Dec 18, 2017

5 Ways To Help Reduce The Male Suicide Rate

Men are dying by suicide at a rate of three to four times more than women.

In a 2014 UK study, the male suicide rate was 16.8 suicides per 100,000 people, versus 5.2 per 100,000 for female deaths.

Of the more than 44,000 people who die by suicide every year in the United States, the significant majority of those are men.

It is the leading cause of death for men under the age of 45 in most developed nations.

Obviously, this is far from exclusively being a gender issue. There are many contributing factors that lead a person to consider taking their own lives. Socioeconomic status… whether or not they’re employed… relationship status… the sense of community that the person has around them… sense of purpose and alignment in their career.

This isn’t a comparison game… any suicides are too many. But the gender gap can’t be ignored.

Why Are Men More Likely To Die By Suicide?

There is an unspoken credo in the world of men…

Be in control. Don’t show weakness. Don’t ask for help.

Men receive this consistent conditioning via millions of subtle messages that they receive from friends, family, and mainstream media.

There is a massive cultural influence that tells men that feeling feelings is bad, asking for help is pathetic, and that they should always be in control of themselves, in every way.

It’s no wonder that men a) struggle to even know when they’re depressed, because of their culturally encouraged disconnection from their own emotions, and b) struggle to ask for help if they are aware that they’re hurting, for fear of being judged or perceived as less capable or less manly.

How To Help Reduce The Male Suicide Rate

There are thousands of points that I could include in this section. Truly, every little bit of human connection helps when it comes to reducing stigma around mental health issues.

Here are five things that you can start doing, today, to chip away at this overly limiting man-box and reduce the male suicide rate in the world.

1. Feel your own feelings

Gandhi nailed it… “Be the change you wish to see in the world.”

Regardless of your gender, you leaning into feeling your own emotional pain will make for a more emotionally connected world.

If you feel your feelings fully and are in touch with the fullness of your own emotional spectrum, you will be that much more trustable of a person to feel feelings in front of, and you will have that much easier of a time spotting a man who is secretly hurting.

Simply put, if you ignore your own pain it will be easier for you to miss the pain of others. Conversely, if you feel your own pain you will be leading by example, and spot the suffering of others more readily.

2. Give explicit permission to men in your life to feel their feelings

Leading by example is one thing, giving explicit permission to the men in your life to feel their feelings without judgment is another.

If you have any hesitation or judgment about men being allowed to feel their feelings, then that is a bias that lives within you that should be addressed.

If you are a proponent of men being allowed to feel their feelings, then make it known. Make it known through your words and actions. Make it known through a social media post. Make it known when your male friend or romantic partner is on the verge of feeling a more difficult emotion and you can sense his hesitation.

Explicitly tell men, “It is safe to feel your feelings in front of me. It takes courage and strength to let yourself feel these things. I love and accept you completely.”

Either through a lack of emotional self-awareness, or simply being raised in a ‘Boys don’t cry‘ culture, men are often terrified of letting themselves cry, grieve, or feel sad, frustrated, or hurt. Counteract this cultural undercurrent by telling them that, yes, they are safe to feel any and all emotions when they are with you.

3. Reach out to men who you think may be hurting

Many men who struggle with depression, anxiety, and suicidal thoughts often hide in plain sight.men, man, men's work, extreme burnout, childhood trauma, male suicide

They may drop increasingly apparent hints to the people around them to see if anyone notices or cares. Or, they may just suffer in silence and never give any obvious signs that they’re in pain. Two common examples of this are men that are always in an overly cheery mood (and therefore don’t give themselves permission to ever be anything but positive when in public), or men that always have to be the funniest guy in the room (as humour can often be a mask for underlying disowned pain or sadness).

If you know of a man (or several men) who you think might be secretly hurting, I implore you to reach out to them sooner than later and giving them some energy.

A simple, “Hey, I’ve been thinking about you lately. Are you doing alright? I care about you a lot and I want to check in. I would love to meet up and go for a walk/grab a coffee with you some time in the near future.”

Who knows… your extension of love and concern could save a life.

4. Join or start a weekly men’s group

One of the single most effective ways that men can support each other is simply being in each other’s presence on a regular basis.

Each gender has its own gifts to give to the other…but there is something that men get from being with other men that they can not get from their time with women.

I have attended a weekly men’s group for the last two years and it has been an absolute game changer in my life.

reduce male suicide, male suicide, male suicide rate, men's group

I feel more connected to men, more connected to my drive, masculinity, and purpose, and feel more deeply loved, seen, and supported in my life day to day.

