023
Jordan Gray
How To Not Feel Like Roommates
Over the last 15 years of working with people on their relationships full-time, one of the most common sets of questions I get is around 'How do I bring the spark back to my relationship that sometimes feels like we're just roommates with responsibilities?' And this is a valid question. As the...
Continue Reading
14 Lessons Learned In 11 Years Of Business
Feb 26, 2024
Jordan Gray
14 Lessons Learned In 11 Years Of Business
On January 26th, 2013, I officially launched this business of mine. Whether you're a self-employed business owner and looking to shortcut some of my hard-earned wisdom, or just a reader of my work who is curious about peeking behind the curtain of a different aspect of my process, there will be something...
Continue Reading
Stop Hoping For An Easy Life
Jan 10, 2019
Jordan Gray
Stop Hoping For An Easy Life
Today, more than ever, people are psychologically soft. We have been raised in a time of unprecedented ease, comfort, and convenience. We are, on a daily basis, guarded from the painful realities of life. We avoid real-time romantic rejection by swiping left and right on the faces of strangers. We...
Continue Reading
TIL Ep.9: Play Away Your Anxiety With Charlie Hoehn
Oct 1, 2017
Jordan Gray
TIL Ep.9: Play Away Your Anxiety With Charlie Hoehn
Today on The Intentional Life, I talk to someone who I’ve been looking to have on the show for well over a year. If you have ever identified as a workaholic… an over achiever… or someone who struggles with anxiety, I can not recommend this episode enough for you. His name is Charlie Hoehn. He’s a writer,...
Continue Reading
7 Things All Women Need In A Relationship
Dec 9, 2013
Jordan Gray
7 Things All Women Need In A Relationship
When it comes to what women need in a relationship, men and women are at an emotional stalemate. We feel something lacking in our relationships. The majority of modern men aren't able to penetrate their women fully, nor are women fully opening to their men. Women aren't opening because men aren't giving...
Continue Reading