You love your spouse. You also love your work.
But some days, it feels like you’re being pulled in opposite directions.
Between marketing, meetings, and (often self-imposed) deadlines, where does your marriage fit in?
The good news is, balancing love and entrepreneurship isn’t about choosing one over the other – it’s about having the right set of tools to make each one thrive.
I’ve worked with thousands of entrepreneurs over the last 15+ years, helping them to improve their intimate relationships.
If you’ve ever felt like there just wasn’t enough time in the day for your work and your partner, these tools are guaranteed to help.
7 High Leverage Relationship Tools For Entrepreneurs
1. Agree on your shared North Star
In business, more likely than in their marriage, you might find yourself asking, “What are we trying to create here?”
And yet, this is one of the most important things you and your spouse can ask each other.
What is the compelling, shared vision you’re trying to achieve together? What is your relationship ultimately about? What is it about? What is it here to serve?
Are you looking to have as many children as you can and raise them to be incredible, creative, kind, respectful people?
Are you both committed to living a life of travel and adventure?
Beyond cuddling, company, and a fun person to share your bed with… what is your relationship for?
While many entrepreneurs have business plans, vision boards, or hyphenated lists of goals for their work, they fail to do the same in their marriage.
Sit down with your spouse and agree on what your shared North Star is.
Then, whenever you have big (or little) decisions to make, you can hold it up against the light of your North Star, and you’ll know whether or not it’s an aligned fit to pursue.
Doing this step alone will save you and your spouse from countless hours of energy-draining, unnecessary arguments… and get you back into love, connection, and harmony, so you can get back to changing the world.
2. Identify your key relationship needle-movers
Having identified your relational North Star, the next step is to discover the actions that actually move the needle towards your goal.
How do you do this?
Simple. It’s just like in business.
In your business, when you’re clear on what you’re trying to achieve, there are only ever a few key levers that help you make progress towards that goal. So it is in your romantic life.
You can identify the key needle-movers by engaging in a practice I call “Love Lists”.
You and your partner each take out a sheet of paper (or a new digital note on your device) and complete the sentence prompt “I feel the most loved when…”, and fill in the blank between 30-50 times.
When that’s done, you can circle/star/underling the 5-10 biggest ones that you would take to the exclusion of all others.
When you look at these key 5-10 actions, there should be a sense of, “Wow… if my partner did these things flawlessly for me on a weekly basis forever, I would feel like the happiest person in the world.”
And then, you share your lists with each other, and each do your part in ruthlessly prioritizing these key needle-movers forever.
Just like your business would suffer if you stopped engaging in any and all advertising or if you stopped all client fulfillment, so it is with these key needle-movers in your marriage.
Identify the 80/20 wins, share the insights with your spouse, and then do your best to do those things forever, on a regular basis.
3. Weekly relationship check-in
Just like you likely have regular meetings with key employees in your business, so too should you have regular check-in’s with your spouse.
These do not have to be multi-hour snore-fests. In fact, they shouldn’t be. You can have a 20-minute check-in every Sunday night (or whatever registers as right-before-the-workweek-starts for you) and yield great results.
Set aside focused time each week to discuss feelings, needs, and any relationship concerns to maintain strong communication.
Simple prompts like, “How are you feeling this week? Did anything happen that you want to clear up with me? Is there any way that I could help you feel more loved?”, will go a long way to strengthen your relationship.
(For more on weekly relationship check-in’s, you can check out this bonus resource)
4. Weekly schedule check-in
Another thing to put in your weekly calendar is a schedule check-in. This becomes doubly important if you and your spouse both run businesses/are self-employed, and/or if you have children.
Having intentional time set aside to check with each other on things like, “What do you have going on this week? Do you need more space and alone time, or more time together/connection/physical touch? Do you need any specific help from me with anything?”
Another thing to consider as an entrepreneur is that, more likely than not, you are a key resource in your business’s ongoing success. As such, it’s vitally important that you’re using a portion of your schedule to regularly invest in yourself.
Are you consciously prioritizing play, rest, and rejuvenation? Do you have intentional down time where you get to enjoy yourself, engage in hobbies (even if just for an hour per week)? If not, that’s something to audit and shift.
