You know what I want for you?
The healthiest, most thriving, nourishing, reciprocal, connected intimate relationship possible.
If you’re currently reading these words and you are not yet in a relationship, that’s great news.
Because it means that you get to do some proactive work on some lingering patterns that may rear their heads in your next (and hopefully last) relationship.
Just like you would tidy up your home if you knew you had guests coming over for dinner, when we’re single we get to chip away at some of our more stubborn patterns in order to make the most loving, comforting home to our future partners possible.
Without further ado, here are five things your future husband wants you to heal before you meet him.
What Your Future Husband Ideally Wants You To Heal Before You Meet Him
1. Your ability to receive
One of the greatest opportunities we get presented with in life is the ability to give and receive love. But if we’re only skilled at giving love and never receiving it, then it can feel like we’re in relationship with a brick wall.
Imagine receiving like a gracious queen.
A queen, when presented with flowers, doesn’t get uncomfortable. She doesn’t squirm.
She doesn’t say, “Oh no, you shouldn’t have. How much were these? Oh I didn’t get anything for you I feel awful.” She just receives.
Whether it be a physical gift, a compliment, physical affection, a thoughtful act… she simply receives.
Your future husband wants to give to you, and he wants to give to you abundantly. Give him the gift of letting yourself receive him and his gifts fully.
2. Your ability to identify and name what you need
To be an adult in relationships, we must be willing and able to locate our needs, and name them (yes, verbally) to our significant others.
The part of us that wishes our partners “just knew” what we wanted is a very young part. Because when did we get all of our needs met without having to name them? When we were very young. 0-5 years old kind of territory.
If you have historically had a difficult time with identifying your needs (perhaps because you’ve been in previous relationships where your needs were not a priority to your partner, or even downright neglected), this will be an area to do some clean up work on.
In order to have someone else love us well, we need to be in the practice of loving ourselves well. That starts with identifying your needs, meeting them consistently, and giving your partner opportunities to meet them as well.
3. Self-worth
Our self-worth will always come from two places: ourselves, and other people.
You don’t control the other people part (or at least, not as much), but you do control the you part.
So what’s your relationship with you like lately?
Do you like you?
Would you date you? Why or why not?
Do you show up for yourself in consistent ways? If someone were to simply observe you, would they know how to love you well simply by the behaviors you modelled?
Do you accept second-class behavior from others? Are you quick to stand up for yourself in moments of conflict?
Your future husband will love you for the essence of who you are at your core. Will you agree with his estimate of you and think positively of yourself, or will he need to work overtime to get your self-esteem up to a place where it isn’t a barrier in your relationship?
4. Personal boundaries
Boundaries, aka your ability to say no and hear no, are of vital importance in all of your interpersonal relationships.
Do you have a spine? Backbone? Self-respect?
Are you willing and able to say no to a request for your time, energy, or attention when what is being asked of you doesn’t work for you?
If your personal boundaries and ability to be assertive in your communication aren’t in tip-top functioning shape when you meet your future husband, it will get in the way.
A high quality man doesn’t want a partner who feels like someone he has to babysit. He wants a true partner. An adult that can stand up for herself when she needs to.
So if you feel guilty when you say no to people, or you allow people to treat you in sub-par ways, this would be something to clean up before meeting your future husband.
5. Being more warm and inviting, and doing away with score-keeping
One of the fastest ways to suffocate a relationship is to engage in score-keeping. The mindset where you keep track of who has done what, who has done more or less, whose ‘turn’ it is to do something, or which partner owes the other one.
This is an exhausting way to live, and it doesn’t lead anywhere productive.
Our relationships should be places where we go to serve. To lavish. To give of ourselves.
If our primary concern is “What’s in it for me?”, then the life will be rapidly sucked out of the relationship, and both people will be miserable.
Instead of engaging in score-keeping, you should concern yourself with being warm. Safe. Open. Inviting. A sense of home and respite from an at-times difficult world.
Simply holding these intentions in your heart and mind on a daily basis will go a long way to ensuring the kind of relationship you want to have.
Your future husband will eagerly go to battle for you on a daily basis, so long as he feels like he is cared for, respected, and welcome in your presence.
Do You Need To Be Perfect?
Now, do you need to be perfect in order to call in your future husband? Of course not. Not even close.
It’s inevitable that healing will still occur in the relationship. That’s a huge part of the point of a relationship in the first place (to further advance our healing and integration).
But we owe it to ourselves and our future partners to do as much inner work as possible ahead of time in order to give the relationship the best possible outcomes.
If you want any support with any of these themes, this is exactly the kind of work I do privately. If this feels like your story, you can apply to work with me via this page.
Dedicated to your success,
Jordan
Ps. If you enjoyed this article on things to heal before you meet him, you’ll also love checking out:
– 7 Hidden Costs Of Being Single
– How To Meet Your Husband In 30 Days
– How To Not Sabotage A Promising New Relationship
