Jul 3, 2013

5 Innovative Ways To Get Over Your Ex

Breaking up sucks.

It’s hard to get over someone that you were so close with. Your brain was chemically addicted to them, and now your drug of choice is gone.

Whether it’s been a couple of days, weeks, or years, you still feel some old emotional residue around that certain someone.

With a couple of quick tools – and a few pieces of paper – you can take the carpet out from underneath the emotional stress that you are experiencing, and begin to feel delightfully weightless in the process.

Here are five ways to help you get over your ex…

1. Don’t Contact Them… At All

You need real time apart to get closure on your ex. As nice of a thought that it is, trying to convince yourself that they are your “best friend” is only damaging whatever connection you may continue to have after you have both finish grieving the loss of your romantic relationship.

This means no hanging out (even in groups), late night texting (delete their number), or scrolling their Facebook page (to see how much fun they’re trying to seem like they’re having without you).

2. Process As Much Available Emotion As Possible

Encourage your emotional residue to move through you as much as possible. Dive into your grieving process fully. If you don’t choose to process it now, it will surface later without your approval when you least expect it.

3. Write A ‘Positive’ Learning List

The more we live, the more we grow. It is inevitable that you learned a lot from your relationship. Acknowledge the benefits and takeaways from your relationship by making a list of all of the positive things that you learned from them.

Maybe they taught you that you respond really strongly to nurturing, encouragement, or passion. Maybe they taught you how to love more fully. Whatever you can think of, write it down.

4. Write A ‘Negative’ Learning List

Although you learned a lot from your ex, they (being human) were far from perfect. It’s time to take them off the pedestal by making a list of what you didn’t like about them.

What character traits did they exhibit that you do not want to repeat in future partners? Were they overly critical? Passive Aggressive? Unreliable? Write it down.

5. Make A List Of Where You Fell Short

As surprising as it may seem, this is where you get your real, iron-clad closure. It’s easy to go into victim mode and say that you miss them, and that they were perfect, and you did no wrong and how could they break your heart like that… but if you’re honest with yourself you’ll see that there were things that you didn’t do so well in in your relationship.

Maybe you were a bit needy, or stifling, or jealous, or distant… whatever it is, realizing that you also weren’t the perfect partner will help you more in getting over your ex than most of these other tips combined.

So what did you learn from the relationship? That you need to set stronger boundaries with people in your intimate relationships? That you need to focus on getting more fulfillment outside of your relationship? That you need to learn to trust and love more fully?

Check in with yourself, being as honest as possible, and write it down.

After those five steps, do whatever you want.

Go to the gym. Eat a burger. Watch a few movies by yourself. Get wasted and go out dancing with your friends. Do the things that you avoided doing because you could tell that they didn’t like them. Do whatever your thing is until you feel like yourself again.

Whatever you feel like doing, as long as it doesn’t harm yourself or others, go for it. Being kind and compassionate with yourself is a great way to get over your ex while you’re still in mourning.

Dedicated to your success,

Jordan

Blog

Related

See All
This Woman Changed My Life Forever
Jul 30, 2016
Jordan Gray
This Woman Changed My Life Forever
At the beginning of 2014 I set out with the intention to fall more deeply in love with myself than I ever had before. And when I get an idea in my head, I commit to it fully. I hired a self-love coach that I checked in with at least once per week. I started working with a therapist to dig into some...
Continue Reading
Engagement Anxiety: Why Am I More Afraid Than Happy?
Jan 13, 2024
Jordan Gray
Engagement Anxiety: Why Am I More Afraid Than Happy?
Congratulations! You've taken the step of saying "Yes" to a lifetime of love and commitment. The proposal was perfect, the ring was beautiful, and your heart soared with happiness. And yet, amidst the excitement and joy of being engaged to the love of your life, you find yourself grappling with an unexpected...
Continue Reading
How To Respond When Someone Tells You They’re Feeling Suicidal
Jan 3, 2020
Jordan Gray
How To Respond When Someone Tells You They’re Feeling Suicidal
The topics of mental health and depression didn’t rise into mainstream conversation until a few years ago. While it’s better late than never, this sadly means the majority of us were never openly educated on how to support someone who is struggling and contemplating suicide. Many people were trained...
Continue Reading
5 Practical Ways To Increase Your Emotional Intelligence
Oct 10, 2016
Jordan Gray
5 Practical Ways To Increase Your Emotional Intelligence
“How can I improve my emotional intelligence?” I’ve had three clients ask me this question over the last week, and whenever something pops up that frequently, I usually take it as a sign that it needs it’s own article. What is emotional intelligence? How does having it improve your life? Is it something...
Continue Reading
5 Ways To Stay Attracted To A Partner You've Been With For Years
Jun 9, 2014
Jordan Gray
5 Ways To Stay Attracted To A Partner You’ve Been With For Years
One of the most common questions that I get asked from my clients in relationships is "How do you stay attracted to someone you've been with for years?" I've interviewed couples who have been married from a few months to 50+ years, and they all agree - sexual attraction ebbs and flows in every re...
Continue Reading
Jordan’s Top 7 Books On Sex And Relationships
Oct 29, 2014
Jordan Gray
Jordan’s Top 7 Books On Sex And Relationships
Every week, people ask me what books I would recommend for them to further their understanding of sex and relationships. Having been someone that has been self-educating on sex, psychology, and relationships for the past decade, and having read hundreds of books on the subject, I feel fairly qualified...
Continue Reading