Has body confidence ever been an issue for you?
If you’re like nearly 100% of human beings, the answer to that question is probably yes.
As much as we can be self-loving and self-compassionate, everyone struggles with their relationship to some part of their bodies or physical appearance at some point in their lives.
It’s completely normal to wish that your body was somehow more perfect. More toned. More flat. More strong. More thin. More muscly. Less chubby. Less oily. Less cellulite-y. Your wishes for it to be different don’t necessarily mean that you are correct in that thing being wrong, gross, or imperfect, it simply speaks to your desire.
Whatever your internal personal demons say to you, there’s bound to be something you wish you could shift about your appearance.
And when we feel less than great about how we look, this can very quickly get in the way of how much we allow ourselves to enjoy our sex lives.
Maybe you avoid certain positions because you feel like you look gross in them. Maybe you avoid receiving oral sex because you’re self conscious about your genitals appearance or taste. Maybe you have the lights off (or overly dimmed) in order to have your self-perceived flaws go unnoticed by your partner.
However your lack of body confidence shows up for you, it’s getting in the way of a deeply fulfilling love life. And that needs to change.
We are at our best in bed when we’re uninhibited, care-free, and confident in ourselves.
Try out the following six tips and you’ll love your body (and subsequently have better sex) in no time.
1. Listen to it
One of the fastest ways to improve your relationship to your body overall is to listen to it.
Now more than ever, we are so good at living in our heads. Technology is amazing, and can even help to improve our relationships, but it also has us often feeling like a walking head with hands. Type this text message, write that email, think, think, think your way through your career path. And the more we honour our heads over our bodies, the more our bodies start feeling like chronically ignored lovers.
The first step in your process of reconnecting with your body is allowing yourself to listen to the message it has to tell you.
Maybe you have an ache in a part of your body that has been hurting for months and you need to book an appointment with a massage therapist, chiropractor, or physiotherapist. Maybe you don’t get hard/wet with your partner in bed because there’s some truth that needs to be addressed or spoken out loud that you’ve become really good at burying deep down in your body.
Listen to your body. It is wise. It wants you to know what it wants you to know.
Simply by taking the step of listening to it, it will start to relax, feel more important and heard, and it will begin to give you it’s gifts that it can only give you when it is highly functioning and happy.
2. Every time you catch yourself criticizing it, seek out three things that you love about your body
We all criticize our physical appearance in some small (or large) way.
First, every time you catch yourself insulting your body/appearance, don’t beat yourself up for noticing. Be grateful that you noticed at all because, remember, that’s a good thing that you’re aware of your unhelpful thought patterns.
Then, to counteract some of the negativity that you’ve thrown at yourself, immediately think of three things that you love and are grateful for about your body.
This practice will take time to become proficient at. It’s certainly easier said than done. And it might feel cheesy when you’re doing it. But it will be so beneficial in helping you love your body. And you’ll remember all of the things that – “Oh yeah!” – you actually love about how you look.
3. Compliment and appreciate other bodies
When we criticize other people’s physical appearance (in our minds or out loud), we subconsciously criticize ourselves as well.
Criticizing others works against us in two ways… (1) because everything to do with others is a projection of our own internal world, we unknowingly bring ourselves down when we tear down others, and (2) we feel safe in assuming that if we are judgmental and negative about others, then they must be doing the same thing to us in their minds or in their words. So nip it in the bud by going in the opposite direction.
Compliment and appreciate other people’s physical appearance (in your mind and out loud when appropriate) and you and they will both feel better.
Remember that “living in your head” thing I mentioned earlier in the article? Well, this is another fantastic way to reawaken your relationship to your body. Move it!
Do anything that feels fun, compelling, and that gets you into your body. Go dancing, walk, play volleyball, hire a boxing instructor to teach you how to fight. Whatever you find fun, do that.
5. Touch it
Another great way to love your body more is to give it the physical manifestation of love… touch!
Whether that means getting a massage, massaging yourself, cuddling your partner for extended periods of time, or falling in love with masturbation, physically connecting with your body by giving it whatever it deems as pleasurable is a great way to feel sexy and deserving of love.
6. Receive a spoiling session and tune into what your body wants moment to moment
If you’ve been following me for a bit then you’ve definitely heard of spoiling sessions.
A spoiling session is a pre-determined amount of time (I recommend a minimum of 45-60 minutes) where you get to ask for whatever you want from your partner. Your spoiling session could include verbal praise, cuddling, massage, and any kind of sexual activity that you’re brave enough to ask for.
One of the best things about spoiling sessions is that you get to tune into your body and ask for what you want moment to moment. It is (and has always been) a secret mind-body connection exercise as well as a connection exercise for couples wanting to build more closeness and intimacy.
How To Love Your Body
It’s as simple as that!
If you want to love your body… listen to it, be consciously grateful for it, appreciate others’ bodies, move it, touch it, and spoil it. Incorporate several or all of the above six tips and you’ll deeply love your body in no time.
Dedicated to your success,
Ps. Keep the lights on during your sexual play. It’s more fun that way and that decision in itself will help you melt some of the fear or resistance you have around allowing your body to be seen, accepted, and loved as it is today.