Jan 13, 2015

Stop Having Sex (For The Sake Of Orgasms)!

It’s time that we started a revolution in how we think about sex.

Frustrated men, women, and lovers world wide are standing up and saying ENOUGH already with this two-dimensional sex.

Here’s the problem…

Most men think of sex as a linear act. I could be all politically correct and say most people, but really I feel like more men think of sex as linear compared to most women.

What do I mean when I say linear?

Linear: progressing from one stage to another in a single series of steps.

AKA cuddling, then kissing, then groping, then (maybe) oral, then penetrative intercourse, ending with the man’s orgasm.

And if both you AND your partner are blissfully happy with this arrangement, then that is fantastic. You can stop reading right now.

But if one or both of you are somewhat dissatisfied with the limited amount of happy chemicals swimming around in your brain after your sex-session, then read on.

It’s time to re-think the way that we interact with sex.

I propose that we think of sex as a cyclical, instead of a linear, process.

So instead of the predictable A, then B, then C narrative we’ve been conditioned to believe is the only way to the big O… I am suggesting a complete overhaul into the more cyclical and/or chaotic realm of sexuality.

Your extended sex date can start with surprise oral (in the shower, while making dinner, greeting your partner as they come home from work…) just as easily as it can start with an hour of spoon cuddling.

There’s no “right” order for who climaxes first… or how many times you each do.

You can climax first, or they can climax first. You can go down on each other before, during, or after intercourse. They can orgasm repeatedly, you can, or you both can. Bottom line, there’s no right way to have sex. There’s only you and your partner’s way. And this is a new way that you can try out to see if it resonates with you and your partner.

The possibilities are literally endless.

The overarching benefits of this new way of thinking about sex are:

1) You both take the pressure off of yourselves that you’re not doing the “next step” properly or in the right order

2) There’s less pressure on when or if any individual orgasm is going to arrive

3) The sex session tends to go on longer and fill you both up with bliss-inducing happy brain chemicals because you get to swim in each other’s delicious bodies for that much longer.

In short, less stress, less formality, more pleasure for both of you.

Happy humping!

Blog

Related

See All
5 Ways To Eliminate Performance Anxiety
Dec 15, 2014
Jordan Gray
5 Ways To Eliminate Performance Anxiety
There’s nothing more normal than performance anxiety. I’ve been working with men who have had frequent or occasional bouts of sexual dysfunction (erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation, etc.) and performance anxiety for the past six years. Let me start off by saying that there is nothing more normal,...
Continue Reading
How To Cultivate Light And Dark Sexual Energy
Oct 29, 2015
Jordan Gray
How To Cultivate Light And Dark Sexual Energy
Five years ago I went to my first ever sex party in a "dungeon" in San Francisco. It was intense... and surprising... and definitely not what you'd expect. But before I tell you that story, I need to tell you something very important (and some very personal things about myself). This is what an...
Continue Reading
Suicidal To Successful To Self-Loving: The First 33 Years Of My Life
May 25, 2020
Jordan Gray
Suicidal To Successful To Self-Loving: The First 33 Years Of My Life
The following is a summary of the first 33 years of my life. Kind of like a thus-far-autobiography. It should be noted that I am an unreliable narrator... as all narrators are. Because my perspectives are only my own. I'm sure some facts are muddied by my highly fallible human memory, especially...
Continue Reading
Ejaculating Too Frequently Is Wasting Your Potential In Life
Jul 4, 2019
Jordan Gray
Ejaculating Too Frequently Is Wasting Your Potential In Life
Ejaculating isn't bad. Engaging in regular self-pleasure isn't bad. At all. Anyone who has read my writing long enough will know that I’m a shout-from-the-mountaintops kind of champion for engaging in a regular self-pleasure practice. But. Particularly for men, there are healthy and unhealthy limits....
Continue Reading
7 Women Who Used To Hate Giving Blowjobs, But Now Love It
Mar 25, 2024
Jordan Gray
7 Women Who Used To Hate Giving Blowjobs, But Now Love It
Have you ever wondered if you can go from hating blowjobs to loving them? Not just tolerating. Not getting through. But truthfully getting to a place where you adore giving them? Ever since my wife Demetra and I released our video course, Queen of Blowjobs, my email inbox has been flooded with...
Continue Reading
An Open Love Letter To Women's Bodies
Jan 29, 2014
Jordan Gray
An Open Love Letter To Women’s Bodies
Losing my virginity took less than a minute. I was so mesmerized by the beauty, openness, and curves of my girlfriend that I felt overwhelmed. Every curve of her body begging to have my hands on them. Every patch of skin that I touched softer than the last. Her eyes staring into my soul with...
Continue Reading