Jan 23, 2017

You Can Not Heal On Your Own

Western society lives by the culturally imposed rules of ‘The Cult Of One’.

We are constantly bombarded with messages of “Go it alone”… “Be all that YOU can be”… “Never let ‘em see you sweat”… “When you laugh the world laughs with you, when you cry, you cry alone.”

The underlying message being that we are alone in the world, we have to do life on our own, and your pain is your pain alone… and you have to figure it out by yourself.

This has never been true of the human condition. We are a social species, and we need each other to thrive.

This is doubly true when it comes to healing your emotional pain.

If your pain was caused in relationship (bullying, painful breakups, shame about ourselves because of the words or actions of others), then it must also be healed in relationship with others.

You need people to act as mirrors to help you heal.

You need people to witness your beautiful tears.

You need people to reflect your worth back to you with their words.

And none of this makes you weak, silly, or needy… it makes you human.

Here are three examples of ways that you can heal with other people.

1. Talk it out

Talk to a trusted, non-shaming friend, coach, or confidante. Spill your proverbial guts to them. Tell them everything. Have them love and accept you through your courageous share.

2. Practice praise bombing

Host a one-off/weekly/monthly gathering of close, trusted friends where you take turns going through an exercise where everyone says what they love/adore/appreciate/respect about one of the guests in particular. For example, everyone might love/appreciate/validate you, as the host, the first week, and then it would be Mike’s turn next week, and then Jen’s, etc.

Whatever doubts you had about your value in the world will eventually be melted away as the people who know you the most reflect your worth back to you so fully.

3. Do spoiling sessions

Whether you’re specifically looking to heal sexual shame, or you’re just looking for a big, old-fashioned love-up and cuddle-down… following the structure of the spoiling session should do the trick.

You get a dedicated amount of time to receive whatever it is that your heart most deeply desires from your partner/partners.

If you haven’t read about spoiling sessions from me before, you can read all about them over here.

Dedicated to your success,

Jordan

Ps. If you enjoyed this article, you will likely also love reading:

How To Fully Release Difficult Emotions That Hold You Back

How To Get Rid Of Your Repressed Anger

21 Of The Best Self Care Practices Ever

All Of Your Suffering Was Worth It

How To Stop Being Run By Your Most Deeply Ingrained Patterns

Jordan Gray
About Jordan Gray

Jordan Gray has been a sex and relationship coach for over 15+ years, with his work reaching over 200 million people worldwide. His writing has been featured in Vogue, GQ, The New York Times, Cosmopolitan, Women’s Health, and countless other publications around the world. When he’s not working with 1-on-1 coaching clients or writing a new article, he’s most likely to be found reading, chopping wood, or spending time with his wife on a little island off the west coast of Canada.

Blog

Related

See All
All Relationship Is For Healing
Apr 26, 2015
Jordan Gray
All Relationship Is For Healing
The purpose of any and every relationship in your life is healing. Whether it’s the healing you’re aware of… your ex that you want to get over, your low self-esteem that you’re trying to raise, or your sexual confidence that you’re trying to boost. The healing you’re partially aware of… the lingering...
Continue Reading
‘Why Are Men Always Intimidated By Me?’: What’s Actually Happening
Feb 6, 2024
Jordan Gray
‘Why Are Men Always Intimidated By Me?’: What’s Actually Happening
I recently worked with a woman we’ll call Jennifer. Jennifer came to me because she had been single for over 10+ years, and she stated that she no longer wanted to be. She told me that men always found her 'intimidating' and that they just didn’t know how to relate to her (which is far from the first...
Continue Reading
How To Develop Courage
Sep 18, 2016
Jordan Gray
How To Develop Courage
"Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage. If you want to conquer fear, do not sit home and think about it. Go out and get busy." – Dale Carnegie - On February 7th, 2013, I was booked to hop on a plane headed to Southeast Asia. At this point...
Continue Reading
Improve Your Health, Wealth, And Relationships With These 3 Habits
Sep 20, 2019
Jordan Gray
Improve Your Health, Wealth, And Relationships With These 3 Habits
Do you want to enjoy better sex, have more money, and drastically increase the length and quality of your life? Well, read on my friend. Through the last twenty years of my life I have been blessed with some incredible mentors who have coached me in the realms of health, wealth, and relationships. With...
Continue Reading
4 Honest As Fuck Questions You Need To Ask Yourself Often
Apr 13, 2016
Jordan Gray
4 Honest As Fuck Questions You Need To Ask Yourself Often
Every day in my journal for the past few months I have been answering a series of questions that forces me to get uncomfortably honest with myself. Between the completion of a significant romantic relationship, losing a close friend unexpectedly, and many other life changes, I have been having a challenging...
Continue Reading
How To Heal Your Most Debilitating Core Wounds
Sep 24, 2017
Jordan Gray
How To Heal Your Most Debilitating Core Wounds
"I am a burden and a mistake." "All love that is offered to me is fragile and a lie." "Everyone I love secretly hates me and wants me to kill myself." These are the beliefs that dominated me for the majority of my life. I am the youngest of three children in my family. From...
Continue Reading