Jan 13, 2015

5 Ways To Be A Better Live-In Partner

Do you live with your significant other, or plan to live with one in the future? Great! Read on…

It’s so easy to take our relationship for granted when we live with our partner and see them every day.

When you live apart from each other they seem like more of a scarce resource. When will you see them next? What will they be wearing? What will you talk about?

But when you can safely expect that you will go to bed with them every night and you will have consistent access to cuddling them in the morning, it’s easy to slip into certain bad habits that can unconsciously de-prioritize your relationship.

Here are five ways that you can be a better partner to live with.

1. Be proactive in your self-care

This point comes first for a reason. The ultimate way that you can be a better person to live with (or to be in a relationship with in general) is to proactively invest in your self-care and self-love practices.

No matter what nuanced details you focus on as a partner, if you aren’t regularly investing in your health, your happiness, or your growth as a human being, then none of the following tips will do much for your relationship.

The greatest gift that you can give your partner is your own happiness. So be intentional about loving yourself and getting your needs met inside and outside of your relationship.

Your partner should never be your sole pathway to happiness. Keep doing the things that attracted them to you in the first place. Don’t let your self-care go soft.

2. Don’t be a score keeper

One of the fastest ways you can kill the attraction in your relationship is to be a scorekeeper.

Whether you’re tracking the exact dollar amount of your share of the utilities, who ate more of a certain food in the fridge, or who did which chores this week compared to last, don’t get hung up on such trivial details.

It’s an absolutely losing game to be overly aware of who did what around the house.

If your mind is too focused on the fact that you’ve done the dishes more times than they have over the past two weeks, then you might be completely blocking out the fact that they did two other chores more than you did.

Don’t keep score around the house. Simply see your acts of service as an act of love and mentally prime your brain to see all of the things that your amazing partner brings to your life.

It doesn’t matter if one of you did/said/paid for more than the other… it all evens out in the end.

3. Occasionally do ALL of the chores

On that note, sometimes it’s good to give your partner a break by doing all of the chores.

Presumably there are certain things that you each gravitate towards doing. Maybe you do the dishes more often than they do, and they take out the trash more often than they do. That’s all well and good. You’re allowed to have your individual preferences.

But every now and then, surprise your partner by doing all of the chores that you have to do. Prepare dinner, do the dishes, do the laundry, water the plants, etc…. and do all of it without expectation of reciprocity or congratulations. Do it because you love your partner. Not because you have an ulterior motive.

Bonus points if you can pull off all of the chore-handling while your partner is out of the house.

“Surprise! Your life is now easier/cleaner/more awesome!”

4. Look for ways to make your partners life 1% easier 

You don’t have to be an awesome live-in partner in one fell swoop.

Maybe your schedule is crazy-packed and doing four hours of chores sounds too daunting. So don’t worry about the big romantic surprise for now. Instead, ask yourself “How can I make my partner’s life just 1% easier?”

Maybe you’re about to go to bed and you know that your partner likes to have a glass of water to wake up to… so you get them a glass of water and put it on their bedside table.

Maybe you know that they’re going to have a hectic day at work and they won’t have any shirts to wear for their big night out… so you take their laundry out of their basket and do some laundry for them.

Maybe their clean clothes have been sitting in a wrinkled pile for a few days and they don’t seem like they have enough time to get around to them… so you air fluff the clothes in the dryer and fold them while they’re at work.

Whatever you do to add value to your partner’s life, you’re allowed to start small.

Think about things that you know would make them happy, and do those things. Simple as that.

5. Regularly invest in your romantic life

Just because you are frequently in the same room as your partner doesn’t mean that you’ve necessarily spent any quality time with them lately.

Regularly invest in your relationship by scheduling date nights, extended sex dates, and deep conversations into your calendar.

Anything worth doing is worth doing well. And your relationship is no different.

Don’t take your significant other for granted just because they’re around you. Make them feel seen, loved, and appreciated on a regular basis.

Have the home fires been roaring as strongly lately?

You might want to check out my best-selling book Keep Her Captivated: Lead Your Relationship To Its Maximum Potential, or reach out to do coaching with me directly.

Dedicated to your success,

Jordan

Blog

Related

See All
How To Be A Beast In Bed - Sexually Strengthening Exercises (Pt. 2)
Mar 19, 2014
Jordan Gray
How To Be A Beast In Bed – Sexually Strengthening Exercises (Pt. 2)
This is part two in the series on how to be a beast in bed. Check out part 1 over here. So you've made your wish list, limited your porn use, and questioned the notion that women don't enjoy sex as much as men do. Now that you've connected with your inner beast, it's time to get your physical...
Continue Reading
Exploit These 3 Cognitive Biases To Fall More Deeply In Love
Apr 15, 2021
Jordan Gray
Exploit These 3 Cognitive Biases To Fall More Deeply In Love
Everybody needs love and connection. It has been repeatedly proven to be the biggest defining factor in long-term happiness. In an 80-year-long study, scientists at Harvard University tracked 268 students as they carried on their journeys—hoping to collect hard data on what really makes a great, satisfying...
Continue Reading
How Fast Should You Let Yourself Love?
Apr 18, 2013
Jordan Gray
How Fast Should You Let Yourself Love?
How Fast Should You Let Yourself Love? When you first start dating someone that you feel a mutual connection with, it can be downright terrifying. You don't want to mess up a good thing. One of the biggest questions my clients have is how fast a new relationship should develop. In...
Continue Reading
11 Ways To Be A More Attractive Man (or How To Fight Entropy 101)
Sep 29, 2018
Jordan Gray
11 Ways To Be A More Attractive Man (or How To Fight Entropy 101)
You know what I’m really tired of? Articles that promise the fastest, easiest, lowest-barrier-to-entry bullshit tips on how men can improve themselves. Since when are we all after the quick and easy silver bullet? Have we collectively become that lazy as a society that we’re all perpetually...
Continue Reading
12 Self-Care Tips For Ultra-Driven People
Aug 26, 2015
Jordan Gray
12 Self-Care Tips For Ultra-Driven People
Do you ever forget to prioritize your self-care? I definitely do. There are times when I’ll be in the middle of a big, exciting work push and I’ll forget to have any proper fun, downtime, or self-care for weeks on end. And then it catches up to me. My shoulders are hunched… my left eye is twitching…...
Continue Reading
The Single Most Damaging Thing I Learned As A Pickup Artist
Aug 6, 2016
Jordan Gray
The Single Most Damaging Thing I Learned As A Pickup Artist
From 2009-2012 I worked as a pickup artist. Technically, it was a milder version of pickup. We taught social skills (conversational agility, eye contact, humour, body language, etc.) to people with some level of social anxiety but it was almost always within the context of approaching and dating women. And...
Continue Reading