May 3, 2015

A 23 Point Love Contract To Bulletproof Your Relationship

Want to strengthen your relationship? Print out the following words and sign it with your partner.

Dear (THE NAME OF YOUR PARTNER),

I promise to be gentle with you and your heart.

I promise to allow you to have access to my heart.

I promise to tell you the full truth even when it’s sometimes scary to do so.

I promise to put effort into learning how you most like to be listened to, and then listen to you in that way as often as I can.

I promise to love and support you when you need it, and lovingly push and encourage you when you need it.

I promise that I will make myself as emotionally fulfilled as possible in my own life, in order that I can show up as my best self for our relationship.

I promise to be aware of, and own, my own emotional triggers and to never hold you responsible for my emotional response to things.

I promise to not waste precious time or energy worrying about who to place blame on. It gets us nowhere and it distracts from our collective goal of coming back to a place of love and connection.

I acknowledge that you are not your parents… and I am not my parents… and although we likely have some residual habits that they passed on to us, we can choose a new way if their way doesn’t work for us.

I promise to assume that you have the best of intentions.

I promise to assume that you are always coming from a place of love.

I promise to love and accept every side of you and all of your emotions, moods, and insecurities.

I promise to support you in your career, hobbies, passions, and anything else that makes you happy.

I promise to continually put effort into our relationship.

I promise to make distractions-free connection time a priority on a regular basis.

I promise to have a one-on-one date night with you at least once every month, no matter how busy or stressful life becomes.

I promise to always be open to talking about our sex life, no matter how challenging certain conversations might be to have.

I promise to always look for how you might be hurting in the moments when you try to push me away.

I promise to never hold the relationship hostage. I will never say “Then why are we even doing this?” or threaten our partnership in any way.

I promise to always cherish our relationship and celebrate it as the safe container for growth that it is.

I promise to always make you feel as safe, comfortable, and seen as possible.

Regarding all of the aforementioned statements, I acknowledge that when I say “never” or “always”, I will inevitably make mistakes. I am human, and I am not perfect. But I promise to always do my best and to promptly acknowledge when I have messed up.

And above all else, I promise to love you.

Sincerely,

(YOUR NAME)

Jordan Gray
About Jordan Gray

Jordan Gray has been a sex and relationship coach for over 15+ years, with his work reaching over 200 million people worldwide. His writing has been featured in Vogue, GQ, The New York Times, Cosmopolitan, Women’s Health, and countless other publications around the world. When he’s not working with 1-on-1 coaching clients or writing a new article, he’s most likely to be found reading, chopping wood, or spending time with his wife on a little island off the west coast of Canada.

Blog

Related

See All
How To Fiercely Protect Your Time
Nov 6, 2016
Jordan Gray
How To Fiercely Protect Your Time
Here’s a problem that you haven’t been giving enough thought to… We live in the age of distraction, and your life is full of time vampires. Your beeping cell phone demands your attention. A loose acquaintance that you don’t really know very well reaches out to you on Facebook and asks to grab coffee/lunch/a...
Continue Reading
Why She Should Never Be Your Equal
Apr 10, 2013
Jordan Gray
Why She Should Never Be Your Equal
You've just finished a hard day's work, and all you want to do is spend some time connecting with your partner. But they've had their own challenging day and are feeling exhausted. "Can't you just go to the gym and run off your stress? I'm in the middle of something." ... You find out that...
Continue Reading
12 Questions To Drastically Strengthen Your Relationship
Jan 6, 2020
Jordan Gray
12 Questions To Drastically Strengthen Your Relationship
Once people get past the early romance phase of a relationship, it can start to run on autopilot to an unhealthy degree. In short, people stop paying quality attention. Both to their partner, and to how they themselves are showing up in the relationship. Fortunately, if you get better at asking...
Continue Reading
This Is Why You’re Unhappy
Oct 7, 2017
Jordan Gray
This Is Why You’re Unhappy
You are unhappy because you have been in a long-term romance with your misery for as long as you can remember. From such a young age, you have been convinced that misery is what you should predominantly feel. Your parents, siblings, culture, peer group, and religions have taught you that pain is the...
Continue Reading
7 Bedtime Routines For Greater Intimacy
Oct 13, 2015
Jordan Gray
7 Bedtime Routines For Greater Intimacy
Whenever a couple comes to me looking to be proactive about their relationship (aka they're doing just fine, but they want to make some small improvements), I always ask them about what their night time routines look like. Inevitably, the usual suspects are mentioned... They brush their teeth,...
Continue Reading
Growth Feels Like Death, Because It Is Death
Apr 12, 2016
Jordan Gray
Growth Feels Like Death, Because It Is Death
Have you ever read the book The Alchemist? It is easily one of my five favourite books of all time. If you want to read it, please do. If you don’t want to read it, here’s a one sentence synopsis of it… A young shepherd boy follows the signals of his intuition to lead him on a journey outside of his...
Continue Reading