But remember, to really help make a dent in the male suicide rate, it isn’t just about meeting up and shooting the breeze about nothing in particular. Don’t just meet up at the bar over drinks and call it a men’s group…

5. Connect with men in your life in a deeper way – not just over beers and sports

If you (or the men in your life) are starting in social isolation and connecting over alcohol or watching sports is your growth edge, there’s nothing wrong with that. Start there. Enjoy your time connecting with others. Create and cultivate your friendships. It will help.

But if you already have friends who you meet up with regularly, I would strongly encourage you to go deeper in your interactions than you currently do.

Talk about the real stuff. Talk about how work is really going for you. Talk about your intimate relationship. Admit that you’ve been feeling down or lonely lately. Let yourself be seen as struggling or hurting, if you are. It isn’t easy… it does take courage, but it will pay off.

One of the greatest benefits of having deep, intimate relationships is that you get to share your innermost thoughts with others, and then receive the feedback that, hey, your dark thoughts aren’t that unique or dark after all. Thereby making you feel less crazy, neurotic, and alone in the world.

Men who are socially isolated are more likely to spiral into their own minds and let the weight of their thoughts take them over. Remember, we are a social species. We need human connection in order to thrive.

Suicidal Thoughts Breed In Isolation And Disconnection

Ultimately, this entire list comes down to human connection.

If you are hurting, seek out any kind of safe support where you feel safe to feel your feelings.

If you know someone is hurting, reach out and connect with them.

If you sense a chronic lack of connection in your life, or you have a difficult time in battling your internal world, I strongly encourage you to join (or start) a weekly men’s group.

Connect with other people. They are waiting to support you.

If you, personally, are hurting right now, I would strongly encourage you to check out a few of the six articles linked below.

Dedicated to your success,

Jordan

Ps. If you enjoyed this article, you will likely also love checking out:

How To Fully Release Difficult Emotions That Hold You Back

4 Reasons Not To Kill Yourself (Read This First)

How I Healed My Relationship With Men

How To Get Rid Of Your Repressed Anger

How To Manage Stress (Or How I Weathered My Sh*t Storm Of A Year)

How To Make Friends As An Adult

Blog

Related

See All
9 Ways To Improve Your Marriage Using Inversion Thinking
Feb 28, 2024
Jordan Gray
9 Ways To Improve Your Marriage Using Inversion Thinking
I’ve written before about cognitive biases, and today, I’m going to speak to a different one and help you use it to improve your marriage (or any romantic relationship you’re in). Us humans have what is commonly referred to as a 'negativity bias.' Which is a fancy way of saying that we’re better at...
Continue Reading
This Woman Changed My Life Forever
Jul 30, 2016
Jordan Gray
This Woman Changed My Life Forever
At the beginning of 2014 I set out with the intention to fall more deeply in love with myself than I ever had before. And when I get an idea in my head, I commit to it fully. I hired a self-love coach that I checked in with at least once per week. I started working with a therapist to dig into some...
Continue Reading
How To Write A Relationship Contract (With Examples)
Jun 13, 2016
Jordan Gray
How To Write A Relationship Contract (With Examples)
Have you ever heard of a relationship contract (also sometimes referred to as a relationship agreement)? There have been a few references to them in recent pop culture (most notably between Mark Zuckerberg and his wife Priscilla, on the TV show The Big Bang Theory, and - a version of one - in Fifty...
Continue Reading
12 Romantic Proposal Ideas For You To Steal
Apr 1, 2021
Jordan Gray
12 Romantic Proposal Ideas For You To Steal
So you’re ready to get down on one knee and tie the knot with the love of your life… Before we get to talking about ways to do it, let me grab my trumpet and set off some confetti cannons… Because that is amazing! (*Cue explosions and marching band*) The fact that you’re at a place in your relationship...
Continue Reading
Does Polyamory Ever Work?
Jan 28, 2021
Jordan Gray
Does Polyamory Ever Work?
Does polyamory ever work? I received the following letter from a reader the other day. "I’ve been struggling for the better part of several months dealing with leaving my ex for the second time (who came back early last year love bombing me for months, then completely shifting saying he wants to...
Continue Reading
I Believe In Loving Like You Give A Shit
Dec 13, 2015
Jordan Gray
I Believe In Loving Like You Give A Shit
I believe in loving like you give a shit. I believe in being overly affectionate in public. Even if it means that those who are envious label you as 'that couple' or tell you to get a room. I believe in flirting with someone you’ve been with for years. I believe in seeking out our barriers to intimacy...
Continue Reading