In the quest for love, hope, while comforting, often falls short as a strategy.
The truth is, love seldom knocks on doors uninvited. It’s found in the midst of life’s hustle, in the laughter shared over a coffee, in the serendipitous encounters at a bookstore, or in the electric air of a social gathering.
When it comes to love, hoping for the best just doesn’t cut it. It’s time to make your own luck.
Why Waiting Doesn’t Work
Many of the clients I meet tell me that they want a romantic partner more than anything else in their life. They state that it is their #1 goal.
Yet when I ask them what they’re doing to proactively call in such a partner, their strategy can be summarized as ‘being open, and waiting for them to arrive.’
Can you imagine if we utilized the same strategy in other areas of our lives?
‘Hey Fred, what are you doing to change your dire financial position?’ ‘Oh, just being totally open to a stranger dumping a million dollars in my lap.’
‘Hey Tina, what are you doing to get in shape?’ ‘Wishing, dreaming, and hoping that these fifty extra pounds will just melt off while I’m asleep.’
This notion of being open to an amazing, healthy, high quality partner is ultimately just us protecting our own egos.
We get to have the warm, comfy identity of being someone who is totally open and completely willing to be in a healthy, aligned partnership… while also being in a position where we get to completely avoid the responsibility of doing anything about it.
And yes, openness and reception are a factor. It is true that you cannot water a garden that is covered in a huge plastic tarp.
But if wishing, dreaming, and praying aren’t the end-all-be-all strategy, what is more effective than getting high on hope-ium?
How To Meet A Partner Who Loves You
1. Break up with all of the things that are currently having you remain stuck, small, and tethered
Still casually seeing someone who is familiar, but that there is ultimately no long-term potential with? Cut them out immediately.
Are you spending your time with people, and in hobbies and environments that make you less you? Time to stop.
Do a deep, honest audit of how you currently invest your energy throughout your life, and wherever you find people, places, and things that consistently dim your light, remove them ruthlessly.
2. Build a happy, aligned single life that holistically nourishes you
The best way to beam your authentic lighthouse light out into the world is to do the work of cultivating a happy single life.
For many people, there could be a big gap between their current life and a life that makes them feel truly content and fulfilled. And that’s where the work comes in. It wouldn’t be fair to expect that a new, promising partner would be the thing that jumpstarts the dead car battery of our hearts. We have to do the work ourselves, and get there as a result of our own efforts.
When your eventual partner comes to meet you, they should know exactly how to love you well because you are already demonstrating the act of loving yourself via your own daily actions.
3. Make it known that you are looking
By informing your friends, family, coworkers, and whoever knows you best that you are actively looking for a healthy relationship, you achieve two things at once.
First, you take advantage of the low hanging fruit of people who might be able to be referred to you. And second, by leaning into some potentially uncomfortable conversations (it’s vulnerable to publicly state our desires), you let life know that you aren’t messing around, and that you really mean it when you say you want a loving relationship.
4. Get busy getting out there and interacting with the world
In a business sense, an amazing product is one half of the work… but the other half is marketing. You could have the most amazing product or service on the planet, but if zero people know about it then nobody can benefit from it.
So it is with your love life.
Being your shiny, authentic, happy self is one part of the equation. But you also need to consistently focus on exposure.
I don’t care how introverted you are. You can make steps to get out of your house more often, and increase your surface area for luck by getting yourself out into the world on a regular basis.
Want To Meet Your Dream Partner? You Already Know How
If someone put a gun to your head and said you have six months to get out there and meet an amazing person, you would know exactly what to do.
You would get busy being happy… you would make your intentions known… and you would meet a lot of people, while doing your best to both keep your heart open and available, and also be clear and direct about what it is you’re looking for, and clearly state your desire and excitement when you met potential partners who had higher degrees of potential. And you would do that over and over again until you found someone who was exciting and aligned enough to really invest in deeply.
Ultimately, in the key areas of life, I believe that we already know what to do.
If you want to get in shape, you should probably eat nutrient dense food, and exercise consistently.
To change your financial position for the better, you would create value for the world and then monetize it.
To meet and attract your dream partner, you would be someone who is worthy of an amazing partner, and then increase your exposure to the world so that such a person has the opportunity to know that you exist.
It is so easy to hide behind the identity of being someone who is so open and so available… but then do next to nothing about changing our lot in life.
Can we meet someone magical in a serendipitous way with minimal effort? Sure. Of course. These things happen all the time.
But if you’re someone who has said they want to get into an amazing relationship, and yet you continue to actively block yourself by staying in relationships that you know have no future… or you do next to nothing about putting yourself out there in a proactive way… it would be delusional to think that your lot in life is going to radically transform, until you change your default behaviours.
Hope is an ingredient… but it is not the entire strategy.
If you want to find love…
Get out there, and make it happen.
Dedicated to your success,
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