Jul 3, 2013

5 Innovative Ways To Get Over Your Ex

Breaking up sucks.

It’s hard to get over someone that you were so close with. Your brain was chemically addicted to them, and now your drug of choice is gone.

Whether it’s been a couple of days, weeks, or years, you still feel some old emotional residue around that certain someone.

With a couple of quick tools – and a few pieces of paper – you can take the carpet out from underneath the emotional stress that you are experiencing, and begin to feel delightfully weightless in the process.

Here are five ways to help you get over your ex…

1. Don’t Contact Them… At All

You need real time apart to get closure on your ex. As nice of a thought that it is, trying to convince yourself that they are your “best friend” is only damaging whatever connection you may continue to have after you have both finish grieving the loss of your romantic relationship.

This means no hanging out (even in groups), late night texting (delete their number), or scrolling their Facebook page (to see how much fun they’re trying to seem like they’re having without you).

2. Process As Much Available Emotion As Possible

Encourage your emotional residue to move through you as much as possible. Dive into your grieving process fully. If you don’t choose to process it now, it will surface later without your approval when you least expect it.

3. Write A ‘Positive’ Learning List

The more we live, the more we grow. It is inevitable that you learned a lot from your relationship. Acknowledge the benefits and takeaways from your relationship by making a list of all of the positive things that you learned from them.

Maybe they taught you that you respond really strongly to nurturing, encouragement, or passion. Maybe they taught you how to love more fully. Whatever you can think of, write it down.

4. Write A ‘Negative’ Learning List

Although you learned a lot from your ex, they (being human) were far from perfect. It’s time to take them off the pedestal by making a list of what you didn’t like about them.

What character traits did they exhibit that you do not want to repeat in future partners? Were they overly critical? Passive Aggressive? Unreliable? Write it down.

5. Make A List Of Where You Fell Short

As surprising as it may seem, this is where you get your real, iron-clad closure. It’s easy to go into victim mode and say that you miss them, and that they were perfect, and you did no wrong and how could they break your heart like that… but if you’re honest with yourself you’ll see that there were things that you didn’t do so well in in your relationship.

Maybe you were a bit needy, or stifling, or jealous, or distant… whatever it is, realizing that you also weren’t the perfect partner will help you more in getting over your ex than most of these other tips combined.

So what did you learn from the relationship? That you need to set stronger boundaries with people in your intimate relationships? That you need to focus on getting more fulfillment outside of your relationship? That you need to learn to trust and love more fully?

Check in with yourself, being as honest as possible, and write it down.

After those five steps, do whatever you want.

Go to the gym. Eat a burger. Watch a few movies by yourself. Get wasted and go out dancing with your friends. Do the things that you avoided doing because you could tell that they didn’t like them. Do whatever your thing is until you feel like yourself again.

Whatever you feel like doing, as long as it doesn’t harm yourself or others, go for it. Being kind and compassionate with yourself is a great way to get over your ex while you’re still in mourning.

Dedicated to your success,

Jordan

Blog

Related

See All
7 Of My Favourite Quotes That Will Turn You Into A Better Person
Dec 22, 2018
Jordan Gray
7 Of My Favourite Quotes That Will Turn You Into A Better Person
I, Jordan Gray, am a quote junkie.  Every close friend, confidante, and fellow growth warrior in the trenches of life alongside me knows that a pre-requisite of being in my life is being comfortable with me starting every fifth sentence with the words, “That reminds me of the quote…” I...
Continue Reading
30 Pieces of Advice From 30 Couples Married 30+ Years
Dec 16, 2018
Jordan Gray
30 Pieces of Advice From 30 Couples Married 30+ Years
Ever wanted to hear from a trusted board of advisors on the topic of sustaining long-term love? Well, you’re in luck. I searched high and low to find thirty couples who had been happily married for over thirty years, and asked them what one piece of advice they would give to anyone who...
Continue Reading
7 Things All Women Need In A Relationship
Dec 9, 2013
Jordan Gray
7 Things All Women Need In A Relationship
When it comes to what women need in a relationship, men and women are at an emotional stalemate. We feel something lacking in our relationships. The majority of modern men aren't able to penetrate their women fully, nor are women fully opening to their men. Women aren't opening because men aren't giving...
Continue Reading
The Intentional Life Ep.1: Discover Your Core Gifts With Ken Page
May 16, 2016
Jordan Gray
The Intentional Life Ep.1: Discover Your Core Gifts With Ken Page
I sent out a survey to my readers a few months ago asking what people wanted to see more of, and there was a huge vote for more free video content. Well, ask and you shall receive! Introducing (drum roll please...), the first episode of The Intentional Life video series. In today's episode,...
Continue Reading
How To 80/20 Absolutely Everything In Your Life
Jul 10, 2018
Jordan Gray
How To 80/20 Absolutely Everything In Your Life
The Pareto Principle (also commonly known as the 80/20 Rule) is a simple rule that states that 80% of your results come from 20% of your efforts. Like any arbitrary model of reality, the 80/20 rule has it’s pros and cons, but is generally a beneficial perspective to take on much of your daily life. What...
Continue Reading
3 Things To Do About Fear Of Your Partner Dying
Aug 1, 2020
Jordan Gray
3 Things To Do About Fear Of Your Partner Dying
My partner Demetra and I have lived together for a little over a year. We are committed to each other. We talk about getting married in the not-so-distant future. And each time our relationship has gone a layer deeper, we have both had a corresponding layer of fear accompany it. "What if she...
Continue Reading