Mar 5, 2013

Modified Minimalism

Modified Minimalism

I am a huge fan of minimalism.

Minimalistic decoration, minimalistic fashion, and most importantly, minimalism in terms of personal material possessions.

I find the feeling of being able to live out of a carry-on bag very liberating.  The fact is, we can get by on a lot less than we think.  That goes for a lot of things in life (external validation, junk food, porn, toilet paper, alcohol, etc.). Today, I’m going to be focusing on material possessions.

Physical clutter creates mental clutter.  Mentally, it is very draining to have a lot of things that you are keeping track of, even on an unconscious level.

Modifying The Minimalism Model

I’ve tried the extreme side of minimalism.  Within a 48 hour span, I once donated/gave away/Craiglist’ed about 95% of all of the things that I owned.  I was ruthless.

Guitar?  I haven’t played this in a week, who needs it.

CD’s and DVD’s?  I have an iPhone that covers both of those.

My first pair of baby shoes?  Won’t wear those ever again.

Predictably, after another 24 hours passed since the manic-like life purge, I felt some pangs of regret.  Much less than I expected, but still a few small ones.  I missed my guitar.  I regretted tossing one of my old journals.  There was one shirt that I wished I hadn’t donated.  But other than that, I was fine.  My room felt un-cluttered and so did my mind.

In the book The Happiness Hypothesis, Jonathan Haidt cites a study in which he found a correlation between suicide rates and the constraints in peoples lives.  It might seem counterintuitive, but those who had more bonds and obligations in their lives were far less likely to commit suicide than those who had too few attachments.

As it turns out, too much freedom and detachment isn’t very good for your emotional health.  Purge the unnecessary, but KEEP the things that bring you joy, fulfillment, and a sense of connection.

The Hidden Cost Of Stuff

So which things should you keep and which should you get rid of?  Here is a quick-use guide to help you with your decisions.

1. Does it have hidden costs attached to it?

Is it a magazine or service subscription that you don’t even use? Is it a dress shirt that costs $8 per dry clean? Does it need a dozen AA batteries to function for an hour or two?  If it’s draining your financial resources, toss it.

2. Have you used it in the last six months?

Be honest with yourself.  When was the last time you used it?  If you haven’t used it recently, there’s a very small chance you’ll be using it in the near future.  Get over your pack-rat tendencies, and say adios to your dusty old belongings.

3. If it were offered to you today, would you still accept it into your life?

This question can be applied to every area of your life (your job, your girlfriend, your social circle) and it bears repeating.  If I offered you your old video game system, or hole-filled shirt, would you still want it today?  Chances are, the thing that you’re on the fence about is already past it’s expiration date.

After reading these questions, you probably realize that you can get rid of about 70% of your clothes, books, and possessions that you have floating around.  And that is awesome.  The socially conditioned part of your brain wants to hold on to these to have a sense of belonging and identity, but I guarantee that you won’t miss any of what you throw away.

So look around your bedroom… your house… your life…

What things that you surround yourself with actually ADD to you as a person?  What brings you frequent happiness and fulfillment?  If the answer is ‘basically none of it’, then maybe it’s time to shake up the routine and do some spring-cleaning.

Jordan Gray
About Jordan Gray

Jordan Gray has been a sex and relationship coach for over 15+ years, with his work reaching over 200 million people worldwide. His writing has been featured in Vogue, GQ, The New York Times, Cosmopolitan, Women’s Health, and countless other publications around the world. When he’s not working with 1-on-1 coaching clients or writing a new article, he’s most likely to be found reading, chopping wood, or spending time with his wife on a little island off the west coast of Canada.

Blog

Related

See All
You Are Allowed To Want What You Want
Nov 12, 2016
Jordan Gray
You Are Allowed To Want What You Want
Repeat after me… “I am allowed to want what I want.” Say it out loud. Don’t worry… I’ll wait. “I am allowed to want what I want.” Done? How did that feel? If you’re like most people, there’s probably a combination of a little bit of fear/nervousness, mixed in with a deep sense of peace and calm. It...
Continue Reading
7 Powerful Trust Exercises For Couples
Nov 23, 2015
Jordan Gray
7 Powerful Trust Exercises For Couples
We all know that trust is a fundamental component of every healthy intimate relationship. But what is trust exactly? In the context of relationships, I define trust as having an underlying belief in the reliability and consistency of someone. So, for example, if you and your...
Continue Reading
30 Life Lessons From 30 Years Of Living
Apr 24, 2017
Jordan Gray
30 Life Lessons From 30 Years Of Living
It was my 30th birthday a few days ago. Roughly 30 years ago I came into the world a fat, loud, fuzzy little baby. And now I'm a slender, quiet, fuzzy big man. Oh how the times have changed! I'm pretty sure I've learned some things in my 30 years of existing... but at the same time, I feel like the...
Continue Reading
20 Amazing Books I Have Been Recommending To Everyone Lately
Aug 12, 2018
Jordan Gray
20 Amazing Books I Have Been Recommending To Everyone Lately
If you follow my writing, that means that we are probably similar people in one or multiple significant ways (in other words, there's a good degree of probability that we have identical or similar neuroses). People ask me for book recommendations all the time. So today, I'm going to pass along a few...
Continue Reading
5 Tips To Hack The Male Brain: Understanding Men
Jan 27, 2013
Jordan Gray
5 Tips To Hack The Male Brain: Understanding Men
Understanding Men One simple thing that you can do to today to have less stress in your life (and maintain healthier relationships with women) is understand how your brain works. All men (and women) have a masculine side, and a feminine side. It is necessary to have both a masculine and a feminine....
Continue Reading
I Promise To Never Be Lazy In Loving You
Jan 22, 2017
Jordan Gray
I Promise To Never Be Lazy In Loving You
I promise to see into your soul on a daily basis. I promise to ask you how your day was, and give you all of the presence of attention at my disposal. I promise to always take good care of myself, and to lean on others for support. I promise to come to you for support when I need it. I promise to...
Continue Reading