May 3, 2015

A 23 Point Love Contract To Bulletproof Your Relationship

Want to strengthen your relationship? Print out the following words and sign it with your partner.

Dear (THE NAME OF YOUR PARTNER),

I promise to be gentle with you and your heart.

I promise to allow you to have access to my heart.

I promise to tell you the full truth even when it’s sometimes scary to do so.

I promise to put effort into learning how you most like to be listened to, and then listen to you in that way as often as I can.

I promise to love and support you when you need it, and lovingly push and encourage you when you need it.

I promise that I will make myself as emotionally fulfilled as possible in my own life, in order that I can show up as my best self for our relationship.

I promise to be aware of, and own, my own emotional triggers and to never hold you responsible for my emotional response to things.

I promise to not waste precious time or energy worrying about who to place blame on. It gets us nowhere and it distracts from our collective goal of coming back to a place of love and connection.

I acknowledge that you are not your parents… and I am not my parents… and although we likely have some residual habits that they passed on to us, we can choose a new way if their way doesn’t work for us.

I promise to assume that you have the best of intentions.

I promise to assume that you are always coming from a place of love.

I promise to love and accept every side of you and all of your emotions, moods, and insecurities.

I promise to support you in your career, hobbies, passions, and anything else that makes you happy.

I promise to continually put effort into our relationship.

I promise to make distractions-free connection time a priority on a regular basis.

I promise to have a one-on-one date night with you at least once every month, no matter how busy or stressful life becomes.

I promise to always be open to talking about our sex life, no matter how challenging certain conversations might be to have.

I promise to always look for how you might be hurting in the moments when you try to push me away.

I promise to never hold the relationship hostage. I will never say “Then why are we even doing this?” or threaten our partnership in any way.

I promise to always cherish our relationship and celebrate it as the safe container for growth that it is.

I promise to always make you feel as safe, comfortable, and seen as possible.

Regarding all of the aforementioned statements, I acknowledge that when I say “never” or “always”, I will inevitably make mistakes. I am human, and I am not perfect. But I promise to always do my best and to promptly acknowledge when I have messed up.

And above all else, I promise to love you.

Sincerely,

(YOUR NAME)

Jordan Gray
About Jordan Gray

Jordan Gray has been a sex and relationship coach for over 15+ years, with his work reaching over 200 million people worldwide. His writing has been featured in Vogue, GQ, The New York Times, Cosmopolitan, Women’s Health, and countless other publications around the world. When he’s not working with 1-on-1 coaching clients or writing a new article, he’s most likely to be found reading, chopping wood, or spending time with his wife on a little island off the west coast of Canada.

Blog

Related

See All
Why Being Needy Is A Good Thing
Dec 18, 2013
Jordan Gray
Why Being Needy Is A Good Thing
In western society we are raised with an independence-is-the-only-way mindset. And this does so much damage to us it's ridiculous. You walk down the street and see women sporting t-shirts that say "100% single" or "I don't need no man". You hear men bragging about how long they've been single for...
Continue Reading
How Slut-Shaming Hurts Men
May 19, 2014
Jordan Gray
How Slut-Shaming Hurts Men
Have you heard of slut-shaming? It's a recent hot-topic, and with good reason. Through media, upbringing and societal pressure, women have been forced to suppress their sexual urges. This has been happening for ages and has become a widely accepted double standard. Men are allowed to have as much...
Continue Reading
10 Tips For Having Stress Free First Dates
Mar 4, 2014
Jordan Gray
10 Tips For Having Stress Free First Dates
Let's face it… dating can be awkward and nerve-racking, especially when it comes to first dates. The two of you arrange to meet in a public setting to casually feel each other out and see if you want to continue spending more time with each other past the original meeting. You can stumble in to...
Continue Reading
12 Self-Care Tips For Ultra-Driven People
Aug 26, 2015
Jordan Gray
12 Self-Care Tips For Ultra-Driven People
Do you ever forget to prioritize your self-care? I definitely do. There are times when I’ll be in the middle of a big, exciting work push and I’ll forget to have any proper fun, downtime, or self-care for weeks on end. And then it catches up to me. My shoulders are hunched… my left eye is twitching…...
Continue Reading
Why Spiritual Awakening Is So Painful
Jan 7, 2024
Jordan Gray
Why Spiritual Awakening Is So Painful
In order to travel from a state of numbness to a state of joy and dynamic aliveness, you must first feel your way through all of the pain that you buried within. When I truly started to engage in my deeper inner work, I cried daily for a period of 8 months. There were days (maybe weeks?) where I felt...
Continue Reading
I Met The World's Greatest Mom Today
Jan 27, 2016
Jordan Gray
I Met The World’s Greatest Mom Today
I was walking home from the grocery store today when I witnessed something truly special. It gave me a tremendous feeling of hope for humanity, and I'd like to share it with you. ... A mother was walking down the sidewalk with her son. She was in her 30's. She walked in a straight line. And she was...
Continue Reading