Cell phones get a lot of flack when it comes to how we interact with each other in our relationships.
But technology is a neutral entity. It’s how we use our phones that matters.
Yes, if you text each other more than you talk face to face, you can experience pain in your relationship. But if you harness your cell phone for good, it can be one of the best tools that you’ve ever had available to you for improving your intimate relationship.
Here are five ways your cell phone can improve your relationship.
1. Keep an ongoing gratitude list
Does your cell phone have a notepad/note taking application that you can write in on an ongoing manner?
Keep an ongoing gratitude list of things that you appreciate about your significant other.
Once you have an extensive list of things you love about them, you can then use the list to either text them about certain specific things that you’ve written down or you can compile a large list of your collected gratitude into a surprise gift.
2. Regular reminders to praise your partner
Does your phone have an application that sends you reminders and/or push notifications at set specific times?
Program regular reminders into your phone that encourage you to send your partner some written praise.
Anything from a simple “Thinking of you right now xox” to a more elaborate “I’m so grateful for how our date night went last night. You are such an amazing partner and I feel blessed every day that we’re together. Ps. You have a cute butt.” will be much appreciated.
Try to set them sporadically throughout the week at different times throughout the day so it doesn’t seem too formulaic. For example, set a reminder for 1pm on Monday, 3pm on Wednesday, and 10:30am on Thursday (if you have a regular Monday to Friday work week and you’re typically away from your partner during those times).
Also, feel free to set as many reminders as you want. The reminders don’t just have to be reminding you to praise your partner. You can enter a notification to remind you that your partner is getting their hair done on a certain day so that you remember to comment on it. You could also enter a reminder on Wednesday afternoon to remind yourself to start planning a date for your Friday or Saturday night together. Do you need to make a reservation at a restaurant, or do some research on that new thing you’ve both been wanting to do? Put it in your phone, and reap the rewards.
3. Jot down gift and date night ideas
I love my partner dearly, but I just have one of the worst memories ever for certain things.
Some of things that I forget most consistently? Hints she drops about things that she might want to do or enjoy one day. So I started making it a practice to write down every activity she mentioned wanting to do, or things that she might enjoy receiving (aka gifts). I have even been known to run off to the bathroom/another room of the house just to write down something she mentioned before I forget about it.
Bottom line, write down things they mention in your ongoing notepad about them… things they love, things they want to do, places they want to visit, etc.
The result? An endless supply of future date ideas, and gift ideas for all of their birthdays, your anniversaries, and any shared holidays.
4. Use the timer for extended eye contact exercises
If you’ve read my article on connection exercises for couples, you’ll know that I’m a huge fan of extended eye contact.
The eyes are the window to the soul… they are an essential key when it comes to deep intimacy where you both feel truly seen.
Set a timer on your phone to hold soft eye contact for 5-6 minutes and really sink in to the feeling of truly seeing your lover.
The first 60-90 seconds might be a tad uncomfortable, but stick with it and I promise you that it will feel magical in no time (and yes, you’re allowed to blink). There’s no hiding when you deeply reconnect with a soft, lasting gaze.
5. Build sexual anticipation via text
I’m going to get a bit science-y/psychology-ish for a minute here… and it’ll be totally worth it.
There are two main kinds of pleasure systems that our brains utilize… the anticipatory pleasure system and the consummatory pleasure system. The first one is the one that you experience when you anticipate doing something pleasurable (“Mmmm I can’t wait to eat that/go on that vacation/have sex with them!”) and the second one is the pleasure you experience when you consume the thing (“Mmmm I’m so glad I’m finally eating this thing/on this vacation/having sex with this person!”).
The pleasure that you experience in the anticipation stage is actually cumulatively much greater than the pleasure you get from consuming the thing. Simply put, there’s a lot of goodness in the stage of looking forward to the pleasurable thing.
So one of the best ways you can add more love to your relationship and more excitement to your life is to build sexual anticipation with your cell phone.
Sexual text messages, suggestive/explicit picture messages, and whatever else your kinky little mind can dream up are all beautiful ways to build more anticipation and excitement into your relationship.
Do you know that your partner loves one or several of your body parts a lot? Send them more photos of it/them. Do they love seeing you in a certain outfit or set of underwear? Show them. Do they love a certain sexual act that you sometimes do? Allude to it in a text message when you know they’re at work and will be unable to come home and rip your clothes off.
Your cell phone is one of the greatest tools available to you for keeping the sexual simmer going in your relationship. So take advantage of it.
An Annoying Distraction Or Best Relationship Revitalizer Ever?
So what’s it going to be? Is your cell phone going to be the little distraction that worsens the quality of your sleep, your sex life, and keeps your eyes off of your partner when you’re supposed to be focusing on them on a date… or is it going to be your favourite, handy little sidekick that brings new love and light to your relationship? The choice, as always, is yours.
Dedicated to your success,
Ps. Want to really kick your love life up a notch with your cell phone? See if we’re a good fit for each other and let’s hop on a phone call together.