Apr 20, 2015

How Experiencing Burnout Made Me A Better Partner

A couple of years ago when I first started building my business, I was working unsustainably crazy hours. I wrote three books in two months, I was writing four new articles per week, and I was hopping around from city to city every few days and dealing with all of the logistics that came along with that.

It was from this period of time that I first learned what experiencing burnout felt like.

For those of you who haven’t experienced it, burnout feels like physical, mental, and emotional exhaustion. You feel ineffective, lethargic, and unproductive. It’s as if your body and mind start saying “No” to you because you haven’t been setting appropriate boundaries in your life.

But instead of taking time off from building my business (the logical thing to do), I began to study how to recharge my energetic batteries the most efficiently.

What I discovered would change my work habits, and ultimately my intimate relationship, forever.

What High Performance Athletes Can Teach You About Improving Your Love Life

In my research, I found out that high performance athletes recharge on three unique time cycles to rest and repair the most efficiently.

They rest in nano cycles, micro cycles, and macro cycles. Let me explain.

Resting in nano cycles means taking a break every hour or so (short-term) or several breaks throughout the day.

Resting in micro cycles means taking time off every week to recharge on a deeper level (medium-term).

And resting in macro cycles means recharging on an even deeper level on a quarterly or annual cycle (long-term).

So what does this have to do with making you a more loving intimate partner?

If you take this same approach with reconnecting with your significant other, your relationship will always be prioritized in a way that serves it.

Nano cycles: Set daily reminders in your phone to think of your partner, give them praise, or add value to their lives. When you leave the house, really kiss them goodbye and be present with your love for them for a moment. Before you go to bed at night, make sure that you physically and emotionally connect before you fall asleep.

Micro cycles: On a weekly basis, make sure you’re clearing the air between you two by having intentional conversations about your relationship. Plan sex dates in your calendar so you can build anticipation and connect on a physical/sexual/spiritual level. Decide on a weekly date night and have something in your calendar that you’re both looking forward to doing together.

Macro cycles: Plan trips together to local bed and breakfasts, cabins, or hotels that you’ll be able to stay in for multiple days. Plan trips abroad to places you’ve never been to before. On at least an annual basis, carve out a minimum of a full week where you and your significant other can reconnect and recharge in peace without distractions.

By taking this three-pronged approach to reconnecting with your loved one, you’ll be sure to keep the home fires roaring better than you ever thought possible.

Dedicated to your success,

Jordan

Jordan Gray
About Jordan Gray

Jordan Gray has been a sex and relationship coach for over 18 years, with his work reaching over 250 million people worldwide. His writing has been featured in Vogue, GQ, The New York Times, Cosmopolitan, Women’s Health, and countless other publications around the world. When he’s not working with 1-on-1 coaching clients or writing a new article, he’s most likely to be found reading a book, working out with his trainer, or spending time with his wife and son on the East Coast of the United States.

Blog

Related

See All
How To Stop Hating Women
Jan 28, 2020
Jordan Gray
How To Stop Hating Women
(Note: this is a companion piece to my recent article How To Stop Hating Men. I also write the following article primarily directed at heterosexual men, since that demographic makes up a near-majority of my readership.) One of the most challenging, and often invisible, themes that keep people...
Continue Reading
7 Hidden Costs Of Being Single
Jul 16, 2026
Jordan Gray
7 Hidden Costs Of Being Single
Being single comes with a price tag, and not just financial ones. There are many things that happily partnered adults enjoy on a daily basis that their single counterparts don't get to experience. In this article, I'm going to dive into the seven areas that 1) I hear about most often from my private...
Continue Reading
Vote With Love 1,000 Times Per Day
Oct 8, 2016
Jordan Gray
Vote With Love 1,000 Times Per Day
According to recent studies, you make approximately 35,000 decisions per day. Throughout a 24 hour period, the thoughts run rampant in your head. What do I feel like eating for breakfast today? How many times should I soap myself down in the shower? Which shoes should I wear? Should I leave him/her?...
Continue Reading
How To Get Your Partner To Be More Adventurous In Bed
Oct 26, 2014
Jordan Gray
How To Get Your Partner To Be More Adventurous In Bed
This question has been asked of me nearly ten times in the past week, so I’m taking it as a sign. “My partner is excruciatingly vanilla in the bedroom… how do I change that? “She talked a big game before we ever slept together, but she’s really tame when it comes down to it. Any way to steer...
Continue Reading
Exploit These 3 Cognitive Biases To Fall More Deeply In Love
Apr 15, 2021
Jordan Gray
Exploit These 3 Cognitive Biases To Fall More Deeply In Love
Everybody needs love and connection. It has been repeatedly proven to be the biggest defining factor in long-term happiness. In an 80-year-long study, scientists at Harvard University tracked 268 students as they carried on their journeys—hoping to collect hard data on what really makes a great, satisfying...
Continue Reading
The Big Test Before You Leap
May 28, 2024
Jordan Gray
The Big Test Before You Leap
In 2019, my now-wife/then-love-interest Demetra and I were engaging in multi-hour Skype dates and inching ever-closer to the point of saying "Hey, we should meet up in person and see if our chemistry translates to the real world." Our rapport was phenomenal. The synchronicities were everywhere. It...
Continue Reading