May 18, 2013

Why Self-Help Doesn't Work

Self help can suck.

Helping yourself is noble and can be effective to a point… but that’s one of its drawbacks: it’s limited.

No matter how many books you read on self-development (motivation, attraction, and so on), you can only grow so much by teaching yourself because 1) you don’t know where your blind spots are; 2) going out of your comfort zone is challenging; and 3) it’s difficult to objectively assess your own progress.

For those serious (and not too stubborn) about helping themselves, consider these benefits of outside help.

Three Benefits Of Asking For Help

Still hesitant to let others help you in your process?  Consider these benefits…

1. Learn About Your Blind Spots

Not happy with your job but don’t know what else you are passionate about?  Feel anxious when it comes to intimacy but not sure what the root of the feelings is?  Wish you had a better social life but don’t know how to go about it?

Blind spots are, by definition, blind.  You might be able to see the gap of logic in other people’s thinking, but I guarantee that you can’t see it in your own with the same accuracy.  You can laser beam through your roadblocks so much faster by talking with an objective friend.

Pro athletes have coaches.  Therapists see other therapists.  We all need help from others.  And being able to admit that to yourself is a mark of courage, not one of weakness.

2. Get Out of Your Comfort Zone

It’s easy to stay in our comfort zones whether we are conscious of it or not.  Maybe you’ve been saying for years that you’re going to do something (get into a relationship, record an album, travel somewhere exotic), yet it hasn’t materialized in the real world.

Even if you do have awareness of your blind spots, it’s common to ignore them and let them slide.  Having an objective friend, partner, or coach help you with accountability is an important step in the road to becoming your best self.

3. Get Honest Feedback

Ralph Waldo Emerson once stated that an ideal friend is a “beautiful enemy”.  Someone that pushes you through your blockages when you don’t even know that you need to be pushed.  Someone that helps you grow as a person.

If your friends are quick to praise any and all things that you do without ever handing over a healthy dose of criticism, then you might be hanging out with the wrong friends.  You want people to push you, not be exclusively impressed by you.

Take Action Now

In all that you do… aim for self-awareness, not “self-help”.

You begin a completely new life when you go from thinking “I don’t really like my life right now”, to “I am going to change my life right now”.

This is your life and you are shaping it every single day.

Are you proud of the person you’re becoming?

If you want to become aware of your blind spots, supercharge your life, or want some advice as you transition a particularly tough section of your life, let’s chat.

Dedicated to your success,

Jordan

Blog

Related

See All
Strength In Vulnerability
Feb 25, 2013
Jordan Gray
Strength In Vulnerability
Strength In Vulnerability When I tell guys that my coaching practice has a strong element of getting men re-connected with themselves, their integrity, and their ability to be vulnerable, the responses are predictable. "But isn't being vulnerable seen as weak, and therefore...
Continue Reading
In Praise Of Emotionally Strong Women
Mar 9, 2015
Jordan Gray
In Praise Of Emotionally Strong Women
Here’s to the emotionally strong women... The women that have done their work. The women that know the value of self-love and self-care. The women that hold themselves, and others, to higher standards. The women that have felt grief, and received the grief of their loved ones. The women who turn...
Continue Reading
6 Ways To Build Emotional Resilience (And Become Unfuckwithable)
Feb 21, 2020
Jordan Gray
6 Ways To Build Emotional Resilience (And Become Unfuckwithable)
To be alive is to be at constant risk of facing intense pain. Hard things will happen to all of us. Buddha’s first noble truth said it well: “Life is suffering.” Unforeseen tragedy will strike. The people you love will eventually pass away, or become sick. Some things you’ve worked on for years will...
Continue Reading
How Women Actually Feel When Men Cry (11 Women Speak)
Feb 25, 2018
Jordan Gray
How Women Actually Feel When Men Cry (11 Women Speak)
For the majority of my twenties, I didn't cry in front of a woman once. I was terrified to. I had taken on the conditioned message that 'boys don't cry' and a belief that told me that women felt repulsed by men who felt their feelings. These years of emotional constipation turned me into a suppressed,...
Continue Reading
Wear The Sword Until You Can’t: A Life Philosophy
Feb 28, 2016
Jordan Gray
Wear The Sword Until You Can’t: A Life Philosophy
Once upon a time, in real life, there was a guy named William Penn. William was a Quaker and also a nobleman, which led to a lot of conflicts in his personal values. As you may know, Quakers are committed pacifists (they oppose war, violence, and militarism). A symbolic conflict for him was that he...
Continue Reading
It’s Terrifying And Then It’s Amazing
Apr 8, 2016
Jordan Gray
It’s Terrifying And Then It’s Amazing
I’m going on an airplane tomorrow. And I really, truly do not enjoy flying. I know… it’s a modern miracle… and it’s all “WOW I’M IN THE SKY RIGHT NOW!”… but I can’t help but feel like we’re going to drop out of the sky at any moment. Even though that’s fairly impossible. And even though there’s a way...
Continue Reading