Jan 13, 2015

Stop Having Sex (For The Sake Of Orgasms)!

It’s time that we started a revolution in how we think about sex.

Frustrated men, women, and lovers world wide are standing up and saying ENOUGH already with this two-dimensional sex.

Here’s the problem…

Most men think of sex as a linear act. I could be all politically correct and say most people, but really I feel like more men think of sex as linear compared to most women.

What do I mean when I say linear?

Linear: progressing from one stage to another in a single series of steps.

AKA cuddling, then kissing, then groping, then (maybe) oral, then penetrative intercourse, ending with the man’s orgasm.

And if both you AND your partner are blissfully happy with this arrangement, then that is fantastic. You can stop reading right now.

But if one or both of you are somewhat dissatisfied with the limited amount of happy chemicals swimming around in your brain after your sex-session, then read on.

It’s time to re-think the way that we interact with sex.

I propose that we think of sex as a cyclical, instead of a linear, process.

So instead of the predictable A, then B, then C narrative we’ve been conditioned to believe is the only way to the big O… I am suggesting a complete overhaul into the more cyclical and/or chaotic realm of sexuality.

Your extended sex date can start with surprise oral (in the shower, while making dinner, greeting your partner as they come home from work…) just as easily as it can start with an hour of spoon cuddling.

There’s no “right” order for who climaxes first… or how many times you each do.

You can climax first, or they can climax first. You can go down on each other before, during, or after intercourse. They can orgasm repeatedly, you can, or you both can. Bottom line, there’s no right way to have sex. There’s only you and your partner’s way. And this is a new way that you can try out to see if it resonates with you and your partner.

The possibilities are literally endless.

The overarching benefits of this new way of thinking about sex are:

1) You both take the pressure off of yourselves that you’re not doing the “next step” properly or in the right order

2) There’s less pressure on when or if any individual orgasm is going to arrive

3) The sex session tends to go on longer and fill you both up with bliss-inducing happy brain chemicals because you get to swim in each other’s delicious bodies for that much longer.

In short, less stress, less formality, more pleasure for both of you.

Happy humping!

Jordan Gray
About Jordan Gray

Jordan Gray has been a sex and relationship coach for over 15+ years, with his work reaching over 200 million people worldwide. His writing has been featured in Vogue, GQ, The New York Times, Cosmopolitan, Women’s Health, and countless other publications around the world. When he’s not working with 1-on-1 coaching clients or writing a new article, he’s most likely to be found reading, chopping wood, or spending time with his wife on a little island off the west coast of Canada.

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