May 3, 2015

A 23 Point Love Contract To Bulletproof Your Relationship

Want to strengthen your relationship? Print out the following words and sign it with your partner.

Dear (THE NAME OF YOUR PARTNER),

I promise to be gentle with you and your heart.

I promise to allow you to have access to my heart.

I promise to tell you the full truth even when it’s sometimes scary to do so.

I promise to put effort into learning how you most like to be listened to, and then listen to you in that way as often as I can.

I promise to love and support you when you need it, and lovingly push and encourage you when you need it.

I promise that I will make myself as emotionally fulfilled as possible in my own life, in order that I can show up as my best self for our relationship.

I promise to be aware of, and own, my own emotional triggers and to never hold you responsible for my emotional response to things.

I promise to not waste precious time or energy worrying about who to place blame on. It gets us nowhere and it distracts from our collective goal of coming back to a place of love and connection.

I acknowledge that you are not your parents… and I am not my parents… and although we likely have some residual habits that they passed on to us, we can choose a new way if their way doesn’t work for us.

I promise to assume that you have the best of intentions.

I promise to assume that you are always coming from a place of love.

I promise to love and accept every side of you and all of your emotions, moods, and insecurities.

I promise to support you in your career, hobbies, passions, and anything else that makes you happy.

I promise to continually put effort into our relationship.

I promise to make distractions-free connection time a priority on a regular basis.

I promise to have a one-on-one date night with you at least once every month, no matter how busy or stressful life becomes.

I promise to always be open to talking about our sex life, no matter how challenging certain conversations might be to have.

I promise to always look for how you might be hurting in the moments when you try to push me away.

I promise to never hold the relationship hostage. I will never say “Then why are we even doing this?” or threaten our partnership in any way.

I promise to always cherish our relationship and celebrate it as the safe container for growth that it is.

I promise to always make you feel as safe, comfortable, and seen as possible.

Regarding all of the aforementioned statements, I acknowledge that when I say “never” or “always”, I will inevitably make mistakes. I am human, and I am not perfect. But I promise to always do my best and to promptly acknowledge when I have messed up.

And above all else, I promise to love you.

Sincerely,

(YOUR NAME)

Jordan Gray
About Jordan Gray

Jordan Gray has been a sex and relationship coach for over 15+ years, with his work reaching over 200 million people worldwide. His writing has been featured in Vogue, GQ, The New York Times, Cosmopolitan, Women’s Health, and countless other publications around the world. When he’s not working with 1-on-1 coaching clients or writing a new article, he’s most likely to be found reading, chopping wood, or spending time with his wife on a little island off the west coast of Canada.

Blog

Related

See All
This Woman Changed My Life Forever
Jul 30, 2016
Jordan Gray
This Woman Changed My Life Forever
At the beginning of 2014 I set out with the intention to fall more deeply in love with myself than I ever had before. And when I get an idea in my head, I commit to it fully. I hired a self-love coach that I checked in with at least once per week. I started working with a therapist to dig into some...
Continue Reading
How To Love Your Highly Sensitive Partner
Mar 15, 2015
Jordan Gray
How To Love Your Highly Sensitive Partner
I recently received a message from one of my readers that sparked my interest. - “My wife is (what she labels as) a “highly sensitive person” or HSP. Quite often, things that I don’t see as a huge deal can make her go running for shelter for hours on end. I love her to bits and I just want to understand...
Continue Reading
How To Optimize Your Dating Profile If You’re A Catch
Jan 2, 2024
Jordan Gray
How To Optimize Your Dating Profile If You’re A Catch
Congratulations on being a catch! Now, let's make sure your online dating profile is as awesome as you are. In this guide, we'll dive into the art of crafting a profile that screams 'I'm the one you've been swiping for!' Get ready for practical tips, counter-cultural tweaks, and an appropriately finessed...
Continue Reading
5 Powerful Ideas You Can Use For Valentine’s Day
Feb 3, 2015
Jordan Gray
5 Powerful Ideas You Can Use For Valentine’s Day
Valentine’s Day is coming up soon… do you know what you’re going to do for it? Whether you celebrate the holiday with a significant other or not, these five powerful ideas will be good ones to keep in your back pocket for future use. If you are celebrating the holiday, please, please, please avoid...
Continue Reading
Wanted: Strong Men For Soft Times
Jan 5, 2020
Jordan Gray
Wanted: Strong Men For Soft Times
The majority of modern men are soft. And the world is suffering as a result. We live in a time of unprecedented prosperity and ease. And before you point your finger at the billionaires at the top, point your finger back at yourself and acknowledge just how fucking easy your life is compared to the...
Continue Reading
The Single Most Damaging Thing I Learned As A Pickup Artist
Aug 6, 2016
Jordan Gray
The Single Most Damaging Thing I Learned As A Pickup Artist
From 2009-2012 I worked as a pickup artist. Technically, it was a milder version of pickup. We taught social skills (conversational agility, eye contact, humour, body language, etc.) to people with some level of social anxiety but it was almost always within the context of approaching and dating women. And...
Continue Reading