There’s always a convenient excuse to put ourselves last and just keep grinding. But ultimately, you can only put yourself on the back burner for so long until your body (or heart/soul/inner child) stages a revolt.
I just got off the phone with a highly involved father of seven who runs multiple businesses and still makes time for his hobbies and self-care. If he can do it, so can you.
It’s never a lack of resources (time, money, etc.) – but rather, a lack of resourcefulness and prioritization. If it matters (and it does), you can make it happen.
5. Intentionally switch modes before coming home
One common issue I see with a lot of my clients is having a difficult time switching between work-mode and home-mode. But don’t worry, there’s a fix.
Even if you work from a home office, there’s value in taking a moment to consciously switch between your various roles.
Try this: the next time you’re about to come home from work (again, even if work is just your home office down the hall), take a moment… in your car… before you put your hand on the doorknob, etc…. to take one conscious breath and say to yourself (in your head, or out loud), “I’m here now.”
This one tiny shift helps you to let go of the work day, and step into parent/spouse/home mode.
And if you want a second step to try out, it can help to have a physical ‘costume change’ that has you shift from one role to the other. For example, you might take off your tie before you enter the house. Or you might change out of your work outfit altogether and put on a t-shirt and sweatpants. Clark Kent had the phone booth to transform into Superman – so what’s your role-change moment that helps you to shift from your work persona to your home life?
6. Have hard-stop shut-off times and/or areas for when the screens go away
One of the most pervasive marriage-draining mechanisms of our modern age is the no-boundary relationship many of us have with our screens.
Our screens are our connection to the outside world. They are wonderful tools for many things. But they get in the way of the quality of our closest relationships if they have round-the-clock access to us.
Discuss when you and your partner want to commit to screen free time so that you can get back to connecting more deeply in real life.
Great places to start (for increased screen-free time) are 1) weekday evenings after a certain time (5pm, 6pm, etc.), 2) one or both weekend days, 3) at the dinner table, 4) in the bedroom.
Another way to take your willpower out of this is to buy a vacation timer and set it so that your WiFI router automatically shuts off at a certain time of day every day. That way, you don’t have to manually shut it off yourself, and it serves as an environment cue about shutting down your screens for the evening.
7. Acknowledge (and agree on) the season you’re in
Another aspect of entrepreneurship that can have negative consequences in a marriage are when you and your spouse don’t explicitly acknowledge what season you’re in.
There will inevitably be times when you’re more in active push-mode in your career. If left unaddressed, your partner might start to assume that this is just how it’s going to be for the foreseeable future. This is where feelings of neglect, loneliness, and disconnection can start to slowly rot the foundation of your connection.
To combat this, make sure you’re acknowledging (for instance, in your weekly relationship check-in’s) the season you’re in.
– “I’m in push-mode for the next little bit so might be less available from X hour to Y hour on weekdays. I expect that this will last for the next 3-4 months. Is there anything you need from me to continue to feel connected?”
– “The sleep deprivation from our youngest is really taking a toll on me, and I know that we haven’t been having as much sex lately. What can I do to make sure you’re getting sufficient touch?”
– “This last year was really hard on me and I feel like I’m still recovering from it. I know you’re busy too, but in the coming months, if you’re able to help me with X, Y, and Z, that would mean a lot to me.”
By naming the elephant in the room and continually working to ensure you’re on the same page, you will save yourselves from countless hours of needless tension or misplaced arguments.
Balancing Work And Love For Entrepreneurs
Balancing work and love presents unique obstacles when you’re self-employed/a business owner. With a little bit of forethought and proactive effort, you can safeguard your marriage to ensure it keeps thriving.
Pressed for time and looking to make quick wins? Focus primarily on tips 1, 2, and 6.
Nothing is actively on fire (in your work or your relationship)? Focus primarily on tips 1, 3, and 4.
Dedicated to your success,
Jordan
Ps. If you enjoyed this article, you’ll also love checking out:
– The Best Type of Partner For An Entrepreneur
– The Benefits Of Entrepreneur / Entrepreneur Relationships
– 5 Ways Busy Entrepreneurs Can Keep Passion Alive In Their Relationships
