Oct 16, 2013

The 3 Timeless Laws Of Attraction

Humans are fairly predictable creatures.

Because of this, we crave a sense of differentiation.

We all want to be unique. We want to feel special. We want to believe that the rules that apply to all people don’t automatically apply to us.

But you know something…

It’s okay to be human.

And as a human, you should accept that, though predictable, there are certain fundamental facts about attraction that you just can’t ignore.

Here are the three timeless laws of attraction…

1. You Have To Be Sexually Attracted To Her

And I’m not even talking about “Yeah, she’s cute enough, I guess.”

You should be afraid of your attraction to your partner. In the early, infatuation stage of attraction, she consumes your thoughts. It might even feel like you didn’t have a sex drive before you met her.

You think about the last time that you had sex, and your body burns for the next time that you’ll get to do it again.

Her scent makes you dizzy… the sight of her lips makes you hard… and everything about her softness and vulnerability makes you want to protect her in every way possible.

Life is too short to be with someone that you aren’t ridiculously attracted to and proud to be with. You want to be distractingly, overwhelmingly attracted to your partner. Don’t shy away from it.

Closeup of a lips

2. You Are Attracted To People Who Fulfill Your Needs

People need things. You have emotional, financial, and sexual needs.

As a social species, we rely on others to survive and thrive.

On a primal level, you only have two desires – keep living and keep making babies. So anyone that helps you fulfill those desires (or perhaps someone that only helps you practice the latter) makes you feel fantastic.

Want to keep living? Someone who buys or prepares food for you, shelters or makes a home for you, and protects or nurtures you will appeal to your primal desires.

Want to have sex (silly question)? Someone who makes you ache with burning desire, consumes your every thought, and makes you want to spend days on end in bed will appeal to your primal desires.

There are also secondary needs that a partner can meet- providing feelings of safety and security, ample encouragement (that helps build your self-esteem), connection and friendship (that comes from investing in your relationship). All these fulfilled needs can build on your initial primal attraction.

The bottom line is this: people that help you in your quest to become the most satisfied, comfortable, and self-actualized person possible are the people most attractive to you.

So if you have any hang-ups because you like that your partner helps provide for you, because she is an amazing outlet to help you with your emotions, or because you feel like a sex god when she gives you that look… lose the guilty feelings. Accept that you’re a human with needs. And realize that it feels fantastic having those needs met.

3. You Have To Put Work Into Yourself

But it isn’t enough to just put an adequate amount of effort into yourself. If you want a prize, you have to be a prize.

No one will ever speak up for you when it comes to your love life. And no one ever should.

Whether you are a man or a woman, you have to invest in your own growth. If you want to level up, you have to earn your way there. Nobody is born with amazing social skills in the same way that people aren’t born with chiseled abs or permanently-maintained hair styles.

You are already worthy of being loved just by being born, but by whom you are loved is largely up to you. You can put in zero effort and date the partner that no one wants, or you can grow yourself into the ultimate you that could ever exist and date the partner that everyone wants.

It’s unrealistic to say that your ideal match will wander into your life with no effort on your part. To become a prize, you must put in effort. There is no other way.

They Are Timeless For A Reason

Many people who win the lottery are in a worse off position financially one year after winning it then before they won. Why? Because it’s much harder to keep what you want than it is to get what you want. Anyone who hasn’t put effort into themselves can luck their way into a relationship with an amazing person, but it won’t last very long if neither partner is putting in any effort to maintain it.

Figure out what you want, work hard to achieve it, and then work just as hard to maintain it.

This applies to your bank balance, your lifestyle, your body, and your relationship. Don’t let the line go slack. There’s already enough mediocrity in the world and you don’t need to contribute to it.

Need help figuring out what you want? Want some guidance in achieving it? Feel free to reach out.

Dedicated to your success,

Jordan

Jordan Gray
About Jordan Gray

Jordan Gray has been a sex and relationship coach for over 18 years, with his work reaching over 250 million people worldwide. His writing has been featured in Vogue, GQ, The New York Times, Cosmopolitan, Women’s Health, and countless other publications around the world. When he’s not working with 1-on-1 coaching clients or writing a new article, he’s most likely to be found reading a book, working out with his trainer, or spending time with his wife and son on the East Coast of the United States.

Blog

Related

See All
The Ultimate Guide To Anal Play
Jan 5, 2019
Jordan Gray
The Ultimate Guide To Anal Play
Butt Stuff. Tushy titillation. Rousing the rump. Fanny shenanigans. Whatever you want to call it... anal play is a hugely misunderstood treasure trove of sexual pleasure. Like many people, you might feel a bit of hesitation around trying it, whether you're worried it's "dirty", have had a bad experience,...
Continue Reading
New Relationship? Here Are 5 Ways To Overcome Your Anxiety
Mar 4, 2018
Jordan Gray
New Relationship? Here Are 5 Ways To Overcome Your Anxiety
One of the most common questions that I get on a weekly basis is... "I'm in a new relationship and I feel a low level state of anxiety basically 24/7. Am I normal!? Will this ever end? Should I listen to my anxiety and run, or hunker down and stick it out?" Many a new relationship...
Continue Reading
Want A Better Sex Life? Just Ask
May 31, 2015
Jordan Gray
Want A Better Sex Life? Just Ask
Is your sub-par sex life seriously sucking as of late? Do you wish you had sex more often with your significant other? Do you wish you both spent more time on foreplay? Do you wish that, just once, your partner would be the one to initiate sex? Here’s a novel idea… Ask them. No matter how emotionally...
Continue Reading
21 Things To Do When Your Sex Drives Are Different
Feb 21, 2024
Jordan Gray
21 Things To Do When Your Sex Drives Are Different
Imagine this: you would love to have sex with your partner five times a week, and yet your partner is fine with once or twice a month. For many individuals, they don't have to imagine this scenario - because they live it every day. Over the years, I have met countless men and women who were stressed...
Continue Reading
What If You End Up Alone Forever?
Oct 28, 2018
Jordan Gray
What If You End Up Alone Forever?
Do you fear ending up alone forever? Do you have a deep-down gnawing sense that you’ll never truly be happy until you find your life partner? Well, what if a magic fairy came along and promised you, with absolute certainty, that you would end up alone forever? That you would never find...
Continue Reading
How To Get Your Partner To Initiate Sex More Often
Mar 16, 2015
Jordan Gray
How To Get Your Partner To Initiate Sex More Often
"How do I get my partner to initiate sex with me more often?" This is one of a handful of questions that I get asked on a weekly basis that makes me internally cringe. Why? Because, while I empathize with how bad it can feel to not have a sense of sexual connection with your partner, to me the question...
Continue Reading