Oct 16, 2013

The 3 Timeless Laws Of Attraction

Humans are fairly predictable creatures.

Because of this, we crave a sense of differentiation.

We all want to be unique. We want to feel special. We want to believe that the rules that apply to all people don’t automatically apply to us.

But you know something…

It’s okay to be human.

And as a human, you should accept that, though predictable, there are certain fundamental facts about attraction that you just can’t ignore.

Here are the three timeless laws of attraction…

1. You Have To Be Sexually Attracted To Her

And I’m not even talking about “Yeah, she’s cute enough, I guess.”

You should be afraid of your attraction to your partner. In the early, infatuation stage of attraction, she consumes your thoughts. It might even feel like you didn’t have a sex drive before you met her.

You think about the last time that you had sex, and your body burns for the next time that you’ll get to do it again.

Her scent makes you dizzy… the sight of her lips makes you hard… and everything about her softness and vulnerability makes you want to protect her in every way possible.

Life is too short to be with someone that you aren’t ridiculously attracted to and proud to be with. You want to be distractingly, overwhelmingly attracted to your partner. Don’t shy away from it.

Closeup of a lips

2. You Are Attracted To People Who Fulfill Your Needs

People need things. You have emotional, financial, and sexual needs.

As a social species, we rely on others to survive and thrive.

On a primal level, you only have two desires – keep living and keep making babies. So anyone that helps you fulfill those desires (or perhaps someone that only helps you practice the latter) makes you feel fantastic.

Want to keep living? Someone who buys or prepares food for you, shelters or makes a home for you, and protects or nurtures you will appeal to your primal desires.

Want to have sex (silly question)? Someone who makes you ache with burning desire, consumes your every thought, and makes you want to spend days on end in bed will appeal to your primal desires.

There are also secondary needs that a partner can meet- providing feelings of safety and security, ample encouragement (that helps build your self-esteem), connection and friendship (that comes from investing in your relationship). All these fulfilled needs can build on your initial primal attraction.

The bottom line is this: people that help you in your quest to become the most satisfied, comfortable, and self-actualized person possible are the people most attractive to you.

So if you have any hang-ups because you like that your partner helps provide for you, because she is an amazing outlet to help you with your emotions, or because you feel like a sex god when she gives you that look… lose the guilty feelings. Accept that you’re a human with needs. And realize that it feels fantastic having those needs met.

3. You Have To Put Work Into Yourself

But it isn’t enough to just put an adequate amount of effort into yourself. If you want a prize, you have to be a prize.

No one will ever speak up for you when it comes to your love life. And no one ever should.

Whether you are a man or a woman, you have to invest in your own growth. If you want to level up, you have to earn your way there. Nobody is born with amazing social skills in the same way that people aren’t born with chiseled abs or permanently-maintained hair styles.

You are already worthy of being loved just by being born, but by whom you are loved is largely up to you. You can put in zero effort and date the partner that no one wants, or you can grow yourself into the ultimate you that could ever exist and date the partner that everyone wants.

It’s unrealistic to say that your ideal match will wander into your life with no effort on your part. To become a prize, you must put in effort. There is no other way.

They Are Timeless For A Reason

Many people who win the lottery are in a worse off position financially one year after winning it then before they won. Why? Because it’s much harder to keep what you want than it is to get what you want. Anyone who hasn’t put effort into themselves can luck their way into a relationship with an amazing person, but it won’t last very long if neither partner is putting in any effort to maintain it.

Figure out what you want, work hard to achieve it, and then work just as hard to maintain it.

This applies to your bank balance, your lifestyle, your body, and your relationship. Don’t let the line go slack. There’s already enough mediocrity in the world and you don’t need to contribute to it.

Need help figuring out what you want? Want some guidance in achieving it? Feel free to reach out.

Dedicated to your success,

Jordan

Jordan Gray
About Jordan Gray

Jordan Gray has been a sex and relationship coach for over 15+ years, with his work reaching over 200 million people worldwide. His writing has been featured in Vogue, GQ, The New York Times, Cosmopolitan, Women’s Health, and countless other publications around the world. When he’s not working with 1-on-1 coaching clients or writing a new article, he’s most likely to be found reading, chopping wood, or spending time with his wife on a little island off the west coast of Canada.

Blog

Related

See All
The Single Most Damaging Thing I Learned As A Pickup Artist
Aug 6, 2016
Jordan Gray
The Single Most Damaging Thing I Learned As A Pickup Artist
From 2009-2012 I worked as a pickup artist. Technically, it was a milder version of pickup. We taught social skills (conversational agility, eye contact, humour, body language, etc.) to people with some level of social anxiety but it was almost always within the context of approaching and dating women. And...
Continue Reading
How To Love Your Highly Sensitive Partner
Mar 15, 2015
Jordan Gray
How To Love Your Highly Sensitive Partner
I recently received a message from one of my readers that sparked my interest. - “My wife is (what she labels as) a “highly sensitive person” or HSP. Quite often, things that I don’t see as a huge deal can make her go running for shelter for hours on end. I love her to bits and I just want to understand...
Continue Reading
83 Dirty Talk Phrases That Drive Men Wild
Jul 6, 2020
Jordan Gray
83 Dirty Talk Phrases That Drive Men Wild
Want some next-level dirty talk phrases for your man that are guaranteed to get a mind-melting, cock-stiffening response? First, I'll break down the deeper mechanics of what actually turns him on. Then, I'll give you some examples of it in action, so you can start pressing his buttons, and even improvise...
Continue Reading
How To Cultivate Light And Dark Sexual Energy
Oct 29, 2015
Jordan Gray
How To Cultivate Light And Dark Sexual Energy
Five years ago I went to my first ever sex party in a "dungeon" in San Francisco. It was intense... and surprising... and definitely not what you'd expect. But before I tell you that story, I need to tell you something very important (and some very personal things about myself). This is what an...
Continue Reading
5 Questions To Ask Your Partner For Better Sex
Aug 2, 2015
Jordan Gray
5 Questions To Ask Your Partner For Better Sex
Sex doesn’t get talked about enough. The word ‘communication’ can be found in 99% of modern relationship advice/literature… but it’s rarely to do with our sex lives. It’s usually focused around dissolving conflict, going deeper in your relationship, or expressing jealousy. All of which are totally valid...
Continue Reading
5 Ways Your Cell Phone Can Improve Your Relationship
Apr 19, 2015
Jordan Gray
5 Ways Your Cell Phone Can Improve Your Relationship
Cell phones get a lot of flack when it comes to how we interact with each other in our relationships. But technology is a neutral entity. It’s how we use our phones that matters. Yes, if you text each other more than you talk face to face, you can experience pain in your relationship. But if you harness...
Continue Reading