Breaking up sucks.
It’s hard to get over someone that you were so close with. Your brain was chemically addicted to them, and now your drug of choice is gone.
Whether it’s been a couple of days, weeks, or years, you still feel some old emotional residue around that certain someone.
With a couple of quick tools – and a few pieces of paper – you can take the carpet out from underneath the emotional stress that you are experiencing, and begin to feel delightfully weightless in the process.
Here are five ways to help you get over your ex…
1. Don’t Contact Them… At All
You need real time apart to get closure on your ex. As nice of a thought that it is, trying to convince yourself that they are your “best friend” is only damaging whatever connection you may continue to have after you have both finish grieving the loss of your romantic relationship.
This means no hanging out (even in groups), late night texting (delete their number), or scrolling their Facebook page (to see how much fun they’re trying to seem like they’re having without you).
2. Process As Much Available Emotion As Possible
Encourage your emotional residue to move through you as much as possible. Dive into your grieving process fully. If you don’t choose to process it now, it will surface later without your approval when you least expect it.
3. Write A ‘Positive’ Learning List
The more we live, the more we grow. It is inevitable that you learned a lot from your relationship. Acknowledge the benefits and takeaways from your relationship by making a list of all of the positive things that you learned from them.
Maybe they taught you that you respond really strongly to nurturing, encouragement, or passion. Maybe they taught you how to love more fully. Whatever you can think of, write it down.
4. Write A ‘Negative’ Learning List
Although you learned a lot from your ex, they (being human) were far from perfect. It’s time to take them off the pedestal by making a list of what you didn’t like about them.
What character traits did they exhibit that you do not want to repeat in future partners? Were they overly critical? Passive Aggressive? Unreliable? Write it down.
5. Make A List Of Where You Fell Short
As surprising as it may seem, this is where you get your real, iron-clad closure. It’s easy to go into victim mode and say that you miss them, and that they were perfect, and you did no wrong and how could they break your heart like that… but if you’re honest with yourself you’ll see that there were things that you didn’t do so well in in your relationship.
Maybe you were a bit needy, or stifling, or jealous, or distant… whatever it is, realizing that you also weren’t the perfect partner will help you more in getting over your ex than most of these other tips combined.
So what did you learn from the relationship? That you need to set stronger boundaries with people in your intimate relationships? That you need to focus on getting more fulfillment outside of your relationship? That you need to learn to trust and love more fully?
Check in with yourself, being as honest as possible, and write it down.
After those five steps, do whatever you want.
Go to the gym. Eat a burger. Watch a few movies by yourself. Get wasted and go out dancing with your friends. Do the things that you avoided doing because you could tell that they didn’t like them. Do whatever your thing is until you feel like yourself again.
Whatever you feel like doing, as long as it doesn’t harm yourself or others, go for it. Being kind and compassionate with yourself is a great way to get over your ex while you’re still in mourning.
Dedicated to your success,