Jan 13, 2015

Stop Having Sex (For The Sake Of Orgasms)!

It’s time that we started a revolution in how we think about sex.

Frustrated men, women, and lovers world wide are standing up and saying ENOUGH already with this two-dimensional sex.

Here’s the problem…

Most men think of sex as a linear act. I could be all politically correct and say most people, but really I feel like more men think of sex as linear compared to most women.

What do I mean when I say linear?

Linear: progressing from one stage to another in a single series of steps.

AKA cuddling, then kissing, then groping, then (maybe) oral, then penetrative intercourse, ending with the man’s orgasm.

And if both you AND your partner are blissfully happy with this arrangement, then that is fantastic. You can stop reading right now.

But if one or both of you are somewhat dissatisfied with the limited amount of happy chemicals swimming around in your brain after your sex-session, then read on.

It’s time to re-think the way that we interact with sex.

I propose that we think of sex as a cyclical, instead of a linear, process.

So instead of the predictable A, then B, then C narrative we’ve been conditioned to believe is the only way to the big O… I am suggesting a complete overhaul into the more cyclical and/or chaotic realm of sexuality.

Your extended sex date can start with surprise oral (in the shower, while making dinner, greeting your partner as they come home from work…) just as easily as it can start with an hour of spoon cuddling.

There’s no “right” order for who climaxes first… or how many times you each do.

You can climax first, or they can climax first. You can go down on each other before, during, or after intercourse. They can orgasm repeatedly, you can, or you both can. Bottom line, there’s no right way to have sex. There’s only you and your partner’s way. And this is a new way that you can try out to see if it resonates with you and your partner.

The possibilities are literally endless.

The overarching benefits of this new way of thinking about sex are:

1) You both take the pressure off of yourselves that you’re not doing the “next step” properly or in the right order

2) There’s less pressure on when or if any individual orgasm is going to arrive

3) The sex session tends to go on longer and fill you both up with bliss-inducing happy brain chemicals because you get to swim in each other’s delicious bodies for that much longer.

In short, less stress, less formality, more pleasure for both of you.

Happy humping!

Jordan Gray
About Jordan Gray

Jordan Gray has been a sex and relationship coach for over 15+ years, with his work reaching over 200 million people worldwide. His writing has been featured in Vogue, GQ, The New York Times, Cosmopolitan, Women’s Health, and countless other publications around the world. When he’s not working with 1-on-1 coaching clients or writing a new article, he’s most likely to be found reading, chopping wood, or spending time with his wife on a little island off the west coast of Canada.

Blog

Related

See All
What Amazing Sex Feels Like For Women (In Their Words)
Dec 3, 2015
Jordan Gray
What Amazing Sex Feels Like For Women (In Their Words)
Want to know what sex feels like for women? Well, you're in luck! I recently decided to ask my four most eloquent, self-aware, heterosexual female friends what amazing sex feels like for women. And they really did not hold back in their responses. I knew that high quality sexual intimacy wasn't...
Continue Reading
The Ultimate Guide To Giving A Mind-Blowing Handjob
Jun 29, 2020
Jordan Gray
The Ultimate Guide To Giving A Mind-Blowing Handjob
The handjob has become a forgotten sexual art. Since most of us tend to think of them as brief stopovers on the way to sex, they don’t get the attention they deserve, nor do they reach anywhere near their full erotic pleasure potential. When done right, a handjob can be nothing short of a mind-blowing...
Continue Reading
5 Steps To Figuring Out The Root Cause Of Erectile Dysfunction
Mar 8, 2020
Jordan Gray
5 Steps To Figuring Out The Root Cause Of Erectile Dysfunction
Have you ever wondered about the root cause of your erectile dysfunction? Because our minds are wired to look for the path of least resistance, everyone wants a silver-bullet solution to something that isn't as simple as it may seem on the surface. In truth, sexual arousal in the body is...
Continue Reading
How To Kiss Well: The Ultimate Guide To Being A Better Kisser
Apr 21, 2020
Jordan Gray
How To Kiss Well: The Ultimate Guide To Being A Better Kisser
In romance, there are few big first impressions we get to make on each other, and kissing might be the biggest one of them all. I've heard many people say that they went on dates with bad kissers and it was a deal breaker for them. Why? Because how you kiss is a microcosm of how you will be as a partner...
Continue Reading
How To Give A Sexy Massage (7 Steps)
Aug 4, 2024
Jordan Gray
How To Give A Sexy Massage (7 Steps)
Want to give your lover a grounding, sensual, connection-inducing sexy massage? You've come to the right place. Few things instil a greater sense of love, connection, and relaxation into a relationship than making massage a regular habit. By reading this, you'll be head and shoulders above the...
Continue Reading
Man Milk: The Ultimate Libido Boosting Cocktail For Men
Oct 11, 2018
Jordan Gray
Man Milk: The Ultimate Libido Boosting Cocktail For Men
Looking for a libido boosting cocktail to supercharge your sexual efforts? If you're living a healthy lifestyle (eating well, sleeping well, exercising, etc.) then your sex drive should be in tip-top shape on it's own. But there are times when you might want a little bump in your sex drive. Maybe...
Continue Reading