The masculine energy in all of us thrives on challenge.
One of the main reasons that a lot of men enjoy watching professional sports is the inherent challenge tied into the game play. The player has to get the object into the thing… but, oh boy, there’s a challenge in the way! And that challenge is difficult! The more difficult the challenge is to overcome, the more excited the masculine viewer becomes when the goal is achieved.
Over the past four years working full time as a relationship coach I have seen a very consistent trend in the challenges of my clients. And whether they are conscious of the underlying problems or not, they frequently tie back to the same three core issues.
Here they are in order of frequency. See if you can see yourself in any (or all) of these challenges.
1. You Don’t Know What You Want
By far the most frequent issue is surrounding a lack of clarity around their goals.
Masculine energy is closely related to directionality. Being able to make decisions and lead your life where you want to go.
What exactly are you searching for in your career? In your love life? In your level of fitness? In your bank account? In your social life?
Like shooting an arrow from a bow, if you don’t know what target you are aiming to hit, you’ll never know when you hit it (if you even hit any target at all).
You will forever be unfulfilled until you sit down and really take a minute to reflect on what it is you are searching for. Journal daily. Talk to a therapist. Talk to me. Listen to the tiny thoughts in your heart that you ignore on a daily basis. Whatever you do, figure out what your dream life looks like… and then create it. Follow your bliss.
2. You Don’t Know How To Get It
They want an intimate relationship, or a new career, or they want to shake up their social circle… but they don’t know how.
In some cases, this may be true. You’ve never been in a committed, highly functioning relationship and so you don’t know how to go about finding one. Or you’ve never had a role model in the line of work that you seek to spend the rest of your life committed to. Or you’ve always had the same friends and don’t know how to break free from the limitations that they place on you.
But more often than not the scary truth is that – of course! – you already know to get the result you’re after. The reality of the situation is that…
3. You Fear Going After What You Want
This is the most common challenge of which my clients are most frequently unaware.
They say that they really want a girlfriend, or a new job, or a new and improved physical body… but fear stands in their way.
They want to ask out the girl… but she might reject them. They want to leave their safe job and start living their passion… but their friends and family will see them try and fail. They want to start working out more frequently… but their social circle will accuse them of being vain.
There will always (always, always, always) be haters in your life. Whether you are broke, lazy, and single, or rich, motivated, and married, there will always be someone there to try and poke holes in your life’s plan. But ultimately, the only voice that matters is the one inside of you.
Any anxiety, depression, or angst that you feel is in direct correlation to the amount that you ignore that voice. If you know you have a unique gift to offer the world and you are not giving it, it will eat you up inside every day of your life. Until you pay attention to it.
When I told my friends and family that I was going to quit my salaried job, travel the world, and write three books in three months, I was surprised by their reactions. I received about 20% encouraging words, and 80% discouraging words. The friends who I have always included in my ‘five finger rule‘ were quick to give me challenging, and realistic praise. The 80% who have always been on the fringe of my social life, were quick to make me aware of their limiting beliefs. “Be careful”, “That sounds pretty intense… are you sure you want to do that?”, “Why such a quick shift? Wouldn’t it be safer to just try out one of those things at a time?”
If a goal of yours makes you feel fear, one of the fastest ways to get over this is to surround yourself with people who have already normalized that reality.
Have you never had positive role models when it came to long-term, loving relationships? Hang out with married friends who are passionately in love with their spouses who would never even hint at their ‘good old days when I was single’.
Do you only have friends in ‘safe’ jobs where they aren’t challenging themselves? Cut ties and hang out with passionate, driven mentors.
Do you want to be making $10k/month living your dreams? Then stop hanging out with friends who constantly take the victim mind set and bitch about the economy.
See Your Challenge As It Truly Exists
Humans learn by proximity. So what are you currently soaking up from your environment?
Want a relationship? You can get one in under a week because of online dating. Want to get in shape? You can find reliable fitness advice on YouTube starting right now. Want to make more money? You can create value for a market and distribute it to the entire world using the internet instantaneously.
As with most of my articles, my intention is to get you to look at your life as it clearly exists right now. Stop worrying about ‘what if’ and look at ‘what is’. Accept full responsibility for everything your current situation contains, and then seek to change it if you so wish.
Feeling stuck and in need of some encouraging words? Leave a comment below and I’ll be sure to respond.
Dedicated to your success,